Wearing rose-colored glasses makes you brush aside, explain away, or ignore behaviors that are clear signs this is an unhealthy relationship. If you’ve found yourself stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern over and over again, recognizing red flags gives you the ability to identify the problem before you’re in too deep.

If you don’t break the cycle you’ll end up recreating the same kind of unhealthy relationships until you become apathetic about love. Unhealthy relationships are formed from subconscious habits, past trauma, and limiting beliefs about love and self-worth. The good news? When you spot the red flags early, you can walk away with your heart intact and make a better choice the next time.

Long-lasting love in a healthy relationship doesn’t just happen by accident. First, you must break your bad habits and strategies to take a new approach to finding love.

20 Signs Of Unhealthy Relationships To Avoid

1. Addiction, Abuse, or Cheating

Let’s start with more obvious patterns in unhealthy relationships. If someone is actively struggling with substance abuse, has a history of abusive behavior, or has cheated in past relationships (and takes no accountability), believe what they show you.

These issues are a chronic problem unless the person has spent a significant amount of time in recovery. Even with years in recovery, it’s their journey to walk—not yours to manage. No amount of love can override unwillingness to change. These are not just red flags—they’re fire alarms. If you’re stuck in an unhealthy pattern of selecting a toxic person you may need support to break your pattern of co-dependence.

2. Controlling Behavior

Control often sneaks in under the guise of caring: “I just worry about you,” or “I want what’s best for you.” But when caring turns into controlling your schedule, your wardrobe, your friendships, or your career decisions, it stops being love and becomes manipulation. It’s easy to spot the difference because love expands you while control confines you.

The obvious red flag of this unhealthy relationship dynamic is that your partner is constantly trying to override the choices you make for yourself. This red flag cannot be ignored or pushed aside.

3. Refusing to Repair After an Argument

Arguments happen in the best of relationships. Conflict is a natural part of every healthy relationship dynamic because the other person is not you. What matters most is how each partner handles disagreements. If one person stonewalls, pretends nothing happened, or is stuck in blame without owning their role, there’s no repair. Without repairing, resentment grows, and there’s no opportunity to reconnect.

Healthy relationships grow together over time because each partner takes responsibility and is able to repair; unhealthy relationships stagnate and die because of avoidant behaviors and blame.

4. Endless Criticism and Judgment

When someone critiques how you look, talk, eat, dress, or behave—especially under the mask of “just being honest”—pay attention. Chronic criticism and judgment erode your self-worth. Gradually, you may start second-guessing yourself in all areas of life.

A partner who supports your growth will offer occasional feedback, and will always come from a place of respect and encouragement. In an unhealthy relationship one person is constantly critical and puts themself beyond reproach.

5. Overly Defensive

Defensiveness is a sign your partner can’t take responsibility for their bad behavior. Each time you raise a concern and they shift the blame back to you, revealing their inability to be in a healthy relationship.

If you find yourself accepting blame, you’re doomed to continue the pattern of choosing unhealthy relationships. Healthy relationships require two people who can take responsibility for their actions and repair—not just react.

6. Gaslighting

Gaslighting isn’t just denying facts, it’s when someone invalidates your feelings, twists your words, or makes you question reality. The goal of gaslighting is to create confusion and make you dependent on the very person causing the harm. You’ll stop trusting yourself and question your experience, which is exactly what the perpetrator desires.

This unhealthy relationship pattern fosters insecurity to the point of the victim relying on their abuser, bonded to them and unable to be on their own.

7. Lying—No Matter How Small

Lies of any size or arena of life are an unhealthy pattern in a romantic relationship. Lies regarding small details: what time they got home, who they texted, why they were late, are just as egregious as those about infidelity or finances.

Lying chips away at trust—one omission at a time. Healthy relationships are built upon trust and accountability.

8. Breaking Trust – Without Amends

Every person makes mistakes, however, when trust is broken, it must be repaired intentionally. If your partner expects you to move on without an apology or offering amends, they don’t value the relationship.

In a healthy relationship, partners say, “I’m sorry,” and consistently make an effort to prove they’re trustworthy again.

9. Making Excuses for Bad Behavior

Pay attention to how you speak about your partner with your inner circle. If you’re constantly in a position of defending their actions, making excuses, or ending up saying, “They didn’t mean it that way,” you’re making excuses for their bad behavior.

Respecting someone means having empathy and compassion for them, however, enabling poor behavior encourages them to continue to make bad choices without consequences.

10. Shutting You Out Emotionally

Intimacy requires emotional authenticity. If your partner is a vault—never sharing feelings, avoiding emotional conversations, or shutting you down when you’re vulnerable—they’re not emotionally available for a relationship. You may find yourself hoping to win their love when they’re incapable of sharing it.

This pattern in unhealthy relationships leaves you feeling more isolated and lonely in your relationship than you were when you were single.

11. Guilt Tripping

There’s no place for guilt in love, rather, it’s manipulation. If your partner uses guilt to get what they want, you’ll find yourself becoming angry and resentful that you’re sacrificing your needs.

Guilt tripping may sound like: “After everything I’ve done for you…” or “You must not care about me if you won’t…” This manipulation tactic makes love transactional rather than an emotional bond.

12. One-Sided Effort

You shouldn’t be the only one reaching out, planning, problem-solving, or initiating emotional intimacy. If you’re carrying the emotional labor of the relationship while they coast, you’re in a co-dependent unhealthy dynamic.

Healthy relationships thrive when effort is mutual, not when one person becomes the caretaker for the bond between the two of you.

13. Constantly Feeling Anxious or Insecure

Love feels like a safe harbor—not an unpredictable storm. If you’re constantly wondering where you stand, if they’ll call, if they’ll pull away, that’s not love—that’s anxiety. Chronic feelings of insecurity and anxiety are detrimental to a partnership.

In a healthy relationship the partners are interdependent, they don’t acquire feelings of self-worth through the relationship.

14. Emotional Instability or Lack of Regulation

Your partner doesn’t need to be Zen all the time, but if they explode in anger, spiral into moods, or can’t handle any disappointment without shutting you out, the relationship is emotionally unsafe. You’ll compulsively attempt to manage their reactions instead of showing up as your authentic self.

The inability to emotionally regulate or manage triggers by one or both partners is often the basis of unhealthy relationships.

15. Love Bombing or Moving Too Fast

Being showered with affection at the start of the dating process by someone who says all the right things, and wants to spend every moment with you may appear romantic, however, speed is not the same as connection.

There’s no such thing as instant intimacy. It takes time to get to know another person. Love bombing can be a sign of emotional immaturity or manipulation. A real connection develops gradually rather than quickly.

16. Co-Dependence and Poor Boundaries

When two people fuse into one identity it may feel like closeness—but it’s actually a loss of self. Feeling like you can’t make a move without their permission, or having to check in for fear of retaliation is not love.

In a healthy relationship, boundaries come from making agreements and having respectful discussions about expectations.

17. Isolation from Friends or Family

Abusive and controlling partners seek to cut you off from your support systems. Sadly, this seclusion doesn’t always begin in an obvious way. Subtle complaints when you go out with friends, double-booking your calendar when you have plans with family, and criticism of people you love and respect.

In a healthy relationship you become a part of each other’s lives and your communities come together. Plus you’re free to see the people you love as often as you like. If your community shrinks in the relationship, that’s a red flag.

18. Avoidance of Conflict

Conflict is not the enemy, however, avoiding it is. If your partner refuses to address concerns, shuts down when you bring up an issue or sees all disagreements as a threat to the relationship, you’re not in a mature relationship.

If you find yourself going along to get along, you’ll never know if the two of you can overcome your differences to grow together and share a lifetime of love.

19. Jaded Views on the Opposite Sex

If someone constantly talks about how “all women are gold-diggers” or “all men are cheaters,” that worldview is going to show up in how they treat you. Misogyny and misandry aren’t harmless opinions—they’re deep-rooted biases that sabotage connection.

20. Bait and Switch

You meet someone who shares your lifestyle and your likes and dislikes — and then once they get a commitment they change their tune. They no longer want to join you in your hobbies and they may even become critical of them.

This kind of shift is a form of manipulation. They only put in the effort to win your love, and once they have a commitment they no longer have to join you in your interests. People who bait and switch aren’t interested in you, they’re interested in having a plus one in their life.

How to Break The Pattern Of Unhealthy Relationships

Red flags aren’t just about other people’s behavior—they show up in your responses to behavior. Dating with discernment is not taught on the internet or in school. Instead people expect that they will just one day meet their ideal mate without evaluating the other person’s capacity to meet their needs.

If some of these red flags and patterns sound familiar you’re not doomed. The good news is that you’re now aware of the problem and ready to do love differently.

Instead of seeking a partner to fill an empty space inside, or to heal your wounds, put your efforts toward learning to love yourself first. It is the love you have for yourself is reflected back to you in the eyes of your beloved.

