Feeling lonely and alone is exacerbated by the holiday season. There’s a lot of pressure to find someone to spend all your holiday events with, culminating with the ultimate pressure-filled event – New Year’s Eve. It’s enough to drive you into the arms of any person that’s nearby. Unfortunately, this strategy results in high expectations and crushing disappointment.

You can focus on how time is running out for you, but giving in to negativity only makes you feel worse. You can avoid your family as much as possible, so you’re not reminded of your singlehood, but avoiding the issue won’t make it go away.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, running away from your loneliness, or jumping into the first relationship that presents itself, focus on yourself and become more emotionally resilient. Take a different path this cuffing season so you never spend another holiday season tired of being lonely and alone.

Change your focus – away from your anger and hurt about your exes, away from finding the right person (right now), and towards becoming the right person — always.

Accomplishing this feat requires that you stop looking for someone to complete you and start becoming the best person you can be. This challenges you to take loving actions with yourself and put your own needs and desires at the forefront of your relationship goals.

What Is Cuffing Season?

As the weather cools off and the holidays approach people want someone to curl up with in front of the fireplace. They want to have someone to bring to holiday parties, exchange gifts, and kiss on New Year’s Eve. It eases the loneliness of being alone during the Holidays. Unfortunately, most of these relationships are short-term and end before or soon after Valentine’s Day.

Cuffing season is not a conscious choice. It’s not like singles go looking for someone to spend the Holidays with, expecting to break up with them after Valentine’s Day. Instead, a combination of loneliness, family pressures, and societal expectations drive some people to jump into a relationship with the first pseudo-promising partner they find.

There are a lot of external pressures to encourage you to give in to cuffing season. The meet-cute at Friends-giving or a White Elephant party exchanging re-gifts, everyone wants their holiday season to be spiced up with a new romantic partner. Films like Love Actually, When Harry Met Sally, and, of course, the annual Netflix and Hallmark Holiday marathons of rom-coms certainly set the stage for people to buy into the fantasy of their Wintertime whirlwind romance.

Most people don’t like to date, and those who are relationship-minded tend to rush in as soon as they feel all the butterflies and tingles without evaluating the other person’s capacity to meet their needs. Avoid the mistakes of cuffing season by taking a different approach this winter.

Tired Of Being Lonely And Alone During The Holidays? Change Your Expectations

The first step is to release the expectation of finding someone right now. Relax, enjoy the holidays with friends and family, and ignore all those questions about why you’re still single.

You can draw a boundary and simply state that dating is not your focus now. The winter is the perfect time to reflect and introspect. When you’re tired of feeling lonely and alone turn your attention inward. Now is the perfect time to develop a lifelong practice of self-love.

Rushing into an exclusive relationship so you have someone to bring to all your holiday events may ease your pain in the moment, but it’s just going to extend your singlehood even longer.

Don’t give in to the temptations of cuffing season. If you want lasting love, don’t settle for convenience because you’re tired of being lonely. Instead fill your heart with meaningful emotional connections with friends and family. This is a great time to spend meaningful time with those close to you, and also spend quality time with yourself.

Release Your Hurt And Heartache

Begin with a practice of forgiveness. Ultimately forgiving yourself and others allows you to come back into integrity with yourself. When you’re tired of being lonely and alone you can reset by practicing forgiveness for yourself, your ex, and any other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.

Forgiving your ex doesn’t mean that their behavior was okay, but it does release you from the hurt and anger so you’re no longer carrying it with you. There’s a well-known quote from the Buddha that says: “Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Stop poisoning yourself over your ex’s bad behavior.

Discover The Golden Nugget Of Learning™ so that you can release your ex and break the energetic connection you still have with them. When you remove the emotional charge from painful events you open your heart to create opportunities for new experiences, like long-lasting love with your person.

Practice the ritual of Ho’oponopono. This ancient Hawaiian forgiveness prayer is a balm on your aching heart and brings you back into integrity with yourself.

To practice Ho’oponopono, follow these steps:

1. Place your palms on the center of your chest – your heart center.
2. Close your eyes and picture the person you wish to forgive. (You may want to start with your ex, or a younger version of you.)
3. Say these 4 phrases aloud:
   • I’m sorry.
   • Please forgive me.
   • Thank you.
   • I love you.
4. Repeat for 5-10 minutes.
5. Practice daily at a minimum.

Release the weight of your anger and resentment and you’ll discover the innate joy inside of you.

Treat Yourself How You Wish To Be Treated

Stop waiting to magically feel better. If you’re tired of being lonely and alone, take new actions, and do things differently, then your feelings will change. You can make the mistakes of cuffing season because you’re looking for validation from someone else. Instead find that happiness within.

Start doing things you’ve been putting off. Book that trip to a special place (even if you go alone or with a friend). Buy yourself gifts to put under the tree (or to open each night of Hanukkah). Be kind, generous, and loving with yourself.

If you desire respectful love, then you must be loving yourself respectfully and with compassion. Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly. Be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you’re looking for in a mate.

Start taking yourself out on inner child dates to reconnect with the little child inside of you. These dates will help heal core wounds and allow you to create a new relationship with yourself where you are connected to your inner child and all the parts of you are in harmony.

Taking this time for yourself weekly means you are making yourself a priority. Committing to this ritual is the way to meet someone who’ll also make you a priority.

Tired of Being Lonely And Alone? Commit To Your Growth

If you’re tired of being lonely and alone, be mindful of isolating yourself from others. Find a spiritual community or group that supports your peace of mind and spiritual growth. Find a good therapist or coach who can help you work through your issues.

Seek out the company of positive people who support you. Spending time with other people on a similar journey brings the feeling of connection so you won’t feel alone. Select groups where uplifting stories are the focus rather than commiserating together.

You’ll always be a work in progress and there’s no end to your personal growth. It’s on the path to your highest and best self that you connect with your beloved. Plus, you’ll never depreciate.

Water seeks its own level in relationship. As you learn to love and accept yourself, you’ll meet someone who reflects that back to you and accepts you and loves you as is.

Create a list of actions to stretch you toward the person you wish to be. Pick actions that trigger some emotional fear (but no physical danger) and make a commitment to take at least one action a month that stretches you out of your comfort zone.

Practice Slow Love To Avoid The Mistakes Of Cuffing Season

Take your time through the dating process. Instead of rushing into exclusivity and physical intimacy allow dating to be a discovery all its own.

Start by discovering about yourself first. Do you behave differently based on your level of attraction? Are you too accommodating? Do you try to smooth out any bumps between you?

The right person for you will want to know how to win your heart. Practice non-attachment so you can evaluate the capacity of your date to hear you, treat you with respect, and honor your requests.

Lasting love is created over time, so imagine it’s like making chili, soup, or stew. You can’t rush it. You don’t want it to boil over, so let it simmer while you taste-test it over time.

Tired Of Being Lonely And Alone? Don’t Settle For Less Than You Desire Or Deserve

Say, “No!” to everything you don’t want and keep your eye on the prize! Don’t make excuses for other people’s behavior. You teach people how to treat you, so set a high standard and look for the person who is trying to win your heart and is in it to win it with you.

It’s easy to get along when the going’s good. Instead, please pay attention to how they treat you when there’s miscommunication or conflict. There will be conflict or disagreement with any person you share your life with. How you navigate through conflict will inform you if they are a match for you long-term.

If you’re truly tired of being lonely and alone start the New Year off with an in-depth plan for creating lasting love. Order our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love (Penguin Random House 2025). You’ll go on a journey to identify your blocks to love, transform them to develop confidence, and manifest the long-lasting love relationship you desire.

It may have appeared that the chemistry between you was strong, and the conversation felt easy and natural. Perhaps you felt as if you’d known each other forever. And then they didn’t return your affection… ouch!

Getting over unrequited love is difficult when the initial connection feels powerful. Part of you knows you need to move on, but you just can’t seem to let it go. Instead of cursing the stars or wallowing in self-pity, discover how to get over unrequited love and finally create the lasting love you desire and deserve.

Getting Over Unrequited Love

You can waste a lot of time going over every interaction in your mind wondering, “What did I do wrong?” Unfortunately you won’t find the answers you’re looking for. Your friends urge you to move on but other people you date just don’t match up to the excitement of the one that got away.

Unrequited love leaves you feeling lonely, unlovable, and wondering if you’ll ever find the kind of love you’re looking for. After all, if the person you thought was your soulmate doesn’t feel the same way then how could you ever find love?

You keep asking yourself, “Why is love so hard to find?” You may have a false belief that getting over unrequited love is impossible, that you’ll never feel that strong a connection with someone else.

Don’t get caught in this trap. It’s not your fault they didn’t feel the same way. Understanding why getting over unrequited love is difficult helps you To begin the healing process, it helps to know that getting over unrequited love is difficult and very common. You’re in good company, some of the best people get stuck pining for the one that got away.

You Aren’t Doomed To Be Alone

Right now, you may doubt that you can overcome your heartbreak and find someone better suited for you. However, when you heal from unrequited love you can become more capable of creating a healthy, lasting, soul-satisfying love with someone else who returns your affection.

You don’t have to scour the earth to find your one soulmate and you aren’t doomed to be alone. Soulmates aren’t destined or fated, they’re actually cultivated and chosen. Love is infinite, unconditional, and for everyone. There’s no higher power deciding who gets love and who doesn’t because love doesn’t discriminate — it’s for everyone.

You can use this experience to discover how to get over unrequited love and become a better version of yourself. Understanding why you’re stuck on someone who doesn’t love you back is essential to getting over unrequited love.

Why Getting Over Unrequited Love Is Difficult

Step one in getting over unrequited love is to realize that it’s like an addiction.

Seeing the object of your affection as an addiction can allow you to see why you can’t let them go. Imagine those feelings you felt when you first met them: The excitement, the butterflies in your stomach, the intense connection are like taking heroin or cocaine for the first time.

