Dreaming is an essential part of your well-being. Dreams can bring insights about a current situation in your life and also help you process difficult emotions. Paying attention to your dreams helps you through challenging times in your life. But what does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love?

Instead of obsessing about the dream and wondering if it’s an omen, or if the two of you are supposed to get back together, using the tools of dream interpretation can bring you insights into your current situation and, hopefully, bring you peace of mind.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Someone You Used To Love? Should You Get Back Together?

When you dream about someone you used to love you can obsess about whether you’re supposed to reconnect with your ex. The dream can inspire you to reach out to your ex, trigger a cycle of anxiety that has you rethinking the whole relationship, or wonder if you made a mistake in moving on.

But does dreaming about someone you used to love mean that the two of you are meant to be?

This common misunderstanding of dreams can drive you crazy trying to figure out what the dream is trying to tell you. Dreams are not prophecies or messages sent from the Universe. Your dreams are not a signal that your ex is sending you to give them a call. They don’t come from some outside force like fate or God trying to guide you to your destiny.

What Is The Purpose Of Dreaming?

If dreams aren’t sending you messages from the Universe (or from your ex), what is the purpose of dreaming?

Dreaming is how your mind processes what’s going on in your daily life. They’re a vital part of keeping your mind healthy and functioning. When you suffer from insomnia, you’ll experience issues with memory, thinking clearly, solving problems, and even the ability to reason.

Ideally, dreaming helps you deal with strong emotions. Your dreams can help you remember things by replaying them from your day. And they can help you find solutions to problems in your life. Sometimes your dreams can even attempt to predict the future.

Sleeping and dreaming are essential to keeping your mind and body functioning at an optimal level. Even if you don’t remember dreaming about someone, or dreaming at all, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t dreaming while you’re sleeping. Dreaming is a natural process that you experience every time you sleep, even when you take a short nap.

Your dreams are messages from your subconscious mind and reflect something going on inside of you. Your subconscious mind is working through a situation or an issue in your life, and your dream is the result of that process.

Essentially, your subconscious is trying to communicate with you, and dreaming is one of its most effective ways of getting a message to your conscious mind.

How Do Your Dreams Communicate With You?

The act of dreaming is something your subconscious mind does while your conscious mind is asleep. The process of dreaming is how your subconscious communicates with you.

The subconscious mind communicates through symbol, imagery, story, and metaphor rather than in a language like English, French, or Swahili. It also communicates through your physical body as physical sensation. Your feelings (whether physical or emotional) are signals from your subconscious to get your attention.

For example, the pain you’d feel in your ankle after an injury is a signal to pay attention; that you not to put weight on that foot until it has healed.

Another example is feeling angry at someone for cutting the line in front of you. The anger is an emotional reaction to a deeper story you have about being cheated or disrespected.

Your emotional response to events is your subconscious way of drawing attention to the underlying story and meaning you’ve assigned to these types of events.

In your dreams, your subconscious uses symbols and feelings to give you greater understanding of something going on in your life.

What does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? It means that your subconscious wants to draw your attention to that situation in order to understand it more deeply, or as an attempt to resolve, or heal it.

Do Dreams Have Universal Symbols?

Many dream interpreters believe that symbols within a dream are universal. It makes sense that if you dream of your teeth falling out, or that you’re falling, you’re probably feeling anxious during your waking hours. However, dreaming of something like a snake can mean different things to different people. Are you afraid of snakes? Or maybe you’re fascinated by them? How you feel about snakes in general will change the message from your own mind.

But what does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? Is there a universal meaning behind these types of dreams?

This would only make sense if the circumstances in all break-ups were the same. Since the breakup with your ex is unique to you, then your dream is unique to you as well. Trying to find some universal meaning behind dreaming about your ex isn’t helpful because it won’t take into account the details of your specific relationship, your past experiences with love, or your upbringing.

Instead of looking for some universal meaning or wondering if your ex is sending you messages in your dreams, exploring the subconscious clues of your dream will bring you the insights you are looking for.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Someone? The Answers Are Specific To You

The key to finding peace of mind when you dream about someone you used to love comes from looking at specific information within the dream itself. Your dream about your ex is specific to you and the meaning of it is specific to you as well.

Dreams are your mind’s way of processing what’s going on in your daily life. They’re a vital part of keeping your mind healthy and functioning. Instead of resisting the dream or obsessing about it, look for the clues in your dreams that reveal the specific message the dream has for you.

What does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? Rather than being literal, your ex is a symbol for something your subconscious wants to draw your attention to in order to understand it more deeply. Here are some questions to ask yourself about your dream that will give you the insight you desire.

1. What Time Of Night Did You Have The Dream?

During an average night’s sleep, there are three stages of REM, and dreams that occur during each stage have different functions.