Slow down the dating process and use dating to discover about yourself. Plus, by slowing down you’re more likely to see red flags and avoid risking your heart.

Find Support To Break Your Pattern Of Unhealthy Relationships

No one heals their unhealthy relationship patterns alone. Whether through coaching, therapy, or community, surrounding yourself with people who model healthy love can be a game changer.

At Creating Love on Purpose®, we help clients identify their subconscious patterns, shift their dating strategies, and build relationships that feel like home—not a battlefield. If you’re tired of the merry-go-round and ready to write your new love story, we’re here for you.

Schedule a complimentary Breakthrough Call and let’s begin your journey to creating healthy relationships on your terms.

Because when you date differently, you love differently—and that changes everything.

It’s important to determine if your partner has done the work to heal their past or if they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship before you commit your heart. Disregarding the signs that they have too many unresolved issues will ultimately lead to heartbreak.

Plus, it’s more difficult to evaluate if your partner has too much emotional baggage for a relationship when the chemistry between you is strong. You may find yourself falling into the trap of excusing their bad behavior and ignoring red flags. Part of you wants to make the relationship work, so you overlook issues that you wouldn’t tolerate in a friend.

Beware of giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Instead, take your time before committing to exclusivity and most importantly resist the urge to justify any red flags.

Cultivate discernment through the dating process and you’ll be able to choose a partner who is an ideal match that allows you to weather the storms of life together.

What Is Emotional Baggage?

Emotional baggage develops from carrying unresolved issues from the past that get in the way of opening up to someone new. Issues that haven’t been healed create a toxic mix of behaviors and strategies that make it difficult to open up one’s heart.

Whether it’s unprocessed trauma from childhood, unresolved hurts and betrayals from past relationships, or a lack of communication and relationship skills, emotional baggage will sabotage any promising relationship.

Don’t let your desire for a relationship to work out get in the way of these unmistakable signs that your partner has too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

8 Signs Your Partner Has Too Much Emotional Baggage For A Relationship:

1. Can’t Control Their Emotions

It’s normal to get triggered in life, particularly in an intimate relationship. Triggers from childhood wounds, issues around safety, communication, or personal space can all become flashpoints for conflict. When a person gets triggered their conscious mind goes offline, and they’re operating from a survival instinct of fight, flight, or freeze.

However, if your partner is unable to control their anger, or quickly escalates during every conflict, then they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

In order to maintain an intimate relationship one must have some level of emotional mastery. This includes being able to calm down when upset, able to take responsibility for their actions, as well as communicate with kindness. Using heightened emotions as an excuse for unkind communication, or to berate a loving partner is unacceptable.

Ultimately, you’re not responsible for your partner’s triggers, nor are they responsible for yours. If your partner verbally attacks you, or easily becomes upset, hurt, angry or offended, then they’re not good relationship material.

You can feel empathy and compassion for what your partner went through before you met them, but it’s not okay to excuse their bad behavior. An ideal partner has the tools to calm themselves down. They’ve learned how to master their emotional life and communicate with respect and kindness.

2. Guilt And Regret About The Past

Everyone at some point wishes they could get a second chance in life and go back and fix a mistake they’ve made. However, if your partner is holding onto the mistakes they made in a past relationship and can’t move past them, then they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

Holding onto mistakes and wallowing in regret about what could have been keeps their heart closed to love. Whether your partner is stuck in guilt, shame, or regret, inside they probably feel unworthy of love. They may even fear that they’re destined to repeat their past mistakes.

Moving on from the past isn’t always easy, but it’s a necessary step on the journey to create lasting love. No one goes through life without making mistakes, and it takes effort to learn from them and move on. If your partner has unresolved emotional baggage from their past relationships, they’ll probably sabotage your relationship too.

Judgment is the biggest block to love because on some level all judgment is self-judgment. Plus it can cause them to unconsciously judge their partner. These unrealistic expectations will doom any relationship. Perfection is not required for love because love is not something that has to be earned. Every person is inherently loveable.

If your partner can’t stop talking about the past, often rehashes their previous relationship, or harbors regret for mistakes they’ve made, then it’s probably time for you to move on. They need to heal their broken heart and gain some relationship skills before they’ll be emotionally available for you.

3. They Want You To Change

Your soulmate will love you for who you are, the good, the bad, and the ugly. They won’t ask you to change your appearance or behavior to fit some fictionalized vision of who they want to be with.

Twisting into a pretzel to please your partner will leave you exhausted and questioning your sanity.

Show up authentically. Share what’s important to you and your vision for a relationship. If your partner argues with you about how you feel or what you want, they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

If they’re asking you to change it’s a red flag that they’re attached to a fantasy idea of you than the real authentic you. A person who judges you or asks you to change isn’t really interested in a relationship with you.

Find someone who accepts you as you are and loves you warts and all. Develop a strong sense of self and you’ll be better equipped to pass on the person who’s trying to mold you into their vision of their ideal partner.

You can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right person. When you connect with the right person, the two of you will navigate through challenges together without demands or diminishing one another’s self-esteem and self-worth.

4. Your Thoughts And Feelings Are Discounted

Someone who’s always trying to convince you that you’re wrong or downplay your feelings has too much baggage for a relationship. This type of person is incapable of having a healthy relationship dynamic.

Their goal is to make you feel insecure and not trust yourself. This puts them in a position of power over you. A healthy relationship is between two equals who respect and value each other.

The right person will respect your opinions and want to know how you feel. They’ll care about whether they’ve upset you or hurt your feelings. They won’t try to control you or how you feel. They’ll communicate with kindness and compassion.

Emotional connection and intimacy are created when both people feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings. A partner who loves you also values you. The right person will hold space for you and your emotional life. They’ll allow you to feel all your emotions without taking it personally or downplaying your experience.

5. Defensiveness

Defensiveness is a symptom of someone who can’t take responsibility for their actions and is unable to look at their behavior and admit that they did something wrong.

Your partner has too much emotional baggage for a relationship if requests or suggestions are treated like criticisms, or if your partner is behaving as if they’re beyond reproach. Furthermore, if they’re constantly shifting blame to you, rather than take responsibility it’s time to move on.

Everyone makes mistakes in relationship and it’s normal to get triggered. An emotionally healthy individual takes responsibility for their behavior and apologizes when they behave badly. They may offer to make amends to repair with their partner.

A healthy relationship requires each of you to own your mistakes and apologize when necessary. A person who’s unwilling to apologize isn’t interested in changing, instead they’re committed to justifying their actions and deflecting blame.

Notice how your partner responds when you make a request or give them feedback. Can they hear you? Or are they overly sensitive to your feedback? A partner who’s curious about you and interested in making you happy will be a better match in the long run.

6. They Have Unrealistic Expectations

If your partner expects you to be everything for them, lover, best friend, constant companion, and therapist, it’s too much to ask of one person; they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

It will be impossible for you to measure up to their unrealistic expectations. You’ll inevitably let them down, leaving them feeling disappointed in you. They’ll constantly be measuring you up to some unspoken litmus test that you can’t help but fail.

The person with unrealistic expectations is constantly looking for something better. They’ll bail at the first sign of conflict between you. They won’t like it when you suddenly have needs and desires that don’t match with theirs.

Falling in love feels magical, but it doesn’t suddenly solve all your problems. Healthy partners realize that part of a thriving relationship is the ability to navigate the differences between you and to be forever curious about your partner.

7. They Can’t Handle Conflict

Most people are conflict-avoidant. It’s common to dislike drama in your relationship. Constant conflict can be a sign that the two of you aren’t compatible.

However, conflict is a natural part of two people in a relationship together. After all, you’re in a relationship with a completely different person than you. You each have different strategies for dealing with stress. Navigating the differences is one of the keys to long-lasting love.

Conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection when it’s expected and handled consciously. You both have to be willing to work through the challenges that arise for a stronger connection to occur.

If your partner shuts down in a conflict and refuses to discuss the issues, then they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship. Avoiding conflict and negative emotions is a sign of someone afraid of doing the deeper work together.

Making the effort to work through conflict will bring the two of you closer together and create a bond that can’t be broken. Being willing to talk about the hard stuff is a sign of someone who is emotionally mature. This is the type of partner you can weather any storm with.

8. Your Boundaries Aren’t Respected

The bad math of a Hollywood romance movie is: 1 + 1 = 1, that your partner completes you. This is not a healthy equation and sets the stage for a co-dependent relationship.

You are a whole and complete person who will be in relationship with another whole and complete person. The two of you will create a third entity—the relationship. The equation for long-lasting love: 1 + 1 = 3, is also bad math but it clarifies that two whole people come together to create a third entity: the relationship.

Someone who dislikes boundaries will jump into exclusivity before they get to know you. They may love-bomb you and rush into sex declaring their love over-enthusiastically. If you set clear boundaries through the dating process you’ll scare away a person like this, they’ll go find an easier target.

