Self-love is the foundation of your ability to take care of yourself in your relationships. It can assist you in preventing toxic and other unhealthy patterns by allowing you to set boundaries and to be clear on what you refuse to accept.

If you are hard on yourself, speak harshly to yourself, and are unkind to yourself, it won’t feel right when you meet someone who is kind and compassionate with you. People who have low self-esteem or have a low opinion of themselves often end up in toxic relationships because they don’t believe they deserve better.

Water seeks its own level in relationship. When you love yourself, you partner with someone who is capable of loving you in a healthy, respectful way.

If you don’t like yourself, you’ll subconsciously seek rejection or chase emotionally unavailable partners hoping they’ll bestow love upon you (a fruitless exercise of chasing rejection).

To create healthy, lasting love, you must learn to love yourself, flaws and all. Ultimately, you don’t get love from another person. It is the love you have for yourself that is reflected back to you through the eyes of your beloved.

What Is Self-Love?

Self-love involves practices and beliefs that promote your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being. Loving yourself requires that you stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who respect you and treat you well. Self-love extends yourself grace and forgiveness when you make mistakes.

The idea of self-love can often be mistaken for narcissistic self-importance or selfish indulgence, but it has nothing to do with the negative aspects of self-absorption and materialism.

Loving yourself is not a replacement for the emotional intimacy of a healthy relationship. Self-love is an integral part of personal growth and improves the quality of all your relationships, especially the one with yourself.

Self-love is not a form of complacent self-acceptance. It’s learning to accept who you are, warts and all, while striving to become better, not from a place of judgment but from a genuine desire to evolve.

You may easily mistake spa days, fancy dinners, or shopping sprees as an expression of self-love. While there’s nothing wrong with any of these activities, they’re more focused on sensual, material pleasures than they are on a healthy sense of self.

Self-indulgence is about doing what feels good in the moment. Self-love sometimes requires you to delay gratification to receive something more lasting.

Even though self-love is focused on your relationship with yourself, loving yourself will pay off in your intimate relationships. Since you are the common denominator in all your relationships, having a healthy relationship with yourself lays the groundwork for creating healthy, lasting love with a partner.

11 Ways Loving Yourself Improves Your Relationship

1. Your Happiness Is Not Contingent On A Partner

When you seek love and validation from outside of yourself, a partner has control over your self-esteem. By loving yourself, you aren’t reliant on someone else for your happiness, your peace of mind, or your confidence.

You’re less likely to end up in a co-dependent or toxic relationship. Because you’re more comfortable with who you are, you won’t tolerate someone trying to control you or manipulate you. You know that if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be fine on your own.

2. You Have Better Communication

When you love yourself you’re connected to your own thoughts and emotions allowing you to communicate more effectively with a partner. You’re more confident being authentic because you like who you are.

Your openness and willingness to communicate creates a safe space for a partner to speak up for themselves allowing a deeper connection to grow between you. Good communication skills reduce misunderstandings and conflicts. You’re more able to handle disagreements with grace and patience.

3. You Increase Respect And Accountability

Part of loving yourself is taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions. Being able to take responsibility for your emotions and behavior allows you to cultivate respect with others. Acknowledging your mistakes, apologizing, and making amends when necessary are the foundation for a healthy partnership.

By owning your part in any conflict or misunderstanding, you pave the way for reconnecting with your partner rather than falling into a cycle of blame and defensiveness.

4. You Get Your Needs Met

As you cultivate self-love you learn to love yourself so you can teach someone to love you. Identifying your needs is the first step, and having the courage to ask for what you want is the next. Infatuation and deep love don’t come with mind-reading powers. Sometimes, you must speak up and ask for what you want.

When you identify and communicate your needs, you’re more likely to find an ideal partner. They will want to meet your needs and increase your happiness.

5. You Increase Emotional Intimacy

You can’t love yourself if you don’t know how you feel. By identifying and acknowledging your emotional state, you learn that your feelings count and matter. When you’re in touch with how you feel, you become aware of who inspires positive feelings in your life and who inspires negative ones.

You build emotional intimacy by sharing your feeling state. If you’re disconnected from your emotional life, you’ll also feel disconnected in your intimate relationship. Sharing your authenticity is an invitation to the other person to share their authentic experience as well. When you both share and acknowledge each other’s truth, you create a strong emotional connection.

6. You Share Acceptance And Kindness

Perfectionism and judgment are major blocks to love. Beating yourself up because you made a mistake is the opposite of loving. Loving yourself begins with self-acceptance. The ability to accept yourself as you are — warts and all — creates space for you to accept the imperfections of a partner.

Acceptance is enhanced when you can treat yourself with kindness even when life doesn’t go your way. This practice helps you avoid toxic, negative people. If you won’t tolerate judgment or negative thoughts about yourself, you won’t permit them from a partner. You’ll be drawn to someone who matches your compassion and kindness.

7. You Have More Compassion and Empathy

Accepting your flaws makes it easier to accept a partner’s imperfections. When you acknowledge and embrace your own shortcomings it’s easier to extend the same grace to others. Self-acceptance fosters compassion, as you understand that everyone is on their own journey of growth and healing.

Being aware of your failings creates empathy for a partner’s faults. This allows you to support your partner through their tough times. By practicing self-compassion, you cultivate a kinder, more understanding perspective toward others. This is particularly crucial in a relationship, where challenges and misunderstandings are inevitable.

8. You Avoid The Anger And Resentment Of Sacrifice

It’s too easy to sacrifice your needs and desires when you’re seeking love from another person. You’ll give up what you want to make them happy, hoping that they’ll reciprocate. This is a recipe for anger and resentment. Also, no relationship can thrive when one partner is always in sacrifice.

Self-love requires you to fill your own cup first so you can be of service from your overflow. When you love yourself, you’ve taken the time to discover what refuels you when you’re feeling down or overwhelmed. You’ve developed habits and practices to replenish your energy, making you more present and available to a partner.

