You could consult an astrological match or a twin flame quiz, however these tests have a large margin for error. And those rose-colored glasses you’ve put on don’t help one bit. Accidental love is what got you here in the first place, rushing in at the first “Hello.” To find an ideal match your head and your heart must be in harmony.

For love to last all four of these tenets must be present: chemistry, lifestyle compatibility, shared values, and healthy communication. Is there a love compatibility test to discover if you have what it takes before falling for the wrong person again?

Asking yourself the right questions before exclusivity will prevent you from falling for someone who is incapable of meeting your needs.

The Love Compatibility Test That’s Effective For Long-Lasting Love

Chemistry and attraction are important but relying on your feelings alone to choose a lifelong partner is an unreliable method. If you’re tired of being hopeful only to end up heartbroken here are eleven crucial questions to evaluate real compatibility and avoid wasting time with the wrong person.

Love Compatibility Test — 11 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Get Attached

1. Can They Meet Your Needs?

Most people create a list of qualities they desire in a partner: attractive, successful, fit, funny, intelligent, etc. Unfortunately, they don’t put much thought into how their person will treat them, what they need when they’re upset, or how to feel safe and fulfilled in their love life.

Your needs aren’t the same as your preferences. They’re non-negotiable behaviors that create an environment of emotional safety, respect, kindness, and consistency. If you’re focused on superficial qualities of a person and unclear on your needs, you won’t magically connect with someone capable of showing up for you the way you need them to.

The best way to get what you need is to make requests and observe their response. Do they acknowledge your needs and make an effort to meet them? Or do they argue with you about them or discount your needs by judging them? Notice if they have a desire to know what you want and need. A person who’s interested in a relationship with you wants to contribute to your happiness.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Do they have the capacity to meet your needs?

2. Are You Attracted To Their Potential?

If you require someone to change then you’re falling for potential. Relationships don’t improve through making a deeper commitment, or by spending more time together.

Falling for potential means you’re in a fantasy relationship. People don’t behave the way they do because of you, their behavior informs you of who they are—believe them.

Don’t lie to yourself that they’ll change because they love you so much. This delusion will leave you disappointed and heartbroken when nothing ever changes between you.

Love requires that you choose them as they are, without needing them to change. Love means you see them, warts and all, and choose them anyway. When they see you the same way, you have a match for long-lasting love.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Are you willing to choose them with all their quirks and faults, or are you falling for the potential you see?

3. Can You Trust Their Words And Actions?

It can feel exciting to date a person of mystery. There’s so much you don’t know that keeps you feeling off-balance and anxious. This anxiety is often confused as excitement and chemistry. You can feel intensely attracted to someone and still not be able to rely on them.

If you find consistency boring there’s a more serious issue at play. Inconsistent people create confusion. You’re left wondering what their intentions are, anxiously hoping they’ll show up for you. This isn’t love, it’s a fear response.

Trust is built over time through consistent actions. Do they follow through on what they say? Do they show up for you when it matters? Or are you constantly feeling confused or doubting their intentions? These signs point to a relationship that isn’t compatible for lasting happiness.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Have they earned your trust through their actions over time? Are they willing to show up even when it’s inconvenient? Do their words match their actions?

4. Are You Able To Be Authentic?

Compatibility doesn’t come from liking the same music, ordering the same takeout, or laughing at the same memes. True compatibility in relationship comes from being fully seen and accepted for who you are, even if you disagree or have a different perspective.

If you’re constantly going along to get along, staying silent to avoid conflict, or walking on eggshells to preserve the peace, you’re not showing up to be in a relationship. You’re too busy twisting into a pretzel trying to earn love, approval, and acceptance.

Long-lasting love requires you to show up fully with your strengths and weaknesses on display.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Do you feel safe speaking your truth, sharing your emotions, quirks, and all?

5. Do You Have Shared Values (Not Just Shared Interests)?

Shared interests alone won’t get you through the tough times. Shared values are what keep you on the same page when life throws you curveballs. They allow you to repair and reconnect after a conflict creating a stronger emotional bond between you.

Values aren’t just about how you spend money, raise children, navigate gender roles, and manage conflict. Values guide you to create a life together that is flexible enough to evolve as you grow. Without shared values you’ll fall apart when the inevitable life challenges come your way.

You can’t determine someone’s values by talking about them. Talk is cheap. You can discover a person’s values by where they spend their resources — their time, their energy, and their money. Actions are more accurate indicators of a person’s values than what they say.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Have you taken time to discover whether your values are in alignment when it comes to life goals, family, money, and emotional connection?

6. Are Both Of You Emotionally Available?

You may have met the perfect person, only they’re coming out of a divorce and aren’t ready for another serious relationship. You can fool yourself into believing that if you stick around and put in the time with them, they’ll come around. This is a recipe for frustration and heartbreak.

Lasting love only works when both people are emotionally available at the same time. That means they’re not hung up on an ex, emotionally shut down, terrified of intimacy, or still unsure whether they want a relationship at all.

Timing matters. You can meet someone wonderful who simply isn’t capable of emotional intimacy. Don’t waste months or years of your life waiting for their situation to change.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Are both of you emotionally available and interested in a committed relationship with each other right now?

7. Can You Navigate Conflict Together And Remain Respectful?

All couples experience conflict, what matters most is how you handle it. Can you work through your differences and find common ground? Are you both willing to take responsibility for your 50% and repair? Or do your disagreements simmer below the surface and occasionally erupt?

Fighting isn’t a sign that something’s wrong. The absence of conflict can mean that one person isn’t invested in the relationship. Or that one of you is not speaking up when they should. The real question isn’t whether you’ll disagree, it’s whether you can move through those moments with respect, honesty, and a willingness to repair.

Respectful conflict means you can speak your truth without character assassination. You’re more committed to understanding each other than winning an argument. If you can both stay present, speak your truth without attacking, and repair after a rupture, you can create a fulfilling future together.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Can you work through your differences? Are you able to disagree without an escalation?

8. Do They Respect Your Boundaries?

A good partner doesn’t test your boundaries. They don’t guilt you for needing space, or question your emotional responses, or treat your boundaries like an inconvenience. They don’t argue when you say, “No,” or try to reframe it as a maybe, or take your requests as a personal attack. Instead, they listen and make room for you. They respond with maturity, compassion, and care.

Respectful love comes with a boundary. There is a space between where you end and they begin. You don’t complete each other, you complement each other.

Boundaries are not demands. They’re an expression of self-respect. The right partner doesn’t just tolerate your boundaries, they appreciate them because they want the relationship to feel safe and sustainable for both of you.

Pay close attention to how someone responds when you speak up. Do they get curious or defensive? Do they respect your limits or try to negotiate them? Lasting love can’t grow in an environment where your needs are minimized or dismissed. The partner you choose should make it easier to honor yourself, not harder.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Does this person respect your time, space, and emotional boundaries?

9. Are You Wearing Rose-Colored Glasses?

When you don’t have enough information about someone, but the information you do have is promising, it’s easy to fill in the blanks and slant them toward the positive. Most people date backwards. They give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger because they feel attraction or chemistry.

When you fall in love with a projection of who you want someone to be, you fail to spot red flags. Take time to discover if someone is who they say they are, if their words match their actions, and if they’re interested in a relationship with you.

Slow down the dating process, and don’t rush to exclusivity. Let the facts speak louder than your feelings. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see them clearly. Wait until they’ve earned the benefit of the doubt before you invest your heart.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Are you falling in love with who they are, or letting hope color your judgment?

10. Do You Feel More Secure Or More Nervous With Them?

The right person should leave you feeling good about yourself, not worried that you said or did something wrong. You’ll feel grounded and present, not like you’re off-balance and can be knocked over by a feather. A healthy match leaves you feeling supported and comfortable in your own skin and with a dose of curiosity about them.

It’s easy to confuse nervousness with excitement. An adrenaline rush and obsessive thoughts may feel romantic, but they’re signs your nervous system is in overdrive. This not attraction it’s instability, and can create a bond that feels intense, but never safe.