A healthy relationship has a respectful boundary where you end and your partner begins. If your partner won’t accept a boundary you’ve set they have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

Setting and keeping boundaries will steer you clear of a partner who has too much emotional baggage for a relationship. If you have trouble with boundaries or tend to merge quickly in the dating process we can help you. Book a complimentary Soulmate Strategy session with us for guidance on how to stop falling for people who have too much emotional baggage for a relationship.

Attraction and chemistry are important ingredients for lasting love. However, they’re not the only ingredients that matter. There must be more between you than a mutual turn-on for love to last. You can think of attraction like yeast in bread, without it, you just have a cracker (and that won’t satisfy you).

You can’t settle for a lifetime with a nice, sweet, polite guy, that would be like only having a cracker when you want yummy bread. And let’s face it, that won’t last a lifetime either because no one can settle and go the distance.

Putting too much emphasis on attraction alone will lead you to miss the dating red flags that you’re not a values match.

If you’ve been burned in the past by a guy who came on strong and then disappeared or found yourself with a hot guy who turned your world upside down only to break your heart, knowing which dating red flags to look out for will help you avoid falling for the guy who’s in lust, not love with you.

So, what are the signs he’s feeling lust vs love?

The Differences That Reveal Its Lust Vs Love

The obvious differences between lust vs love involve more than just physical attraction. Love requires attraction but also includes emotional connection, matching beliefs and values, compassion, good communication and respect.

The problem with lust is that it can blur your vision so that you don’t see the dating red flags that are right in front of you. Lust isn’t just triggered by a physical attraction. You can find yourself lusting after someone who isn’t the most handsome, or the tallest, or even the one with the hottest body.

So, what triggers that intense attraction called lust?

It comes from a subconscious recognition of a familiar pattern. You learn how to receive love in your family of origin, and that pattern plays out in your adult intimate relationships. The gap between how you desired to be loved and your parents’ capacity to love you created a core wound. That wounding story becomes your personal GPS for love.

When your subconscious recognizes a match to the emotional and energetic patterns of your childhood wounds, it sends a subconscious signal saying, “This is familiar! This is familiar!” The problem is it doesn’t distinguish between whether familiar is good, or if familiar is bad. It simply highlights what you’ve already experienced. It’s easy to confuse that signal of familiarity with excitement and attraction.

This is why you are drawn to the same kinds of people again and again despite the fact that these people aren’t a good match for you. Like a moth to a flame, you can’t help but meet up with the hot person you know will break your heart.

Is There Anything Wrong With Lust?

Lust is a natural feeling. Everyone has an innate desire and drive to mate. There’s nothing wrong with the feeling of attraction and chemistry. As a matter of fact, it’s built into us for species survival.

It’s normal to have physical desires and needs, as well as to fantasize about having those needs met. Sexual fantasy and curiosity are part of being human. It’s only a problem when you confuse lust for love.

If your lust gets in the way of seeing him for the person he is, and you’re just focused on sexual gratification, then your lust can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Lust without emotional connection can drive you to take risks and may cause you to be careless about your own safety, your feelings, or those of the person you’re interacting with.

The same can happen to you when the guy you’re dating is just lusting after you and doesn’t take your feelings into account. You’ll want to be aware of the dating red flags that let you know his lust is more focused on sexual gratification than on creating a relationship with you.

It’s lust, not love that leads to a broken heart.

Can Lust Turn Into Love?

Not everyone you’re physically attracted to is going to be bad for you. Lust can transform into a healthy loving relationship. For this to happen, you must move beyond just physical intimacy. Creating a deeper connection requires spending time together outside of the bedroom, so you get to know the person, his likes and dislikes, how he thinks, and what makes him laugh, what he values and believes in.

This can be difficult because heightened attraction has you wearing rose-colored glasses that make you see him in only the best light. This causes you to ignore the obvious dating red flags that would enlighten you that its lust vs love. You know it’s lust, not love when you’re actively ignoring signs he isn’t good for you.

Lust can transform into love if you take off the rose-colored glasses and see him for who he really is. How do you feel when you are with him? How do you feel when you part? Does he spend his time, his energy, and his resources wisely? Do you have similar life goals? Do you share values?

Lust is an instantaneous reaction but with conscious nurturing, it can transform into a long-lasting, healthy relationship. But what if this person doesn’t want more? Or even worse, what if he turns out to be toxic, or part of a familiar pattern of heartbreak?

13 Dating Red Flags He’s In Lust, Not In Love

1. He’s Moving The Relationship Forward Too Quickly

An obvious dating red flag that its lust vs love is that he is moving the relationship forward really fast. He wants to claim you right away before he even takes time to get to know you.

He’s giving you the full-court press, calling, texting, sending flowers, and even declaring his love by the second or third date. He wants to go exclusive right away and starts talking about sharing the rest of your lives together in the first few weeks of dating.

This guy is falling for a fantasy he has of you, not who you really are. See if you can slow him down and set your own pace. If he can’t make the adjustment, then he isn’t your guy. Remember, it’s up to you to set the pace of the relationship.

2. He’s Only Interested In Sex, Not Other Activities

Do you end up in bed before you even make it out of the house and miss the start of the movie, or your dinner reservation? Does he make sure you drink enough on a date, so you let down your inhibitions? Do you spend more together without clothes than with?

If the two of you aren’t going out into the world with other people, and are only ending up in the sack, then this is a sign of lust, not love. There isn’t more going on here than just pure animal attraction. This may be fun for a short while, but it’s not going to be satisfying in the long term because the key ingredients of a lasting partnership are not present.

3. He Only Reaches Out At The Last Minute

A guy who wants a relationship with you will plan a date with you in advance. He’ll reserve your time so that other guys can’t. He’ll book you for next week or maybe even plan a trip with you a few months out to get some quality time with you. The difference between lust vs love is revealed in his communication.

The guy who’s texting you at the last minute to “hang out” is only interested in hooking up with you. His last-minute strategy is based on lust, not love. This dating red flag lets you know he doesn’t value you or your time. If you let him know you’re already booked and to only reach out to schedule in advance, he’ll move on to someone who’s okay with making things easy and convenient for him.

4. He Keeps The Details Of His Life A Mystery

If you don’t know anything about where he works, or who his friends are, and he doesn’t openly share what’s going on in his life, then he’s only interested in lust vs love.

A man who wants a relationship will share his life with you. He’ll share his dreams and goals, his workday, or any disappointments he’s experiencing. It’s a huge dating red flag if he remains a complete mystery to you after a few dates.

5. He Won’t Introduce You To His Friends Or Family

If you’ve never met any of his friends or family, or if he’s not interested in meeting yours, then that’s a dating red flag that he is in lust, not love. One of the fun parts of falling in love is sharing your lives with each other and that includes friends and family.

Beware of the guy who wants to keep you to himself. It’s a clear sign he’s feeling lust vs. love. A man who’s falling for you desires to mix your life and his life together, include you in his friend group and eventually introduce you to his family.

6. He Avoids Emotional Intimacy

Is he more than willing to share his sexual fantasies with you but he’s not willing to share his heart, or allow himself to be vulnerable? If this is the case, he’s probably not emotionally available for a relationship. The mystery of what’s really going on underneath that hot exterior may be intoxicating to you, but it’s not going to lead to something that lasts.

When he avoids emotional intimacy it’s a clear dating red flag that he’s feeling lust vs love. Stop wasting your time with the man of mystery. He won’t suddenly open up and become the caring man you want him to be. Don’t ignore this dating red flag if you want a relationship where you can experience emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy.

7. He’s Too Impatient And Won’t Wait For You

You may find him super attractive but not be ready to jump into bed right away with a stranger. If he won’t wait for you to feel more comfortable sharing yourself with him, then he’s in lust, not love.

A man who really likes you will wait for you because he knows you’re worth it. Don’t waste your time or give in to pressure to be intimate before you’re ready. This dating red flag makes it clear he’s not the guy for you if he isn’t willing to wait for you.

8. He Never Plans Future Dates With You

Are you constantly wondering where things are going in your relationship because he’s never talking about a future with you? If you’re already rolling in the hay, he may be happy with the way things are because he’s getting what he wants but you’re not.

The guy who’s living in the moment with no care for your future together is in lust vs love.

A man who’s interested in a relationship plans for the future with you. A serious man will talk about taking a trip together months in advance. He’ll share where he sees his life going and how you fit into his plans. He’ll see a future with you and take steps to create it with you.

9. He Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

An important dating red flag is an inability to respect your boundaries. Does he show up unannounced and expect you to be available? Does he push you to be intimate and not take no for an answer? Aggressive boundary pushing is a sign of lust, not love.

If he can’t respect your boundaries and ignores your wishes, then he isn’t interested in you or a relationship. He’s just seeing what he can get from you.

A man who wants a relationship and isn’t obsessed with lust vs love will respect your boundaries. He’ll ask for consent before he gets intimate with you. He wants you to feel safe.