9. You Have Clear Boundaries

If you don’t love yourself and seek validation from a partner, you can easily end up in a co-dependent relationship. There’s a boundary between you and another person, and that boundary is made up of respect. Boundaries are hard to keep when you fear rejection or want to avoid conflict.

Loving yourself requires you to be good at setting and keeping boundaries. Knowing your value allows you to set the stage for respectful love to flourish.

10. You Foster Forgiveness

Self-love allows you to be forgiving with yourself.  You don’t expect perfection, instead you simply do your best and allow your best to be good enough. If you fall short you offer a sincere apology and make amends.

Being forgiving is an important quality in a long-term relationship. Your partner will mess things up and so will you. You’ll both make mistakes. Being able to forgive yourself creates space to be more forgiving of a partner.

11. You Grow Together, Not Apart

Many relationships fizzle out because people don’t put in the effort to stay connected or to update their common goals. When you practice self-love, you’re in touch with yourself, your needs, and your desires. You’re communicating with your partner and speaking up and sharing your truth. You’re adapting and growing together over time.

Loving yourself is not complacent or static, it evolves with time. You foster a connection to self on a regular basis allowing you to also connect with a partner.

Self-love is first and foremost a practice of learning to love and accept yourself while committing to your growth and improvement. This spills over into how you show up in an intimate relationship and who you choose to partner with. It’s inevitable that you choose a partner who reflects back to you the love you have for yourself.

Do you recoil when you meet someone who is excited to get to know you? Does it feel odd when someone you don’t know very well is kind? These are symptoms of a lack of self-acceptance and self-love. Book a complimentary Breakthrough Call. Together we can show you a path to falling in love with yourself so you can bring in a beloved partner to share your life with.

One of the reasons people struggle in love is because they expect love to just happen when it’s meant to be. Or if you’ve experienced a lot of heartbreak you might wonder if you’ve ever felt real love. Love may feel rare or unique, but it’s one of the most natural feelings in the world.

Unfortunately if your expectation of real love comes from movies, poetry, or pop music, it’s easy to understand why you’d be confused. Real love isn’t something that just happens to you. It is part of human nature and can be cultivated and created.

The first step to understanding real love is to discover how your past experiences have led you to believe that love is a mystery and can’t be understood.

You Learned About Love At A Very Young Age

Many people grew up in a family dynamic where healthy love was not modeled, so they don’t have a guidance system inside of them to show them how to create it.

Your GPS for love was created at a very young age in your family of origin, and unless you’ve done a lot of therapy and personal growth to change it, it’s still guiding your choices and behaviors for giving and receiving love.

This internal guidance, system, Your Love Imprint®, is your subconscious program that highlights people who are familiar to the energetic dynamic of your family of origin. This system even determines who you find attractive because the subconscious mind highlights what is familiar to you.

In essence, your childhood wounds from your family of origin are driving your choices in love. The adult version of you isn’t selecting a partner, but rather the little child part of you who’s deciding the kind of person that you’re drawn to.

To answer the question, “What does real love feel like?” start by examining your relationship history and look for recurring patterns.

What Does Love Feel Like To You?

Reflect on your past crushes, attractions, and relationships. By examining the physical sensations in your body you can gain insight into your emotional patterns in love.

How did you know that you were falling for someone? What did it feel like in your body? Did it affect your ability to focus or concentrate on your daily tasks? Did you find yourself obsessively thinking about a crush?

Maybe you never felt safe enough to give your heart to someone. The thought of allowing yourself to fall in love was scary or overwhelming. Or maybe you got caught up feeling overwhelmed by the feelings. Perhaps you would obsess about a person who didn’t return your affection and you got stuck on the one that got away.

Evaluating what love feels like to you will give you insight into Your Love Imprint and how it’s motivating your choices to seek love or to avoid it at all costs. A love imprint match occurs when the person you’re attracted to is an energetic match to your wounds from childhood.

A love imprint match is like a false positive. It plays out the familiar dynamic you experienced as a child. For example, if you didn’t feel seen or heard, or that your needs didn’t matter, that’s what you’ll experience in the relationship. (Insert your particular wounding from your family of origin.)

What does real love feel like? Rather than matching your childhood wounds, you’ll feel satisfied in love.

Forgiveness Is The Path To Real Love

Most people who struggle to find lasting love are clear on what they do not want. The trouble is that what you desire isn’t the opposite of what you want to avoid. You can’t create the opposite of what you don’t want because you can’t manifest from lack.

Getting clear on your heart’s desire will clear the path for you to be able to create it. And to do this, you first want to do the work of healing and forgiving the past. Start with forgiving yourself for any mistakes you made in your past relationships. Then do the work to forgive the people who’ve hurt you.

Finally, you’ll want to forgive your parents for their limitations that left you feeling unloved. This is where the real work is. As a little child, you took full responsibility for your parents’ behavior (or whoever raised you).

Every child does this as you didn’t have the capacity to say, “Gee mom, this is bad parenting, what I really need right now is for you to give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be all right.”

Being a parent is the toughest job there is, so it’s best to avoid getting stuck in blame for their deficiencies. You made decisions about yourself and the world based on your parents’ behavior and those decisions don’t have to be set in stone.

Your strategies for giving and receiving love are based upon those decisions that you made as a little child who didn’t know how the world worked yet and before your sense of self was fully formed.

Forgiving your parents (or whoever raised you) allows you to begin the process of healing these wounds.

Once you clear out the negative emotions associated with love from the past, you can begin to ask yourself how you want your soulmate relationship to function. Without inserting a particular person, no face, no details of the person, focus on the kind of relationship that would make your heart sing.

What does real love feel like? Everyone has their unique idea of how their ideal relationship should function, but there are some common qualities when it comes to love.

What Does Real Love Feel Like?

1. Real Love Has Staying Power

When you think about your ideal relationship and how it functions, it’s important to also think of how you would feel over time with an ideal partner. It will feel different than other experiences you’ve had. You’ll likely be more clear-headed and the feelings you have will not be so all-consuming or confusing.

You won’t always feel “in love,” but you’ll be able to rekindle those feelings over and over again. The infatuation that comes with first meeting, dating, and getting to know someone is the gas that goes into your relationship tank. Falling in love is an important stage for love to last.