Instead of trying to determine if they’re your person, put the attention on you. Are you self-abandoning by not expressing your feelings? Do you second-guess yourself and become insecure? If you’re constantly overthinking everything you say, or rewriting your texts before hitting send, then your nervous system is telling you this isn’t a good match.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

How do you feel when you’re with them and when you immediately part? Do you feel grounded, supported, and emotionally safe in their presence?

11. Are They Looking For A Relationship Or Convenience?

There’s a huge difference between a person who is dating for a relationship, and someone who just wants company and physical intimacy. They want companionship without responsibility. They looking for a plus one, not someone to share their life with.

Telltale signs they want something convenient: plans are made around their availability, they don’t share their feelings with you, or they say the right things, but don’t follow through.

Do they ask about your goals, your vision of the future, or how you’re feeling? Long-lasting love is co-created. The right person will want to win your heart, not just hang out when it suits them.

Love Compatibility Test Prompt:

Do they go out of their way for you, or are you doing all the heavy lifting?

Compatibility Isn’t A Feeling—It’s A Fit

Before you go exclusive use this love compatibility test to see if there’s potential for a long-term match. One of the most important decisions you’ll ever make is who you choose to spend the rest of your life with, so invest time to go slowly rather than rush in.

Compatibility is more than just shared interests and chemistry. Compatibility is when you are in a position to build a life together. You know you’ve found someone who has your back.

If you consistently choose someone who isn’t a good match for long-lasting love, it’s time to examine your strategies and beliefs for love. Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Call. We’ll help you discover the reason you’re struggling and give you a plan to create the lasting love you desire and deserve.

Healthy, long-lasting love doesn’t necessarily begin with the same fervor or passion that you’re accustomed to finding in your short-term romances. Instead, it can sneak up on you until you realize down the road that this could be what you’ve been looking for: stable and peaceful, with a wonderful spiritual and physical connection.

Stop looking for lightning to strike on a first date or expecting to know when you look in their eyes that it’s your forever person. These intense moments may feel incredible, but more often than not they’re a signal that you’re heading for heartbreak. Instead of expecting a temporary feeling to be your guide, look for green flags that a person can consistently show up to deliver the love you desire and deserve.

Green flags in a relationship are the behaviors, qualities, and emotional dynamics that signal it’s safe to invest your heart. They aren’t always flashy, but they are indications that a person is emotionally available and capable of meeting your needs. When you learn to recognize green flags, you can finally stop repeating your painful patterns and find a person who is in alignment with the romantic relationship you want.

Here are the most important green flags in a relationship, and what they reveal about your partner’s potential to be your person.

11 Green Flags You’re On The Right Track

1. You Feel Emotionally Safe

Emotional safety is the foundation of intimacy. Without it, emotional intimacy and connection aren’t possible. This green flag in a relationship allows you to feel comfortable expressing your authenticity without fear of being judged, dismissed, or punished. You can bring your joy, your pain, and your vulnerability to the table and know that it won’t be used against you.

Someone who provides emotional safety doesn’t just listen when you talk; they adjust to your wants and needs. They don’t interrupt or correct your feelings. Instead, they stay present, validate your experience, and show that they care about how you feel, even when what you’re sharing is difficult.

This relationship green flag makes it safe to share your truth. Your partner doesn’t take your experience personally or get defensive. This doesn’t mean you won’t have misunderstandings, but you will feel safe to discuss them and work through your differences.

2. They Show Up Consistently

Consistency is one of the most underappreciated green flags in a relationship because it doesn’t come with sparks or surprises. But it is the signal that someone is emotionally available, grounded, and serious about a relationship with you. They’re not just looking for something convenient and easy.

A consistent partner follows through on their word, reaches out when they say they will, and makes time for you because they want to, not because you keep asking them to. You don’t feel like you’re constantly questioning where you stand or walking on eggshells waiting for them to pull away. Instead, their reliability becomes the emotional backdrop that allows trust and intimacy to grow.

When you’re feeling down, they want to know what you need. When you’re feeling good, they want to share your joy. You don’t have to chase them or earn their attention. You simply show up, and they do too.

3. You Can Be Yourself

In a healthy relationship, you don’t feel the need to shrink, edit, or pretend to get them to like you. You’re not constantly trying to figure out the “right” thing to say or do. You can relax into your true self, your sense of humor, your quirks, and your truth.

You don’t have to twist into a pretzel to be the person you think they want. You’re not molding yourself into some idealized version to win them over. You can relax and just be.

You know it’s a green flag because you don’t feel like you have to manage their reactions or keep your real thoughts and feelings hidden. You’re not afraid of being too much or too weird. You feel seen clearly by someone who values who you are without needing you to change.

Everyone desires to be loved and accepted for who they truly are and this green flag in a relationship rewards you for showing up authentically. You know you’ve found a good match when you can be yourself and feel loved and accepted.

4. They Respect Your Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t walls built to keep people at arm’s length; they’re bridges that set the stage for respectful love to flourish. It’s a green flag when someone not only respects your limits but also appreciates the clarity they bring. You’re not made to feel guilty or selfish for having needs, and you don’t have to explain or defend your choices repeatedly just to be heard.

People who push against your boundaries or question their validity are showing you that they don’t respect you. Someone who wants to move too quickly or merge with you after the second date doesn’t have healthy boundaries. It may feel exciting and romantic, but it’s not a healthy dynamic for lasting love.

Respecting boundaries honors your boundaries instead of pushing past them. They don’t interpret your limits as rejection. Whether it’s about how often you communicate, how you spend your time, or what pace feels comfortable for physical intimacy, your partner understands that boundaries are a way of maintaining self-respect and building trust.

5. You Have Healthy Communication During Conflict

No relationship is conflict-free. What separates a healthy dynamic from a dysfunctional one is whether communication leads to greater connection or widening disconnection.

When the lines of communication are open, you can express concerns, ask questions, and share your truth without fear of judgment or punishment. More importantly, when something goes wrong, your partner is willing to make amends. They don’t shut down, shift blame, or avoid accountability. Instead, they take responsibility and work with you to repair.

This isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry”; it’s about understanding each other’s truth, making changes when necessary, and rebuilding trust after a rupture. When communication leads to reconnection, not resentment, you’ll grow together over time and not apart.

This relationship green flag makes it safe to work through your differences. Conflict doesn’t disappear in healthy relationships, but it becomes something you navigate together instead of something that tears you apart.

6. You Feel Calm, Not Addicted

For many people, the emotional rollercoaster of hot-and-cold relationships gets mistaken for chemistry. True compatibility doesn’t feel like chaos; it feels calm and comfortable like something you can trust. This green flag in a relationship is an indication that you’ve found a good match.

You don’t feel anxious when they take time to respond. You’re not constantly analyzing their behavior or wondering where you stand. You don’t feel a craving to be with them and withdrawals when you part. Instead, there’s a grounded knowing that this person is interested in a relationship with you.

Your person shouldn’t trigger feelings of uncertainty or have you on constant high alert. It shouldn’t feel addictive or all-consuming. Instead you feel calm knowing that they’re interested in you and look forward to discovering more. New love can feel exciting without becoming your latest obsession.

7. Your Values Are In Alignment

You can be wildly attracted to someone and still be completely incompatible for a long-term partnership. Green flags in a relationship are an indication that your values are compatible and you can build a life together.

You and your partner aren’t going to be carbon copies of each other, but your values need to align on the important issues. For example, you should be alignment with how you handle money, how you want to spend your time, whether you want kids, how you relate to family, and what kind of life you’re building.

When your values match, you can work together when life throws you curveballs. You may have differing strategies but your goals are the same. You can build something lasting because you’re not constantly in conflict about what’s really important. You’re on the same team.

8. There’s Room For Growth—Individually And Together

In a green flag relationship, both people are invested in growing as human beings. You support each other’s dreams. You encourage each other to take risks, face fears, and become the best versions of yourselves. There is space for your individuality and your shared goals.