You experience a high you’ve never felt before. And then the source of that exhilaration is taken away from you. Your mind searches for the source of those feelings and attaches to this person, identifying them as the only source that can bring you those feel-good sensations.

An obsession with unrequited love becomes a fantasy that’s much more intoxicating than the reality of sharing your life with another person. The longing, obsession, and stubborn refusal to let it go all add up to an addiction cycle that you must break — just like an addict with the need for a fix.

How to get over unrequited love? Approach your longing like an addiction that needs an intervention.

Emotional Addiction Keeps You Trapped

First, you experience the denial of the rejection. How could they not love you the way you love them? It doesn’t make sense that you would feel this way towards someone who doesn’t also feel the same way toward you.

Maybe you rationalize their rejection, believing that they’re too afraid to experience the kind of love you have for them. Whatever you do the craving for the one you can’t have keeps gets stronger.

Emotional addiction is a state where there is a dependency on specific emotions. You’re actually addicted to the chemicals produced by your brain when particular emotions are triggered, also called “hit emotions.”

Your subconscious mind highlights whatever is familiar to you. The mind does this as part of its job to keep you alive. Because you’re alive today, it looks to bring you more similar circumstances including the dynamic that you identify as love.

So if you pined for a parent’s love or attention as a child, seeking what you can’t have as an adult will create an emotional addiction cycle.

Getting over unrequited love requires you to look in the mirror for the source of the connection as well as the pain.

It’s About You, Not The One That Got Away

The real reason why you’re obsessed with their rejection isn’t actually about them. It comes from a wound created in your childhood from your family of origin.

As a baby, you’re dependent on your parent’s love for your survival. More than just getting your physical needs met, you also have emotional needs.

When you struggle getting over unrequited love there’s a discrepancy between how you desired to feel loved by your parent/s and the way they expressed and showed their love for you. This discrepancy creates a belief inside of you that love is conditional in some way.

Why is love so hard to find? Due to childhood wounding, you developed specific limiting beliefs, mental and emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love. This becomes part of your subconscious program for romantic relationships and drives much of your behavior as an adult when you’re looking for a life partner. Your patterns and behaviors in intimate relationships are a result of Your Love Imprint^®.

Your internal GPS for intimate relationships most likely includes the belief that the love you want is unavailable to you. Maybe one of your parents was emotionally distant or physically not present. However it developed in your family of origin, your fixation with unrequited love has more to do with your childhood wounds and limiting beliefs about love than it does with the particular person you’re hung up on.

Your intense desire for them might be from the very fact that they’re unavailable to you.

To unravel the emotional addiction it’s imperative to heal your childhood wounds and you’ll open the door to getting over unrequited love.

Your Subconscious Mind Is Attracted To What Is Familiar

Discovering how to get over unrequited love requires you to realize that you’re attracted to a familiar dynamic of love that triggers a subconscious response.

Your subconscious mind is tasked with keeping you alive. It does this by keeping your body in a narrow state of homeostasis. Your blood pressure, your heart rate, and your body’s temperature have to stay within a narrow range in order for you to stay alive.

You also have a subconscious behavioral homeostasis. What is known to you is familiar and therefore safe. What is unknown to you is a possible threat to your survival. This is why people are generally resistant to change.

Your behavioral patterns in intimate relationships are known and therefore familiar. Another way to think about it is that these behaviors are habits, and they’re running on autopilot. Your beliefs about love, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies are keeping you stuck, believing a false narrative that this is the person you’re destined to be with.

How to get over unrequited love and finally break this pattern? It will require you to make some changes to your GPS for love. These changes will open you up to romantic love in a whole new way and make you more resilient to rejection and heartbreak.

Here Is How Get Over Unrequited Love:

1. Allow Yourself To Truly Mourn The Loss

While you have been experiencing feelings of loss, you haven’t allowed yourself to truly mourn this experience. Mourning requires a period of grief. Set aside time to feel all of your feelings and to move through them.

You’ve stuck on a longing that cannot be fulfilled. Have you allowed yourself to feel all of the anger and hurt, the disappointment, the sadness, or whatever else you’ve been resistant to feeling?

It’s important to move through the icky feelings so you do not stunt your emotional growth. Simply take time to feel all of your feelings and then let them go, not taking any actions other than just feeling whatever comes up.

Getting over unrequited love can happen when you allow yourself to feel all of your feelings and then let them go.

2. Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness allows you to break this unhealthy pattern that’s no longer serving you. Forgive yourself for becoming attached to an unattainable partner.

When your heart breaks it ultimately breaks open to hold more love. Allow compassion and forgiveness to flood your heart and begin the process of healing.

Every human has flaws; it’s part of the human condition. Being human means that you’re imperfect, and when you have compassion for yourself your heart fills with self-love.

Getting over unrequited love happens when you forgive yourself for getting stuck on the one that got away. Then you can release yourself from the bondage of anger and resentment.

3. Find The Golden Nugget™ Of Learning

All of your desires in relationship have the potential to teach you more about yourself and your ability to love. Discovering what they showed up to teach you is the final step in getting over unrequited love.

What do you need to learn about yourself to grow and become better at intimate relationships? What was their role in teaching you? Why did it have to be this person and not someone else to teach you this?

Answering these questions will give you the Golden Nugget of Learning. This is why this person showed up in your life – to teach you about yourself so that you could move past them and into a fulfilling and lasting love relationship.

When you discover the Golden Nugget for yourself, write a letter to them (that you’ll never send) expressing your gratitude for why they showed up in your life and what you learned from this experience. After a few days, revisit the letter and then burn it, releasing it for the highest good of all.

While it can feel difficult getting over unrequited love, doing so frees you so that you can find the love that you desire and deserve. In a true soulmate relationship, both partners choose each other equally. Soulmate love is not one-sided.

Are you struggling getting over unrequited love? Do you keep asking yourself “Why is love so hard to find?” Discovering the root of the issue gives you the clarity and the path to transform your negative patterns in love once and for all. Join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session and discover what’s been keeping you stuck in a pattern of unfulfilling relationships and how you can break them.

You may believe your heartbreak will never end but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and with the right approach you’ll discover how to love more deeply than ever before.

When your heart breaks, it breaks open to receive more love. Instead of building a wall around your heart to avoid getting hurt again, keep your heart open and mine your experience for the hidden golden nugget inside.

Time is your best friend when you’re getting over heartbreak, however, by taking the following steps you’ll become more resilient and resourceful in your relationships.

Golden Nugget Of Learning™: 5 Steps For Getting Over Heartbreak And Learning To Love Again.

Step One: Feel Your Feelings, All Of Them

As difficult as it may be, feeling all your feelings is the key to getting over heartbreak and healing your heart. There’s no shortcut to skirt around your bad feelings, so resist the urge to ignore them, soldier through, numb out, or eat them up with a bowl of ice cream.

This is the sucky part that most people try to avoid. There’s no avoiding the fact that heartbreak hurts, and some people even feel it physically in their bodies. Grant yourself the time to heal just as if you have a broken limb. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion through the healing process.

Whether you feel sadness, hurt, shame, guilt, anger, or just an overwhelming sense of grief, feeling your feelings will allow them to flow through you. Feelings are not static – they are energetic and temporary.

When you allow yourself to feel your feelings, you cause the emotion to crest and flow through you like an ocean wave with an ebb and flow. This allows space to be created for another emotion to enter your body.

Allow yourself to feel ALL your feelings no matter what they are. Indulge in feeling your emotions as best you can. Talk about your feelings to all your friends, family, and co-workers who will listen. (For introverts this may seem frightening, so please continue reading for our complete process to give yourself a chance to heal and move on quickly.)

Schedule time to just sit and feel your feelings. Put on sad songs, or a sad movie, and cry your eyes out. It might feel like it will never end, but the only way out of your current state is to go through it.

Step Two: Don’t Rush To Forgiveness

It may seem odd that this step is here as something to not do, however, so many people rush to forgiveness as if it’s the express lane to feeling better.

When you rush to forgiveness you ignore the feelings of hurt and anger that come with the end of a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with your bad feelings. Feeling them does not make you a bad person, your emotional experience is part of your human experience.

Don’t bypass your negative emotions by rushing to forgiveness. You don’t receive brownie points by getting over heartbreak faster than anyone else.

Allow yourself to think and feel whatever comes up about your ex. Thinking evil thoughts does not make you an evil person, however, this doesn’t mean that you should act on these thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with entertaining your thoughts and then letting them go.

Forgiveness can only come into play once you’ve truly mourned, grieved, and given up the hope that your ex may come back. There’s no time limit on grief, it may sneak up on you at any time or place. Your healing is not on a linear path so be okay with the fits and starts, the 2 steps forward 1 step back, and think of it as dancing with yourself to create a new relationship with the most important person – YOU!

Step Three: Kill The Hope

Stop fantasizing about a miracle scenario where you wake up from this awful nightmare. Getting over heartbreak requires you to release the hope that your ex will change.

Hope is the first thing that enters a relationship and the last thing to leave. As painful as it may seem, killing the hope that things will be different is one of the most powerful steps you can take.

As long as there is hope, you’ll settle for crumbs in your life. You’ll see any positive interaction with your ex as a signal that maybe, just maybe, the two of you will get back together.

Holding onto hope blocks love from entering your heart from someone else. There’s no space for new love when you still hope the old one will return.

Your ex isn’t a unicorn. Believing that they’re the only one you’ll ever love or who will ever love you is a false belief. Love is limitless and has limitless expressions. The lasting love you desire is available to you but only if you truly let them go.

When you’re ready, kill the hope that your ex will ever be your soulmate. This step will open your heart to creating the lasting love you desire with someone new who is better suited for you.

Step Four: Set Clear Boundaries

It’s best to cut off any communication with your ex (unless you have children or business together). Stalking your ex on social media or trying to be friends with your ex will only keep the wound open and prevent it from healing.

