What does being in your integrity in your intimate relationships really mean?

Let’s explore how being in your integrity leads you to show up authentically, keeping your heart karma clean, and ultimately attracting the type of partner you’ve been longing for.

Being in your integrity gives you the tools to build lasting trust with your partner. It gives you a solid foundation to cultivate deeper intimacy and connection than you knew was possible. It also provides the knowingness that your relationship can survive any challenges that come your way.

You may not even be aware of the ways in which you are out of your integrity and how they are sabotaging you. These hidden blocks show up when your relationship is under duress and often lead to the relationship crumbling. You can’t build a solid foundation on sand, so it’s best to build from the ground up with authenticity.

Let’s dive into why being in your integrity is one of the quickest ways to find a true soul partner.

Being In Your Integrity Guides You To Show Up Authentically

Everyone wants to put their best foot forward early on in the dating process, especially when you find your date particularly appealing. This can cause you to be overly agreeable, iron out conflicts, and keep your true feelings to yourself.

All of this twisting into a pretzel in order to get the other person to like you is exhausting. And leaves you feeling resentful of the person you’re dating.

If you want someone to love and accept you exactly as you are then you have to show up authentically from the beginning. This doesn’t mean that you expose all of your faults and struggles, or that you share your opinion of your date’s behavior. It means that you share how you feel in the moment.

When you show up authentically you let your date know how you feel in the moment. You share with how your date what you like and don’t like. You can even redirect your date if he isn’t offering what you prefer.

Showing up authentically means that if something is a problem you speak up about it. You’ll learn a lot about how this person is able to handle conflict and whether the two of you can find common ground. This doesn’t mean that you attack your date for his behavior. Instead, you share your feelings (not your opinions) starting with yourself, as in, “I feel _____[fill in the blank]_____.

This is how you know your date is really interested in you and not just looking for something convenient because you’re making it easy by going along with whatever he wants.

Being In Your Integrity Will Inspire Those Who Are Not A Match To Deselect Themselves

It’s easy to dress the hot guy up in groom’s clothing and leap into the future imagining how your kids will look. Unfortunately, if you’re looking to keep the hot guy at all costs you may find that you’re angry and resentful, or burned out from dating, depressed, and heartbroken.

What creates longevity in relationship is being a value’s match. So being in your integrity means that you are holding to your own values. This means you’ll be a turn-off to Mr. Wrong and a magnet for your Mr. Right.

Too much time is wasted in the dating process trying to make things work despite red flags and obstacles. The time it takes for you to connect with your soulmate is quickened when you are authentic from the moment you first meet.

Being In Your Integrity Helps You Avoid The Bait And Switch

One of the biggest issues that show up in marriage counseling is the complaint that your partner no longer seems interested in doing the things you did while you were dating. Now that you’re married you don’t have to ______[blank]______ anymore.

This is a classic bait and switch and leaves your partner feeling duped and resentful.

If you don’t like the outdoors do not go on a single’s hike up in the mountains just to see about meeting someone. The same goes for bowling or swing dancing – if it’s not something you’re actually curious about or interested in don’t do it.

Being in your integrity means that you don’t fake it until you get the commitment, and then reveal your true self after the fact. This variation on twisting into a pretzel can be really damaging to a relationship and very difficult to overcome.

During the romance phase, you may find yourself more willing to take risks and behave in ways that are not in your nature. As the chemical high wears off you find yourself sliding back into your normal habits and less likely to explore something new. This is a natural part of the ensuing power struggle every relationship goes through.

Be upfront with your partner about who you are and what you like. Go on those adventures but also take time to be a couch potato if that is what you really want. Don’t give up your morning alone time or forget to take time for yourself early on while dating or going exclusive.

The chemical high of the romance phase can produce a false expectation of what the rest of your lives will be like together. No relationship is always amazing. There are natural highs and lows. You won’t feel that excitement of falling in love in every moment, but there is a much deeper connection you can cultivate over years together knowing you two can stand up to any curve balls life inevitably throws your way.

Being authentic throughout the relationship allows you to cultivate trust and certainty that your partner truly loves and adores you.