Instead of growing apart over time because you’re going in separate directions, you support each other and aren’t threatened when your partner is interested in something you’re not. You give each other the space to be individuals within a partnership.

The relationship itself becomes a place of growth. You evolve together. You learn new communication skills and expand your capacity to love and be loved. And when challenges come up, you rise to meet them together.

9. They’re Curious About You

Curiosity may seem like a small thing, but it’s one of the clearest green flags in a relationship that reveals they’re interested in you, not just the idea of you. A curious partner wants to understand what makes you tick. They ask questions that go below the superficial and remember what you share. They don’t assume they already know everything about you and they treat the process of learning about you as ongoing and exciting.

When someone is aloof and uninterested in understanding what makes you tick, it may feel like a challenge. What it actually reveals is their selfishness, their lack of interest, or their emotional unavailability.

Curiosity is an attractive quality. When someone is curious about you it shows they want to learn about you and understand you. Their curiosity about your inner world allows you to feel seen and loved.

10. They’re Kind

Kindness may seem obvious, but it is often overlooked in favor of flashier qualities like charisma or confidence. In reality, kindness is one of the clearest indicators of someone’s emotional character. A kind partner treats others with respect, speaks with compassion, and doesn’t need to tear anyone down to feel good about themselves.

Pay attention to how they treat people in their life. Are they kind to the server at the restaurant or are they demanding and unforgiving? How do they talk about their friends and family members? Are they critical and judgmental or do they give them grace? How they treat other people is a good indicator of how they’ll treat you over time.

When someone is kind, they don’t turn disagreements into character assassinations. You don’t fear their words when they’re upset. Kindness allows the relationship to become a sanctuary, a place of restoration, not a source of harm. When kindness is present, it sets the tone for how you navigate stress, conflict, and even joy together.

11. They’re Self-Aware

Self-awareness means they have taken the time to reflect on their own behaviors, patterns, and triggers—and they take responsibility for how those things affect others. This green flag in a relationship reveals that they won’t blame you for their faults. They’ll be willing and able to take responsibility.

A self-aware partner doesn’t blame others for their emotions. They can acknowledge when they’re reactive, recognize when they need space, and are open to growth. They don’t expect you to fix their past or carry the weight of their unhealed wounds.

When someone is self-aware, they don’t just react to events, they take time to reflect. This creates room for personal accountability and emotional maturity, two cornerstones of a healthy, resilient relationship.

Green Flags In A Relationship Reveal You Can Trust Love Again

After years of heartbreak, confusion, or false starts, it can feel foreign to experience love that is mutual, grounded, and consistent. But when green flags start showing up—when you feel emotionally safe, respected, and genuinely seen—that’s your cue.

You don’t need to earn love, prove you’re lovable, or walk on eggshells. Let go of the idea that love has to be difficult or feel unpredictable to be exciting. When green flags in a relationship are present, they’re indications that you can create something healthy and lasting.

If you’re still in the process of identifying or healing the patterns that have kept you stuck, don’t wait for someone else to choose you and prove you’re worth loving. Begin choosing yourself by getting clear about what you desire and deserve.

When you’re on the right track love won’t feel like chaos, it will feel like coming home.

If you’re ready to break the pattern of chasing red flags and start building a relationship based on mutual respect, safety, and emotional intimacy, join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call. We’ll show you how to transform your internal GPS for love so you stop falling for potential and start choosing a partner who can meet you fully.

Because real love isn’t something you chase, it’s something you create on purpose.

A perceived battle of the sexes and contemporary ideas of equality are at the root of the confusion. Women should continue to strive for equality in the workforce, however, equal pay and opportunity don’t translate to the energetic dance of romance.

Being equal doesn’t mean being the same or behaving similarly. Masculine and feminine energy are not divided by gender. Knowledge of how these energetics work can help you find long-lasting love.

Common misunderstanding of the opposite sex fuels the belief that men and women just don’t understand each other’s needs. Knowing how masculine and feminine energy complement each other can help break through the noise and set you on the right path to finding your One.

Opposites Attract — Masculine And Feminine Energy

An intimate, romantic relationship has a unique natural dynamic. While romantic relationships have similarities to friendships, partnerships, and allies, their energetics are distinctive in that sexual attraction and chemistry are necessary. For example, two ballroom dancers are equal but don’t use the same steps to create a beautiful dance.

Similar interests and backgrounds can help create a sense of comfort with a person but don’t help determine whether the relationship can last. Having similar interests (or similar temperaments) is a recipe for a platonic friendship; the lack of polarity limits attraction and sexual desire.

Just as with magnets, a North and South pole are drawn to each other, while the same energies repel and are not magnetic. Your romantic partner is more than a roommate, a best friend, someone who shares the domestic duties with you and helps raise the kids. This energetic dance of opposites, and the give and take between them, provides you with the secret for keeping attraction alive for a lifetime. It’s chemistry and the desire for physical intimacy that puts gas in the tank of the relationship.

The energetic dance of polarity allows you to feel comfortable in your own skin and create harmony in your love life because you expect differences between you and your partner. Rather than seeking a partner who’s like you, you learn to respect and appreciate the differences between you.

Built into species survival, it’s two different people with diverse strengths and weaknesses that leverage the ability of a couple to procreate and survive while safeguarding the family unit.

What Are Masculine And Feminine Energy?

Turning a blind eye to the natural energetics of relationship, you’ll feel frustrated, misunderstood, and struggle to find a life partner. Traditionally these energetics have been labeled as masculine and feminine energy, but these labels are confusing. They’re not confined to gender, instead these energetics are born from preferences and behavior.

Masculine energy has been understood to be male and feminine energy has been understood to be female, when in truth, every person has both masculine and feminine energy. This distinction and gendered language is fraught with misunderstandings and questionable assumptions about gender and relationship roles.

We’ve chosen new labels for these naturally opposing energies as Leaders and Responders. An entire chapter in our book is dedicated to this energetic dance. These labels provide a more accurate description of how each energy approaches dating and relationship and isn’t confined to gender identity or sexual preference.

If you’re using strategies of your inauthentic type dating will be incredibly frustrating and you’ll quickly suffer from dating burnout. Identifying your energetic preference and using the strategies of your genuine type makes dating effective and makes it easy to identify an ideal life partner.

The Leader — Formerly Masculine Energy

Leader energy is analytical, assertive, single-focused, and action-oriented. It’s concerned more with doing than with being. You’re likely utilizing leader energy when you’re at work and accomplishing goals. Leader energy moves with purpose, it’s competitive, logical, and willing to take risks.

For leaders to function and flourish they need to feel acknowledged, appreciated, admired, and needed. Leader energy dislikes being controlled or criticized. Put two leaders together and there’s a natural competition that’s born. In the positive they hold each other accountable and strive to improve each other through challenges. In the negative, leader energy can be intent on winning, domination, and control.

The Responder — Formerly Feminine Energy

Responder energy is inclusive, reflective, sensual, emotional, and reciprocal. It’s great for creating connection and gathering information. Responder energy is intuitive, creative and connected to flow. It’s centered on being, as opposed to doing; there’s space for allowing rather than a focus on goals and achievement.

Responders need to feel seen and protected; they require understanding, attention, and most of all, must feel safe. Put two responders together and there’s a natural reciprocation and connection. In the positive, responders create harmony and community. In the negative, they are indecisive, submissive, and lack responsibility.

Are You Dating From The Wrong Energy?

Are you a leader masquerading as a responder, waiting for the other person to reveal their desires before you make a move? Or are you a responder who’s showing off, trying to impress the person across from you, and wondering why they disappear after a couple of dates? Using dating strategies that aren’t in alignment with your relationship goals is confusing to your date and won’t attract the kind of mate you desire.

A leader who doesn’t move the relationship forward is simply not available, or ready, for a committed relationship. This person just wants companionship, a convenient relationship — a friends with benefits situation. These people often show up as leaders at the start, but then quickly retreat and let the responder drive the relationship.