When you set clear boundaries, you’re exercising the right to protect yourself and your heart. Make a clear request that your ex doesn’t contact you in any way. Setting boundaries is self-care. Your heartache is a wound that requires healing. Every time you have contact with your ex it’s like tearing off a scab on a wound slowing down the healing process.

Set boundaries for your interactions and remember this important acronym — NRN (No Response Necessary). Unwanted texts, phone calls, and emails do not need to be responded to. Don’t respond immediately if your ex does contact you. Wait before you say or do something that will re-engage the two of you.

Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer” because you’ll always follow this direction from yourself. Don’t just delete their contact record. Your subconscious mind will highlight everything familiar, and whether you think you know their phone number — you don’t want to take that chance.

Getting over heartbreak requires you to set yourself up for healing success and ensure you feel better ASAP. Setting and keeping clear boundaries with your ex gives you the framework.

Step Five: Discover The Golden Nugget That Will Set You Free

Our dear friend and motivational speaker Les Brown says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

We believe that everything is happening for you (not to you). Events occur to move you toward your highest and best self. This person who has broken your heart showed up for a reason.

You had a relationship with this person in order to grow from the experience so you can become better to then connect with your beloved.

When you’re ready to let your ex go for good write a letter of gratitude that you will never send. This letter clarifies the Golden Nugget, the reason this person showed up in your life, and what you’re grateful they showed up to teach you.

This letter is for you not for your ex, so as tempting as it may be to send it – DON’T! Getting this letter written may take a few passes, and that’s okay. You can start by simply free-form journaling to prime the pump.

The exercise of writing this letter is to bring into crystal clear focus The Golden Nugget Of Learning™.

It had to be this specific person to teach you something about yourself or to highlight where you still have room for improvement.

When you’re done writing the letter, put it aside for a couple of days. Then come back to the letter and see if there are any edits you’d like to make to it. When you feel it’s complete implement this ritual:

• Read the letter out loud.
• Say out loud “I release this for the highest good of all.”
• Then burn the letter.

You can burn it in your fireplace, outside in a fire pit, or even in your kitchen sink. As it burns feel yourself freeing yourself from your old relationship. Imagine that you’re moving closer to the highest and best version of you for having been through this experience.

Once you’ve released your ex through this Golden Nugget Exercise take some time to celebrate your independence and freedom. Dedicate some of the time you would’ve spent with your ex to do things for yourself. Maybe sign up for a class at your local community college, learn a new language, or a new skill. Do something just for you and splurge – you deserve it!

If you’re struggling with getting over heartbreak and can’t seem to stop thinking about your ex, join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session. Isn’t it time you moved on to create the long-lasting love you desire and deserve? You are worth loving, let us show you how to put the past behind you.

You can try Googling “How to get him/her back,” but if they’ve moved on you aren’t going to convince them to give it another go. You can’t control another person and no amount of negotiation is going to change that. Besides, you don’t want to compromise yourself for someone who’s not willing to work through your differences.

It’s all too easy to blame yourself and analyze everything you ever said and did through the relationship, but that will just keep you feeling badly. Overcoming rejection requires you to move through the experience, learn from it, and try again.

There’s a famous saying, “Living well is the best revenge.” Set your goal to learn, grow, and move on to create the soul-satisfying love you truly desire. There’s someone out there who’s willing to stick with you through thick and thin. Your job is to become someone capable of receiving that level of love and kindness.

9 Strategies For Overcoming Rejection And Finding Lasting Love

1. Accept The Situation

Sometimes the shock of the rejection can trigger you to feel numb (which is a form of denial). Trying to convince your ex to give you another chance is like pouring salt into an open wound — you won’t be able to move on. The pain you feel is appropriate, so don’t ignore your feelings, that’ll only make it harder to let go and move on.

Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life, this isn’t a unique experience and is part of being human and growing up. Accepting rejection as a part of life and growing from the experience gives you the ability to become more resilient in your relationships, and a more compassionate person. Rejection is just a speedbump slowing you down, not a brick wall stopping you from moving forward with your life.

Overcoming rejection requires you to acknowledge and accept that the relationship is over. Don’t shoot the messenger, we’re giving it to you straight (and with love). It may not feel good to step into acceptance, but you’ll be on the path to healing your heart much faster. Being rejected doesn’t mean anything about you or how lovable you are.

Here’s how to get over rejection by first accepting the situation:

Find a mirror and look directly into your eyes, acknowledge the pain and hurt from the rejection, and wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Tell yourself out loud that despite the hurt, anger, guilt, shame (whatever you’re feeling), you’re going to get through this and vow to become a better person through this experience.

2. Take Time To Feel All Of Your Feelings

All your feelings about being rejected are appropriate — fear, anger, sadness, hurt, shame, guilt, and anything else is okay. Instead of judging yourself for feeling badly take time to feel all your feelings. The best strategy for overcoming rejection is to allow all these negative emotions to move through you, like ocean waves coming to the shore.

It may seem like your feelings are overwhelming and you may just want to numb out or avoid them. Remember that all your feelings are temporary, so it’s okay to stop and just feel. Take some deep breaths and allow yourself time to grieve. This is not something you can rush through, and taking time with your grief is good practice for any setback you experience in life.

Resisting your feelings will just prolong the process of overcoming rejection. You’ve likely heard the saying, “What you resist persists.” This is especially true when you try to avoid negative emotions.

Here’s how to get over rejection by feeling your feelings:

Set aside time in your calendar to daily feel whatever you’re feeling instead of making yourself busy and avoiding them. Set a timer on your smartphone (3-5 minutes) and feel all your feelings. Give yourself time to just cry and release all the pent-up emotion (this may take you another 20 minutes or more). Be intentional about feeling your grief and releasing it. This daily practice will free your energy up to get the things done that life requires of you while you get over rejection.

3. Don’t Attach Meaning To Your Emotions

Resist the urge to blame yourself or take the rejection personally. Allow yourself to feel your feelings but do not create a story in your mind with meanings about why you feel as you do. A relationship is a dance between two people and you’re only responsible for your half. Overcoming rejection requires you to be in the present moment rather than picturing yourself in the future alone and lonely —that’s not helpful or true.

Rejection means the two of you aren’t a good match long-term. Lasting love requires both people to choose each other. You may think you’ve lost your soulmate, but if it was your soulmate you would’ve figured things out together. Stop yourself from making things up that increase your feeling badly about having been rejected.

Your mind is a meaning-making machine and when you’ve been rejected stop your brain from spinning about what could’ve been. Get back in your power by staying in the present with your feelings and avoiding the urge to fill in the blanks with meanings that increase your heartache.

Here’s how to get over rejection by not filling in the blanks with meaning:

Look yourself in the mirror and affirm that you are worth loving. Remind yourself that you’re an awesome person and that your partner will be lucky to have you. Instead, know that this is only a setback, and that love is available to you.

4. Be Extra Kind, Compassionate, And Loving With Yourself

Treat yourself through this grieving period as if you’re very precious and breakable — which you truly are. Cocoon yourself so you can heal, stay away from anything harsh. Eliminate as much drama from your life as possible. Overcoming rejection takes time so don’t rush this process.

Instead, focus on healing yourself and your broken heart. Allow yourself to feel sorrowful instead of sorry for yourself. Sorrow is a natural human emotion. Just because something bad has happened in your life doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone. You have the power to change your circumstances.

Every adult person on the planet has been rejected. For many, it’s a rite of passage, and for you it can be the catalyst for change.

Here’s how to get over rejection by being kind and compassionate with yourself:

Pay attention to your inner dialog by asking, “What am I saying to myself about myself?” Change your negative thoughts to positive ones. Treat yourself the way you would like your beloved to treat you, particularly in how you talk to yourself with your inner voice.

Nip negative self-talk in the bud, and instead make an effort to always say nice things to yourself with kindness and compassion.

5. Stop Obsessing About Your Ex

When you’ve been rejected make a pact with yourself to go “cold turkey” and cut off all contact with your ex. Don’t stalk them on social media, or text to ask what went wrong, or ask for info about your ex from mutual friends. Every time you reengage with that person you’re slowing down the healing process.

Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” Disconnect from them on social media. Block them so they can’t find you there, or for you to be surprised by seeing something that would trigger you.

There’s a part of you that’s wishing and hoping that your ex will change their mind and come back to you. This hope keeps you entangled with their energy and it’s the main source for your feelings of rejection.

Your big prefrontal cortex wants to find logical answers, so their behavior makes sense to you. Unfortunately, there are no such answers that’ll leave you feeling better. It’s likely (and normal) that part of you hopes for reconciliation and instead, you should kill the hope that they’ll come back to you.

Hope is the first feeling that enters a relationship and the last feeling to leave. Overcoming rejection requires you to kill the hope that your ex will come back, so you can heal your heart and move on.

Here’s how to get over rejection and stop obsessing about your ex:

Kill the hope that you’ll get back together. Decide right now that you’re better off without them and then take actions in alignment with this decision. When you cut off contact you will move through the healing process faster than if you continue to engage with them.

6. Reconnect To Your Inner Child

Your lovability does not come from outside of you. Another person doesn’t have the power to say you’re worth loving or you’re not. You’re worth loving just because you exist. You were born as the physical embodiment of the energy of love and that’s your true nature.

It’s your wounded inner child who longs for something you can’t have. Overcoming rejection requires you to focus on healing your heart instead of looking for someone else to make you feel whole and complete.

The child inside of you wants your love and attention. Reconnecting with this part of you will pay off in many ways including feeling loved and safe in the world. Go on an Inner Child Date by letting your inner child choose an activity.

Here’s how to get over rejection by reconnecting to your inner child:

Nurture the relationship with your inner child and promise to love your inner child like they’re the most important person in your life. You can’t expect someone to show up in your life and treat you like a priority if you’re not a priority to yourself already.

