For love to last it’s imperative to work at it. Countless people have met someone they believed was their soulmate — their meeting was serendipitous, they felt an instant connection, and it seemed like destiny was at work behind the scenes — only for the relationship to come to an early end.

This experience often leads to the school of thought that says a soulmate is a person who inspires you to grow but doesn’t stay. Here’s the modern day conundrum: Is a soulmate your other half, or are they here to shake you out of your comfort zone? Why can’t it be both?

Soulmate relationships are difficult because they bring different expectations and therefore various pressures than other intimate relationships. These expectations become burdens that are too difficult to overcome if your assumption is that it’ll all just work out between you if it’s meant to be.

To get out of this trap, a new understanding of soulmate relationships must emerge.

What if a soulmate is someone that feels magical and special, and the two of you choose each other again and again as you grow together rather than apart? This brings a new perspective into why soulmate relationships are difficult and gives you a new framework for finding and creating long-lasting love.

5 Reasons Why Soulmate Relationships Are Difficult

1. Unrealistic Expectations

The most common reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is because they’re burdened with expectations.

From a young age, you’re taught to believe that when you meet The One you’ll just know. The chemistry will be undeniable, the timing will be perfect, and your life will be transformed. You’re told to look for butterflies in your stomach and a feeling of instant intimacy. But those intense feelings aren’t reliable indicators of a lasting connection. They’re simply signs of attraction—not compatibility.

This fantasy—what we call the myth of Love by Accident—sets you up for disillusionment. It tells you that love should be effortless, so when challenges arise you  assume this must not be your person.

When your experiences don’t meet the imagined illusion, you question the relationship itself. But even soulmate relationships require effort. They challenge you to communicate clearly, take responsibility for your emotional responses, and grow outside your comfort zone rather than hoping chemistry and attraction will carry you through.

Hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship (usually the moment you lay eyes on their profile pic) setting up unrealistic expectations for a realistic future. This fantasy doesn’t stop at the first date, it continues throughout the relationship.

The belief that a soulmate will anticipate your needs, understand your moods, or instinctively know how to make you feel better without having to ask, are causing you to make poor decisions in your love life.

The myth of love by accident has you convinced that when you meet the right person everything will work out because it’s meant to be. The problem is the reluctance to address issues as they arise, release the fantasy, and to move slowly through the dating process. Long-lasting love isn’t effortless, and emotional intimacy doesn’t occur because of destiny.

2. A Soulmate Relationship Does NOT Complete You

Soulmate relationships are difficult due to the persistent false belief that a soulmate will fill in what you’re lacking. You’ve been sold the idea that a soulmate is your other half, someone who will rescue you from your loneliness, heal your wounds, and make you feel whole.

But a healthy relationship isn’t comprised of two incomplete people trying to fix each other. Eek! Handing over your well-being to another person is a recipe for co-dependence. A soulmate relationship is created by two whole people choosing to walk through life together.

The expectation that a soulmate will complete you sets up the relationship to fail by creating an emotional imbalance where one person is constantly trying to give what the other refuses to develop within themselves. Soulmate relationships are difficult because you must take responsibility for your choices, actions, and behavior.

Your bad mood belongs to you, and no one else. Your triggers belong to you too. And you are responsible for your own happiness. Instead of assigning blame, each partner in a soulmate relationship accepts responsibility.

The masterclass of personal growth is done in an intimate relationship with a soulmate partner. You inspire each other to become the best versions of yourself day after day, year after year.

When you know who you are, what you need, and how to take care of yourself emotionally, you’re not looking for someone to save you, you’re looking for someone to build a life with. That’s the foundation for a relationship that grows stronger over time, not one that crumbles under the weight of unrealistic expectations.

Your soulmate isn’t your other half. They’re your partner, not a replacement for your therapist or your purpose in life.

3. Most People Avoid Conflict Instead Of Learning From It

Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is that most people are never taught how to navigate conflict in a healthy way. Instead of seeing conflict as an opportunity to grow closer they avoid it altogether, or expect their partner to handle it the same way they do.

Plus, as most people are conflict avoidant, taking personal responsibility can feel daunting. Your soulmate will be a completely different person than you­­—they will have their own beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and relationship strategies.

When conflict arises the differences between you come into sharp focus. Without the skills to navigate your differences a small disagreement can grow into an unresolved issue that breeds anger and resentment over time.

The healthiest relationships don’t just experience conflict, they use it to their advantage. It doesn’t matter that you have disagreements, what counts is being able to repair and reconnect. Avoiding conflict doesn’t prevent problems, it buries them and creates distance between you that can lead to bitterness.

If you don’t deal with conflicts (from tiny to extra-large), they become landmines in your relationship. It’s always best to address issues as they occur. There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Doing so should be commonplace because good relationship skills aren’t instinctual, they’re learned.

Learning to repair and reconnect is the key to turning conflict into a bedrock of safety and trust. Rather than avoiding challenges learn better communication skills that allow your love to grow over time.

4. A Soulmate Relationship Requires You To Be Authentic

Meeting your soulmate doesn’t give you mind-reading powers. Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult because of the expectation that your life partner will intuit your needs.

There’s no magic spell that gets cast on a person to make them understand you. A soulmate relationship requires you to speak up, be authentic, and make requests.

Sharing how you feel and what you need is the foundation of a loving partnership, and a soulmate relationship is no exception. Since your partner doesn’t have mind-reading powers, it’s important that you speak up through the dating process and share your likes and dislikes.