Being In Your Integrity Keeps Your Heart Karma™ Clean

Everyone has heart karma. When you don’t cleanly end a relationship you tie up your heart karma and block yourself from creating your true soul partnership.

Have you told someone you broke up with that you wanted to remain “friends” so that you didn’t feel guilty about breaking his heart?

Did you pick a fight so that you could more easily segue into the breakup?

Perhaps you didn’t know how to tell someone you didn’t want to see him again so you ghosted?

Keep your heart karma clean by ending relationships with kindness and respect.

Respectful breakups and clear communication allow you to have the same mirrored back to you when you’re on the receiving end of a breakup.

Release the need to offer friendship when you initiate a breakup. There is a big difference between being friends and being friendly. There is no need to have animosity between you, but being friends means that when you’re with your beloved you’d have that person over for dinner or go see a movie with them. That’s what you do with your friends.

Certainly, if you were to bump into him at Starbucks you can smile and have a quick catch-up – this is being friendly with someone.

Otherwise, it is an imbalanced relationship. He wants more than a friendship and might be willing to accept the crumbs hoping that you’ll change your mind. It wouldn’t be cool for someone to do that to you, right?

Treat your dates with the respect they deserve and you will receive that in return.

Being In Your Integrity Attracts Another Person Of Integrity To You

Water seeks its own level in relationship. Ultimately like attracts like. When you are in your integrity you attract someone who is also in his integrity.

Roaches flee when you turn on the lights. Being in your integrity is like shining a bright light that scares away those who are uncomfortable being authentic or who are attempting to manipulate you.

If you have a history of attracting narcissists, the best way to avoid them altogether is by being authentic. They won’t like to be with someone who isn’t just going along for the ride and letting them drive.

This sets a boundary in your relationship and repels people who want to become enmeshed in a co-dependent relationship.

Setting a standard for your partner to meet you in integrity allows you to bond over the things that really matter like your life goals.

When you are in your integrity you won’t tolerate being in a relationship with someone who is not willing to be in his integrity.

Being In Your Integrity Keeps You From Dating Backward

Most people date backward. They give a stranger the benefit of the doubt and overlook potential conflicts because of the rush of feel-good emotions

Then, when the chemical high of the Romance Stage eventually wears off, they find themselves in a relationship with a human being who has faults and behaviors they don’t care for.

Speaking up for yourself may be a risk, but wouldn’t you rather know as soon as possible that you can work through some bumps in the road of life and he won’t bail at the first sign of conflict?

The stranger you’re just getting to know hasn’t earned the benefit of the doubt. Paying attention to his behavior throughout the dating process, while also being in your integrity, will show you what he values and will inform your decision to proceed or to deselect him.

Remember, conflicts will arise with anyone you’re partnered with. Save yourself time by discovering early on if he’s interested in navigating through difficulties with you.

Being In Your Integrity Becomes The Glue For Your Relationship To Last

A true soul partnership is a relationship where two people come together to create something greater than the sum of its parts. This kind of relationship can become a beacon to others to show them that a long-lasting loving relationship full of respect and kindness exists, and is possible for them too.

This means that you want to keep your problems within your relationship. Sharing your complaints about your partner with others in your life is disrespectful of him.

If you have a problem with him then you need to talk with him about it. If you need some insight into how to have that conversation then you should talk to a professional (not your mother or your BFF).

Showing your partner this kind of respect and consideration is the ultimate loving compliment. It says you feel safe talking about anything in your relationship.

Honor your partner by not holding onto his past mistakes or keeping score. Instead, you clean up your messes as you go, and when you accept his apology you really mean it.

There is only so much growth you can do on your own. The real joy of being in a true soul partnership is that you can inspire one another to become the best version of yourselves.

Your soul desires connection. You can create lasting connection, trust, intimacy, and meaning in your true soul partnership by being in your integrity.

Being In Your Integrity Means You’ll Spend Less Time With Mr. Wrong Freeing You Up For Your Mr. Right

If you are looking for the fastest way to a true soul partner say, “No” to everything you do not want allowing space for what you really do.

Showing up authentically and being in your integrity means you will automatically spend less time dating the guys who are just not ready for a relationship, or who simply are not emotionally available for the kind of relationship you desire.