Remember sex is instinctual, however, long-term monogamous relationships are not. Marriage is a social construct that many people feel is unnecessary. Whether a marriage is part of your goals or not, learning to create a lasting, loving partnership is one way to thrive in life.

Loving someone means that you enjoy spending time with them, but it’s much more because love means that you can overlook temporary frustrations for the longer-term benefits of being with a life partner.

Real love is long-lasting and satisfying. Even though you have differences and disagreements, you’re committed to making it work together so that your love lasts.

What does real love feel like? It feels like it will last a lifetime.

2. Love Feels Like Freedom

One of the contradictions of committing to one person is that it gives you so much freedom in your life. Since you no longer feel the worry and angst of the search for love, it frees you up to focus on other areas of your life.

Love and freedom are also part of any successful relationship. By promising to love and cherish your partner no matter what, you give them the freedom to be themself. Love doesn’t ask for the other person to change. It accepts someone for who they are, warts and all.

When you’re in it to win it with an ideal partner you can give them the benefit of the doubt. You’ll both have good days and bad days, and your soulmate will be a human being who will make mistakes.

What does real love feel like? It feels like the freedom to be yourself and to accept your partner as is.

3. Love Is Risky

Another contradiction built into real love is its inherent riskiness. Even though the two of you made a commitment to each other, it can still feel risky to keep your heart open with your partner.

Taking the risk to choose love daily means that your relationship will never get stale. You will never drift apart. Instead, you’ll lean into your differences and your conflicts allowing the love between you to grow more deeply.

There’s a comfort that comes with choosing the same person to love over and over again despite the temporary circumstances that show up as tiny annoyances.

What does real love feel like? It feels like taking a risk every day to keep your heart open and loving.

4. Love Is Patient And Kind

Part of being human is to feel the full range of human emotions. You’ll have moments with your beloved of being impatient or even unkind. It’s part of being human to accept that you are imperfect.

Still, love is patient and kind despite your impatience and frustration. Choosing to love someone means that you take responsibility for your outbursts and clean them up rather than letting them fester.

Choosing to love another person means you will choose to be more patient and kind with your partner and also with yourself. You’ve both earned the benefit of the doubt with each other and you’re willing to give each other grace.

What does real love feel like? It feels like the patience and kindness to love each other anyway, even when life gets the best of you.

5. Love Is Trusting

Real love means that you’ve taken the time to get to know the person you’ve committed to and that person has earned your trust. Trust is not something that you give to a stranger you’ve just met.

Many people make the mistake of giving the benefit of the doubt to someone they’ve just met because they feel all these good feelings. Just because someone makes you feel good doesn’t mean that they’ve earned your trust.

Trust is earned over time as your partner proves that their intentions and desires with you are trustworthy. Once proven, that trust is given freely.

What does real love feel like? It feels like being able to trust the person sitting across from you, and knowing you can trust in their good intentions.

6. Ultimately, Love Gives You Roots And Wings

Real love is grounding, and it’s also expansive. It gives you deep roots to bring you the feeling that you’re on solid ground. You can stand tall and confident with the support of your soulmate.

At the same time love gives you wings to feel like you could fly to the moon.

What does real love feel like? It’s the feeling of being grounded and present here on planet earth combined with the feeling that you could fly among the stars.

Are you curious about how you can create your own roots and wings? Join us for a Soulmate Strategy Session and we can guide you to create your lasting, loving partnership.

You might wake up each morning from the dream feeling out of sorts, wondering what your subconscious is trying to tell you. It can be even more troubling if you’re already in a relationship with someone else.

Whatever your current relationship status, dreaming about your ex is much more common than you may think. But what the dream means to you can be entirely different than what it means to someone else.

Using dream interpretation to understand why you keep dreaming about your ex, you’ll gain insight into the message your subconscious is sending you and make the changes necessary to stop the cycle of a recurring dream. First, you’ll want to understand how dreams work, the cycles of REM sleep, and what they mean for your current situation.

Where Do Dreams Come From?

Dreams are your mind’s way of processing what’s going on in your daily life. They’re a vital part of keeping your mind healthy and functioning. People who experience a consistent lack of sleep have trouble remembering things, thinking clearly, and solving problems, as well as issues with their ability to reason.

Sleeping and dreaming are essential to keeping your mind and body functioning at an optimal level. Even if you don’t remember them doesn’t mean that you aren’t dreaming. It’s a natural process that you experience every time you sleep, even when you take a short nap.

Dreams are messages from your subconscious mind, and to understand your dreams, it’s important to realize your subconscious doesn’t communicate with you directly. It communicates in your dreams through symbol, imagery, story, and metaphor. Your dreams aren’t literal, they’re metaphorical.

While you’re dreaming your subconscious uses symbols, metaphors, and stories to give you insight into the current events of your life and help you process emotions triggered by your current circumstances.

Dreaming about your ex may or may not be about your ex. Rather than being literal, your ex is a symbol for something your subconscious wants to draw your attention to in order to understand it more deeply.

Are There Universal Dream Symbols?

Many schools of dream interpretation believe that symbols within a dream are universal. It does make sense that if you dream of your teeth falling out, you’re probably feeling some anxiety.

But what does it mean when you keep dreaming about your ex? Is there a universal meaning behind these types of dreams?

This would only make sense if the circumstances were the same in all past relationships or if everyone had the same experience from a break-up. Since what happened between you and your ex is unique to the two of you, then your dream is unique to you as well.

If you search “dreaming about my ex” trying to find some universal meaning, it won’t be helpful because the details of your specific relationship and current situation won’t be considered in the analysis or interpretation.

Instead of looking for a universal meaning through dream interpretation, you’ll receive the insight you’re looking for by exploring what the clues in your dream mean to you specifically. This is the key to finding peace of mind when you keep dreaming about your ex.

Examining your dreams by knowing what time of night they occurred as well as the plot points in them reveals the answer to: Why am I dreaming about my ex?

How Often Do You Dream At Night?