A responder who is competitive, or who shows off, doesn’t leave space for their date to attend to them. The people they date often disappear quickly, or they end up in short-term relationships that don’t pan out. Sadly, these responders who masquerade as leaders become apathetic about romance because they waste time waiting for someone to reciprocate and step up for them.

Responders who lead at the start of the dating process expect the energetic dynamics will change after three to six months. They find leading full-time exhausting and it makes them anxious. They are averse to taking risks with their heart.

Leaders who don’t initiate or let their intentions be known come across as passive and frustrate responders because they never move the relationship forward creating insecurity and anxiety rather than emotional connection.

To break the pattern and reclaim the dance of masculine and feminine energy, create new strategies to date the way you want to mate.

Embracing Responder Energy

Embrace the energy of the responder by being in touch with your emotions and sensory experience. You can create a ritual to awaken responder energy inside of you. Listen to music that relaxes you, put on perfume or cologne, light a scented candle, or dress up in an outfit that makes you feel sexy.

Connecting to your creativity gets you out of your analytical, logical mind and into the flow. Spend some time writing poetry or song lyrics, sing along to your favorite song, or get your coloring pencils or paints out. Embrace your creative energy — no overthinking is required.

Practice receptivity by accepting a compliment without offering one back, or welcome offers of help and support instead of showing off how capable you are. Accepting help isn’t weak or needy, it allows others to show up for you and take care of you.

Make yourself a priority by filling your own cup first. Sacrifice and self-abandonment are negative aspects of the responder. Taking care of your needs is not selfish or uncaring, rather it allows you to have the resources to do things for people you love without being resentful. Self-care can be as simple as self-reflection, journaling, yoga, a warm bubble bath, or whatever you do to refresh and refuel.

The role of the responder is to flirt, let the leader know the water is warm, and respond to their advances. Responders can set the pace of a relationship by slowing things down, but there’s no way to speed things up. There’s no way to make someone move faster if they’re not pursuing you for a relationship. You also have veto power.

Embrace the power of the responder by showing up authentically, listening, and redirecting by speaking your mind and making requests.

Embracing Leader Energy

Embracing the role of the leader is done by initiating, moving the relationship forward, declaring your intentions, and adjusting to the requests of the responder. Leaders must risk discovering if the other person is interested in a relationship.

If you’re paying attention to the object of your affection it’ll be easy to trust yourself instead of hesitating and expecting the other person to take the lead.

Leaders must also be flexible. It’s not about imposing your vision; it’s about allowing space to adjust to the responder you find attractive. Rigidity and stubbornness are negative aspects of leader energy. Be open to feedback — this is how the dance of leaders and responders functions in harmony together.

Seek healthy competition to improve and become a superior person. Competition sometimes gets a bad rap, but it’s essential to sharpen skills and grow. Seek the company of positive role models who can hold you accountable and inspire you to do better. Competition builds confidence and self-esteem, helps develop problem-solving skills, discipline, and reduces stress.

Staying in your integrity gives you a foundation to stand on, builds lasting trust with your partner, and guides you when challenges arise. Integrity doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, but it allows you to take responsibility for them and make amends if necessary.

Leaders need to provide, so it’s important to know what you provide for your partner. Providing for responders brings safety, security, and increases joy. Whether it’s emotional support, financial support, trust, acceptance, or a safe harbor in a chaotic world, knowing what you provide gives you the confidence to wisely choose a life partner.

Confidence allows you to share your vulnerability without fear of being perceived as weak. Compassion, empathy, and acceptance keep the leader in balance and harmony with their life partner.

Date From Your Genuine Energy

In a romantic partnership leaders and responders play off each other like two partners in a dance. Leaders provide a solid foundation and represent the roots and trunk of a tree creating stability and certainty. Responders represent the leaves and flowers dancing in the wind producing joy. Strong leading energy creates a solid foundation for responsive energy to express its creativity.

So how do you create an energetic balance in your relationship? The first step is to decide which energy turns you on. Are you more comfortable being the strong trunk of the tree or do you want to dance in the wind?

Think about the role you wish to fulfill in your relationship and which role you’d like your partner to fulfill. If taking the lead in your relationship leaves you feeling tired, anxious, and wishing the other person would step up, relax into your responsive energy. If you feel energized and confident by driving the relationship forward and discovering how to bring more joy to your partner, embrace leader energy and take risks by declaring your desires.

Leaders and responders are clearly defined through the dating process. Over time with the same partner, each person may move towards the energetic middle and there may be instances where they swap dominant energetics.

Remember, every person has both masculine and feminine energy, a healthy dynamic for long-lasting love requires a natural energetic polarity no matter the labels they’re given.

Reclaiming Masculine And Feminine Energy

Letting go of gender stereotypes and embracing either leader or responder energy gives you the framework to create the dynamic you desire in relationship. Women leaders can partner with male responders and vice versa.

When masculine and feminine energy are in harmony, relationships function better, partners can understand each other, and love thrives. When these energies are out of balance, then your relationship will suffer, dating will be unfulfilling, and you’ll grow cynical about finding an ideal life partner.

If you’re struggling with dating and relationships and are unsure how to discover your genuine energetic for a relationship, join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call. We’ll help you understand how the dance of relationship functions and give you a plan for creating the lasting love you desire.

The algorithm used by most dating apps connects you with people who have similar interests. For the most part your matches include someone of the same race, socioeconomic, and educational background, who also enjoys similar hobbies.

In fact, statistics show that most people marry within these parameters. However, this criteria doesn’t necessarily create a relationship that lasts longer, is happier, or ideal to create a healthy partnership.

Do opposites attract or is it relationship compatibility that leads to long-lasting love?

When it comes to an everlasting partnership, the connection between attraction and compatibility is quite complex. It’s not as simple as opposites attract or marry your best friend. There is something much more powerful at play.

Similar interests and backgrounds can help create a sense of comfort with a mate but don’t contribute to whether the relationship can last. In general, having similar interests with someone (and also a similar temperament) is the recipe for a platonic friendship.

Ultimately, attraction and passion don’t develop due to your similarities.

Chemistry and attraction are created from your differences and the foundation for the concept that opposites attract, like magnets. However, chemistry is not necessarily enough to sustain a lasting loving partnership.

In order to share your life with someone long-term it’s imperative to have an understanding of how opposing energies work together for a committed, passionate partnership to thrive.

The Dance Of Relationship

One of the most important differences that make a relationship work is the dance of masculine and feminine energy. (Despite the labels for these energies, this has nothing to do with gender identity). A healthy relationship has a balance of these two energies that are responsive to each other and not at all in opposition.

Relationship compatibility comes down to finding your energetic opposite.

Two masculine energies together create a competitive relationship. Two feminine energies create a reciprocal relationship. Only with opposing masculine and feminine energies do you experience romance and intimacy together. (This is true even for same-sex couples.)

It doesn’t matter which person in the couple possesses greater masculine energy, and which person has more feminine energy for this dynamic to work. A woman who leads with her masculine energy can be satisfied and happy long-term with a man who is comfortable being a receptive partner and more in his feminine energy.

This dance of masculine and feminine energy is the root of the concept that opposites attract and is necessary for relationship compatibility for a lifetime together.

If both partners are masculine energy dominant, competition between them will eliminate sexual desire.

If both partners are feminine dominant, there will be no spark of attraction for passion or physical intimacy to occur.

Only when opposing energies come together will the dance of passion and romance occurs and has the potential to stand the test of time.

Relationship Compatibility And Your Personality

Another area where opposing energies can create relationship compatibility comes from a particular aspect of your personality — whether you are introverted or extroverted. While relationships between two extroverts or two introverts can work for a while, lasting love evolves when these opposing energies come together as a couple.

The extrovert provides energy and a desire to connect, while the introvert grounds that energy and creates a home base for the couple. It’s important to acknowledge and value the benefits each partner brings to the energetic exchange for harmony to exist.

Two extroverts can end up competing for attention and drive a wedge between the couple. Two introverts may lack the energy to address issues between the couple and allow them to drift apart.