10.  You Can’t Resolve Your Conflicts

Do the two of you have a fight, use sex as a make-up tool, and then later act as if nothing happened? Do you never work through the issues in your conflicts or clean up your emotional messes? Conflict is a part of all relationships, but only in healthy relationships is conflict addressed and worked through so that you can reconnect again.

If neither of you takes responsibility for bad behavior or never apologizes to one another the relationship will never deepen. Make-up sex is only satisfying for the short term because ultimately those conflicts will return and eventually the toll will leave you emotionally alienated from each other.

Lust vs love is more interested in make-up sex than in making things right between you.

11.  He’s Not Curious About You

A man who likes you wants to get to know you. He’s curious to know what you like, and what makes you tick. He wants to know what brings you joy and makes you happy. He’s as interested in getting to know as he is in getting into your bedroom.

If he is obsessed with your physical appearance but doesn’t care about the thoughts in your head, then he’s definitely in lust, not love.

12.  He Can’t Handle Your Upset

A guy in lust won’t want to deal with your emotions. He won’t know how to handle you when you’re upset or be interested in how to help you calm down. He’ll probably just get up and go when things become uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to deal with your upset because he’s only interested in your body, not your heart. He’s obsessed with lust vs love.

A man who likes you will want to help you. He’ll try to make you feel better when you’re upset. He may even offer to hold you and give you a safe place to just feel whatever you’re experiencing.

13.  He’s Unable To Be Sincere

Humor can be very attractive. It’s fun to be with someone who finds humor in life. Almost all dating profiles mention a sense of humor as a desirable quality. But humor as deflection can get tiring very quickly. Sure, you want a guy who can make you laugh, but you want him to be able to be sincere with you as well.

If he’s using humor to get you into bed, he’s in lust, not love. A relationship with a man who can never be sincere is shallow because life presents challenges for couples to work through. If he’s never sincere and he only wants to make jokes that means he’s using humor to seduce you, and that won’t stand the test of time.

Being in lust is exciting and it can bring the hope that something more can develop between you. This is only the case if you move forward to connect on an emotional level as well.  Lasting love begins with sharing your hearts and grows with your ability to work through your differences to create a life together.

Look out for these dating red flags and you’ll avoid wasting your time with a guy who’s in lust vs love. Steering clear of the heartbreakers allows you to focus on finding an ideal match who will stand by you through the tough times as well as share all the joy of the good times with you.

Do you find yourself driven by your attractions and always falling short of the lasting love you desire? Are you looking to avoid the guy who’s just interested in one thing and finally meet the man who chooses you? To change your pattern, you’ll want to take a new approach to love and dating. One that avoids the trap of falling in lust, not love.

To avoid these dating red flags and more, then take a new approach to creating long-lasting love. Join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll show you the path to creating the love you desire and deserve.

There are no guarantees in love. Instead of having a stringent deal-breaker list, keep an eye out for issues that indicate this new relationship is headed in the wrong direction while tucking those rose-colored glasses into a drawer for use later on if things do work out.

9 Red Flags In A New Relationship That Are Persistent Signs It’s Not Going To Work Out

1. Feeling Insecure And Anxious After Spending Time Together

Pay attention to your feelings after spending time together. When your date departs are you walking on a cloud?  Or does your inner critic kick into overdrive, causing you to feel anxious as if you didn’t do anything right?

Feeling anxious or insecure that you’ve blown the relationship or tearing yourself up thinking you’ve done something wrong is a red flag in a new relationship that can’t be ignored.

If your feelings are out of character, for example, you consistently feel insecure and unsure of yourself even though you’re usually a confident person is a severe red flag.

This new relationship is doomed if you regularly criticize yourself, or if you find that you are twisting into a pretzel to please them.

A healthy relationship inspires you to feel good about yourself and your life. This “high” is a natural component of a new relationship. It’s the fuel that keeps your relationship growing and evolving, so don’t try to go without it no matter how hot they are – it won’t last.

2. Disagreements Are Regularly Deadlocked

Conflict will arise in every relationship. You won’t agree 100% of the time with anyone. It’s not a red flag in a new relationship to have some bumps along the way. This is all part of figuring out if this new relationship has legs, and if you can repair and reconnect after a disagreement.

However, if your conflicts regularly blow up into fights, it’s likely that the relationship won’t last and isn’t good for you.

You can’t resolve an argument by ignoring it and hoping it’ll just go away or by using sex to make up without cleaning it up. Your disagreements will become chronic and neither of you will feel safe enough to create emotional intimacy. If you don’t speak up about the issues between you, they’ll become a wall that separates your hearts and pushes you apart.

In a healthy relationship, both people take responsibility for their triggers and wounds. This creates a strong bond by reuniting and reaffirming your love for one another. Avoiding conflict and hoping it’ll magically disappear is never the answer.

A major red flag in a new relationship is when one person can’t take responsibility for their half of a disagreement. Be sure that you aren’t allowing fights to fester or regularly fall into a stalemate.

3. The Past Gets In The Way Of The Present

Everyone experiences heartbreak. Ideally, you take time to heal from it and move forward with renewed hope. However, it’s a red flag in a new relationship if one or both of you are still stuck in the past or feeling bitter and angry about an ex.

If you or your new partner are constantly complaining about your exes, then you’re not emotionally available for a new relationship. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, take time to heal your heart so you’re emotionally available for love.

If your heart is not open and ready to risk again, then love can’t grow between you. Rebound relationships are a huge red flag to look out for. Don’t settle for someone who’s stuck licking their wounds.

You can’t create lasting love when you’re stuck in the past and lamenting what was. Heal your heart first, then go looking for your new love.

4. You Feel Obsessed And Overwhelmed

Infatuation is intoxicating and all new relationships have the chemical high of “falling” in love. Feeling obsessive and consumed with your partner is a red flag in a new relationship. It’s also a red flag if your partner is pushing the relationship forward quickly before you really know each other.

If you can’t stop thinking about your partner and can’t focus on other things in your life, it’s a sign there’s an unhealthy dynamic between you. This is also true if your partner is obsessing about you and wants to merge your lives together as soon as possible.

A healthy relationship feels grounding and inspiring at the same time like you have roots and wings. It’s okay to take things slowly and discover more about each other over time. If you two are an ideal match, you’ll have the rest of your lives together, so there’s no need to rush.

5. Boundaries Are Missing From The Relationship

Respectful love has a boundary. This means that you can’t treat your partner however you like just because you’re in a bad mood. Also, it’s unacceptable for your partner to blame you and make you the scapegoat of the relationship. It’s a red flag in a new relationship if you don’t have healthy boundaries. Remember, you are two completely different people.

When there are no boundaries between you, then you can treat each other badly and place blame on the other. A lack of boundaries also means that your wants and needs are unimportant and that your partner takes up all of the oxygen in the relationship.

Without boundaries, you’re in a co-dependent relationship. This means only one person’s needs are being met and the other persons are not. If you have to sacrifice your needs for the relationship run! Love does not require sacrifice.

In a healthy relationship, two people come together and create a third entity, the relationship. You both take actions to fuel the relationship when necessary and to receive from the relationship when desired. Both of you take responsibility for your own emotional life.

6. Controlling Behavior

If your new love is trying to control you — who you see, where you spend your time, what’s important to you — then that’s a red flag in a new relationship. Whether they’re keeping tabs on you, getting jealous about who you spend your time with, or constantly checking your phone, they don’t trust you and are trying to control you.

Controlling behavior comes from a lack of trust and trustworthiness. Someone who’s trying to control you has their own agenda and it’s not coming from love. You are your own authority and only you know what’s good for you and what isn’t.

This strategy can also manifest as needing you to change, like they’re trying to shape you into the person they want you to be instead of loving you for who you are. If you encounter this red flag in a new relationship, then get out as quickly as possible because it’s not going to get any better.

7. Communication Breakdowns

Communication is key for love to thrive. It has to feel like a safe space for both of you to communicate your feelings, your wants, and your needs. Emotional intimacy requires that you can be vulnerable with each other.

If you’re constantly experiencing communication breakdowns, feel misunderstood, or don’t feel like you can speak up for yourself, these are red flags in a new relationship.

Consistent disagreements, miscommunications, or a lack of communication between you are hindrances to love blossoming into something special. If you can’t communicate, love won’t thrive.

Find someone who speaks your language and is capable of hearing you. When you can communicate openly and freely, then emotional intimacy can grow between you.

8. The Relationship Stays In A Bubble

Part of coming together in a new relationship is merging your lives together. You become a part of his group of friends, and he becomes a part of yours. When the time is right, you both introduce one another to your families. It’s a red flag in a new relationship if the relationship exists within an isolated bubble and you never become a part of each other’s inner circle.

Your relationship isn’t more exciting because it’s a secret. If someone is hiding you from the rest of their life, then what else are they hiding from you? There’s a lot to discover when you see how they interact with their friends and family as well as yours.