During a normal 8 hours of sleep, you experience 3 cycles of REM (or Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. It is during REM that you are dreaming your most vivid dreams. Each cycle of REM serves a different purpose.

Sleep is extremely important to your mental health as it serves many different functions, keeping you healthy and happy as well as being able to handle stress. Understanding the function of dreaming while you sleep can give you insights into how your subconscious mind processes the information you take in each day.

Wishful Thinking – The First Dreaming Stage

The first stage of dreaming occurs during the first 3 hours of sleep and is called Wishful Thinking. During this stage your subconscious is categorizing all the information that you have collected during the day. This information includes sensory information, emotional information, experiential information, as well as data.

You could say that your subconscious is categorizing all that information so that it could file it away. Your mind is organizing all the information you collected during the day and metaphorically cleaning the desktop on your computer and putting the files away in their appropriate folders. Similar emotions, experiences, and data get grouped together through the subconscious filing system.

These “Wishful Thinking” dreams are also the type you experience when you take a nap. These dreams don’t have much significance in their meaning. It’s simply a necessary process for the brain and body to achieve restful sleep.

These dreams are not ones you usually remember, so it’s unlikely that dreaming about your ex would occur during the Wishful Thinking stage.

Precognitive Dreaming – The Second Dreaming Stage

The second stage of dreaming occurs in the middle of the night and is called Precognitive Dreaming.

In this stage the subconscious mind is attempting to predict the future. After categorizing all the information of the previous day, the subconscious is predicting where you’ll be going if you continue along the path you’re on with the same data.

These dreams are not actually predicting the future. They simply identify the track you’re currently on (like a train track) and if you continue you’ll likely end up at this particular destination. This is a logical process, not an intuitive one.

Precognitive Dreams are rarely recalled after waking in the morning. The rare time that you wake from these dreams in the middle of the night is because you’re probably experiencing a large amount of stress, and your subconscious is predicting that things will continue to get worse. (Again, this is a logical assumption made by your subconscious mind, not a prediction of what’s to come.)

Dreaming about your ex during this stage isn’t a prediction that your ex is coming back to you or that the two of you will be together. Instead, your subconscious is using the situation with your ex as a metaphor for your current situation. These dreams could be your subconscious drawing your attention to a pattern in your life you need to pay attention to.

Venting Dreams – The Third Stage Of Dreaming

The final stage of dreaming occurs in the early morning just before waking up, these are called Venting Dreams.

These dreams are attempting to release anything that no longer serves you. They can also be dreams integrating new learning, or a combination of the two.

As most people remember their Venting Dreams (because they occur close to your usual wake-up time) an inordinate amount of importance is placed on them. It would be like focusing and giving importance to what’s in your garbage can instead of what you decided to not throw away.

You can liken these dreams to your mind hitting the EMPTY TRASH button on your computer. Because Venting Dreams are the ones you usually remember, you can mine them for useful information. To analyze these dreams, take note of a couple of details.

Analyzing Your Dreams – Using Dream Interpretation To Decode The Message

1. Discovering The Primary Emotional Experience

First separate the experiences in the dream from everyday known experiences and unique experiences. The everyday aspects of a dream (i.e. you are in your house or at work) are not that important as these are normal everyday occurrences or items. What’s useful to note are any unique aspects of your dream.

For example, you’re at work in the dream and suddenly a large bear wanders into the office. The large bear is a symbol your subconscious is using to represent something important to you. To understand the importance of the symbol, ask yourself how you feel about it. Does the bear frighten you? Does it bring you comfort? Etc.

This provides you with the primary emotional experience the dream is venting or integrating. The emotions you feel in the dream are unique to you as people can feel differently about bears, snakes, spiders, flying, etc.

The emotion in the dream is how YOU specifically feel about that particular thing or event. You may love roller coasters, whereas they might terrify your best friend. When you’re looking to analyze a dream, you’ll want to make it personal to you because it’s your subconscious creating the symbol and/or metaphor.

If you’ve been dreaming about your ex, explore your feelings about that relationship. Your subconscious is using your ex to draw your attention to a similar emotional experience in your present.

2. Discovering The Source Of The Emotional Pattern

The next step to analyze a Venting Dream is to identify what’s called the “Timing Cue” which gives you information about when in the past this emotional pattern began. Using the previous example of being at work and having a bear wander in, what if you were with your high school friends in your current office? The presence of your teenage friends reveals the root of when the emotional pattern began. The question you want to ask yourself is: How is this pattern relevant in your current circumstances?

Let’s say that you were frightened by the bear and caught off guard by its appearance. You could ask yourself what’s going on in your current work situation where you feel afraid of something unexpected occurring and how this is similar to what was happening in your life when you were in High School.

With these tools you can now understand the purpose and function of your dreams. Knowing what to give importance to, and what to release so you can process your feelings about the current situation in your life and break the cycle of recurring dreams.

What Does It Mean When You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex?

This dream is about you, it’s not about your ex. As we stated earlier, your ex is showing up in your dreams to represent a similar situation or emotional experience. What does your ex symbolize for you?

Focus on your current circumstances and reflect on patterns from the past that seem familiar. The timing cue gives you insight into when this particular emotional pattern began. The symbol of your ex (and how you feel about that relationship) is meant to bring you insight regarding your current emotional struggles.

Instead of obsessing about whether you made a mistake or if your ex is coming back to you, understand that your dream is guiding you to release an emotional story that no longer serves you (like throwing out the garbage). Journaling about the stresses you’re experiencing or the feelings triggered by the dream may provide the insights that allow you to let it go and take back your personal power in order to feel better.

If you’re still confused after examining the dream and unsure of its meaning, or you’ve discovered an emotional pattern you can’t break, it’s time to seek out professional help. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session to bring clarity to why you’re struggling to create long-lasting love with an ideal partner. We’re here to help!

Dissecting your date’s behavior to discern their interest from casual dating to exclusivity may lead you to make assumptions. Either missing an obvious clue that things are going well or misinterpreting a casual remark to mean much more.