You teach people how to treat you from the moment you meet. When you can love yourself no matter what you’ll never settle for less in a relationship ever again.

7. Learn From This Experience So You Don’t Repeat It

Reframe rejection as an opportunity for growth that helps you build resilience and compassion for yourself.

Overcoming rejection requires you to find gratitude for this painful experience. As odd as it may sound, feeling grateful is the key that frees your heart and allows you to release your ex and move on with your life.

Feeling bitter about rejection only keeps you stuck in the past, sucking away your happiness, and fostering feelings of hopelessness.

Here’s how to get over rejection and learn from your experience:

Reclaim your power by finding the Golden Nugget of Learning so you can feel grateful for what you’ve gone through.

8. Accept All The Parts Of You

If you’re expecting that you’ll be a perfect person you’ve set the bar too high. Every person gets triggered, has bad emotional habits, and can make mistakes.

When you meet your soulmate that person will love the thing about you that all the others left you over. That’s because they’ll know you’re better together rather than apart.

Self-love is learning to love and accept all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Overcoming rejection requires you to stop rejecting yourself and practice self-acceptance — no matter what.

If you’re doing your best, then you have to let your best be good enough. When you know better you’ll do better, but for now be okay with who you are. This is great practice for sharing your life with another imperfect person. If you’re not okay with your faults, you’ll never find long-lasting love.

Here’s how to get over rejection by accepting all the parts of you:

Look for reasons to love all the parts of you. All your behavior is trying to get you love, approval, or acceptance. Feel grateful for your flaws because they’re trying to help you. Embrace the qualities that make you unique and be okay with your imperfections.

9. When You’re Ready, Take A New Approach To Dating

The best way to overcome rejection is to get your confidence back by getting back out in the dating pool. This time around you’ll want to take a brand-new approach to dating.

Instead of looking for the love of your life in a profile, put yourself in the dating lab by dating with non-attachment. First use dating as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Don’t go all in with the first person who likes you, slow down the dating process and delay exclusivity so you can choose with your brain and your heart in alignment.

Overcoming rejection requires you to break your old dating patterns. Dating with non-attachment creates wonderful opportunities for you to connect with the right person rather than jumping into a commitment with a stranger.

Here’s how to get over rejection so you’re never blindsided again:

When you’re ready to start dating, slow down the dating process and observe your habits and patterns. This strategy actually speeds up the process of meeting your soulmate. Take your time before jumping into exclusivity and really get to know someone before making a commitment.

If you’re still wondering how you haven’t found the right match for you yet, check out this video here: The Real Secret To Finding Your Soulmate.

Rebound relationships are a way of avoiding heartache, like a band-aid on your broken heart. You seek out the excitement of infatuation to keep your heart occupied and your mind off your ex. If you’re not careful, you could find yourself using your new lover to avoid your unresolved grief and get stuck in the same negative pattern all over again.

Is It Better To Be Alone Or Seek A Rebound Relationship?

When a relationship ends, you have a couple of options for moving on with your life. You can swear off relationships for a while and either commit to abstinence or focus on dating with no strings attached. Or you can jump into a new relationship with someone who’s different from your ex.

Is it better to do it on your own or to hope that love can heal a broken heart?

Being alone can be difficult because loneliness can get your mind spinning and second-guessing every decision you’ve made and pine over your loss. However, you can use your time alone to reflect on what went wrong and vow to take a new approach to love and dating. Without the distraction of an infatuation you’re more likely to have space for introspection, healing, and growth so you don’t repeat your past mistakes.

Rebound relationships can be a fun distraction keeping you from feeling the pain of heartache, but you can’t avoid it forever. A rebound relationship is unlikely to last, and you’ll still have to deal with the unpleasant feelings from the breakup when it fizzles out. If you’re just looking for a little fun without commitment, rebound relationships can work for you but if you’re looking for lasting love, a fling isn’t the answer.

Why Do Most Rebound Relationships Fail?

Rebound relationships fail because they’re a reaction to something that went wrong, not a healthy approach to lasting love. You can hope all you like that love can heal a broken heart, but you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons and that can set you up for feeling even worse about yourself and your singlehood status.

The Most Common Reasons Rebound Relationships Fail:

• You’re looking for validation instead of sharing your heart. The breakup you just went through has left you feeling insecure, and you just want someone to want you.
• You’re secretly wishing your ex will get jealous and want you back. Watch your heart karma if you’re using someone to get back at your ex or make them jealous. This strategy could cause greater harm in the long term.
• You’re looking for a distraction from your heartache. Dating someone new will give you a brief dopamine hit and ease your pain. But it’s a temporary relief for the grief you haven’t dealt with.
• You’re in denial about your readiness for a new relationship. Every breakup compounds and you feel the intensity of all the losses, you’re not over your ex and no amount of denial will make you emotionally available. Truly healing your heart requires time on your own.
• You’re still emotionally attached to your ex, and that connection will block you from risking your heart with someone new. Don’t waste their time, and yours, and go directly to healing your heart.
• You like the idea of a new relationship more than the reality of one. It’s all fun and easy breezy until your new lover wants more than you’re ready to give. You’ll end up fleeing with the first disagreement.
• You’re only dating for some companionship. You can’t fill the lonely void inside by finding someone new. Focus on loving yourself and not seeking someone else to fill you up and feel good again.

Can love heal a broken heart? Not if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Stop distracting yourself and focus on healing your broken heart instead.

Rebound Relationships Are A Reaction To The Past

What you truly want isn’t the opposite of what you don’t want. You can’t create something from lack. By putting your focus on what you don’t want, you’ve told your mind to point out the kind of person you don’t want.

It’s like trying to NOT think of a pink elephant. First, you have to create the image of a pink elephant and then negate it. If you don’t want a cheater, a smoker, or an addict you’ll have to focus on what you actually want to find someone new.

Did you frequently argue with your ex? You look for someone who’s easier to get along with and who doesn’t want drama in their life.

Was your ex emotionally unavailable? Then you choose someone who’s more expressive and emotionally demonstrative.

Was the chemistry off the charts but you didn’t have anything in common? Find someone to date that has more in common with you plus the spark of attraction.

You can get stuck in a lather-rinse-repeat cycle by choosing the opposite of what you don’t want, it won’t get you closer to creating the lasting love you desire and deserve.

Do you make any other decisions this way?

No one ever said, “I asked for a raise at my last job, and I didn’t get it. That felt awful so I quit. Now I’m looking for a job where I don’t have to ask for a raise ever again.” Don’t use this strategy in your love life either.

Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you steer clear of being in reaction to the past.

Avoiding Pain Is Not A Strategy For Lasting Love

Love requires risk. If you look for the opposite of what you don’t want, you’re focused on avoiding pain not finding a love match. Love and anguish are energetically opposing energies.

Romantic relationships are like water, they seek their own level. If you’re heartbroken you will attract someone at a similar level as you. It will feel comforting for a while, but it won’t last.

With your attempts to avoid feeling heartache, you’re still caught up in your pain. It’s the feeling that ties you to the past leaving you destined to repeat your choices again and again and again. Yuck! Right?

This is why you think there aren’t any good matches out there for you. You feel like love isn’t meant to be or that you’re fated to be alone. To change your fate you have to heal your heart. Otherwise, the past will continue to determine your future and you’ll be stuck in your old dance steps.

Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you focus on discovering your heart’s desire instead of avoiding pain. When your heart breaks it breaks open to receive more love, but only if you let it.

Heal Your Heart To Avoid Dead-End Rebound Relationships

Rebound relationships happen because you’re trying to escape your pain. You’re looking for a shortcut and dodging your responsibility to heal your heart and grow into a more loving and confident person. You can’t avoid disappointments in life. Breakups happen to everyone. Instead of hiding from your pain, embrace it as an opportunity to expand your capacity to love.

You can’t rush healing your heart. It’s the key to breaking your negative patterns and creating something new and better than you’ve ever experienced. Only by feeling your feelings and moving through the stages of grief are you going to become more resilient and loving. The only way out is through.

Take time to feel your feelings and move through them. Imagine your feelings are like ocean waves crashing on the shore. Allow each wave to flow through you and recede, only to be replaced by another wave. Eventually, the waves of positivity and hope will begin to replace those waves of hurt and sadness.

Can love heal a broken heart? Only if you allow yourself to grieve first so that you’re ready and available for love again.

Find The Golden Nugget And Become More Resilient

What if your ex came into your life so you can heal your wounds and prepare you for a beloved relationship? What if they showed up to make you a better person? Instead of becoming bitter about love, you can find gratitude for your ex because they inspired you to grow and prepare for a lasting loving partnership.

Being curious about your own growth lessons from your last relationship can heal and open your heart to love fully and completely.  Find The Golden Nugget of learning to step into gratitude for your ex and guides you to grow your relationship skillset.

No one is born with the skills to make love last. Sex is instinctual, but lasting love with a mate is a societal construct. You’ll have to learn these skills and practice them.

Depending on your role models for love, you may have some bad relationship habits and strategies. Think about love and dating just like learning anything new. You’ll need to practice new skills and tools until you become good at using them.

Hiding in a rebound relationship doesn’t give you the opportunity to grow and become a better version of you.

Can love heal a broken heart? When you focus on learning and growing from your breakups, you become a better person, one that is capable of making love last with an ideal match.

The Love You Seek Is Inside Of You

You don’t get love from another person, you share love with them. Seeking love, approval and acceptance from others keeps you on a roller coaster of hope and disappointment. It puts your lovability in someone else’s hands.

Take back your power by putting your energy toward loving yourself, instead of seeking love from outside of you. You’re a unique and perfectly lovable human being. Even with your faults, you’re worth loving. Focus on loving all the parts of you — the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Rebound relationships are a distraction and have you looking for a balm to temporarily feel better. Other people are fickle and when you give them power over your lovability you diminish your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your self-confidence.