Opposites attract when the energy and excitement of the extrovert is matched with the peace and quiet the introvert covets. Appreciating your differences keeps attraction alive and contributes to the harmonious dance between you.

Relationship Compatibility And Your Heart Archetype™

The heart line in the palm of your hand reveals how you’re oriented in romantic relationships. Scientific, non-predictive palmistry provides the owner’s manual to your life providing insights into your soul’s journey.

The lines in your palm do not predict how many times you’ll be married, if you’ll be married at all, or for how long. Instead, Your Heart Archetype™ indicates your requirements from an intimate relationship and shares insights about your behavior when your heart is invested.

Some heart line types are oriented as “You First” with a romantic partner. The others have “Me First” orientation. The “You First” people tend to think of their partner’s needs before their own while the “Me First” types fulfill their own needs before their partner’s.

This doesn’t mean that one type is more altruistic, and the other more selfish. Instead, this information shows how a person is hard-wired with their heart.

Two “You First” people will be challenged to make decisions as each person will be deferring to the other to take the lead. Relationship compatibility will be difficult for two “Me First” oriented people as they are both looking out for themselves first and foremost.

Opposites attract and create a balance between a “You First” and a “Me First.” Then true relationship compatibility exists as the two can be in harmony with one another. For relationship compatibility to grow into lasting love you’re able to communicate your needs to a partner, and for the most part that person can meet your requirements.

In essence, everyone is fighting for love on their terms, and Your Heart Archetype™ identifies exactly what you require to feel loved.

Mutual Respect Is The Key To Navigating Your Differences

When you approach the differences between you and your partner with respect, then you can create a lasting, loving partnership. Most people enjoy discovering their differences at the beginning, in the Romance Phase of a relationship. When the chemical high eventually wears off they become annoyed by those very same differences.

Each partner in a relationship has specific strengths and weaknesses. Putting your focus on discovering and acknowledging your differences allows you to create a solid foundation where you can each contribute to the life you create together. Learning to appreciate how your partner handles certain tasks or situations more effectively than you do is a necessary skill for love to grow deeper between you.

Relationship compatibility grows stronger when your differences are aligned with complementary strengths. Deferring to one another’s strengths creates harmony in a home that will last for decades.

Mutual respect combined with giving your partner the freedom to be who they are without needing to change creates a synergistic love. The two of you are truly capable of taking on the world by making it a better place, and by being able to navigate through challenging times together.

Yes, opposites attract, but only when you respect your differences can love thrive.

Navigating The Stages Of Relationship

Relationship compatibility requires that the two of you are truly committed to creating a healthy, lasting, loving partnership. Part of the skillset for love to last is understanding the five stages of relationship and how they affect your interactions over time.

1. Romance

The first stage of relationship is the Romance Stage. The Romance Stage is when the two of you are falling in love and your brains are being flooded with feel-good chemicals. Most people are on their best behavior during the Romance Stage and haven’t yet revealed all their personality. The longer the Romance Stage the better chance a relationship has of surviving as this stage puts gas in the tank of the relationship.

2. Power Struggle

The second stage of relationship is the Power Struggle Stage. The Power Struggle occurs when the chemicals have begun to wear off and what was initially exciting about that other person becomes annoying. This is also when people begin revealing more of their true selves having relaxed into the relationship.

Most relationships end because the couple is unable to navigate through the Power Struggle. This is why the fantasy of finding the perfect partner you never have a disagreement or a fight with is an unrealistic expectation.

You can overcome the Power Struggle when you stop fighting for your way and instead fight for the relationship.

3. Stability

The third stage of relationship is the Stability Stage. This is when the couple stops fighting for their ego desires and instead chooses to fight for the relationship. Instead of the ego struggle of who is right or who is wrong, develop an “us against the world” mentality. This is how you fight for the relationship, not for your way, or his way.

Look for the win/win in resolving your conflicts instead of seeking compromise. Compromise can lead to hidden resentments as many people give up what they want in order for there to be peace in the relationship.

4. Commitment

The fourth stage of relationship is the Commitment Stage. This is when a couple is truly ready to make a lifelong commitment to one another. The Commitment Stage happens because you decide to accept your partner as is without needing him/her to change. This Commitment Stage comes long after exclusivity and much later than most couples wait as they rush toward engagements and weddings while still in the earlier relationship stages.

5. Bliss or Co-Creation

The fifth stage of relationship is the Bliss or Co-Creation Stage. This stage is when the couple is ready to create something larger than just the two of them and more meaningful in the world. This is when most couples decide to create a family together, or in childless couples, they decide to create something that affects the world around them like charity work, a business, or some other philanthropic cause they both believe in.

Having Shared Values Is The Similarity You Really Need

Relationship compatibility comes from respecting and appreciating that opposites attract. People with different energetics, interests, or strategies can navigate through the pitfalls and challenges life throws their way when they share the same values. Sharing what’s truly important in life is the glue that will get you through any difficulties.

Whether you’re raising children together, working in a business, or simply creating a shared life, if you don’t have the same values then conflicts will create a rift between you. This doesn’t mean that you share the same strategies for handling difficulties, your partner will be a different person than you. What’s important is that you prioritize the same things so you can get back on the same page.

Opposites attract but true relationship compatibility occurs when you both appreciate your differences and are able to defer to one another’s strengths. This dance of relationship may not always be smooth, but it’s beautiful in its complexity. Deep intimacy and connection develop over time as you gain mutual respect and admiration for your partner and how they enhance your life. Ultimately you’re better together than apart.

Do you desire a partner to share your life with? One who will stand by you? If you’re tired of struggling to make a connection, or you seem to be in a battle of following your head or your heart, order our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love (Penguin Random House 2025). You’ll go on a journey to identify your blocks to love, transform them to develop confidence, and manifest the long-lasting love relationship you desire.

You’ll want to know you’re a good match for lasting love before you commit your heart. No sense in having just another short-term relationship, right? Dating burnout can come from dedicating your heart too quickly and then having to start over from scratch. Wouldn’t it be great to have a checklist of criteria that could determine your relationship compatibility before you take any vows?

Unfortunately, just because your zodiac signs are compatible, or your numerology, or you know one another’s love languages doesn’t guarantee long-term success. There’s no reliable relationship compatibility test that can predict your union’s success. However, by using discernment along with a fundamental understanding of a healthy, thriving partnership, you can leverage certain criteria that are specific to you to make a good choice.

Let’s be clear, love requires risk and if you’re asking, “Are we compatible?” there may be more important questions to ask. Relationship compatibility will only take you so far because your head and your heart must be in harmony to select a lifelong match.

Is Relationship Compatibility A Sign Of Lasting Love?

Having similar interests and hobbies can keep the day-to-day activities of a relationship comfortable. Liking the same kind of music can provide enjoyable dates, and having similar hobbies means more time together.

Unfortunately, none of these similarities will determine if you have chemistry, or if you can repair and reconnect when you disagree. Nor will those similarities guarantee that you share mutual respect and kindness. Relationship compatibility requires much more than liking the same things.

These similarities are qualities that help make a friendship last, but may or may not help in your romantic life. Superficial compatibility by itself is not enough for romantic love to last. Chemistry and attraction are essential ingredients for a lasting intimate relationship, and they stem from your differences rather than your similarities.

Your Differences Are The Source Of Attraction

It’s your differences that create the spark of chemistry. This is built into species survival because sex is instinctual, but long-term monogamous relationships are not, they’re a societal construct.

Coming together with someone who is not like you creates attraction which leads to procreation. Diverse people that have children will have different strengths and weaknesses which increases the likelihood that the family unit will survive.

It’s a fact that opposites attract creating an emotional bond and chemical high of the Romance Stage of relationship. Chemistry gives you the desire to navigate conflict and weather the storms together.

The idea that you should marry your best friend because you’ll be compatible in a romantic relationship is a misnomer. Friendships stem from your similarities, not your differences. The desire for physical intimacy is a necessary ingredient for a romantic relationship, but not a friendship.