If your friends and family are not supportive of your choice of a partner, it could be an opportunity to take a deeper look at them. You could discover you don’t like who your partner is when they’re with their friends. How they behave with your family will clue you in as to whether they’re capable of being your ally.

In a healthy relationship, your relationship will thrive when it includes more than just the two of you.

9. Lack Of Shared Values

There is a lot of focus on finding someone who you’re compatible with when you’re dating. You want to be with someone who shares your hobbies or who likes the same kind of entertainment as you. However, you may miss what’s really important to evaluate if your love is to last – it is a red flag in a new relationship if you don’t share the same goals and dreams in life.

Just because you both like the outdoors or share a love of Disneyland doesn’t mean that you want the same things out of life. If you aren’t on the same page about the important things, then you’ll find it difficult to survive the inevitable curve balls life throws your way.

It’s great that you have activities that you share, but that’s not enough for love to last.

For a love to last over time, you’ll need to be with someone who shares the same values as you do. This is how you can always work together toward a common goal.

In a healthy relationship, you take the time to discover what’s really important to each other. You discuss the hard things like money, spirituality, and your expectations for a life together. That way when difficulties arise you can respect your different strategies for dealing with stress because you know you’re on the same page.

Don’t let the rush of emotion blind you to the red flags in a new relationship that can sabotage your desires. Taking a conscious approach to love can give you the insight you’ll need if the two of you have what it takes to create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.

If your relationships never seem to go anywhere or you’re struggling to make love last, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll help you get to the root of what’s really going on and create a plan for creating the lasting love you desire.

Dating doesn’t have to be an obstacle course where you’re constantly hurdling over or attempting to dodge emotional baggage. Showing up with a positive attitude and a curious mindset can keep dating fun and interesting. However, you can’t afford to let attraction be the deciding factor for whether you start a relationship with someone. Knowing what potential dating red flags to look out for allows you to be more discerning with your heart.

Dating over 40 doesn’t mean that your choices are limited, or that you must settle for the first decent person who has a pulse. You can find your soulmate at any age and create the lasting love you desire. Just look out for these red flags so you don’t waste your time on Mr. or Mrs. Wrong for you.

40 Red Flags For Dating Over 40

Dating Red Flags – Emotionally Immature

1. Addicted To Drama

Some people just love drama in their life. It makes them feel alive. Whether it’s an obsession over the latest political scandal or constant issues with their friends and family, these people won’t ever let you find peace or contentment. You’ll probably become the next source of outrage in their lives.

If the small things all become big things, then do yourself a favor and move on. Dating over 40 allows you to walk away clean without adding more drama to your life.

2. Conflict Avoidant

Conversely, if you can’t get the person you’re dating to address the natural conflicts that are a part of every relationship, then you’ll never resolve your differences or develop a deeper connection. Going along to get along may seem like the right choice at first, but the hidden resentments growing underneath will come out at some future date.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make it go away, it only creates distance between you. Emotional intimacy requires that you have the uncomfortable conversations so you can work through your differences.

3. Struggles Being Sincere

Funny people can be a lot of fun to be around. Laughter can be an alluring aphrodisiac. However, if your date can’t stop the stand-up routine and be sincere with you, then you’ll always feel like something is missing.

Humor and sincerity are excellent qualities for the ebb and flow of sharing your life with someone. Deflection through humor just creates disconnection. It’s a reasonable expectation when dating over 40 that your date knows when it’s appropriate to be serious and when to crack jokes.

4. Can’t Open Up And Be Vulnerable

Also, if your date can’t share their feelings with you, then you’ll find it difficult to connect emotionally. Emotional intimacy requires authenticity. Vulnerability is a sign of emotional strength, not weakness.

When you can share your feelings, then you can create a strong emotional bond. It feels good to be seen and heard. When dating over 40 look for someone who has an open heart and is willing to share their feelings.

5. Can’t Handle Your Emotions

How you feel is not up for debate. Expressing your emotions is normal and healthy as long as you take responsibility for them and aren’t taking them out on someone else. It’s a red flag if your date can’t handle your emotions or is constantly asking you to tone it down.

Find someone who loves and appreciates that you’re expressive. Dating over 40 means that you never have to tone it down to make someone else feel comfortable.

6. Overly Defensive

Does your date get defensive easily or take any feedback as criticism? Then they’re probably not emotionally mature enough for a healthy relationship.

Dating a person with this red flag could leave you repeatedly second-guessing yourself, and you’ll end up biting your tongue. Look for someone who can hear you without thinking that every request is an attack on their competency.

7. Gets Triggered Too Easily

Does your date go from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye? Are they constantly getting triggered by your behavior? It’s a big red flag if your date hasn’t done the work to master their own emotional life.

Part of growing up is cultivating a spirit of humility and being action-oriented when things don’t go as planned rather than escalating at every turn. This means being able to ask, “What can I do to improve the situation?” Dating over 40 means that you don’t have to worry about upsetting your partner or twisting into a pretzel to keep the peace all the time.

8. Quick To Anger

It’s a huge red flag if you’re dating a person with a short fuse. Move on quickly if you see the signs of an anger management problem. You don’t want to be walking on eggshells wondering what will set off your date, worrying that you’ll be the target of their anger the next time.

Look for a person who can manage their frustrations and who doesn’t take them out on everyone around them.

9. Addiction Issues

Does your date consume alcohol every time you see them in order to have fun? Addiction of any kind is a red flag that must not be ignored. All addicts are emotionally unavailable (unless they’re in recovery), it’s part of the addiction paradigm.

You are not responsible for guiding this person out of their addiction or helping them manage their lives. Steer clear of the person who needs a substance to loosen up and save yourself a lot of misery and heartache.

10. Won’t Take Responsibility Or Apologize

Everyone makes mistakes or behaves in a way that they’re not proud of at times. If you’re dating a person who can’t take responsibility for their misbehavior and work with you to reconnect and clean it up, then you’re probably better off moving on.

Look for a partner who not only takes responsibility but is willing to do what it takes to make it up to you when they mess things up. This makes making up a lot of fun.

Dating Red Flags – Relationship Strategies

1. Blaming Their Ex

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and it takes two people to end it. Watch out for someone who doesn’t see their part in their relationship ending and blames their ex for everything that went wrong.

When you’re dating over 40 you’ll meet a lot of divorcés. Steer clear of those who are still blaming their ex and unable to take responsibility for their part.

2. Murky Relationship Status

Does your date like to keep things in the grey? Do they get uncomfortable with the idea of labeling the relationship, or even labeling seeing you as a date? It’s a big red flag when you can’t agree on whether you’re dating or the status of your relationship.

If you desire lasting love with your soulmate then date someone who wants the same things as you do. Steer clear of people who want to keep things casual and just “see what happens.”

3. Jump In Too Quickly

It can feel romantic when your date comes on strong right away and wants to go exclusive after the first date, but this person is not someone who is actually falling in love with you. They’re falling in love with a fantasy, and when that fantasy meets reality, the relationship will come crashing down.

Dating over 40 means that you can take your time getting to know each other before going exclusive to see if you share the same values before making a stronger commitment.

4. Only Reaches Out At The Last Minute

It’s one thing to be spontaneous. It’s another to never plan a date and just text last minute to hook up. Only reaching out at the last minute is a red flag that this person isn’t serious and doesn’t see a future with you.

Don’t be someone’s backup plan when other options fall through. Show some self-respect and only make yourself available for someone willing to ask you out in advance the majority of the time.

5. Doesn’t Initiate

Is the ball always in your court to get together? Are you pursuing the guy you think is hot hoping that he’ll step it up? A man who wants a relationship with you will move things forward. If he’s waiting for you to do all the work, he’s only interested in a convenient relationship – and those never last.

When you’re dating over 40, look for a man who’ll pursue you for a relationship, not one who wants you to do all the work.

6. Has No Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are the key to a happy relationship. If your date blames you when they feel bad or feels too much responsibility to keep you happy, that’s a big red flag they don’t have boundaries. A person who lacks boundaries is constantly blurring the lines between what’s theirs and what’s yours.

Love doesn’t mean that the two of you merge into one. True love requires respect, and respect always includes boundaries. You’re two separate people and always will be.

7. Mixed Signals

Are you dating Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde? Really into you one minute and disappearing the next? When you’re getting mixed signals from your date it means they have an inner conflict about what they really want, or they’re unclear how they feel about you. You can’t help them solve this problem.

Dating over 40 means that you don’t have to wait for your date to figure out what they want. Give your time and energy to someone who’s consistent in wanting to spend time with you and seems interested in a future with you.

8. Keeping Tabs On You

Does it feel like your date is constantly checking in with you to see what you’re up to, or asking who you’re texting with? Someone who feels the need to constantly keep tabs on you has trust issues and it’ll probably get worse over time.

If you’re over 40 and dating you don’t need your date acting like a parent and constantly checking up on you. This red flag will ultimately leave you feeling controlled and managed.