Can love heal a broken heart? If you’re focused on growing the love you have for yourself you can heal a broken heart and create a dream life.

Allow Your Broken Heart To Break Open

Feeling the pain of your heartache won’t kill you (despite what your brain might think). Emotions are there to focus your healing, just like the pain you’d feel if you twist your ankle.

When you resist healing your heart you become bitter and cynical about love. It makes it impossible to be happy. Tear down the walls around your heart and expand your capacity for love.

Allow your heart to break open so you can receive more love, especially from yourself. When you lean into your heartbreak instead of avoiding it, you bring intention to your healing. You nurture your wounded self and expand your ability to love yourself.

Can Love Heal A Broken Heart?

Yes, it can if you set the intention to do love differently. This is the road less traveled because most people remain stuck in their familiar patterns. The familiar will lead you to the same situations over and over again — different face but same end result.

Don’t run away from your pain and into the arms of another. Slow down and heal your heart so you can create the lasting love you desire.

If you’ve experienced a recent heartbreak, we’d love to share with you how to approach love in a new way. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call and we’ll show you how to rewire your brain for long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.

A crush can feel exciting to indulge in but use caution when investing your heart because your feelings are mostly based on delusion. Real, lasting love isn’t about dreaming up romantic fantasies from afar. It’s about risking your heart and being authentic with someone to create a connection. A crush is just a passing infatuation, however intense it may feel.

If you find yourself crushing on someone and are afraid you’re going to get hurt again, it’s important to take care of yourself and prioritize your emotional well-being. Here are some steps you can take to help you get over a crush before you get in too deep.

How To Get Over A Crush Before Your Heart Is Too Deeply Involved

1. Accept/Acknowledge Your Feelings For What They Are

Recognize and accept your feelings for what they are. Developing a crush is natural but remind yourself that what you’re feeling isn’t real. It’s based on a fantasy you’ve created in your mind. Your vision of this person is clouded by your feelings toward them. You can get over a crush when you realize who they really are won’t fit your imagined picture of who you want them to be.

2. Stop Giving A Stranger The Benefit Of The Doubt

Too many people allow themselves to get caught romanticizing someone based on an online profile or text exchange on a dating app. Remember, nothing is real until you meet in person and experience your feelings while in their presence IRL. Even then, it takes time to get to know someone and for them to reveal their true character. Here is how to get over a crush – don’t let longing cloud your judgment.

3. Beware Of Fantasy Relationships

If you have a habit of crushing on people you barely know or getting attached to someone you’re chatting with online but haven’t met in person, you may be addicted to fantasy relationships. Imagining a future with an acquaintance can be intoxicating but can lead to dating burnout when the real human being doesn’t measure up. You can leave yourself open to being a target to scammers by investing your heart too quickly. It’s better to lean back. let them pursue you, and make the effort to win your heart.

4. Beware Of Idealizing Your Crush

When you have an infatuation, it’s easy to idealize your crush believing them to be the perfect person for you. Imagining that you two are exactly alike can turn around and bite you when you discover your differences. It’s true that opposites attract, so accepting your differences and learning to defer to one another strengths is a better strategy for long-lasting love. To get over a crush, remind yourself that nobody is perfect, and recognizing this can help you break the spell of your daydream.

5. Take Some Space And Feel Your Grief

It’s normal to feel loss, even if you were just crushing on someone you barely knew. Give yourself some time to feel your grief. Notice any triggers that come up for you. Maybe you have a story that love isn’t meant to be for you, or that you’re fated to be alone. These stories you’re telling yourself aren’t true, it’s just your grief talking. Feel your feelings but don’t get caught up in a negative story about your life. Getting over a crush is easy when you decide your life story won’t be defined by one event. Your future does not have to look like your past.

6. Kill The Hope

Hope is the first thing to enter a relationship, even one that’s just a crush. Killing the hope sets you free from limbo and takes your power back in the present moment. Holding onto hope will only prolong your grief and rob more of your precious time. You’re not living in West Side Story, there are no outside forces keeping the two of you apart. If this was your person, it would have worked out. How to get over a crush? Accept the reality that you two won’t be together and you’ll quickly heal your heart and move on.

7. Don’t Stalk Your Crush

Distance yourself from the person you have a crush on, both physically and emotionally. Limit contact, and avoid situations where you’re likely to see them, especially on social media. Stalking your crush on social media or in real life is like picking at a scab and wondering why the wound won’t heal. You’re just torturing yourself and delaying the process of healing your heart. If you can’t help yourself, block them so they won’t show up in your feed. You’ll need time to release the intensity of your feelings. Have a friend be your accountability partner if needed. Getting over a crush is easier when you go cold turkey (you’ll thank us later for giving it to you straight).

8. Don’t Accept Friendship As A Consolation Prize

You’ll never be satisfied with being just friends with your crush. You’ll always want more and interpret every little kindness as a sign that they’re starting to fall for you. Just like the dieter who just wants a bite of that chocolate cake, you know you won’t be happy with the crumbs of friendship. You deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you and wants to step up and claim you — don’t settle for anything less. How to get over a crush? You don’t accept friendship as a consolation prize.

9. Focus On Self-Care

Shift your attention and energy away from your crush and towards self-care. Daydreaming about your crush will make you lose yourself. Do things that make you happy, exercise, spend time with friends, or pursue personal goals. Putting the focus on your physical and mental well-being will help you regain a sense of control and fulfillment. Self-care is one of the most important steps when you’re focused on how to get over a crush.

10. Don’t Wallow In Self-Pity

Feeling sorry for yourself because your crush didn’t lead to a relationship won’t help you feel better. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, pick yourself up and spend time with your friends and family that care about you. Practice gratitude for all that you have that’s going well in your life. Take up a new hobby or dedicate time to some of your passions. By exploring new activities and meeting new people, you’ll expand your horizons and divert your attention away from your crush. Engaging in new experiences can also help you grow as an individual.

11. Don’t Take It Personally

It’s disappointing when your crush doesn’t return your affection, but this doesn’t mean that the rejection is personal. Unrequited love is not a reflection of your worth. Taking rejection personally can trigger you to spiral into feelings of unworthiness and despair. There are millions of reasons why your feelings weren’t reciprocated and none of them have to do with you. You deserve someone who chooses you and makes you a priority.

12. Beware Of Becoming Bitter

Rejection can send you in a downward spiral worrying that love is too difficult to find. Getting your hopes up only to have them dashed is a recipe for dating burnout. Don’t let this happen to you and make you bitter. Focusing on how to get over a crush means you must steer clear of bitterness. Instead, discover why you keep getting stuck in the same patterns and resolve to make changes in yourself. People of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds find lasting love — you can too. Remember, there is a lid for every pot!

13. Don’t Chase Unavailable Partners

Are you looking for validation from someone else? Expecting that your person will show up and turn your life around? A lack of self-worth will have you constantly chasing love from people who aren’t available to you. Are you stuck in a negative cycle of love and rejection, thinking they go hand in hand? Only you can make you feel lovable. How to get over a crush? Stop chasing unattainable love and grow your self-worth by treating yourself with loving kindness.

14. Be Wary Of Love Addictions

If you tend to always have a crush, you may have an addiction to the excitement of falling in love. There’s an emotional rush at the beginning of a crush that is as powerful as a drug. Lasting love doesn’t always feel like a honeymoon. It goes through many stages and while that feeling of romance can ebb and flow throughout a relationship, healthy love deepens over time. If you find yourself addicted to the fantasy and romance of young love and unable to create lasting love, you may have an addiction to falling in love.

15. Stop Dating Backwards™

A crush is a sure sign you’re dating in reverse. When you’re crushing on someone you’re putting them on a pedestal which means you’re giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Investing your heart should be like a financial investment, you’ll want to vet your candidate and check out the pros and cons. It’s only after someone has proven themselves as worthy should you invest your heart and then give them the benefit of the doubt. This process takes time so commit to Slow Love. It’s counter-intuitive, but the slower you go, the faster you find your soulmate match.

A crush is a wonderful way to grease the wheels after a breakup instead of having a rebound relationship. It can be a fun way to flirt and ease into the idea of dating again. Having a crush is only a problem if you take it too seriously or find that you struggle to recover and move on when they don’t work out. How to get over a crush is a personal journey, and everyone heals at their own pace. Be kind to yourself throughout the process and focus on personal growth and self-love.

You may need support in breaking your negative dating patterns. You don’t have to go through this journey alone. Seeking professional guidance is the fastest way to move on from unrequited love. Hiring a coach is the fastest way to get over a crush.

A crush can be a symptom of a subconscious block to love, especially if you notice a pattern in your relationships of pining for people who don’t reciprocate your affections. Breaking your negative patterns and creating new strategies for lasting love allows you to get back in your power to select an ideal mate for a fulfilling life. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll help you create a plan for the love you desire and deserve.

Healing your heart so you feel better isn’t the solution to the real problem. In order to truly move on you’ve got to break your particular pattern of heartbreak with the guy that feels so right until it goes so wrong.

Why do the guys that light you up turn out to be the biggest disappointments?

You may think that all the guys you’ve fallen for are different, however, it’s you that is the common denominator in all of your relationships. Discovering your particular pattern is the key to creating the lasting love you desire.

7 Ways To Heal A Broken Heart And Move On Energetically So You Stop Attracting The Same Kind Of Men

1. Cut Off Contact From The Guy Who Broke Your Heart

Your broken heart is an open wound right now and you need time to let it heal. Checking his Facebook and Instagram or responding to his texts to “just be friends” will keep that wound open.

In order to start the healing process, you’ll want to cut off all contact. Block him on social media. You don’t need to be checking on where he is and who he’s hanging out with.