The first is the Wishful Thinking Stage. Your mind is organizing the information that you’ve collected over the past day. It’s like your mind is putting all that information into specific categories and filing it away.

You don’t usually remember these dreams because they occur shortly after you fall asleep. These are also the type of dreams you experience during a nap.

The second is the Precognitive Stage. Your mind is attempting to predict where you’re going based on the information it sorted during the Wishful Thinking Stage. For example, if you’re under a lot of pressure, you may have upsetting dreams about things falling apart or bad things happening.

This doesn’t mean that bad things are going to happen. It means that your mind is seeing where you are and is attempting to predict where the path you’re on will lead you. It sees the destination as something stressful occurring based on the direction you’re currently headed.

Dreams during this phase are rarely remembered unless they’re so powerful that they wake you up in the middle of the night.

The dreams you typically remember occur in the morning before waking up. This is the Venting Stage. Your mind is attempting to vent out or release something that’s no longer needed. These dreams can also be about integrating new information or learning.

Stage one is sorting information. Stage two is attempting to predict the future. And stage three is about letting go of or integrating new information or learning.

2. What Does It Mean When You Dream About Someone You Used To Love In Each Stage?

If your dream occurred during the Wishful Thinking Stage, you don’t have to put much thought into the dream. You most likely won’t remember it anyway. Something in your day triggered a thought of your ex and your subconscious is filing that information away.

If your dream occurred during the Precognitive Stage, you’ll want to examine the symbols of the dream. You probably only remember the dream because it woke you up. If that happened then you may feel strong emotions about what happened or your subconscious is seeing something similar in your current life that mirrors what happened with your ex.

Look over the next questions and you’ll get specific insight for you about the dream.

If your dream occurred during the Venting Stage, you’re attempting to release a similar dynamic in your current life or you’re integrating the learning from your break-up so you don’t repeat the pattern.

What does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? It depends on the time of night you experienced the dream. Since you remember it, it most likely occurred during the Venting Stage in the morning before waking. It could mean that you are attempting to release that relationship or relationship dynamic.

3. What Do The Symbols In Your Dreams Mean?

Since your subconscious communicates to you through symbols and metaphors, the symbols in your dream mean something specific to you. However, they probably don’t mean what you think they mean.

Symbolic images represent something deeper than what appears on the surface. The symbol of your ex isn’t necessarily about your ex. Instead, your ex is a symbol of something inside of you.

You may find it helpful to write down the details of your dream when you first wake up. Keep a journal beside your bed and set the intention that you’ll remember your dreams when you wake up. This may take some practice to get good at.

Sort the details of your dream into two categories: common and unusual. The common details are not that important to your understanding of the dream. It’s the unusual details that your subconscious is highlighting for you.

Ask yourself how you feel about the unusual details. What emotions do they trigger? What is the primary emotion of the dream? The answers give you insight into what your subconscious mind is attempting to vent out or integrate.

Another important symbol in your dream is the Timing Cue. The timing cue is something in the dream that gives you insight into when this emotional story originated. For example, if you’re dreaming about an angry boss but you’re in your grade school classroom. The timing cue indicates that the emotional pattern in the dream originated during that time in your life.

What does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? Examine your feelings about the symbols and the timing cue in the dream to guide your search for meaning.

4. What Does It Mean When You Dream About Someone You Used To Love? Putting It All Together

Putting all the pieces together…

• The time of night that the dream occurred
• The primary emotion of the dream
• The unusual symbols and how they make you feel
• The timing cue to reveal when the pattern originated

…will give you the insight you need to understand why you’ve been dreaming about your ex and will hopefully bring you peace of mind.

Discovering this insight will not only allow you to feel relieved about the nature of the dream. It will also allow you to integrate any learning you need to resolve the emotional pattern that your subconscious chose to highlight for you.

The dream about your ex isn’t trying to get you to reach out to him. It’s showing up to help you process some emotional pattern similar to the one you experienced with your ex.

What does it mean when you dream about someone you used to love? When you dream about your ex it can be tempting to reach out or fantasize about that relationship. Instead, allow yourself the freedom to let go of an emotional pattern and move into a healthier dynamic in your current or future relationship.

Are you struggling with thinking or dreaming about your ex and having trouble letting them go? If you can’t stop thinking about your ex, or find yourself ruminating on the past, you could be stuck in a loop that keeps you from moving forward in your love life. It’s time to free yourself from the past so that you can create the love you want. Join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call, and we’ll give you a custom plan for creating the love you want.

Letting go of hurt and betrayal isn’t going to happen overnight. You’re going to experience different stages of grief and loss along the way, but you don’t have to let this experience close your heart to love. If you take a conscious approach to walking away from your ex and healing your heart, you can create a greater love and a stronger partnership than the one you lost.