You don’t have to be a mind reader to spot the signs that a casual relationship is getting serious, but you do need to check your assumptions at the door.

If you’re leaping into the future in your mind you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Here are some guidelines to follow to know the difference between wishful thinking and a more serious commitment.

Don’t Trust These Signs A Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious

Many situations can appear promising while dating only to end in frustration and sorrow. Despite these signs seemingly being positive they can also mean something else entirely, so exercise caution. These particular signs could be positive, neutral, or negative depending on the details.

You can find these activities enjoyable but don’t take them as signs a casual relationship is getting serious.

1. You Have Long Conversations

Having deep, meaningful conversations about your lives can create emotional intimacy, and with the right person it can be a great start to a wonderful relationship. However, there are plenty of daters who like lengthy, profound conversations and aren’t emotionally available for a serious relationship.

A client of ours came to us after dating a guy who was recently separated. They spoke every day, shared many laughs, and had a great connection — but he never moved things forward. Instead, he used her as an emotional crutch to heal his broken heart from his divorce and to feel better about himself. He wasn’t looking for a genuine relationship.

2. You Text Often With Each Other

Frequent texting can seem promising. You wake up to a good morning text and receive check-ins throughout the day. It’s easy to assume that this person is hot for you, right? The problem with text communication is that it is very convenient and doesn’t require any loyalty.

You may like texting each other and having someone to share your day with, but since it requires very little energy it isn’t a reliable sign a casual relationship is getting serious. It’s also very easy to fill in the blanks and assign tone to text communication. This means that you’re filtering the text message slanting it either positively or negatively. Either way, the communication itself is not being received as intended.

3. He Gives You Gifts And Attention

Gifts and a tremendous amount of attention too early in the dating process can be a red flag. Some men come on strong because they don’t want to be alone. He may want to WOW you and take you off the market, but if you don’t really know each other yet, he can be wasting your time. He may not be an ideal match for you long-term.

Enjoy the attention and appreciate the gifts, but don’t mistake them for devotion. It takes time to know if the two of you are a match long-term. There’s no secret shortcut or crystal ball that reveals how you’ll face challenges together.

4. He Invites You To Join Him For Trips and Events

If he’s inviting you out to the theatre, concerts, or weekend getaways enjoy the time together, but don’t make assumptions that he’s serious about you yet. Just because you spend a lot of time together doesn’t mean that your relationship getting serious. You may just be his Plus One with events he’s already planned.

He may simply want companionship (with the hope for physical intimacy). Be mindful of abandoning your friends, and your own social life to make room to tag along with him. There is a big difference between a man getting tickets to see your favorite band, versus the guy who is inviting you along because he bought two tickets months ago before you knew each other.

Don’t count the hours you spend together as evidence of a serious relationship, instead pay attention to the quality of that time together.

5. You’re Feeling Jealous

Some people think jealousy means their heart is invested. If you’re succumbing to the green-eyed monster — wondering who he’s with, who he’s texting, and worrying about his attractive co-worker it’s more likely a sign of insecurity rather than a budding romance.

Jealousy means you’re feeling insecure and anxious which is not an ideal way for you to feel about a serious relationship. If you’re constantly worried there’s no space for love to blossom. Evaluate your relationship history to see if this is a pattern for you. Or if it’s not a pattern you may discover that he’s been hiding things from you and your intuition is spot on. Either way, feeling jealous is not a sign that things are getting more serious between the two of you.

6. You Have Sex Frequently

Off-the-charts chemistry and great sex in the early part of a relationship will flood your body with feel-good hormones. So, keep your feet on the ground and remain level-headed — this may not be true love.

Attraction is a necessary ingredient for a long-term love relationship, but on its own doesn’t indicate an ideal match. There are three tenets for a serious relationship to last over time, chemistry, lifestyle goals, and most importantly shared values (which has nothing to do with being hot for each other).

Trust These Signs A Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious

There are signs a casual relationship is getting serious that you can put your faith in. The following indicators mean the relationship is moving forward in a healthy way and can grow into a long-lasting partnership.

1. He Makes Plans With You For The Future

If he’s asking you out in advance rather than a last-minute text, or plans holidays with you, or a vacation that you plan out together, then the relationship is getting serious.

Casual relationships are all about convenience and going with the flow of the present moment. One of the signs your casual relationship is getting serious is when you’re planning a future together.

2. You’re Getting To Know Each Other’s Friends And Family

In a casual relationship it’s just the two of you hanging out and seeing each other last minute. A clear sign a casual relationship is getting serious is meeting each other’s friends or spending time with family. The desire to introduce one another to your inner circle is a definite sign your relationship’s getting serious.

Keeping a relationship on the down low, or not incorporating friends and family into the mix is one way to keep things casual. If nothing comes of it, you won’t have to explain to everyone what happened. The more you’re involved in each other’s lives the more serious the relationship is.

3. You’ve Pulled Through Your First Fight

It’s impossible to avoid conflict and misunderstandings that happen when you spend time together. If either of you is ready to call it quits with the first bump in the road, then things aren’t serious between the two of you.

However, if you both have a strong desire to clear things up, repair, and reconnect, then the relationship has legs. Remember, conflict is inevitable, and choosing to move past a conflict and connect more deeply is a sign a casual relationship is getting serious.

4. Physical Intimacy Requires Emotional Intimacy

Are you delaying physical intimacy until you feel a strong emotional connection? Do each of you share your dreams and goals for the future? These are signs your casual relationship is getting serious.

With casual sex you can just walk away after getting hot and heavy. You’re not spending breakfast together the next morning or having meaningful conversations late into the night. When you’re willing to wait and create an emotional bond before introducing physical intimacy, then you’re investing in a serious relationship.

5. You’re Thinking About Each Other’s Happiness

Casual relationships are often marked by an imbalanced dynamic. One person is interested in a commitment, and the other just wants it to be convenient. Relationships aren’t always convenient; they require compromise and compassion.

One of the signs a casual relationship is getting serious is that you’re each thinking about the other person’s happiness. You’re both willing to see each other’s points of view and to make adjustments in your behavior to accommodate the other person. In a casual relationship, you’ll move on when the relationship is no longer easy or convenient.