Change his name in your phone to “Do Not Answer” and follow these instructions when he reaches out. This way you won’t accidentally get sucked back in. Simply deleting him from your phone can cause a problem later when you unintentionally answer his familiar-looking number.

When you’re looking for ways to heal a broken heart and move on, cutting off all contact with him is the first step.

2. Allow Your Feelings To Flow Through You

Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world. However, putting on a brave face and trying to ignore the hurt, anger, and sadness will just prolong the pain. The saying, “What you resist persists,” is most true when you have a broken heart and feel badly.

These awful feelings won’t last, they’re only temporary because emotions are not static. Think of your emotions like ocean waves crashing on the shore. Allowing the waves of emotion to flow through your body will create space for you to feel something else.

Give yourself time to feel all of your feelings, the good, bad, and the ugly. Throw yourself a pity party. Play sad heartbreak songs and have a good cry. Set aside time to just scream into a pillow or underwater in a bath. Let your feelings flow and you will find that you‘ll feel better a lot faster than if you just stew and resist expressing yourself.

Your desire for love is part of the human experience so there’s no need to feel shame that your heart is broken. The actions you choose to take now can change the course of your love life for good, but first, you must give yourself time to grieve.

And for those of you on a spiritual path don’t skip this vital step. Rather than spiritual bypassing the icky feelings embrace the full range of human emotions. It’s okay to feel angry, just don’t take destructive actions, simply allow your emotions to be whatever they are.

Acknowledge and express your feelings. A swift way to heal a broken heart and move on is to first allow yourself to grieve what you have lost.

3. Kill The Hope That This Guy Will Become The One For You

Hope is the first thing to enter a relationship and the last thing to leave. It can be hard to let go of hope when a relationship ends, so we’re going to give it to you straight. Please don’t shoot the messenger, we’re here delivering the tough love you need to heal your heart and move on.

Part of you is still wishing and hoping that he’ll change his mind and want you back. Accepting that this is never going to happen is an important but difficult step.

He’s not going to suddenly become The One for you. Don’t waste another minute hoping he’ll realize he made a big mistake. Kill the hope that he’ll see what a fool he is for ending things. Kill the hope that he’ll become someone other than who he is right now.

This may sound a little harsh, but you’ll thank us when you’re with someone new who values you and treats you like a goddess. Killing the hope opens up the possibility for someone else, someone even better, to come into your life.

Of all the ways to heal a broken heart and move on this one can be the most difficult. That little girl inside of you so wants to prove to him that you are worthy of his love. Killing the hope is one of the most loving acts you can take for yourself.

Take this step and watch your self-love and self-confidence grow.

4. Forgive Him, Forgive Yourself, And Get The Learning From The Experience

The reason forgiveness is not at the top of this list is that you won’t be ready to forgive until you have given yourself time to grieve. There is no need to rush to forgiveness.

Allowing yourself to feel all those bad feelings first paves the way for you to reach a place where you can forgive, heal your heart, and move on.

Forgiveness releases you energetically from the relationship and the energetic connection of being emotionally entangled with him.

Forgiveness requires a conscious choice to release your hurt, anger, and resentment, whether or not he deserves it. It doesn’t condone or excuse his behavior, nor should you just forget what happened.

You may also need to forgive yourself for your behavior in the relationship. Maybe your communication wasn’t always kind. Perhaps you made some mistakes and you regret things you’ve said or done.

Owning your mistakes and taking responsibility for your part in the break-up is good. Taking too much responsibility and blaming yourself for the failure of the relationship will just make things worse. The dance of relationship is like any other partner dance – it takes two to create it. You are only responsible for your own actions not the behavior or response of the other person.

Forgive yourself for not being perfect – no human being is. There is no such thing as perfection and trying to live up to that unrealistic expectation is hurting you more than you can imagine.

Taking these steps allows you to release yourself energetically from him and from the relationship. This may require you to find the Golden Nugget of Learning™ from the situation.

What did this relationship show up to teach you? Did you need to learn how to set clearer boundaries? Maybe you needed to learn to love and value yourself!

Whatever the reason, when you find the Golden Nugget, you’ll allow yourself to feel grateful for the situation. This gratitude will let you finally release yourself from him so that you can be free to love again.

5. What Are The Goodies You Get From This Unhealthy Pattern?

All of your behavior has positive intent. The results of your behavior may not be positive, but the intention underneath is to get something you need, like love, approval, or acceptance.

You learned how to love in your family of origin – just like you learned to walk, talk, and tie your shoe. Once you know these things you do them on autopilot. Walking into a room you don’t consciously decide to find someone attractive — it just happens (also on autopilot).

Think about it this way, when you walk into a room of a hundred people you’ve never met before some of those people stand out. It’s like they are highlighted for you. The rest of the people are like extras in your own personal movie. You know they’re in the room, but they’re kind of gray and in the background, and a bit fuzzy – they don’t pop.

The root cause of your unhealthy patterns in love comes from the disparity of not being loved the way you wanted to be loved in your family of origin. The bad news is that you’ve been unconsciously a slave to this core wound.

We call this subconscious program Your Love Imprint^® and it causes the familiar dynamic from your family to be highlighted out in the world while the great guy that would be an ideal match for you is just grayed out and out of focus for you. It’s like he doesn’t exist.

Ultimately when you discover your core wound you’ll no longer be stuck in “New Face — Same Guy Syndrome.” The knowledge that you’re pining for the thing you can’t have will forever change the way you date and select a mate.

The process of identifying your core wound and transforming it is the shortest of all the ways to heal your heart and move on so you can create the lasting love you deserve.

6. Get Clarity Before Rushing Into Another Relationship

Most people date backwards which means that you’re likely doing this very common mistake. You wait to find a person that gives you all the feels and from there you try to make the relationship work.

You may have tried to make it with the nice guy that you had no chemistry with only to find that didn’t work either.

Here’s the real-deal common sense about love that no one else will tell you: You don’t have to choose between having chemistry or not. You get to have lasting love with a guy who lights you up!

Never settle for a relationship without the spark because you cannot settle for a lifetime. At some point, it won’t be worth it to stay the course. It’s too easy to walk away when you hit that inevitable second stage of relationship — The Power Struggle — without chemistry.

Instead, create a crystal-clear vision of the relationship you want without inserting a face into the image. Know how you want the relationship to function. Decide ahead of time the dynamic you desire between the two of you. Before you ever meet, choose the feelings that he invokes inside of you and all the body sensations that you would like to have.

Most people are clear on what they do not want. When they imagine their desire it’s usually vague and not in focus. Or if it’s clear it’s an attachment to a specific person.

You are the master creator of your life! Once you embrace this truth you’re in the driver’s seat to create change in every part of your life. It’s your choice to heal your broken heart and move on. No man will show up and suddenly make your life better. It’s up to you to create a life that is in alignment with your highest and best self and then create the vision of the relationship you want.

Once you are clear on the vision of what you want you won’t be far from living it.

7. Say No To Anything That Doesn’t Align With Your Vision

There’s one caveat that may show up, and when it does you must commit to stay on course to lasting love with an ideal partner. When you take the steps above it’s likely that you’ll be tested.

Your old pattern may show up again. The tempting familiar situation with a guy who lights you up may show up one more time.

It’s very important you say no to the old way of being and reject him. This guy is just a reminder that you know better now. That you’ve evolved past him and his type.

You’re no longer a slave to that autopilot response of falling for the guy who is a match to Your Love Imprint^®. The familiar may appear tempting, but it’s up to this newly educated version of you to turn it down.

Saying no to anything that is not what you want means that you know you deserve to have what you truly desire. In order to heal your heart and move on you must stay the course to say, “No,” and to look for a new way to select a mate.

We want you to know that you can stumble, and you can hit that repeat button again and again and you’ll still get another chance. As a matter of fact, if you don’t believe us and you go back to Mr. Unavailable yet again this article will still be here. And we’ll still be here because at any point you can decide to evolve past what is familiar so you can create what is in your true heart’s desire.

You’ll always have another opportunity to grow towards your beloved. Your beloved is the man who will stand by you no matter what, the one who you can count on as sure as you know the sun will rise tomorrow, the one you’re hot for and he’s also hot for you.

If that’s what you want as quickly as humanly possible then schedule a complimentary call with us by clicking here. We are guides to love and we believe you can have that long-lasting love you have dreamed of. Let us show you how.

It might be time to stop obsessing about your ex, quit the social media stalking, and focus on healing your heart. When a relationship ends, it’s easy to get stuck mulling over why it ended, what you did wrong, or how you can get your ex back.

It’s common to feel regret and sadness when your heart feels broken, but when regret turns into an obsession, it can harm your mental health. Ultimately, this can reveal a deeper issue that may be blocking you from having the lasting love you desire and deserve.

The good news is you can heal your heart, and get back on track to creating a healthy, lasting partnership. One where you’re equally committed to working things out and making love last. But first, you must come to the realization that it’s time to stop obsessing about your ex and focus on your own healing.

So, how do you know if you are just feeling the pangs of a broken heart or if your heartbreak is turning into an obsession?

Signs That It’s Time To Stop Obsessing About Your Ex

1. Your Obsession With Your Ex Interferes With Your Daily Life

It’s time to stop obsessing about your ex if you can’t focus at work or are having trouble sleeping most nights. While it’s normal to need time to heal after a breakup, it shouldn’t take over your life and get in the way of accomplishing your everyday tasks.

2. You Obsessively Talk To Your Friends About Your Ex

If your friends start avoiding you or are annoyed with your constant need to talk about the relationship, then maybe it’s time to stop obsessing about your ex. Your friends can be supportive through a breakup, but you can’t expect them to be your therapist.

3. You Believe Your Ex Is Supposed To Be Your Soulmate

A soulmate relationship requires two people to choose each other. You may have felt a special connection with your ex, but this doesn’t make them your beloved. Your soulmate will stick it out with you even when times are hard. You are not destined to be alone because your ex decided to move on.