When you go car shopping you first decide on the make and model you’re most interested in. You wouldn’t drive around aimlessly from one car lot to another hoping that you’ll just find something you like when you see it before you.

If you went out car shopping for a 2-door sporty coupe it’s unlikely you’ll drive home in a mini-van because you’d tell the salesperson exactly what you are looking for.

The same goes for dating. Tell the guy from the start what you desire and what you expect. The right man will be willing to step up and claim you and take you off the market.

Being in your integrity means you are speaking up about how you feel and what you want. Ultimately this shortens the dating process to allow the cream to rise to the top so you can identify the potential for a true soul partner.

If you’re tired of going into sacrifice to make a relationship work, or if being in your integrity feels too risky and you’d like some guidance schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Call so we can share some strategies with you to quicken your pace to the arms of your beloved.

Real love stands the test of time. It’s when two people accept one another warts and all and commit to a life together. Real love is when they weather the storms together and enjoy the tranquility of the good times.

In order for real love to flourish both people have to be brave enough to be themselves. So ultimately, real love is when two people share all of who they are with each other and continue to evolve and grow together rather than apart.

Here’s What Real Love Is Like When Two People Are Actually Honest About Everything

1. You Know What Makes Each Other Feel Loved

When you don’t feel well do you like to be left alone? Or do you want to be pampered and taken care of? Most people treat their partner the way they want to be treated, instead of finding out what their partner needs from them. You may even find yourself arguing with your partner about what he/she really needs from you.

Be honest about what you need and ask for it. Be willing to give your partner what they want and need. As long as your needs aren’t in conflict it should be easy to assure each other that you’re loved and cared for.

If your needs are in conflict work together to create a win-win so that both of you get what you want. This may take a little more effort and creativity, but it is most definitely worth it. Constantly compromising with each other is the death of passion, so you’ll want to limit meeting in the mediocre middle.

Maybe you like to receive gifts, but he expresses his love through physical touch. Or maybe she wants to hear how much you love her, but it’s much easier for you to fix things around the house to show your love.

Know what makes you feel loved and ask for it from your partner. Also, be curious about how your partner feels loved and be generous in giving them what they actually need.

What is real love like when you’re honest about your wants and needs? You both get to feel loved and share that love with each other.

2. You Take Responsibility For Your Words & Actions

One of the most important tools for a healthy relationship is understanding the responsibility equation: “When someone has a problem with you, it is their problem. When you have a problem with someone now it is your problem.”

Are you taking responsibility for your partner’s mood or behavior? Do you blame others when you make a mistake or don’t behave well?

In order to be honest in your relationship, you must first be honest with yourself. Know your triggers and wounds as well as your strategies for giving and receiving love. All the sages say, “Know thyself.” This is poignantly true when it comes to creating real love.

Creating healthy boundaries means that you don’t take responsibility for what doesn’t belong to you. Your partner’s moods and actions are not your own — never treat them as such. By keeping a healthy boundary you can have space for your relationship to blossom and thrive.

What is real love like when you’re honest about your feelings and strategies? You learn to take responsibility for your own behavior as well as create a healthy boundary with your partner that fosters respect and longevity.

3. You Create Connection — Even During Conflict

Why are people so drawn to creating intimate relationships? Because connection is a basic human need, every person wants to feel loved, approved, and accepted. You want another person to get you and understand you. Most of all you want to belong and know that your partner has your back.

You create connection through authenticity. Being authentic means you’re sharing your experience: your emotions, thoughts, ideas, and even your fears.

Allowing yourself to be fully seen requires some courage and most of all some practice. Particularly when there’s conflict.

Many conflicts happen when one or both of you aren’t connected to yourself and therefore each other. The good news is that conflict shows up to bring the two of you closer together. By sharing your feelings and being honest and authentic about what’s going on with you, you’re able to create an invitation for your partner to share their truth.

Connection doesn’t require that the two of you agree. It does require that you are authentic and that you allow yourself to see your partner’s point of view.

What is real love like when you are authentic even in an argument? You get to create an even deeper connection between you.