9. Won’t Introduce You To Friends Or Family

It’s a natural progression of the dating process to meet one another’s friends and family. It’s a huge red flag if your date doesn’t ever introduce you to their inner circle.

Find someone who wants to make you a part of their life, not keep you separate from it.

10. Their Exes Are All “Crazy”

Does your date stamp all their exes as crazy? This is a red flag that your date is the real problem. Let’s face it, dating over 40 means you’ll be dating people with a past filled with multiple partners. If your date sees all their exes as crazy, that means you’re next in line to end up on their “Crazy List.”

Focus on dating people who can see the role they played in their past breakups and have done the work to become a better person through their past relationships.

Dating Red Flags – Emotionally Unavailable

1. Overly Critical And Judgmental

Dating someone who’s constantly criticizing you or the world around them is exhausting. If you feel like you can do no right with your date, then it’s time to move on.

Constant criticism and judgment are a sign of someone who is unhappy and nothing you do will ever be good enough to make them feel good about themselves.

2. Cynical About Love And Dating

Most adults over 40 have experienced trying times in their personal life. The cynic however has taken their disappointment however has taken their disappointment and turned it into a belief system about the world. It may feel cathartic in the moment to vent about your dating disasters and bond over misery, but it’s much more useful and fun to bond over dreams and goals.

When you’re dating over 40, look for someone resilient and able to overcome their disappointments in life. Cynics are just looking for a reason for things to go awry.

3. Doesn’t Ever Take The Next Step

Is the person you’re dating happy with keeping you in their dating rotation and doesn’t have any interest in moving things forward with you? Don’t ignore this red flag if you want to share your life with your soulmate.

Find someone to date who wants your relationship to grow, not keep things at the status quo.

4. Jaded About The Opposite Sex

All men don’t cheat. All women aren’t gold diggers. The problem is not the opposite sex, and if your date is wrapped up in casting the opposite sex as bad – you’re in trouble. There are good people of each gender looking for lasting love.

Evaluate your dates so you find someone who doesn’t have a cross to bear with the opposite sex. If you’re heterosexual, you’re included in the group that is taking the brunt of this person’s negative energy. You’ll be much better off in a relationship with someone who adores and respects the opposite sex allowing romance to thrive.

5. Not Emotionally Demonstrative

It’s not that difficult for a person to share how they feel. It may feel scary at times, but no one is going to die from speaking up. It’s a red flag if your date can’t express how they feel about you.

It feels good to hear from someone how much they like you. More importantly, the only way to create emotional intimacy is for both people to speak up. You deserve to be with someone who can be emotionally demonstrative.

6. Has Unrealistic Expectations

It feels great to fall in love, but it’s not going to fix all your problems in life. Does your date expect your relationship to be the greatest love story ever? Or that the two of you are of one mind? Don’t fall for this dating red flag and see it for what it is.

Dating over 40 means that you have realistic expectations of your partner and of an intimate relationship. Lasting love will enhance your happiness and joy, but it won’t mean you never have challenges or conflicts.

7. Stuck In The Past

Is your date stuck in their glory days? Do they only talk about how great life was in some romanticized past like high school or college? You’re looking to create a future together, not relive the past.

Dating over 40 doesn’t mean that your life is over. You’re just beginning a new chapter. Find someone who wants to live their best times with you.

8. Doesn’t Share About Their Life

Do you know what your date does for a living, or what they like to do for fun when you’re not around? If you’re in the dark about the time they’re not with you it’s a definite red flag.

The dating process must include revealing more and more about each other. When dating over 40 don’t rush into exclusivity so you can see what your date is and isn’t capable of. They ought to be able to share about their life with you so can evaluate if you see a future together or not.

9. Overly Insecure And/Or Needy

It’s not your responsibility to constantly reassure your date and make them feel good about themselves. That is work they should do on their own.

Dating over 40 means you can move quickly past anyone who expects you to be their cheerleader, therapist, or life coach. It’s a red flag if your date relies on you to constantly ease their insecurities.

10. Doesn’t Know What They Want From Life

It is a red flag if your date is looking for you to give them meaning or purpose in life. You’ll ultimately end up resenting the burden of their lack of purpose or desire.

If you want to create a life together where love continues to grow, combine your desires into a bigger vision for the two of you. If only one person has input on the vision, it’s likely the relationship will not have what it takes to make love last.

Dating Red Flags – Control And Manipulation

1. Needs You To Change

If the person you’re dating needs you to change to earn or hold onto their “love” – run! You’ll never be able to satisfy someone who needs you to be a different person.

Dating over 40 means you already know who you are, and you must find someone who loves and accepts you “As Is,” warts and all.

2. Expects You To Be A Mind Reader

No level of attraction or deep love will come with mind-reading powers. A person over 40 who expects you to know what they want and need without communicating it is someone who skipped out on learning an essential life skill.

You can never make love last with a person who expects you to do all the heavy lifting and not share in the work. This red flag means you must pass because you can’t be the teacher in life school for your mate. Instead, date someone who knows what they want and is willing to ask for it.

3. Won’t Take “NO” For An Answer

No always means no. If the person you’re dating always has to have things go their way, you’re in the danger zone.

Coming together in an intimate relationship means that you must feel valued. Dating over 40 must include respecting one another’s word. Don’t ignore this red flag.

4. Tries To Control You

Controlling behavior is manipulative. If your date is constantly trying to control what you do, who you communicate with, or how you feel, then move on as quickly as possible.

Dating over 40 means that you are your own authority. No one gets to control your life but you.

5. Isolates You From Your Friends And Family

Cutting you off from important people in your life is often the behavior of an abuser. No matter what this person promises you, they can never deliver it because love is greatest when it’s shared.

If you’re dating someone who’s constantly bad-mouthing your inner circle, beware! This could be the first step in isolating you. A healthy relationship is one where you share your friends and create a larger community together.

6. Doesn’t Respect Your Thoughts Or Opinions

Does it feel like your opinions are ignored or belittled? Does your date act like you don’t know any better and you should just listen to them? This dating red flag is all about a lack of respect.

When you love someone, you also respect them and want to hear what they have to say. When dating over 40 it’s required that your thoughts and opinions are valued.

7. Your Friends Or Family Dislike Them

If the majority of those you love and respect don’t like the person you’re dating, perhaps there’s a red flag that you can’t see. Get curious and ask them what they see.

The people who are invested in your happiness will see your date through a different lens. If they aren’t on board it’s time to re-examine what has you attracted to this person in the first place.

8. Unable To Compromise

There’s no relationship where you’ll agree 100% of the time. If you’re the one who’s always acquiescing when there’s a disagreement, look out! This is a recipe for disaster because you can’t suck it up for a lifetime.

In a healthy relationship, there’s a give and take from each person and sometimes you’ll meet in the middle. Look for a partner who’s willing to move past the power struggle so you can enjoy life together.

9. Holds You To A Double Standard

Does your partner criticize you for behavior that they expect to get a pass on? Do you feel like there are different rules for each of you? This relationship red flag will leave you feeling like you can’t ever win or do anything right.

Look for someone who lives in integrity by having the same set of rules and standards they have for you. Dating over 40 means you have less time to mess around with someone who thinks they can do no wrong.

10. Guilt Trip You

Does your date constantly leave you feeling like you did something wrong? Do they guilt trip and manipulate you into doing what they want? Guilt is not a strategy for lasting love.

You should feel good when you part from your date at the end of the night (or the next morning). Focus on finding a person who lifts you up, not someone who brings you down.

You’ll never find a perfect person who doesn’t have any flaws but ignoring these red flags will bring you frustration and heartache. Dating over 40 doesn’t mean you have to put up with bad behavior or settle for less than a true soul partnership. (We were both over 40 when we met and started dating.)

The dating process allows you to cultivate discernment so you can evaluate who’s a match for you and who isn’t. Look for someone who values the same things as you. A person who wants the same things out of life, who has grown over the years, and who has learned from their past relationship mistakes. Remember, anyone can display some of these behaviors occasionally, but if they’re repetitive, it’s more likely that there’s a problem.

If you would like to take a new approach to finding love that will last as well as avoid all of these red flags, join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll give you custom tips and tools for creating the long-lasting love you desire.

Once you’ve been ghosted, how long do you wait for him to come back around? Should you text him or call? Or should you just move on? The whole situation can feel frustrating and make you feel like dating is a big waste of time.

One of the reasons people dislike online dating is that it makes it too easy for people to flake out, or simply disappear and ghost you. There are little to no consequences to just moving on without any communication.

The problem with being ghosted is you’re left wondering if you did something wrong. There’s no closure, so you question all your interactions and your self-worth and self-esteem suffer.

Why Do People Ghost In The First Place?

There are countless reasons you can be ghosted and absolutely none of them are about you! Take a step back and evaluate the kind of person who would ghost. Ultimately this behavior reveals a lot about the guy who disappears and says nothing about you and whether you’re capable and/or ready for love.