4. You Describe Your Ex As Perfect

If you’ve put your ex on a pedestal and think they can do no wrong, you’re in serious trouble. It takes two people for a relationship to work out or to end, so do not take full responsibility for the demise of the relationship. It’s a good idea to remind yourself of your ex’s negative qualities, and your efforts to stick through the tough times.

5. You Fantasize Constantly About What Might Have Been

“If only…” There are infinite ways you can finish this sentence and all of them keep you stuck and not moving on from your ex. There is no hypothetical way that your relationship would have lasted. If the two of you could have worked it out, you would still be together. It’s time to let it go and release the fantasy, you’ll feel better too!

6. You’re Consumed With Jealousy By Your Ex’s New Relationship

Stalking your ex like a private investigator, whether it’s online or off, keeps your heartbreak fresh and the wound open. You can’t heal a broken heart by obsessing over their new relationship. Cut yourself off from stalking of all kinds and focus instead on your own recovery.

7. You’re Triggered By Perceived Rejection From Your Ex

You’ve called and texted and your ex hasn’t responded. You’ve liked a post and sent a DM, but you get nothing back. These aren’t real rejections because you’re no longer in a relationship. Stop trying to get your ex to respond to you and focus on healing your heart.

If you recognize yourself in some of these examples, it’s time to take some steps to heal your heart and move on with your life. While it may feel scary to admit that your relationship is truly over, you can take these steps below to ultimately find love that is lasting and fulfilling with someone that will stand by you.

Here’s How To Stop Obsessing About Your Ex And Heal Your Heart

1. Acknowledge Your Obsession

You can’t change a problem unless you recognize that you have a problem. Start by acknowledging that you’ve been obsessing about your ex. Proclaim that you’re ready to let them go and move on with your life.

Acknowledging your obsession puts you in the driver’s seat to create changes in the way you approach dating, mating, and relating. Taking responsibility will allow you to reclaim your power.

2. Kill The Hope

Hope is the first thing to enter a relationship and the last thing to leave. It is the hope that it could still work out between you that keeps you stuck and obsessed with your ex. Once you’ve acknowledged that you have a problem, kill the hope that the two of you will ever get back together.

As long as you hold onto hope, your heart won’t be free to love again. This may be the hardest step for you to take, but killing the hope will allow you to stop obsessing about your ex. This may sound harsh, but it is the path to claiming your power and the ability to love again.

3. Take Off Your Rose-Colored Glasses

You’re wearing rose-colored glasses when you focus on getting your ex back without acknowledging that they were willing to leave you. Take time to journal about your ex and the things that made you feel badly. Remind yourself of the disagreements and their behaviors that drove you crazy.

Knock your ex off the pedestal. Acknowledging the truth of what was will help you to stop fantasizing about what you wish it to be. No person is perfect, and your ex probably has more bad qualities than you are willing to acknowledge right now.

4. Keep Your Side Of The Street Clean

Part of putting your ex on a pedestal requires you to take full responsibility for the breakup. No breakup is 100% one person’s fault. Stop taking full blame for the relationship ending and acknowledge the dance you did together.

It’s important to acknowledge your part in the relationship ending, but you are only responsible for your 50%. Recognize the role your ex played in the breakup. If you want to stop obsessing about your ex, then keep your side of the street clean, but don’t take responsibility for what’s on your ex’s side.

5. Block On Social Media And Your Phone

Spying on your ex via social media, you are pouring salt in the wound of the breakup. When you respond to your ex’s text or phone call, you are keeping your heart tied to them. Your heart can’t heal because the wound is still fresh. You need time for your heart to stop aching and allow the wound to heal.

Block your ex on all social media channels. Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” Request that your ex honor no contact for a minimum of twenty-one days allowing you both time away from each other to heal.

6. Forgive, But Don’t Forget

Forgiving your ex allows you to move on and frees your heart to love again. Forgetting how your ex hurt you leaves you vulnerable to be hurt by them again. After you’ve taken time to heal your heart it’s time to focus on forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. Forgive your ex for breaking your heart.

However, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you allow someone back into your life like nothing happened. You don’t want to forget what happened. If for some reason your ex wants to be a part of your life again, you’ll want to know what is going to be different this time. The old dynamic didn’t work. Only a new dynamic could allow the two of you to be friends again.

7. Get Clear On Your Vision For A New Relationship

Stop obsessing about your ex and start creating a vision for something better. Instead of fantasizing about what could’ve been, create a vision for your soulmate relationship. A soulmate relationship isn’t some magical thing that just happens by accident. Instead, you are both committed to working through challenges because you’re better together than apart.

Learning from your past relationships allows you to choose a better partner moving forward. In order to do that you’ll need to acknowledge what hasn’t worked and adjust your strategies in your next relationship. This way you keep growing toward your highest and best self on the search for long-lasting love.

When you are obsessing about your ex, and what might have been, you are stuck feeling hurt and sad. To break this spell, you must commit to new strategies for love. If you’re ready to move on from your ex, here is a roadmap that will guide you every step of the way to create a soulmate relationship. Download our free ebook, “The 7 Steps To Soulmating.” You’ll get our best tips for creating the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love that you desire.

Letting go of someone who hurt you takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. But if you take a conscious approach to letting go and moving on from a painful situation, you can heal your heart and create greater love than the one you lost. The silver lining is you’ll be more resilient from heartbreak through the process.

Your heart feels shattered because someone you love has betrayed your trust. Your head is spinning, constantly asking, “Why? Why would someone you love harm you?” Yet, you still love him and wish things had worked out, you find it hard to let go of the hope.

Healing your heart after someone hurts you requires you to move past the hurt and betrayal, heal your heart, and find a more mindful way from the very beginning to select an ideal life partner.

When you’re hurting you can fear that the pain will never go away. We want you to know that you can let go of someone who hurt you, move on, and learn to love as well as trust again.

How To Let Go Of Someone Who Hurt You & Move On With Your Life

1. Why Is It So Hard To Let Go?

You don’t know how to let go of someone who hurt you because part of you is still attached to that person. At the beginning of the relationship, you had so much hope, and you haven’t yet let go of the hope for the relationship to continue. You know logically that it can’t, but your heart hasn’t released the hope yet.

So, you feel stuck between the hurt you feel and the hope that is slowly being crushed. You trusted this person to take care of your heart, to treat you with respect and kindness, and that trust has been broken. One of the first steps to moving on (and one of the hardest to take) is to kill the hope.

Kill the hope that he will ask for forgiveness and make amends for his actions. Kill the hope that things can or will ever go back to the way they were. Only by killing the hope can you stop spinning about what might have been, free yourself to let go and move on.

2. It Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means

It is natural for your mind to search for the meaning of a hurtful event and to understand why it happened. Unfortunately, any meaning you assign to this event is not going to help you feel better. You could be telling yourself that you’ll never love again or lament the fact that you continue to attract men who hurt you. You may even believe that you are somehow cursed, or that you did something wrong to bring this on yourself.

These limiting beliefs only keep you feeling like a victim and do not allow you to embrace your power. You won’t know how to let go of someone who hurt you if you feel like a victim of circumstance.

The truth is the only meaning that is useful is that his actions have revealed to you his true character. The fact that he hurt you shows you what he is capable of and reveals that the two of you are not a match. Do not carry his shame. This shame belongs to him and his actions are his responsibility, not yours. There is no shame in loving someone.

3. Know What Is Your Responsibility And What Isn’t

Knowing what is your responsibility and what is his responsibility will allow you to reclaim your power. And there are only three things that you are responsible for: what you think, what you feel, and what you do.

He is responsible for what he thinks, feels, and does.

Whether you are taking too much responsibility for what happened, or whether you are blaming your partner, taking responsibility for your part gives you the power to change.

You can’t know how to let go of someone who hurt you if you can’t take responsibility for your part and release responsibility for his part. When you do this, you can reclaim your power in the situation and take any actions necessary to move forward in your life.

4. Don’t Ignore Your Feelings

It may seem counter-intuitive because the pain of being hurt by someone you love can be intense, but the only way to release the pain is to go through it to the other side. Rather than going numb or attempting to shove down all those uncomfortable emotions – set aside time to feel all your feelings.

Feelings in and of themselves are not bad. Anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, and regret are all a part of being human. Ignoring your feelings or trying to minimize them will only prolong your pain. Your mind will play tricks on you and tell you that you will never feel happy again. This is a lie. The one thing you can count on is that your feelings will change because all of your emotions are temporary.

You won’t feel hurt forever so instead of trying to avoid all those crappy feelings, dig in and allow yourself to feel them. Be angry or sad. Allow yourself to cry and scream. Give yourself permission to spend time feeling sorry for yourself. All of your feelings are appropriate.

Eventually, you’ll find that your feelings will come and go like waves crashing to the shoreline. The hurt will recede, and you will discover moments of relief that grow in time throughout the day, and you’ll feel somewhat normal. Soon these moments will blossom and multiply and you’ll be feeling better more often than not.

If you want to know how to let go of someone who hurt you, take time to feel your feelings and see what is on the other side of your pain.

5. Don’t Feed The Hurt

Every time you check his Facebook or look at what he’s doing on his Insta, you are pouring salt into your wounded heart and preventing it from healing. The more you tell the story of what happened and search for why it occurred you are keeping yourself stuck in a never-ending loop.

Cut off all contact with him. Block him on social media so you don’t see him in mutual friends’ posts. Change his name on your phone to “Do Not Answer” and follow this advice. No response is necessary if/when he reaches out to you. You have no obligation to engage.

You won’t know how to let go of someone who hurt you as long as you are feeding the hurt. Put aside your emotional stories about what happened and why. Instead, redirect your focus to self-care and healing your heart.

Attend to your broken heart. Cocoon yourself if necessary. Knowing how to let go of someone who hurt you requires you to focus on your needs and healing. Time is your best friend through this process.