4. You Feel Compassion For Each Other

Judgment is the biggest block to lasting love. When you’re judging your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or actions you’re creating a wall between you.

The only way to release judgment is to discover compassion for your partner’s behavior. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. If you or your partner is not feeling very resourceful then you won’t have the best strategies.

Give yourself and your partner some grace. Life can be difficult at times and during these challenges you may not always make the best choices. Have compassion for your own bad strategies and work to develop better ones over time.

Just remember that changing behavior requires practice so don’t expect perfection right away. Effort counts for both you and your partner.

What is real love like when you’re compassionate with each other? You extend grace to you and your partner so you don’t build up resentment.

5. You Clean Up Your Messes As You Go

Avoiding conflict will never deepen the connection between you and your partner. Conflicts and disagreements show up in every relationship. Part of being human is to accept that you will get triggered. Accept your humanness by being okay with your imperfections.

Problems that are avoided become bigger issues over time. The little annoyances grow into significant frustrations that can eventually erupt into even major conflicts. Don’t be like a volcano bottling up your feelings until you can’t contain the pressure any longer only to spew lava all over the place.

Release the pressure by sharing your feelings and expressing your truth. When an issue arises between the two of you clean it up as quickly as possible. Say what you need to say and then let it go.

What is real love like when you’re honest about the little things? You move quickly through disagreements and spend more time feeling valued.

6. You Discover Your Shared Dreams, Values, And Goals

It isn’t just common interests that create a lasting bond. Love doesn’t last because of chemistry and attraction alone. Love lasts because you’re on the same page. You want the same things from life. You may have different strategies for getting there, but you know the two of you are rowing the boat in the same direction.

Having shared dreams, values, and goals is the glue that makes love last through trying times. You won’t discover shared values by just having conversations about what’s important to each of you. You discover your partner’s values over time by seeing how they spends their resources — time, energy, and money.

What is real love like when you’re honest about what you value? You know you’ll share what it takes to make your love last.

7. You Have A Commitment To Healing And Growing Old Together

A healthy relationship grows stronger with age. Couples who grow apart do so because they don’t make the relationship a priority. They harbor resentments instead of mastering the uncomfortable conversation.

When you’re honest about everything you have an opportunity to heal one another’s wounds. With healing you’ll grow closer, your love will grow deeper, and you’ll create the fuel to make sure your love lasts.

You aren’t responsible for your partner’s healing nor is your partner responsible for yours. However, you can create an environment where you learn to love and accept each other exactly as you are, not expecting or needing each other to change. This level of acceptance is one of the most healing experiences you can ever have.

What is real love like when you make the relationship a priority? Your love ages like a fine wine and stands the test of time.

When the two of you are honest about everything you create an environment of openness and trust that enriches your life and your relationship. Avoid the trap of growing apart or evolving in different directions by sharing your truth and by being curious about your partner. Your reward will be a deep lasting love that will grow even better over time.

Are you stuck in a power struggle with your partner? Struggling to get your needs met? If you desire openness, trust, and a stronger connection with your partner, download our special report, The 5 Stages of Relationship and you’ll discover the natural course every intimate relationship goes through. Find out how you can make honesty and authenticity the keys to creating the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you desire.

All your feelings are temporary, however, when you feel badly it’s easy to let the fear that your negative feelings will last forever take over. Rest assured this is simply a false worry. Happiness, joy, and peace can seem ephemeral, while sadness, heartache, and loneliness can feel everlasting.

You have more control over how you feel than you imagine, and learning to transform your negative feelings quickly and easily allows you to bounce back from setbacks and keep a positive mindset.

If you’re struggling to stay positive follow these steps for how to feel better about yourself and change your mood in an instant!

7 Tools For Feeling Better About Yourself Right Now

1. Brighten Someone Else’s Day

Have you heard that the best way to feel better when you’re down is to do something nice for someone else? If you want more love in your life, find ways to spread love to others.

Who do you know that needs some love right now?

Who can you reach out to with a text or a phone call?

Maybe you can leave a basket on your porch for delivery workers with some treats for them to take and brighten their day?

Or maybe send a letter or a card to someone you care about to let them know you’re thinking about them? Or send a quick text for an immediate response.