It’s so easy to get stuck between two opposing feelings. On the one hand, you feel pain and anger from your ex’s disloyalty. On the other hand, you want to put the whole situation behind you and start feeling better. Neither of these strategies is going to help you let go of hurt and betrayal.

Lasting love with a partner you can trust requires you to move past the hurt and betrayal, to heal your heart, and to create love more mindfully from the start.

Choosing to stay and work things out with your partner can be an option if you believe that your partner is serious about repairing the relationship, making amends, and is willing to put in the time to regain your trust.

However, if reconciliation and repair are not an option, you’ll want to know how to let go of hurt and betrayal so you can learn to love and trust again.

How To Let Go Of Hurt And Betrayal In Ways That Actually Motivate You To Walk Away From Your Ex

1. Take It Day By Day

Some days you’ll feel like you’re ready to move on, and other days you’ll wonder if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. That’s normal and to be expected. Letting go of hurt and betrayal (like all healing) is not a straight-line trajectory, it’ll take some time.

Your best approach is to just take it day by day. If you wake up and you feel strong, use that day to get things done. If you wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, then take extra special care of yourself and don’t pack your schedule as if you’re a superhero. Utilize time off and sick days to schedule time for self-care activities. Be sure to include unscheduled time for puttering — where you have nothing on your calendar and just do whatever you feel like in the moment.

It may seem that your life will never get better or go back to normal. That’s a lie you’re telling yourself. No one was ever so delusional and overcome with joy or happiness and thought, “I’m going to feel like this forever!” And yet, when you feel sadness, grief, or even guilt and shame, you convince yourself that you’ll be stuck in the abyss forever. You won’t. Life will go on. You will feel better. Embrace each day that passes as your best friend because time is on your side.

2. Your Emotions Are Temporary

Allow yourself to feel your feelings, express them, and allow them to move through you. You may uncover deeper layers of hurt and anger, but those emotions will shift and change as well.

Don’t focus on asking “why” this situation happened. Don’t look for the reason. This will only keep you feeling like a victim and keep you from moving forward. There’s no answer to “why did this happen” that will give you the peace you’re looking for. Sometimes bad things happen. Focusing on “why” disempowers you, so reclaim your power by feeling and expressing your emotions because all your feelings are temporary.

Your brain is looking for an answer or an explanation to solve a problem, however, your feelings are not a problem to solve. The only way through a breakup is to feel your feelings so you can move through them.

No matter your feelings, know that they’re appropriate. Just give yourself space and time to let the energy of your emotions move through you.

Embrace the mantra, “Just keep going.” Keep going until you feel better and at some point in the future you will. Borrow from Dory of Finding Nemo fame, “Just keep swimming!” Take it day by day and celebrate your wins along the way.

How to let go of hurt and betrayal? Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel all your emotions instead of trying to deny them or ignore them.

3. Up Your Self-Care To Calm Your Nervous System

This betrayal can trigger you into old emotional and behavioral patterns. You can get stuck in a fight/flight/freeze response and your logical rational mind can go offline.

If you’re triggered you’re no longer acting rationally. Calm your nervous system so your problem-solving brain can come back online. Take a warm bath with baking soda, Epsom salts, and essential oils. Go to a restorative yoga class. Get regular massages and chiropractic care. Meditate. Walk in nature. Breathe.

Resist the urge to act out, attack, or run away from your problems. Instead sit down, breathe, put your hands on your chest and say to yourself, “I am loved and I am safe.” Wrap your arms around yourself in a big bear hug. Get a weighted blanket for your bed (it’s like sleeping while someone is holding you tight all night long).

You may feel the urge to numb yourself with TV, alcohol, work, or whatever your distraction of choice is. Instead of numbing yourself, find the courage and commit to calming your nervous system instead of numbing it. You’ll feel better and speed up your healing journey.

Checking out can create a dangerous spiral of isolation. Use your support system to keep you connected to people who care about you.

The connection to yourself and others will help the healing process. You’re not alone and your experience isn’t unique. Everyone has their heart broken and has had setbacks in their love life. Use their experience to comfort and support you.

How to let go of hurt and betrayal? Calm your nervous system, stay engaged with your supportive inner circle, and resist the urge to check out.

4. Cut Out The Source Of Your Pain

Continuing to have contact with your ex will keep the wound open and slow down your healing. Set a clear boundary and exercise your right to take care of yourself. Block your ex on all social media platforms. Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer” (and follow the instructions to not pick up).

Limit all communication with your ex to the absolute necessities. If you must have contact regarding children, joint business, or settling finances you must set clear rules about how, when, and where, and most importantly — for how long. Release the need to respond immediately if your ex contacts you. Wait before you say or do something that will re-engage the two of you in a dialogue.

How to let go of hurt and betrayal? Set clear boundaries between you and your ex.