1. Ghosting Is A Lazy Strategy For Dealing With Difficult Emotions

The guy who ghosted you doesn’t want to have the uncomfortable conversation of sharing his feelings with you, or he’s confused about his own desires. Instead of finding a way to explain himself just disappears so he doesn’t have to deal with challenging feelings or learn better communication skills.

Healthy relationships require you to deal with miscommunication, conflict, and your inherent differences. The guy that ghosts you is showing you that he’s not emotionally available for a healthy relationship. His avoidant strategies would show up again, and again, and again, throughout your relationship. It’s better to let him go now and find someone that has the skill and willingness to have the uncomfortable conversations with you.

2. Ghosting Reveals A Lack Of Empathy And Other Negative Qualities

People who regularly ghost are not only avoiding conflict, they’re also revealing negative qualities in their character. Ghosting requires a lack of sensitivity and empathy toward others. He cares more about avoiding discomfort than he cares about hurting someone else. The guy that ghosted you is letting you know he’s on the spectrum from selfish to narcissistic.

It hurts when you’re ghosted. Studies have shown that rejection activates the pain pathways in your brain, indicating a link between rejection and physical pain. The guy who ghosted you isn’t concerned about the pain he’s causing you by disappearing. He’d rather protect himself from discomfort at your expense. That makes him a hard pass for a long-term relationship.

3. Dating Apps And Online Dating May Increase Your Chances Of Being Ghosted

The very nature of online dating — the relative anonymity, the appearance of unlimited choices, and the lack of accountability — make ghosting commonplace. The very nature of ghosting means he doesn’t have to face any consequences for his actions. You don’t share a community yet, so he doesn’t have to worry about explaining himself to his friends.

This doesn’t mean that apps are bad or that you shouldn’t use them. Dating apps are still by far the best way to meet other singles looking for love. To some degree, the online world is a numbers game, and for success you should take this into account. The most important takeaway is to never take it so personally when you’re ghosted.

Signs Of Potentially Being Ghosted

While you can’t avoid ghosting altogether, you can keep an eye out for certain behaviors to indicate a guy isn’t emotionally available and could disappear at the first bump in the road.

He struggles to make commitments or meet the ones he makes with you. He’s stingy with personal information and doesn’t make an effort to include you in his life. Usually, he won’t introduce you to friends or family, or reveal too much about his personal life. His communication is inconsistent or sporadic. Beware of making excuses when he’s flakey or guarded.

A man who is interested in a relationship with you won’t be subtle about his interest in you. He’ll make an effort to get to know you and he’ll want you to know all about him. He’s able to share his feelings with you and his intentions will be clear from the start. He’ll want to connect with you regularly and will ask you out in advance.

A not-so-obvious sign of potential ghosting is the belief that love is predestined. People who believe in twin flames or a cosmic soul connection are looking for a sign that you’re The One. They believe a relationship with a specific person is predestined, and the magic will be apparent from your first meeting. If they don’t feel an instant spark of connection, they won’t put any effort into making things happen between you two.

What Does It Mean If You’ve Been Ghosted?

Being ghosted has absolutely nothing to do with you! Rather than feeling rejected or abandoned, realize that the guy that ghosted you has done you a favor. It’s better to find out now he’s not your guy, so you can move on to find an ideal match. There’s no need to spend any time wondering or worrying about being ghosted.

Here Are Five Ways To Regain Your Peace Of Mind And Confidence After Being Ghosted:

1. Don’t Get Caught Up In Sunk Costs

If you’ve invested time with him and feel yourself becoming emotionally attached, part of you doesn’t want to lose what you’ve already put into this possible relationship. The sunk cost fallacy describes a reluctance to change direction or strategy because you’ve already made an investment, even when it’s clear that changing course would bring a better result.

Don’t let your sunk costs keep you emotionally invested in whether he reaches back out to you. It may feel frustrating that you have to start over but continuing to hope that someone who isn’t emotionally available will suddenly change his mind will just prolong your heartache.

2. It’s Not A Reflection Of Your Self-Worth

Don’t give your power away, no guy is not the arbiter of your self-worth. The rejection you feel doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of love or lovable. Don’t let his bad behavior cause you to feel less about yourself. In fact, if you tell yourself, “Good riddance,” and act accordingly, you’ll feel better much faster.

When you lack self-worth, you look outside of yourself to feel good. You end up giving your power away and allowing others to take advantage of you. You’ll find yourself chasing partners who don’t value you, hoping to win their love and approval. Instead, focus on growing your self-worth so that no one can take love away from you.

3. Don’t Settle For Convenient Relationships

Some guys are just looking for companionship so they want a woman who doesn’t make any demands on them. He wants a relationship that’s convenient for him and if it isn’t, he’ll disappear. You’ll never be satisfied with this arrangement.

Sharing your life with someone is messy and all relationships require maintenance. There will always be challenges for you to face and you’ll have to make some concessions regarding things you want. A guy who wants something convenient doesn’t want to put in the effort, however, a man who wants a relationship is willing to do what it takes to win your heart.

4. Don’t Invest Your Heart In A Stranger

Even when you feel a strong connection with someone right away, you still don’t know who he is. You don’t know what he values or if he’s capable of a relationship. Take your time at the beginning to get to know him. Don’t be fooled by instant intimacy.

Regardless of chemistry, you’re still both strangers to each other, you won’t know right away that he’s your guy. It takes time to get to know someone and discover their values. Don’t invest emotionally quickly, take your time so you can minimize feelings of rejection if he ghosts you.

5. Your Feelings Count and Matter

Just because he’s callous enough to just disappear without an explanation doesn’t mean your hurt isn’t justified. Your feelings are valid. It’s normal to experience hurt and sadness when you’re ghosted. You may need some time to release the hope and grieve.

How Long Should You Wait If A Guy Ghosted You?

While each circumstance is a little different, if he hasn’t reached out to you or explained why you won’t hear from him for five days, you’ve probably been ghosted. He can get busy with work or emergencies can arise that are beyond his control, but if he’s interested in a relationship he’ll communicate with you and want to connect regularly.

If a full week has gone by without a peep he’s ghosted you. Waiting longer than a week means you’re making him a priority without having earned it. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be with someone who values you.

If he reaches out to you to reconnect don’t pretend as if nothing happened. Instead, be curious and pay attention to how he shows up. Does he send a text expressing his regret for not getting back to you sooner and explaining how the circumstances in his life prevented him from reaching out to you sooner? Does he share that he thinks you’re great and hopes he hasn’t screwed things up? Is he regretful and asking how he can make it up to you?

Most importantly, you must find out if he’s capable of changing his behavior consistently moving forward.

Being ghosted sucks but you don’t have to let it derail your search for love. Each rejection brings you closer to meeting the right man for you. If you find yourself stuck in a pattern of short-term relationships, or you just can’t let go of longing for someone who is no good for you, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We are the go-to love experts to help you break free from your hidden blocks to lasting love.

I’m so sick of the mind games men play! Once again I feel duped and I’m heartbroken. When I first met the guy who just dumped me he asked what I wanted in a life partner. After sharing all my desires and hopes he told me that I was exactly what he was looking for and that he wanted all the same things I did. We met one another’s family and friends and told everyone we were soulmates.

Once we were committed to each other, he started criticizing me, complaining that I was trying to trap him. I bought into his lies and now I’m just heartbroken. He said I was too much and just too intense for him. He was the one who came on so strong! I really want love but I’m so tired of men who play games with my heart.

Please help me!

Kortney”

Hi Kortney,

We’re sorry to hear that you’re hurting and heartbroken with the mind games men play. It makes sense you’re feeling this way but remember that not all men play games. There are good men out there who are sincere in their intentions.

If you’ve ever had a bad meal, it’s not like you’d never go out to eat again! You just wouldn’t go back to that restaurant. It seems like falling quickly is a pattern for you so let’s see if we can help you get to the bottom of what’s really going on…

This man either wasn’t honest with you about his feelings or he isn’t mature enough to be in an intimate relationship. Reflect on this relationship and see if there were any red flags you may have missed. The key is being able to recognize a man who plays mind games so you’re able to break this pattern.

Moving forward, it’s important to embrace slow love — there is no reason to rush through dating to exclusivity. Be sure to set boundaries and communicate your needs and expectations clearly through the dating process. Don’t settle for someone who plays games with your heart or makes you feel insecure. Being patient and taking things slowly will actually speed up the process for you to find your beloved.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness, respect, and compassion.

Mind Games Are Toxic Behavior In Disguise

Obsessing over the mind games men play won’t serve you. In reality, both men and women can play mind games and exhibit toxic behavior. When someone plays mind games, it creates a power dynamic in which one person is trying to exert control over the other. This can be extremely damaging to your mental and emotional well-being leading to feelings of confusion, frustration, and insecurity.