Here’s how to feel better about yourself and your situation. Reach out to others in need and you’ll give yourself an instant lift. Putting your focus on helping someone takes the energy away from your problems and puts you into a service mindset.

Everyone is here to be of service in some way. Some people give back in tangible ways, and remember you can be of service by simply listening or doing something nice for a person who isn’t expecting it.

Service is its own reward. When you give to a person in need you’re doing your part to lift them up, and by doing so you’ll lift your spirit as well.

2. Create Connection With Those You Love

Whether you’re living by yourself or with others are you focused on creating connection or separation? Part of feeling down is feeling disconnected from yourself and others. Humans are social creatures who need to feel a sense of belonging. Taking time to connect with those close to you, or with those who you’ve not spoken to in a while, will bring a sense of belonging that shifts how you feel about yourself quickly and easily.

Feeling disconnected from those you are close to can create loneliness and isolation.

Here’s how to feel better about yourself by implementing a simple practice before going to sleep every night to create connection (you can adapt this to your liking):

After turning out the light place both hands over your heart and connect to the love you have for yourself. Then visualize each person you love and imagine sending love from your heart to theirs.

The more you share love with others the more love you’ll have for yourself. It’s like lighting a candle with another candle, the original flame is not diminished.

Sending love each night to the people you love is a way to connect you to your tribe so you feel better about your place in the world. You’ll fortify your own sense of belonging.

3. Focus On Gratitude

Every study on happiness points to gratitude as one of the biggest keys to living a happy life. Take time each day to concentrate on the positive aspects of your life. Ask yourself what’s going well and brings you joy.

Don’t wait for things to change before starting a practice of gratitude. Start where you are right now because being grateful for everything you have will bring more opportunities to improve your life.

One idea is to say out loud 5 things you’re grateful for every night before bed (or write them down in a gratitude journal). If you have children this can become a fun nighttime ritual that you do with each of them, or as a family.

Change your perspective of problematic situations and people by making a list of what you’re grateful for about these seemingly difficult situations. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. Can you shift your mindset to believe everything is happening for you and not to you?

Gratitude is a practice of appreciation. Throughout your day find time to let the people you interact with know what you appreciate about them. Sharing your appreciation and gratitude with others can deepen your relationship with them.

Want to know how to feel better about yourself right now? Practice gratitude and share your appreciation with all the people in your life from acquaintances to family members, and everyone in between. You’ll feel better about yourself in the process.

4. Celebrate Your Successes

Do you end each day thinking about all the things you haven’t done, saying to yourself, “I didn’t …” “I should’ve …” or “I could’ve …?” Your inner dialog with yourself is the determining factor in how you feel about yourself and your life.

Giving attention to your shortcomings sucks your energy leaving no fuel to make any changes in your life. Even worse, speaking negatively to yourself just before going to sleep allows those negative thoughts to seep into your subconscious creating a cycle of feeling badly about yourself.

Instead, fill your tank at the end of the day by celebrating your successes for the day. These need not be lifetime accomplishments, successes are relative to that day. If you have a cold making toast and tea for yourself is a success. Getting your laundry done is a success you can always recognize. These successes can come straight from your To Do List.

On the days you’re feeling good about yourself, start making a list of lifetime accomplishments. These are achievements from throughout your life and are age appropriate. Be sure to start the list with learning to walk and to talk because not everyone gets to do that.

Your lifetime accomplishments become fuel on the days when you’re struggling to stay positive. Looking back on your triumphs inspires and motivates you to accomplish more.

Want to know how to feel better about yourself and your accomplishments?

Focus on your achievements instead of your letdowns and write down 5 successes for each day. Soon you’ll find that your positive mindset has you feeling so good about yourself that your friends and co-workers ask how they can get some of what you’re having.

5. Practice Compassion For Yourself And Others

Judgment of self and others creates a feeling of disconnection and steals your happiness. The truth is everyone is human and therefore flawed in some way. Only machines are perfect, all humans make mistakes. Everyone is deserving of compassion for their flaws and is still worthy of love — even you.