5. Feel Your Feelings While Managing Your Thoughts & Actions

Whether you are replaying past events repeatedly in your mind, or using social media to spy on your ex, keeps you stuck and reengaging with the pain of being betrayed. It will also exacerbate the pain.

Obsessing over the details and searching for answers prolongs your feelings of hurt and betrayal. It’s normal to allow your imagination to run amuck and wish bad things upon the person who hurt you. You’re not a bad person because you entertain these thoughts or feelings.

There’s a big difference between entertaining fantasies of revenge and acting on them. Just because you wish bad things would happen to someone doesn’t make you a bad person, it simply makes you human. However, continuing to nurture thoughts of revenge or focusing on your pain will exacerbate your suffering.

Take control of your thoughts by managing your inner dialog. When helpless thoughts arise, change your thoughts to positive ones and focus on who you’re becoming. Create a vision of the future you, one that is no longer in pain, and choose thoughts that support this vision.

Affirm your belief that you can and will overcome this situation. Find an anthem that supports your journey and sing along as loudly as you can. Decide that living well is the best revenge.

How to let go of hurt and betrayal? Choose thoughts that nurture your growth and your belief in love. Find an anthem that supports the vision of the new and improved you and sing it loud and often.

6. Decide You’ll Be Better For The Experience

This is probably the most important step in this process. You get to decide how or if this experience changes you.

You can’t change the circumstances of what happened. The betrayal and hurt have already occurred. Wishing it didn’t happen or focusing on regrets and wishing things were different only keeps you stuck in the hurt and trauma of the event.

To stand in your power, decide on how you’re going to transform through what happened. Make it a conscious choice to be changed for the better.

Decide you’re going to be better, smarter, or ___[fill in the blank]___ because of this experience. Decide that you’ll become a better version of yourself for having gone through it.

Let go of hurt and betrayal and move on by becoming the best version of yourself — like a sparkling diamond that has withstood the pressures that created it.

7. Nothing Has Meaning Except The Meaning You Give It

This is an essential part of the process to reinvent yourself for the better. YOU and you alone get to decide the meaning you assign to the events you have experienced. Choose wisely the meaning you’d like to give to this experience of hurt and betrayal.

You aren’t limited by the events that happened to you, what defines you is how you behave after they have occurred.

You’ll falter along the way because healing is not a straight trajectory; it’s more like peaks and valleys. It is not whether you stumble on your journey that determines your success. It is getting back up again after you stumble and fall.

Just keep telling yourself that there’s something here for you to learn about yourself so that you can be better for this experience, and you’ll find the gold that will transform your life for the better.

How to let go of hurt and betrayal? Keep getting back up and opening your heart to new possibilities.

8. Forgive

When you’re ready, and only after you’ve invested time on the journey outlined above, decide to forgive.

Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made, and forgive the person who betrayed you. This doesn’t mean that you forget what they did or who they’ve shown themselves to be. It also doesn’t mean you ever have to speak with them again. However, without forgiveness, you’ll struggle to move forward with your life.

Ultimately forgiveness is for you. Practicing forgiveness frees you from your ex so you can move on. It doesn’t mean that you’ll forget what happened and allow a toxic person back into your life.

How do let go of hurt and betrayal? Embrace forgiveness so you can move on and find a partner better suited for you.

9. Forgiveness Sets You Free

Our favorite practice of forgiveness is the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono. This forgiveness practice is about coming back into wholeness and integrity with yourself.

‘Pono’ is the Hawaiian word for integrity, and Ho’oponopono is coming back into integrity with yourself.

Commit to this ritual to allow the magic of forgiveness in your life.

Here are the steps to practice Ho’oponopono:

1. Picture who you wish to forgive in your mind. This can be the person who hurt you. It can be you. It can even be you (or the other person) at an earlier age.
2. Place your hands on your heart center (the center of your chest on your sternum) and repeat these four phrases:
   I’m Sorry
   Please Forgive Me
   Thank You
   I Love You
3. Practice this daily for 5-10 minutes until you feel the energy and emotion shift and you feel whole again.

The Buddha says:

“Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

This is exactly why forgiveness is essential. The anger and resentment you may hold against another person will ultimately poison you, limit you, and hold you back from living at your full potential.

10. Don’t Let Hurt And Betrayal Stop You From Living Your Best Life

No one is immune to being betrayed. Relationships are complex and people are multi-faceted. There is some evolution that you must go through to ensure this won’t happen to you again.

Caring about another person and loving another person does not come with any guarantees. You must risk when it comes to love.

The rewards are always greater than the setbacks and pain if you find the silver lining and grow.

The growth is your ticket to a new level of living and loving. Healing your heart allows you to connect more deeply with other people, likely new people who will love and accept you and support you more than you ever imagined was possible.

Is your heart broken? Looking for a path out of the pain and back into hope? Register for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll give insight into your situation, and guide you towards healing your heart and learning to love again.