It’s important to recognize these toxic behaviors so you can set boundaries to repel these men who play mind games. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and open communication. Unfortunately, a manipulative person will seek easy prey so it’s up to you to protect yourself by examining their behavior over time. Men who play mind games won’t stick around if you stop going along to get along.

It’s okay to disagree, to assert your individual tastes and desires, and to make requests. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect, and who values your feelings and opinions. Don’t be discouraged by men who play mind games, instead learn to spot them quickly to repel them or avoid them altogether.

11 Mind Games Men Play And How To Spot Them

Recognize these behaviors quickly and set strong boundaries to protect yourself from toxic behavior. Here are some of the most common mind games men play while dating:

1. Love Bombing

Love bombing is when someone showers you with excessive compliments, gifts, and attention at the beginning of a relationship to quickly win you over. It can be a sign of emotional manipulation and you shouldn’t trust it as sincere.

Men who love bomb are more excited about the idea of you than they are about getting to know the real you. Usually, he will disappear after the first disagreement or conflict between you.

2. Canceling Last Minute

Canceling last minute is a sign this man isn’t serious or can’t manage his work-life balance. He will frequently cancel plans at the last minute or not show up at all, leaving you feeling confused and uncertain about the relationship.

These men are time wasters so don’t invest your heart until he’s proven that he’s in it to win it with you. This mind game men play proves that he’s not serious about a relationship and he’s only looking for something convenient.

3. Tests Your Boundaries

Some men will deliberately cross your boundaries to see how much they can get away with. It can be a way for them to gain power and control in the relationship. It can also be a sign that he has co-dependent tendencies and rushes to emotionally merge with you.

Men who test your boundaries can’t be trusted with your heart. It might be easy to confuse the excitement you feel as chemistry, but it’s not going to lead to an emotionally healthy dynamic between you.

4. Gaslighting

This mind game is a form of psychological abuse. When someone gaslights you they make you question your own reality — your thoughts, feelings, and memory. Gaslighting can be subtle at first and become more prominent once he has you convinced you can’t trust your own eyes and ears.

If a man negates your experience or tries to convince you that what you know isn’t true RUN! He will prey on your insecurities and work to undermine your confidence. This mind game men play is a serious red flag that you must extricate yourself from immediately.

5. Mixed Signals

Men who send you conflicting messages and show up alternatingly hot and cold have you feeling uncertain and confused about their intentions with you. While not typically deliberate, mixed signals are a sign that he’s not invested in creating a long-term relationship with you.

Whether he is unsure about his own desires or just enjoys the convenience of your company without making an emotional investment, men who send mixed signals aren’t going to wake up one day and decide you are the love of their life. Don’t waste your time while he tries to figure out what he really wants.

6. Doesn’t Take Responsibility

If he refuses to take responsibility for his actions or blames you for his mistakes, then it’s impossible to resolve conflicts or miscommunication in your relationship. When conflict is pushed aside or ignored because he won’t own his behavior, it becomes a landmine that will consistently blow up into more conflict.

You can also end up walking on eggshells like you can’t do anything right as he pushes responsibility for his moods and behavior onto you. Shifting blame is a sign of emotional immaturity and will not allow lasting love to grow.

7. Stonewalls You

Stonewalling is when someone shuts down and refuses to communicate or engage in conflict resolution. It can be a way for them to avoid taking responsibility or to maintain control in the relationship. This strategy is commonly used by a person with an avoidant attachment style.

It’s one thing to need to take a break and calm yourself down during an argument, but this mind game men play doesn’t allow for you two to repair and reconnect. He’s hoping as time passes that you’ll calm down and he can behave as if nothing bad happened. Ultimately, you’re left wondering when (not if) he’ll shut you out again.

8. Subtly Criticizes You

This mind game men play is one of the most insidious because he makes subtle comments or criticisms about your appearance, behavior, or personality, leaving you feeling insecure and inadequate. Your self-esteem will slowly erode, and eventually you won’t believe that you deserve more from your man.

Notice if he supports you and tries to lift you up, or if you’re often feeling bad about yourself hearing his criticism. A partner who wants you to be your best will inspire you not admonish you.

9. Ghosts You

Ghosting is when someone abruptly ends all communication and disappears without explanation, leaving you feeling hurt and confused. You may waste time searching for what you did wrong or chase after him, either way, you’re throwing away your most valuable resource.

Ultimately, men who play this mind game are showing you who they are — and it’s not an emotionally mature man. Men who ghost disappear because they can’t be honest and tell you they’re not interested in a relationship. This has nothing to do with you!

10. Doesn’t Introduce You To His Friends Or Family

This subtle mind game men play keeps you separate from their social circle because they don’t want to integrate you into their life, which is another sign that they’re not serious about the relationship.

If he’s not integrating you into his life, then he’s not moving the relationship forward. By keeping you out of his inner circle he’s showing you that he’s not interested in a future with you.

11. Tries To Control You

Attempting to control your behavior, choices, or actions, is a form of emotional abuse and must be taken seriously. Controlling men may come across as strong and decisive at first but they’ll become bullies over time.

This mind game men play comes from a need to manage their environment and to make sure that they get their way. Over time you’ll have to acquiesce to his demands, or you’ll be in constant conflict with him.

These mind games men play are a sign that this man is not a good match for a thriving relationship. You deserve to be with a healthy and supportive partner where you’re treated as an equal. If you’re experiencing any of these mind games, you must reexamine the relationship. Communicate your concerns and set clear boundaries. If the behavior persists, it may be necessary to end the relationship for your own well-being.

How To Avoid The Mind Games Men Play

If you’re single and looking for long-lasting love, the best way to avoid the mind games men play is to date the way you want to mate. You teach people how to treat you from the moment you meet them. Turning away men who play games leaves the opportunity for a relationship-ready man to show up in your life.

1. Practice Slow Love

It may sound counterintuitive but slowing down the dating process can speed up the time it takes to meet your soulmate. Most people date backwards and give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger. Don’t let feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment. Take red flags seriously and never excuse away mind games men play.

Don’t get swept up in the intense emotions of a new relationship. It’s important to see how he behaves when there’s conflict between you (not just when things are good). Give yourself time to assess and evaluate if this new person is an ideal match for the long term.

2. Date More Than One Person At A Time

It’s essential you gather enough data about yourself and the men you’re dating by going on dates with multiple people. Most people are combing through profiles looking for reasons to say “No” to a date with someone. Too short, wrong color hair, no college degree, any excuse to weed him out.

Instead, look for reasons to say, “Yes” to a date. Stop creating barriers to meeting new people. Every person you meet gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself, to get a clear picture of what you want in a beloved partnership, and opportunities for you to be authentic and ask for what you want and need.

By dating multiple people you’ll avoid investing your heart quickly in a man who seems too good to be true, avoiding men who play mind games.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries develops strong self-respect and self-esteem. Lacking self-esteem will make you a target for the mind games men play. You may ignore his manipulative behavior or have a false belief that you have to tolerate it. Respect is the healthy boundary that comes with real love.

Clarify your deal-breakers and keep all the promises you make to yourself. Use dating as a tool to cultivate discernment so you can deselect those who aren’t a good match for you. Show up authentically and express your desires.

Lasting love occurs when two whole and complete people come together to form a third entity: the relationship. When you set a boundary you’re showing that you count and matter.

4. Make Requests

If there’s something you need or want from your date make a request. You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask. It may feel uncomfortable to speak your truth, but it’s worth the effort. Even if you don’t get what you want, you’ll feel better about yourself for speaking up.

The man who wants a relationship with you will want to know how to win your heart. By speaking up you’re letting him know how to please you. By making requests you’ll ensure that your needs are being met and that you’re not being taken advantage of.

5. Respect Yourself (Don’t Tolerate People Who Don’t Treat You With Respect)

A healthy, loving relationship with yourself is a key element to having a healthy, loving relationship with your beloved. To break the pattern of falling for the mind games men play, learn how to take a stand for yourself. Respect yourself by not putting up with less than what you truly deserve.

Always remember that you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness in a relationship. Don’t tolerate behavior that makes you feel less than, not accepted, or criticized. The right partner will want you to feel good about yourself!

6. Keep Your Heart Karma Clean

Your heart karma is created by the actions you take in your relationships. When you act out of integrity, you create the space for others to do the same. Cultivate positive energy in your life by taking actions in alignment with your values. This will keep you from getting caught up in the mind games men play.

Clean up your past heart karma by practicing forgiveness with yourself and with those who’ve hurt you. Vow to do better in the future. Treat your dates with the respect they deserve and expect the same in return.

Remember, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself and your values. Don’t compromise your boundaries or your self-respect for anyone. With the right mindset and strategies, you can avoid the mind games men play and build healthy, fulfilling relationships with a man who is worthy of your love.

If you keep getting caught in the mind games men play and are ready to take a new approach to lasting love, join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll help you create a personalized plan for breaking your negative patterns in love and finding your soulmate.