You can’t settle for a lifetime — about half of our clients come to us after splitting from their best friend (the only bonus is that they co-parent well together).

Wondering “Are we compatible?” with the focus on your similarities may not be the ideal question to ponder if you want love to last. Relationship compatibility requires the differences between you to create the spark necessary for love to last over time.

It’s the spark of attraction that makes a platonic relationship different from a romantic one.

What Are The Differences That Create Attraction?

1. Personality Differences Fuel Chemistry

Here’s an example of how important your differences are: if romantic partners are both laid back and easygoing, they may get along well, but won’t have the passion required to grow together. Two very passionate people can create a lot of drama and ultimately exhaust the relationship.

However, pairing up someone easy-going with someone passionate and fiery will complement each other. The passionate partner brings the fire and drive to the relationship while the easy-going partner tempers the conflict.

Introverts find extroverts exciting and enjoy being drawn out of their shell. Extroverts find introverts fascinating and deep; they’re curious about what’s going on inside their partner and enjoy the discovery as well as the challenge.

Think of personality differences like two magnets, the similar sides repel while the opposite sides are drawn together. In a romantic relationship chemistry and desire to be intimate stem from your differences, not your similarities.

The desire to know if you’re compatible with your partner is commendable, just make sure you’re assessing the appropriate data for a long-lasting romantic partnership.

2. Contrast in Masculine And Feminine Energy

Every individual has both masculine and feminine energy, no matter their gender. You can draw upon your masculine side or your feminine side depending on the situation.

A balance of masculine and feminine energy is required for a romantic relationship to last. The two energies are complimentary like a yin-yang.

Two masculine energies together create the spirit of competition. Masculine energy is active and focused, and the presence of another masculine energy will create a competitive dynamic meant to challenge each other.

Feminine energy is responsive, reactive, and creates community (it’s not passive). Two feminine energies produce a reciprocal friendship where the expectation is that each person will share duties and responsibilities.

Are you compatible with different energies or similar energies?

Attraction and chemistry come from opposing masculine and feminine energies. This dance of masculine and feminine is an exchange between the strengths of both energies. Focusing on superficial relationship compatibility doesn’t consider your natural energetic differences.

3. Your Heart Archetype™ & Attraction

Scientific non-predictive palmistry, or Hand Analysis has been around for hundreds of years. The premiere text in English was written in 1900.

Rather than predicting your future, the lines of the palm reveal characteristics and a snapshot of your major neural pathways. One line reveals your non-negotiable need in relationship — the thing you need to feel loved by a romantic partner.

Knowing the difference between your needs and your wants in relationship is very useful. You can compromise your desires, but not your requirements.

There is no relationship compatibility in Your Heart Archetype, however the common combinations are always opposing elements. Usually earth types partner with water types, just as it’s common to see air types with fire types.

The intellectual air quality feeds the passionate fire type igniting passion in the relationship. The emotional water type softens the independent earth type to create a deep emotional connection.

Relationship compatibility isn’t just about how your differences fit together like puzzle pieces, there are many factors that contribute to relationship longevity.

Are You Compatible? 3 Keys To Relationship Compatibility

1. Shared Values And Relationship Compatibility

For a relationship to stand the test of time you must have shared values. Unlike hobbies or interests that are easily apparent, discovering another person’s values takes time. You can’t discover someone’s values through deep meaningful conversations because those only cover hypothetical situations.

You’ll never find someone who’s a 100% match to your values, but a majority match is necessary so you can find your way back to each other after a conflict. You’ll still have miscommunication and disagreements with your beloved.

Couples who stay together through the inevitable challenges that show up can repair, reconnect, and fortify their love because they can get behind a common goal and a shared vision they’ve created. Getting back on the same page is possible because they both value the same things.

Many relationships end in divorce because the partners don’t value the same things and they end up in an endless power struggle draining the intimacy and emotional connection from the relationship.

Through the dating process embrace slow love even when you feel an intense attraction. You’ll need time to figure out if the two of you share the same values before making a lifelong commitment to each other.

The most important time to ask, “Are we compatible?” is when you’re discovering each other’s values.

2. Mutual Respect And Relationship Compatibility

Respecting the differences in your romantic partnership creates an environment of trust and admiration for each other. The key is to defer to one another’s strengths. One of you might be better at managing money, and the other might be best suited to handling your social calendar. Or maybe one partner is great at organizing the home while the other is gifted at planning and cooking meals.

Whatever your differences in strategy or style might be it’s important to make an effort to respect those differences and defer to the partner that’s best suited for the task.

Differing to one another’s strengths isn’t a skill that’s taught in school, but an important life skill if you wish to share a lifetime with someone. Wondering about your relationship compatibility doesn’t take this necessary skill into account.

3. Communication And Relationship Compatibility

As plants need soil to grow, a relationship requires communication — without it the relationship will wither and die.  Ignoring conflicts allows them to fester and creates landmines in your relationship. Not being able to communicate kindly or with respect, corrodes trust and affection.

No relationship can survive if one, or both of you, is defensive or stonewalls during a disagreement. Conflict is inevitable (no matter which person you select) so having communication tools that allow for a repair is the key to longevity.

Setting up ground rules for navigating your differences with clear communication is much more important than liking the same kind of music because you’ll always be able to create an emotional connection.

If you spend all your time looking for similarities as if that’s what makes a couple compatible you may be missing out on finding your ideal match. Sharing values, respecting each other, and communication skills will take your relationship much further and create a lasting bond that can last a lifetime.

Invest time in the dating process before going exclusive. Instead discover if you’re able to navigate through conflict by respecting and appreciating your differences.

Tired of giving everything and ending up heartbroken anyway? Do you become a different person when you invest your heart? Not sure if you know the difference between your needs and your wants? Never go into sacrifice again with one private coaching session — discover Your Heart Archetype™ today!

I’m feeling torn. Am I settling in my relationship? I don’t know whether I should stick with my boyfriend or not. I do love him and he’s a solid guy, like a best friend. He’s almost everything I want, but there’s no passion, and that’s really important to me.

The thing is, I have a history of dating guys who aren’t good for me — emotionally unavailable, anger issues, cheaters, you name it, I’ve dated him. I worked on breaking that pattern, but I don’t feel completely fulfilled. You two talk about creating soul-satisfying love and I don’t feel like my soul is getting what it needs to be happy long-term. I just don’t know, because when I think about leaving him I feel sick to my stomach. He’s such a good man.

Am I being selfish? Or would I be true to myself by moving on? Should we split now so I’m not wasting his time or mine when I’m not sure?

Please help!

Sylvia”

Hi Sylvia,

Struggling with the question: Am I settling in my relationship the way you describe it is filled with mental turmoil which can be exhausting. You’re stuck in a cycle of constantly wondering if you’re making a mistake by staying in it or ending up resentful because the passion you need is not there.

A lot of people end up divorcing because they made the safe choice and married someone who was a great match on paper but didn’t have the passion they longed for. Marrying your best friend sounds like a great idea until you find yourself with a roommate and not a lover. About forty percent of our clients come to us after getting divorced from the situation you describe.

The decision to stay or go is especially difficult if you have a history of going for passion and ending up with a broken heart. Am I settling in my relationship? — is the same as asking: Is it too much to ask to have a great partner who also turns you on?

Some things are worth settling for and others you can’t compromise. How do you know the difference? Let’s dig in and see if you can gain some clarity.

What Does It Mean To Settle In Your Relationship?

You’ve settled in a relationship if you’re sacrificing your needs in order to get some things you want. The problem is that this equation is backward! Your needs are not negotiable, but your wants are. You’ll never feel fulfilled in a relationship unless most of your needs are met. What’s even worse is that you can end up feeling angry and resentful.

Compromise on what you want all day long, but you can never sacrifice what you need. The real problem is that most people don’t know the difference between their needs and wants. It’s possible that passion is a need that you can’t sacrifice. For someone else, passion is something they want, but it’s not necessary to feel fulfilled.