6. You’re Open About Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings and expressing yourselves authentically is a sign your casual relationship is getting serious. If you’re not just having intellectual conversations and you’re both speaking from the heart there’s room for love to blossom.

Love requires risk and sharing how you feel can be scary. If you’re both willing to take the risk to speak how you feel in the moment then your relationship can grow into being serious and have a lasting bond.

For a casual relationship to develop into a more serious one, you’ll have to take a conscious approach to dating. A loving partnership that lasts won’t just magically happen when you least expect it.

Be open and express the vision for the relationship you desire. Express yourself authentically and share the dynamic you’d like between you. It’s best to find out early if you both have the same goals and share values.

If you’re having a hard time finding someone to date, or most of your relationships fizzle out after a few months, and you’re ready to get serious about creating a lasting loving partnership with an ideal mate join us for Love On Purpose Mentoring. During this intimate group coaching program, you’ll get personalized guidance to transform your hidden blocks to love. Click here for dates, details, and FAQ.

How long does it take to fall in love for real? Does love at first sight exist? I’m confused and I hope you can help me!

My boyfriend of 3 months keeps telling me that he is so in love with me. He’s always saying how much he loves me and that he knew the moment he saw me. I’m not sure I’ve had enough time to know how I feel about him. I’m afraid he’s hurt because I haven’t told him yet. I think I just need more time to know for sure before I say the L-word.

We met online and he pursued me right away, he’s a great guy and I find him attractive. I just don’t know if he’s the one. Should I know the answer by now?

I’m so confused. Please help!

Isabel”

Hi Isabel,

Thanks for reaching out to us regarding your confusion about how long it takes to fall in love and if you can trust love at first sight.

The pressure you’re feeling to know if you’ve fallen in love or not comes from his apparent certainty about his feelings for you. It can be very intoxicating to hear how much he loves you and to reciprocate before you even know how you feel. However, there’s no deadline for you to know implicitly if you love him.

Sharing your life with someone is the single most important decision you’ll ever make and shouldn’t be rushed or taken lightly. You’ve only been dating for three months, which isn’t enough time for you to commit to anything long-term.

The fact that he’s clear he fell for you with love at first sight is something to enjoy rather than pressure yourself to know if you feel the same.

There’s no set rule for how long it takes to fall in love with someone. Rather than trying to quickly find out if he’s a match for you right now, step back from making that decision and just enjoy the time you spend with him.

You’ll also be able to introspect on more important questions…

How Will You Know When You’re Falling In Love?

How long does it take to fall in love? It depends on how you define falling in love. Are you expecting a big sign to drop out of the sky and hit you over the head? Does falling in love have to be intense or dramatic? Should love feel all-consuming or can it be graceful and easy?

Start by examining what it feels like when you know you’ve fallen in love. If you haven’t ever felt that feeling, notice if you have any preconceptions about what it’s supposed to feel like. Your expectations might be blocking your ability to know what’s going on inside of you.

In a healthy relationship falling in love feels euphoric, and yet grounding. You find yourself thinking often of them and wanting to spend time with them. You may feel joy and happiness when you’re together. You feel curious to know more about them and you may have butterflies in your stomach that lift your spirits when together.

All these feelings are bolstered by natural hormones your body produces like dopamine and norepinephrine. The more attached you feel, oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is also produced.

You can like someone, know they’re a good person, enjoy spending time with them, and yet, not fall in love with them.

Can you identify if something is missing from this relationship?

There’s no time limit to falling in love with someone, it can happen in a moment or it can develop over time. Ask a hundred happy couples and you’ll get answers that vary from immediately, to months, or even years. There’s no one-size-fits-most. It’s important that you make it personal to you, how do you feel when you spend time with him? And how do you feel when you immediately part from him?

Unfortunately, if you don’t know what you’re looking for or if you have an unrealistic expectation about falling in love, then you can miss something amazing that’s right in front of you.

Let go of the need to know if you’re falling in love and instead get curious about yourself and tap into your feeling state (different than the thoughts in your head). Setting all the worry you feel aside, start to tap into your body sensations because all of your emotions are present in your physical body.

What About Love At First Sight?

The romantic idea that you’ll know in an instant that you’ve met your soulmate is certainly a thrilling one, but it may not be realistic. Movies, books, and songs set up unrealistic and confusing expectations.

Love at first sight is not something to shoot for because the chance of a false positive is very high. Love at first sight happens when your subconscious mind recognizes a familiar energetic dynamic with your date and sends you a signal. Because the subconscious mind is tasked with keeping you alive it guides you toward having the same, or similar, experiences.

The spark of attraction can be nothing more than a signal from your subconscious recognizing familiar energy or dynamic and sending a signal announcing, “This is familiar! This is familiar!”

If you grew up in an emotionally unhealthy or abusive family environment or if have unrealistic romantic expectations, you may be susceptible to falling for the wrong person for you.

Unfortunately, the subconscious mind can’t judge or analyze (that occurs in the cerebral cortex of the brain), so it has no idea if the familiar is good or bad; or if it brings you joy or sorrow. The sensation of love at first sight could be a false positive, and you’re mistaking the familiar signal for attraction and excitement.

A false positive, or an unhealthy relationship dynamic may create overwhelming feelings of excitement and euphoria but won’t feel grounded at all. You may obsessively think about your date, feel a sense of loss when they aren’t around, or you may lose your sense of self. It can be an indication of an internal fantasy or unrealistic expectation of what love is supposed to be. You may even abandon your friends and family as you strive to spend all your time with your new love.

How long does it take to fall in love? It could be in an instant or it could be a false positive sending you into an undesirable relationship dynamic that’s familiar to you.

How Do You Feel When You’re With Him?

Notice how you feel when you’re with him. If you can relax then you can enjoy his efforts to win your heart and discover your feelings and separate them from your thoughts.

Do you feel safe and cared for when you’re with him? Or do you feel uncertain and afraid you are going to mess things up? If you’re walking on eggshells and unsure of yourself then you’ll have to ask if that’s the feeling you want with your life partner.