6. How To Forgive And Why It’s Important

Forgiveness may be the furthest thing from your mind right now. You may even wonder if it’s possible to ever forgive someone for betraying your trust. Forgiveness is important because it sets you free and therefore it is integral for you to move on. You’ll never truly let go of someone who hurt you without it.

As long as you are holding onto anger and resentment, you are tied to him. And the anger and resentment is only harming you. Ultimately forgiveness is for you because once you feel neutral about these events you’ll be free. Free from him, free to trust yourself, and free to love again.

Standing in forgiveness does not make his actions okay or in any way appropriate. Nor does it mean that you must allow him back into your life. It doesn’t even require that you ever speak to him again.

Hurt people lash out and hurt people. The fact that he hurt you means he was hurt too – not by you, but he carries a wound that caused him to do what he did.

You may also be judging yourself for allowing this to happen, choosing him to give your heart to, or feeling that you are partially to blame. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better. Forgive yourself for making mistakes, not seeing the problem, or being open and vulnerable with him.

You are a human being and therefore not perfect. Decide now that you will learn and grow from this experience and choose to be more loving and kind with yourself.

How to let go of someone who hurt you? By forgiving him because you understand that his behavior is about him and had nothing to do with you.

7. Use This Experience To Grow Stronger

Emotional strength and resilience evolve from difficult experiences and overcoming them. Courage develops when you face issues in your life head-on, without backing down or giving up. The skills for lasting love develop when you learn from experiences, but don’t allow them to close off your heart.

Life will always throw you curveballs and being hurt by someone close to you is one of the greatest challenges you can go through. The internal strength you acquire will give you the endurance to continue moving toward your goal of sharing your life with an ideal mate.

Taking a mindful approach to being hurt by someone close to you can give you the resources and skills to move on with your life and thrive! 16^th Century poet George Herbert said, “Living well is the best revenge.”

Living your life well, instead of shrinking in the face of hurt and betrayal can shape you into a brilliant diamond of a person that others look up to and wish to emulate (and perhaps fill your Ex with shame and regret for his actions).

Now that you’re aware of the steps to letting go of someone who hurt you and moving on with your life, ask yourself what do I need to make this transformation a reality?

The truth is, if you knew how to do this on your own you would have already released the hurt and moved on. So lovingly, because we know that’s not where you are, we want to take you one step closer to the truth. Click here to watch this video to learn the real reason why it has been so hard for you to break the cycle of unfulfilling relationships.

You’ll be surprised at how quickly you can turn your love life around.

I was dating a man two months ago that broke up with me because I just wasn’t spending enough time with him. After the first date, he emailed me and told me he stayed awake all night thinking of me and he really thought I was the one. He gave me a dozen red roses on our next date, called me beautiful, sweetie, and baby. I told him he needed to slow down, asked him to stop calling me these names every second, and kept thinking I just was not used to a nice guy.

My gut said something was not right, but I tried. He would text me 20 times a day during work, would fly home and have to come to see me that night after a business trip, etc. He’s been everything I’ve wanted but just so quick that it felt fake.

Now I sit here alone asking myself after 12 years of being divorced…why? Here was a man that showed he wanted me, and I pushed him away. I am 56 and feel like it just is not ever going to happen for me. I have tried Match several times, been in a few long-term relationships, have a good job, own my own home and I am alone.

Why did I push him away? He’s a nice guy, maybe I thought he was too good to be true. I read your newsletter every week and I sit here feeling scared to get out there again…but scared to not try.”

Dear Denise,

Thank you for your heartfelt question. Your fear of pushing someone away is more common than you think. There is so much pressure to find “The One” and when you’ve been single for a while it can feel like time is running out for you.

Dating doesn’t have to be a scary situation in which every little mistake you make has the possibility of dooming your chances for love. By changing your mindset and taking a new approach to dating you can increase your chances of finding lasting love and having fun in the process!

Change “I Pushed Him Away” To A Positive Thought

Our hearts feel heavy seeing you be so hard on yourself. It seems like you want to make yourself wrong or bad in some way when by your own admission this relationship didn’t feel right. If it doesn’t feel good, then it is not right for you.

The dating process is a selection process. It’s important for you to notice how you feel when you are with the guy you’re dating, and how you feel when you immediately part from him. What gets our attention is that you immediately began second-guessing yourself and judging your own behavior deciding that you pushed away a nice guy who was very into you.

Lasting love is a two-way street. Both people in the relationship must continue to choose each other again and again. Over time this creates a lasting bond for the couple. You cannot forego the intoxicating feeling of falling in love. This is an essential ingredient for love to last a lifetime.

Change your self-judgment about pushing him away to a positive and assign a new meaning to this experience – one that will move you towards an ideal match for love to last. Decide now that this relationship is evidence that you are worthy of love, and that the right man is on his way to you. You’ve been choosing to interpret the outcome of this relationship as a failure when you could just as easily see it as a success.

Look how powerful you are! You attracted a man who was so crazy about you that he instantly made you a priority in his life. He gave you roses, constantly texted you, and couldn’t wait to see you when he came home from a trip. You must be an amazing woman to inspire these actions in a man.

His behavior doesn’t mean that he is the right guy for you. Just because a guy is crazy about you doesn’t mean you have to be crazy about him. Staying with someone because you don’t know if anyone else will love you as much as he does is a product of low self-esteem. It means you don’t see your own value.

If you want a soulmate relationship, start loving yourself as much as this guy loved you! Make your needs and wants a priority. Decide that you are worth loving!

Instead of focusing on your fear of pushing someone away, look for what you learned from this experience that you can take into your next dating experience. Train yourself to release this pattern of harshly judging yourself. (You could even be grateful to this man for clearly showing you this pattern of self-judgment.)

Take The Pressure Off Your Search For Love

The search for love feels different than any other goal in life. The pressure to find lasting love is connected to your self-worth, your confidence, and your lovability. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if your sense of self wasn’t dependent on how someone you barely know felt about you?

Take the pressure off and see what dating is like when you are open and curious about the people you meet instead of critical and judgmental. Too many people approach dating with the mindset that they must protect themselves at all costs. As if the right person will know how to scale the walls, find a way through the moat, and take down all the guards around your heart.

Telling yourself, “I pushed him away,” is an excuse to feel bad about yourself. Judging him for being excited to see you is a strategy that no man will ever do it right. Both of these limiting beliefs are keeping you single.

Take a new approach to dating that allows you to just meet people without expectation and break the pattern of judgment that doesn’t give love a chance to bloom. You may find that it can be easy and fun to meet new people.

Never Judge A Man Who Wants To Claim You

Some guys come on strong. They fall in love quickly and want to move the relationship forward at lightning speed. This is usually a form of infatuation, but it isn’t fake. It simply means that he wants to claim you to take you off the market. He sees you as valuable because other men would want you too.

It’s your job to set the pace of the relationship while dating. A man who is truly interested in a relationship with you will adjust and slow things down for you.

A past client recently got engaged and we remember when she met her fiancé. He wanted to jump into exclusivity after only two dates. While coaching her, we told her to slow things down and tell him she wasn’t ready yet.  She was afraid she’d lose him. Instead, they dated for several months before going exclusive and have been going strong ever since.

It could be a red flag if he is unable or unwilling to adjust and slow things down. Making requests is not pushing someone away. It is the best strategy for you to get what you want.

Dating Purposefully Requires Curiosity

Keeping an open and curious mindset while dating will do a better job of protecting your heart than being critical and judgmental. When you are curious about your date and his behavior, then you can discover more about him and if you two are an ideal match.

Curiosity also keeps you from pushing someone away because you are asking questions instead of making judgments. Being curious keeps your expectations in check. This ultimately keeps you from putting your lovability in the hands of a stranger.

Be curious about yourself as well. Notice your inner dialog while dating and keep an eye out for judgment and any other patterns that block you from being open and curious.

Do not assign meaning to every little behavior. Sometimes people are as they appear to be. Looking for hidden meanings or signs that something is wrong just puts you on high alert and keeps you from being present to the moment.

Being open and curious doesn’t mean that you excuse bad behavior. If your date is controlling, manipulative, or abusive in any way, move on. No amount of chemistry is worth being in a relationship with a toxic person.

Develop Discernment Through The Dating Process

Slowing things down, making requests, and staying curious allows you to develop a discerning mindset while you are dating. This will help you choose wisely before you go exclusive with someone.

Rather than judging a man’s enthusiasm take time to discover if it is real and sustains over time. Does he stay as excited about you three, six, or twelve months into dating? Or does your request to take things more slowly put out his fire? He will be revealed to you over time and there is no reason to rush.

Making requests gives you the opportunity to see his ability to adjust to your needs and desires. You may not get everything you ask for, but you will discover if he is capable of adjusting to accommodate you. Ultimately you want a man whose goal is to make you happier.

Cultivating discernment through the dating process helps you avoid making rash judgments and throwing a good man away because of a mistake (like miscommunication). It also helps you to discover your own limiting beliefs and whether you are open to receiving the love you desire.

You Can’t Say Or Do The Wrong Thing With The Right Person

The fear of pushing someone away is ultimately the fear of making a mistake. Beating yourself up thinking you did something wrong doesn’t allow you to grow from this experience. Ultimately, when you meet the right person the two of you will figure it out together and work through your differences.

With the right person, you grow together rather than apart. In a soulmate relationship, the two of you will continue to choose each other again and again. There is no relationship without conflict. There is no magical person that you won’t ever have problems with. Great relationships happen because two people choose to love each other and to overcome the challenges they face together.

Uncovering your subconscious blocks to love will allow you to love yourself more fully making a soulmate relationship possible.

Don’t let the fear of pushing someone away stop you from going after the love you want. If you’re ready to change your strategies and discover how you can date for your soulmate, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. During this session, we’ll share a custom plan for how you can create the lasting love you desire.