Needs are not qualities of a person, like how tall they are, or whether they share your likes and dislikes. Plenty of happy couples have different hobbies or interests and stay together for a lifetime of happiness and joy.

For love to last it’s imperative that you both value the same things, have the ability to navigate your differences, and have chemistry and attraction.

No one person is going to be everything for you. This unrealistic expectation will put too much pressure on the relationship. So how do you know if you’re settling or if you’re making a wise choice?

13 Signs You’re Settling For Less Than You Deserve

1. You’re Afraid Of Being Alone

Are you a serial monogamist who jumps from relationship to relationship? Your fear of being alone has you rushing to exclusivity even before you know if someone is right for you or not. Just because you find each other attractive, and they seem like a good person doesn’t mean it’s time to take your dating profile down.

Are you settling in your relationship because you don’t like being alone? It could mean that you have low self-esteem and you’re hoping your partner will fill that empty space inside of you. No one can make you happy, only you can do that. If you’re looking for a partner to fill you up, you’ll tie yourself to the first person who takes interest in you. This leads to short-term relationships that never last.

2. You Put Your Partner’s Comfort Above Your Own Needs

If you’re staying because you don’t want to hurt your partner then you’re settling. Every person deserves to be partnered up with someone who is nuts about them. There’s a lid for every pot and your partner deserves that too. Your wish not to hurt them isn’t doing them any favors. You’re keeping them tied to you under false pretense. Ultimately, they want you to be ridiculously happy not settling for less than your true heart’s desire.

If you’re settling in your relationship because you’re afraid of hurting your partner, tear off the band-aid so that both of you can heal and move on.

3. You Avoid Conflict

Conflict can feel uncomfortable but avoiding it doesn’t make it go away. Avoiding conflict creates an emotional distance between you that will grow larger over time and eventually be the reason you grow apart.

Are you settling in your relationship because you’re avoiding uncomfortable conversations with your partner? Addressing your differences may lead the two of you to grow closer. If not, then you have the information you need to move on.

4. You’re Compromising Your Values

Compromising your values is a recipe for tension and turmoil in a relationship. Life will always bring challenges whether you’re single or in a partnership. How you address those challenges is determined by your values. If you and your partner don’t share the same values, it will be difficult to navigate the curveballs that are inevitably thrown, and you’ll struggle to get back on the same page.

Love cannot last if you two don’t share the same values. You can disagree on less important things in life, but if you’re settling in your relationship by compromising your values you’ll end up angry and resentful well before it finally ends.

5. You’re Ignoring Deal-Breakers

Chemistry and attraction can often blind you to the fact that your partner cannot meet your needs. Don’t let your passion cause you to ignore red flags and deal-breakers. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see your partner for who they really are. Settling can also mean you’ve rushed in with your heart and didn’t allow your head to evaluate if the two of you are a match long-term.

You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak if you rush in when passion is high and you’re still in the romance stage of relationship. Take time before going exclusive to discover an ideal match.

6. You’re Afraid Time Is Passing You By

The fear that you’re being left behind or that you’ll lose out on having a family is a powerful motivator for settling — don’t! Never marry someone because all your friends are married, or because your biological clock is ticking. You’ll regret rushing into a commitment and starting a family with someone you can’t be with long-term. Families are created in many ways, and you’ll be grateful you waited for the right person to figure out all those details.

Are you settling in your relationship because you fear you’ll miss your chance? This is a recipe for ending up divorced or in a constant power struggle, it’s best to wait to find an ideal match so you can share your life with the love of your life.

7. You Expect Your Partner To Change

Is there a big BUT in your relationship? They’re great, but ____(fill in the blank)____. Do you imagine you’ll get them to change once you’re married? That you’ll be able to fix that thing that annoys you? In reality, that thing that’s a nuisance will only bother you more and more the longer you’re together creating a wedge between you.

Expecting your partner to change after a commitment is a bait and switch. You’re presenting yourself as one way only to change the rules once you’re married. If you can’t accept your partner as is, then move on and find someone who fits the vision of your ideal relationship. You can’t settle for a lifetime with someone.

8. You’ve Given Up Your Passions

Have you quit your favorite hobby because your partner doesn’t like you spending so much time away from them? Maybe you’ve told yourself that it’s not really that important as long as you stay together. Giving up your passions will only breed anger and resentment over time. Plus, you’ll end up sacrificing those activities that feed your soul and keep you happy.

Are you settling in your relationship because your partner doesn’t support your passions? Find someone who either shares your aspirations or supports you in pursuing them.

9. You’re Choosing Comfort Over Satisfaction

If your relationship is comfortable but not satisfying you’re settling and there’s no way to make love last. Your ideal relationship should feel safe as well as comfortable, however, if you don’t feel satisfied something is missing, and that something will gnaw away at you and drive a wedge between you.

If lack of safety played a role in your upbringing and has continued in your adult romantic partnerships, then settling for safety can be very appealing. Unfortunately, you can’t settle for a lifetime and that’s why your needs are never negotiable. Healing your wounds from childhood is an inner experience (not one that occurs in partnership); it’s a solo journey. Once you feel safe in the world, then you can choose a partner who provides more than just safety in your relationship so you can get all your needs met.

10. You Don’t Feel Chemistry Or Attraction

Chemistry, attraction, passion, whatever word you use to describe that feeling of excitement when you think of your partner, is not something you can sacrifice for love to last. It’d be like trying to make bread without yeast, and you’d end up with a cracker and never feel satisfied.

Attraction is most important at the beginning of a relationship as it’s the gas that keeps you going when you end up in the inevitable power struggle stage of a relationship. If you’re settling in your relationship because you think you can forego chemistry, then you’re trying to keep your relationship alive on an empty tank. Are you settling in your relationship? If you’re focused on the fact that attraction may wane over time (particularly after having children), it’s important to remember that it’s the glue that holds couples together for a lifetime.

11. You’re Tolerating Bad Behavior

Don’t settle because you don’t think you deserve better. A partner who is disrespectful, who doesn’t value you, or who is openly contemptuous of you isn’t going to suddenly change and treat you better. You teach someone how to treat you from the moment you meet them. Make sure you never tolerate bad behavior. You deserve to be with someone that loves and values you, not someone who takes you for granted.

If you’re caught in a cycle of settling in your relationship by tolerating bad behavior, the underlying issue is a lack of self-esteem. A part of you believes you’re not worthy of someone who treats you better. Before looking for a mate, grow your self-respect and self-esteem. Once you believe that you are worthy of being loved it will be easy to find an ideal partner who treats you with kindness and respect.

12. You’re The Only One Making An Effort

Relationships don’t just magically work out over time; they take attention and effort from both partners to continue to flourish. If your partner isn’t making an effort to communicate better, help around the house, or work through issues together, then they’re sending you a clear signal that the relationship is not a priority for them.

Are you settling in your relationship by putting in all the effort? The most valuable resource you have is time. If your partner isn’t putting effort into the relationship you’re going to burn out. You can’t motivate them on your own, they need to want to make an effort with you. Never settle for someone who isn’t committed to improving the relationship.

13. You’re Sacrificing Your Needs

Love does not equal sacrifice in a relationship between two adults. Certainly, parents will sacrifice for their children and that is appropriate. Unfortunately, many people think that sacrifice is part of the deal when it comes to romantic love. If you’re wondering, “Am I settling in my relationship?” the first question you have to ask yourself is whether or not your needs are being met.

Attraction and deep love do not come with mindreading powers. If you think the right person will intuit your needs and wants you’re holding onto a fantasy, an unrealistic expectation that no person could ever meet. Speak up for yourself and make requests to discover if your partner is willing and capable of meeting your needs. This is an essential part of the dating process (that most people skip or have no idea how to implement).

If you’re settling in your relationship because you think you can do without your needs, then you’re breeding anger and resentment that will doom the relationship. Your needs must be met and you can compromise on your wants.