The goal is to be in a relationship that inspires you to feel good about yourself (not one that triggers feelings of insecurity or that you have to prove yourself).

Pay attention to how you feel when you are with him, as well as how you feel when you part from him. Notice your inner dialog, is your mind quiet and calm, or does your inner critic get triggered?

Instead of wondering about how long it takes to fall in love, discover the feelings he inspires inside of you. How do you feel about yourself while you spend time with him?

Getting in touch with the emotions he inspires in you will give you clarity and identify the feelings you have for him.

Falling In Love Comes From Chemistry And Emotional Connection

You’ve already stated that you find him attractive. Are you looking for the lightning bolt of chemistry to let you know that you’re falling in love? While chemistry and attraction are important, having a strong emotional connection with him is the key to a lasting partnership.

Chemistry is a product of your differences while emotional connection comes from your similarities. This sounds contradictory but it is your differences that create the spark of attraction. Masculine and feminine energy, introverts and extroverts, these natural opposing energies work like magnets to bring the two of you together in the beginning.

Emotional connection is created out of your similarities. If you’re both able to be authentic and share your feelings, are able to see each other and be seen, then you’ll feel a powerful connection and bond that is the source of emotional intimacy.

When both of these exist between you there is a powerful connection and attraction that can lead to a satisfying and long-lasting relationship. This kind of connection doesn’t just happen by accident. Taking a more conscious approach to love will help you create an ideal partnership that can withstand the test of time.

Asking “How long does it take to fall in love?” puts your focus in the wrong place. There are other questions that are more important to determine whether the two of you are a good match for the long-term.

Can You Navigate Through Conflict Together?

No matter who you partner with conflict is inevitable and being able to navigate through conflict together is one of the most important indicators that the relationship can last. Falling in love at first sight doesn’t exempt you from conflict and disagreements.

Life will throw curveballs whether you’re single or partnered up. There will always be challenges that you’ll need to face. Rather than having an unrealistic expectation that you’ll find someone you’ll never have conflict with, it’s better to evaluate if you have what it takes to find your way through discord together.

If you’re just going along to get along through the dating process you’ll never find an ideal match. There’s no need to create conflict, but it’s okay to speak up and work through disagreements with opposing views.

Knowing that the two of you can repair and reconnect through conflict is one of the most important deciding factors in determining an ideal match for love to last.

How long does it take to fall in love? If you haven’t overcome any obstacles together it’s more of an infatuation with the potential for love in the future.

Can You Be Your Authentic Self?

Wanting to be loved for who you really are means you have to be willing to show up as your authentic self. It can be exhausting and anxiety-producing to be constantly twisting into a pretzel trying to please someone else.

An ideal relationship is one where you can be yourself and the connection between you is easy. What happens when you share your feelings with him? Is he able to hear you and acknowledge your feelings? Or does he deflect and try to change the subject?

If you’re not letting him know that you’re unsure of your feelings for him, and you need more time to figure that out you’re not sharing your whole self.

Speaking your feelings may always feel scary, but the reward is finding a person who wants to be with you for the right reasons. You can tell him about your attraction to him and that you’re enjoying the journey to see how it unfolds.

Being authentic is like sending him an invitation to meet you at a high vibration. When your partner is able to meet you with his authenticity then you can create an emotional bond.

Wondering how long it takes to fall in love? When you can be authentic and share your truth with one another you’ve laid the groundwork for love to blossom.

Do You Share Similar Life Goals For The Future?

Common interests are nice but they’re not an indication that the two of you are on the same page about the important things in life. Your relationship is still young, so this is the perfect time to discover his values and his goals to see if you share the same lifestyle and life goals.

You may have different strategies for dealing with challenges, but if you share the same values and goals then you can find a way to work together to solve any problems that arise.

Worrying about whether or not love at first sight exists won’t help you figure out your feelings. Only by being present and connected to yourself can you discover the feelings he inspires in you.

Release the need to know if this is love or not, and instead spend more time simply enjoying the process of discovery. You can evaluate the relationship for its long-term potential by being in the present rather than worrying about the future.

Do your thoughts and feelings seem all mushed together, and you struggle to have clarity in your feeling state? Are you the kind of person who holds back investing your heart waiting for some kind of sign that it’s okay to risk it? Do you worry about the future too much instead of enjoying the present?

Clear up your confusion and join us to Create Your Vision For Love In The New Year. If you’re unsure whether you’ve ever been in love or how to select an ideal match, register now to discover how to get in the driver’s seat of your love life instead of being confused about love at first site.

This won’t be woo-woo, we’ll be sharing our tried-and-true manifestation tools so click here and grab your seat for the low Early Bird investment of only $99.

Limited seating for this Zoom workshop where you can ask us your specific questions throughout.

If your current relationship is moving towards a nuptial, it’s imperative to discover if the two of you can stand the test of time and grow together rather than apart.

Life will inevitably throw you curveballs, and you’ll always have unexpected challenges that come your way whether you’re coupled up or not. How the two of you navigate difficulties will determine whether your relationship can survive stormy seas.

Chemistry and shared interests are what bring the two of you together initially, but these are not enough when things really go south, like when your in-laws are getting in between the two of you. Or when the bills pile up unexpectedly and you disagree on how to handle them. Or when one of you has different needs sexually and you can’t communicate about it.

A few deep, meaningful conversations about what’s important won’t protect you from every situation you may face once married, however, you’ll have a framework to make better decisions together if you are an ideal match for the long term.

So, what are the questions to ask before getting married? Looking at the most important areas with potential problems can give you a structure to get started.

9 Critical Questions To Ask Before Getting Married That Will Make Or Break Your Relationship

When pondering these questions there are a few things to consider. Discussing hypothetical situations will not reveal what someone values. Instead, focus on sharing why something is important to you. You can always negotiate how you handle a situation when it arises, but if your why’s are in conflict you can end up in a power struggle.