Can you practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and finding understanding for their choices and their behaviors? Imagine that whatever annoying or frustrating behavior they’re exhibiting see it as a strategy for them to feel loved and safe. How would that change your judgment of them and the situation?

The biggest mistake you can make in all your relationships is to assume that the two of you will have the same strategies. Or to judge people because their strategies are not like your own. Finding compassion for those strategies or behaviors that you disagree with will melt your judgment and fill your heart with love.

The key to a successful relationship is remembering that the other person is not you. You will have different strategies for dealing with the same events and situations. Communicating with compassion and kindness is essential to finding a way to reconnect and repair with the people that you love.

This does not include excusing bad behavior but rather finding understanding of why someone behaves the way they do will transform your judgment into compassion.

Do you find you’re often riddled with regret and self-doubt? Finding compassion for yourself allows you to heal and create positive change in every area of your life.

Accepting your past mistakes because you didn’t know better will allow you to feel better about yourself and release your self-judgment. When you know better, you’ll do better and make better choices.

6. Laugh Your Troubles Away

Laughter produces endorphins, which naturally make you feel good. Even just putting a smile on your face will trigger the endorphin response.

If you’re feeling down and wondering how to feel better about yourself right now, find something that makes you smile or laugh and let your body’s natural processes melt away your troubles.

Watch your favorite comedy, read a funny book, or find funny videos on YouTube. Discovering sources of humor in life around you will immediately transform negative emotions.

You don’t even have to be sincere about smiling or laughing. If you put a fake smile on your face or practice a laugh you’ll still get the benefits.

To deepen your laughter practice retell a story about a disappointing event while laughing. Find a friend or do this with yourself in a mirror. Retell the events of a recent problematic situation but laugh out loud while telling the story. The endorphin rush that you produce will transform your feelings about that past event.

You can simply cycle through the three sounds of laughter: Ha-Ha-Ha, Ho-Ho-Ho, Hee-Hee-Hee!

To discover how to feel better about yourself right now, laugh and smile at your troubles. What’s the difference between a story being funny or being tragic? An endorphin rush is the delineating factor, you don’t have to take everything seriously. Lightening up will lighten your load and you’ll be filled with more joy.

7. Affirm Your New Reality

Do you know you have an inner dialog with yourself all day long? This conversation in your head is affirming your reality.

If you’re telling yourself all day long:

• “I can’t find the love I want.”
• “I’m disappointed again.”
• “The world is a scary place.”

Then it’s no wonder that you’re feeling anxious, fearful, and worried. To change your experiences change your inner dialog.

Bringing conscious choice to your inner dialog allows you to create and shape your experiences. Feeling good about yourself right now can be as easy as identifying your negative self-talk and replacing it with positive affirmations.

Let’s make your desires an effective affirmation by following these practices:

• State them in the positive.
• Don’t use negatives (never what you don’t want).
• Only affirm your desires (what you’re moving towards).

Write or say your affirmations as if they’re happening right now. You don’t want to affirm something that you hope for or wish to accomplish in the future. You’ll just be creating more hoping and wishing, instead affirm it as if it’s already happening.

Use in-process language to affirm large goals. If you’re affirming something that’s a big change in your life, your subconscious may reject the affirmation. Instead use language like, “I’m excited to learn…” or “I’m developing new skills to …” This will put you in the mindset of moving toward your goals.

Put emotion into your affirmations. When you’re affirming how bad things are in your life, you feel all of the negative emotions attached to that. You can put more juice in your positive affirmations by saying them with energy and emotion and by using powerful emotional words when you write or say them.

If you want to quickly experience how to feel better about yourself right now then practice affirming your desires. You’ll find that it’s much easier to believe that you can create what you want when you already believe that you deserve it.

With all the uncertainty in the world don’t let your negative thoughts and feelings rob you of the happiness that you deserve.

Pick a few of these tips to make a commitment to for 40 days without skipping. You’ll be feeling more present, more connected, and more empowered to live a happy fulfilling life no matter what’s going on around you.

Are you going through a rough time, experienced loss, or had a major setback? We’re here to help! You don’t have to suffer alone, schedule a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session with us to discuss your custom plan to create a life full of love and joy.