This isn’t to say that you should create a long list of qualities and expect to receive everything on the list, every relationship requires some give and take. Ask for what’s significant and leave room to negotiate the extras.

Are you unsure of the difference between your needs vs. your wants? Maybe you’re on the fence if you should stay or go. Maybe you’re stuck in a pattern of settling and you believe you’ll never find someone to meet your needs.

If you want to make sure you never settle again, and you’re clear on the difference between your needs and your wants join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session, and we’ll help you identify your hidden blocks to lasting love. We’ve helped thousands of clients evaluate an ideal match and 100% of our married clients are still happily married (even after a global pandemic). Click here now for your private call with us.

I have been gobbling up everything you two put out for many years. I love seeing how you interact with one another. It gives me hope to see you two, the hope that someday I can have lasting love.

One of the things I’m unsure about is how to choose a good husband, someone I can really trust. It seems like a daunting task to select a partner for life – and yet that is exactly what I want. I want great love, one that will last a lifetime.

Is there a set criteria that I need to know? Is there something specific that I must include? I’m always afraid that I’ll miss something really important. Like when I worked with a dating coach and made a list of all the qualities I want my guy to have, I continued to rewrite the list for over a year adding things until it was a mile long.

So how do I do it? How will I know when it’s the right person?

Thank you in advance.”

Hi Alisha,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. We value you as part of our Love On Purpose Community™. Knowing how to choose a good husband can certainly seem like a daunting task – especially if you’re expecting to just stumble into your ideal man by accident.

Lasting love is a choice. Ask any person who has ever been married for any length of time.

Unfortunately, making a list of qualities you’re looking for in a mate won’t magically materialize that human being in your life. Plus, even if that did work to bring in a guy who matched your list, how do you know that he’s an ideal match for love to last?

Selecting a mate is something that most people don’t put a lot of time into until AFTER they’ve met someone who gives them all the feelings. Then they jump in with both feet before finding out some important things first.

Most dating coaches and online dating sites focus on chemistry and compatibility as the most important things to focus on when you are dating.

While chemistry and compatibility are important pieces of a healthy relationship, they are only two parts of the bigger picture. You can have chemistry but not be compatible or you can be compatible but have no chemistry. You can have chemistry and compatibility but not know how to navigate conflict together.

When you are focusing on the outward qualities of a person – height, eye and hair color, education level, etc. – you are missing who that person really is. We’ve had plenty of clients discover that the guy who was shorter than the arbitrary height requirement they had set was actually the sweet, thoughtful, sexy guy they had always desired.

So set aside your list. In fact, go ahead and burn it or shred it. You don’t need it anymore and it isn’t getting you what you want. Instead, read along as we share a new approach to how to choose a good husband and spend the rest of your life with your soulmate.

5 Things You Must Do To Select A Good Husband

1. Be Yourself

You can’t be loved for who you really are if you don’t show up as who you really are. Being authentic seems like a no-brainer until the chemistry is hot off the charts, because when that happens most people twist into a pretzel trying to please the other person at all costs.

When you’re looking to appease the guy you’re hot for you end up losing yourself. Your needs count and matter from date #1 and beyond. There is zero need to go into sacrifice, however, for many people this is the default setting on the their “GPS For Love.”

Authenticity doesn’t mean that you are unkind or cruel; it means that you express your desires and how you feel. It means you’re not acquiescing time and time again wondering when it will be your turn to get what you need and want.

Ultimately, it’s important to let your freak flag fly so that your Beloved can find you!

Your Soulmate will love that thing about you that all the others left you over. You don’t have to hide those parts of you because the right guy for you will cherish you for those very same qualities.

2. Let Him Lead

If you never want to ask him, “Where is this going?” You will always let the man lead. This does not mean that you are passive through the dating process. Quite the contrary – you have veto power!

If he’s leading, he is driving the relationship forward – you get to respond. Feminine energy is responsive energy, it is not passive, and when you let the man lead you will know his intentions every step of the way.

When you allow a man to lead you’ll know that he wants a relationship with YOU rather than just some companionship (and maybe sex) with a woman who is simply convenient.

Think of the energetic dynamic of two ballroom dancers – one leads and one follows. It’s the male role to provide the solid foundation for the female to do the pretty twirls. Let him lead and you won’t burn yourself out doing all the doing wondering when it’s your turn to get what you want.

To put it bluntly, the person with the pussy has the power.

Too many women abdicate their power and have the false belief they must be “easy going.” A man who wants a relationship with you will step up and claim you for you a relationship. Wondering how to choose a good husband? Let him lead and you’ll never wonder what his intentions are.

A man who steps up for you in the dating process will stand by you in a marriage.

If you do all the pursuing you’ll never get the fulfillment you’re looking for. You can’t drive part way and then once the energetic dynamic in the relationship is set expect the man to take the wheel.

Men are wired for efficiency. If you’re doing it, they won’t see a need to do it. Create a vacuum and they will fill it. Let him pursue. Let him lead.

If he doesn’t make an effort, let him go.

3. Don’t Rush To Exclusivity

Most people date backwards: They give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger because of the rush of emotions that overcome them.

As soon as a man they find attractive wants to take them off the market they jump into exclusivity before they know who the guy is.

Take your time! Dating is a process and you should put off sex with any guy that is in the running for a relationship.

When you go exclusive too soon you waste a lot of time. Those relationships take you off the market and you spend 3-9 months in a relationship that has no longevity. Then you start the process all over again wasting many years because you’re not cultivating discernment through the dating process.

Men who aren’t serious about wanting a relationship will move on quickly because you’re asking them to step up. When they disappear be grateful! That’s how you don’t waste your precious time.

It is important to communicate clearly that you are not ready YET. This is key so that the guy knows he’s in the running, but you want to slow down the pace. Otherwise he may think you’re not interested and move on.

You get to set the pace of the relationship and it’s better to make a man wait than it is to rush in. Any guy who won’t wait for you doesn’t really want YOU.

4. Do Not Avoid Conflict

Discovering how someone behaves when there is conflict will let you know if you are capable of working things out together over time.

Just as you have challenges that come your way as a single person, you’ll still have curve balls thrown at you when you’re in a couple.

It’s better to discover early on if you can work through challenges with the guy you’re dating than to wait and find that out after you’ve gone exclusive and merged your lives together. Unsure how to choose a good husband? See if you can navigate conflict together.

Conflicts occur in the best and healthiest relationships.

Matthew always says, “If I lived with the Dalai Lama there would be things that drive me crazy about him too.”

Learning how to move through conflict in a way that creates a deeper connection is an important skill to master. This is how love grows between two people over decades together.

When there is a conflict pay attention to his behavior. When choosing a good husband ask yourself the following:

• Does he shut down or shut you down?
• Is he able to hear you and give space for your feelings?
• Does he take responsibility for his part?

A man who is willing to work through conflicts with you and take responsibility for his part is the guy you want. This is exactly what you want to discover as you date someone over time.

Conflict doesn’t mean that this is person is “wrong” for you. It’s HOW you two navigate through conflict that matters.

5. Discover If You’re A Values Match

Longevity in relationship comes from being a values match. When you share common values it’s easy to work through the conflicts that arise as you share common goals.

You discover what someone values by where they spend their resources: time, energy, and money. If resources aren’t spent there, it’s just lip service.

The tricky part about this is that you cannot have a conversation about what someone values and find out anything worthwhile. It’s not that people intend to be manipulative; it’s just that what we value shows up in our actions.

You discover what a guy values by dating him over time and paying attention.

It’s imperative that you know what you value and see objectively if you two match. A majority match on values is all you need to know that you can weather the storms together.

So throw that mile-long list in the fireplace and take a fresh approach to choose a good husband – one that allows you the time to discover who he is, what he wants, and if the two of you have what it takes to make it last.

If you’re struggling to meet your soulmate, then schedule a Soulmate Strategy Call with us. During this complimentary call, we’ll help you create an action plan for the lasting love you desire and deserve. We want you to have your ideal man step up to claim you and be your hero.