The key to a lasting marriage is to have the majority of the same values. You will have different strategies for handling stress, or for accomplishing specific tasks. If you share the same values you can always find your way back to being on the same page.

When your different strategies bump up against each other defer to one another’s strengths to avoid a power struggle and a fight cycle. A healthy marriage is based on respecting each other’s differences and giving your partner the space to shine in their genius and talents.

Here are the essential questions to ask before getting married that can help the two of you plan for and navigate a life together.

1. How Do You Feel About Children?

Do you both want children? How will you handle raising them? Will the children be raised with a particular religion? Will you both work, or will one of you be the breadwinner and the other a stay-at-home parent? How will you handle fertility challenges? If you have children of your own from a previous relationship, how much do you want your partner involved in raising them? How important are education and college?

Many marriages have conflicts due to differing beliefs and values about how to raise children. Share with each other how you were raised and what is most important to you about how you would like your children to be raised. If one of you is more comfortable being the disciplinarian, then defer to them when children misbehave. These are questions to ask before getting married, so you can co-parent together and have assigned roles. With clear parental roles, you won’t undermine each other, or teach your children to manipulate you to get their way.

2. How Do You Handle Money?

Will you have shared bank accounts, or will you keep them separate? What about a prenup? Are you a saver or a spender? What are your desires for retirement? Do you each have debt and how would you like to handle those debts?

Money can be a difficult subject to discuss openly. Full disclosure before getting married will give the two of you a head start to create financial plans and have harmony instead of discord. These are questions to ask before getting married so there are no surprises after the fact.

3. How Important Is Sex?

Do you expect sex several times a week or even daily? What are your fantasies and desires about your sex life? Do you have any kinks you’d like to explore? Are you interested in opening up your relationship or is non-monogamy a deal breaker?

A healthy sex life with open communication will keep the spice alive between the two of you for decades. But if sex becomes less of a priority to one of you, or you find your interest straying, or if issues with performance arise, having some agreements gives you a foundation for handling these sticky situations. Having these discussions before getting married will allow you to rekindle the spark between you when the desire for physical intimacy ebbs and you can get in the flow again. Taking the time to create a safe space to share how you feel and ask for what you want will pay off down the road.

4. What Is Your Relationship With Your Family?

What did you like and dislike about how your parents raised you? How will you spend your holidays? How did your family deal with disagreements? Will in-laws have any input toward how you live your life together?

When you marry someone, you are marrying into their family and their traditions. Understanding each other’s expectations about family gatherings, holidays, grandchildren, birthdays, etc. will help you negotiate any differing dynamics and expectations. There is no guarantee you will get along with your in-laws but having a clear picture of what is expected of you will help.

5. What Are Your Spiritual and Political Beliefs?

Do you believe in God? Do you follow a specific religion or spiritual path? What are your political beliefs? What are your beliefs about what it means to be a human in the world? How do you think society should function? Do you require that your partner has the same beliefs in these areas as you, or are you okay with differing views? Are you able to respect any differing beliefs?

You don’t have to be on the same page about God, politics, or life in general, but you do have to be able to respect any difference. If it is important that you’re both in the same political party, vote the same way, or attend a particular church, temple, or spiritual center, then these expectations must be shared before you say, “I do.” These are questions to ask before getting married so you can avoid fighting with your partner about core beliefs.

6. What Is Your Relationship History?

Is this your first serious relationship or have you experienced a lot of heartbreak? How many people have you been intimate with (and does it matter to your partner)? Who usually ends your relationships? What are your biggest frustrations with past partners?

Your partner had a life before they met you. And this past informs who they are now and what is important to them. Compassion begins with understanding. When you understand where your partner is coming from you can have compassion for the wounds they carry from the past (and vice versa). You don’t want the rug pulled out from under you when you suddenly discover that your partner’s “friend” on social media is actually their ex. There is no right or wrong way to have walked the path of your life, however, keeping secrets from your mate can create tension so be willing to hear with compassionate ears. Better to find out now than later after you’ve already been married.

7. What Are Your Wants, Needs, And Deal Breakers?

Are there things you require to feel loved and safe? Do you need your partner to have your back or to hold you when you’re upset? How do you like to be treated when you are sick or feeling down? Do you want to be left alone or do you like to be pampered? Is there a deal breaker your future spouse ought to know about?

Your partner is not a mind reader. They will have different needs and different strategies for life than you do. Instead of assuming that they know what you need or want, make a request and ask for your needs to be met. If they aren’t willing to meet your needs, then maybe it’s not a good match long-term. These are questions to ask before getting married so you can avoid years of feeling angry and resentful.

8. How Do You Navigate Your Personal Time?

Is it important that you share the same interests and hobbies? Is autonomy important to you? What about alone time? How do you like to recharge when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed?

Whether you like to retreat to your cave when you need to refuel or want to be able to share all of the details of your day with your spouse, how you navigate your personal time together (or apart) determines whether love will last. You don’t have to have the same strategies, but when you understand each other you can support each other and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

9. What Are Your Future Goals?

Do you want to travel the world? Focus on having children right away? Are you a personal growth junkie? Or are you comfortable with things as they are? Where do you see the two of you ten years from now? What does your ideal retirement look like, and where?

For a successful marriage, you don’t have to have the same interests in life. Your partner can compete in all the triathlons they want, while you sit at home and binge your favorite TV show. However, you’ll want to be going in the same direction in life. You can’t grow apart if you share the same vision of your life together. These are questions to ask before getting married that reveal how you can build a life together, instead of growing apart.

If you don’t address these questions before you’re married, you will be forced to address them afterward. And you don’t want to discover that you are too different to work things out in the long run. Don’t assume that your future spouse has the same vision of marriage as you do. Ask questions and be curious before getting married. You can work out all the logistics and day-to-day stuff once you’ve settled into married life together.

Relationships have a natural ebb and flow to them. Knowing the progressive stages that a relationship goes through and how to navigate them gives you the confidence to know that your marriage will last. Get the details in our special report, The 5 Stages of Relationship so you’re prepared for the journey and have the kind of relationship that everyone knows will stand the test of time.