If all you do is go along to get along, you’ll never find your soulmate relationship. By embracing your authenticity and speaking your truth while dating, you’ll find a person who accepts you as you are and doesn’t want to change you (and you feel the same about them).

A soulmate relationship is one where you accept each other As Is, and that only happens when both people show up authentically.

5. Soulmate Relationships Are Designed To Heal Your Wounds

A soulmate relationship can trigger your unresolved pain, not because your partner is not an ideal match for you, but because the trust between you has made room for healing.

Another reason why soulmate relationships are difficult is that they’re designed to heal your childhood wounds. Together you’ll heal one another’s fears as you stick by each other. You’ll choose to love one another despite the triggers and conflicts that arise.

It’s easy to call it quits when the journey gets rough. Divorce is no longer taboo, and couples are quick to throw in the towel. A soulmate relationship doesn’t require you to overlook your dealbreakers or put up with toxic, or abusive behavior. (If these behaviors are present, the relationship would not qualify as a soulmate relationship).

Life will always throw you curveballs whether you’re partnered up or not. A soulmate relationship calls for you to work with your partner to resolve your differences, and in order to live in a harmonious home together, to defer to one another’s strengths.

Soulmate relationships are difficult because they challenge you to step up and become the best version of yourself. The effort you put into your relationship is worth it because every part of your life gets better when it’s shared with a beloved life partner. You’re happier, you live longer, and you’re more productive.

Instead of looking for magical signs of destiny or expecting your dates to be effortless and without conflict, approach your search for a soulmate with a new mindset. Release the fantasy and look for these signs you’ve met someone capable of creating a soulmate relationship with you.

5 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate Relationship

1. It’s Easy In The Beginning

The first stage of a relationship is the Romance Stage. This falling in love stage is very intoxicating. When you’re with your soulmate it’ll be easy in the beginning. There won’t be drama or extenuating circumstances. Meeting your soulmate will feel magical and special, like you’ve met a long-lost friend whose clothes you can’t wait to rip off.

In this initial stage any conflicts that arise are simple to navigate. The ease of the relationship creates a feeling of safety and security.

In a soulmate relationship, the Romance Stage lasts a long time, putting gas in the tank of the relationship for the inevitable Power Struggle Stage.

2. You Fight For The Relationship

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll find yourself fighting for the relationship instead of each other. You’re both willing to work through your differences so that you can thrive together.

By coming together you’ve created a new entity: the relationship. Your relationship will be balanced energetically with each of you stepping up for the other when necessary.

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll keep growing together, and your love for each other deepens with each passing year.

3. You Share The Important Things In Life

Your soulmate may not like the same kind of music or hobbies as you, but when it comes to what’s important in life you’ll be on the same page. You’ll value the same things, have similar life goals, and share a vision of the future together.

In a soulmate relationship, you’ll support each other in achieving individual aspirations and create the space for each of you to blossom. You may have different strategies for achieving those goals, but you’ll respect each other’s differences and defer to one another’s strengths.

In a soulmate relationship you’ll work as a team to create a life together.

4. You Accept Each Other As Is

Just because your soulmate inspires you to grow doesn’t mean they need you to change. Your soulmate will accept you as you are, and may love your imperfections as much as your strengths.

Your differences become the foundational strengths of your relationship. You’ll balance each other energetically and emotionally. Instead of competing you’ll celebrate each other’s successes and mourn each other’s losses.

Overall a soulmate relationship will be filled with ease. You’re relaxed because you’re accepted as your authentic self.

5. You Both Choose Love

Through the challenges life throws your way, you’ll face them together, and you’ll choose to navigate them in a loving way. You’ll communicate with respect, be on the same team, and be an ally to each other. Choosing love means that even during a conflict you don’t withhold love.

A soulmate relationship requires making a conscious choice to be loving. Whether you’re being considerate that your partner is having a bad day, or your partner is encouraging you to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend, the two of you are consciously choosing to be loving and kind.

You’ll each put an effort into reducing stress and anxiety for one another, not add to it. Ultimately, the two of you are in it to win—the relationship is always a priority.

If you’re ready to heal your heart and find your forever person order a copy of our book, Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Love. You’ll gain access to our 3-part Soulmating System™ that guides you to create the long-lasting love you desire and deserve.

If, as some people believe, a soulmate relationship shows up to wake you up and turn your world upside down but isn’t someone you’ll spend your life with, then you’re probably not looking forward to meeting them. Some people believe that soulmates don’t have to be romantic partners. They’re friends or even pets with whom you feel a special connection.

Maybe you’re just looking for someone to share your life with who gets you and loves you for who you are.

All of this leads to the question, what is the meaning of a soulmate? By definition, the word “mate” means “one of a pair.” Qualifying it with the word “soul” adds the element of a special connection that lasts over time. Soulmates choose each other and choose to stick with each other.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? It has to do with the nature of the special bond between you. You’re compatible with your soulmate and have a unique connection that you don’t normally find in your relationships. However, a soulmate relationship asks more of you than your other relationships.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because they’re not superficial or fleeting.

How Do You Know If You’ve Found Your Soulmate Relationship?

There’s more to the meaning of a soulmate than just an affinity for each other. Sure you have special connections with friends and animals that you cherish, but that’s not enough for a soulmate relationship.

In the beginning, a soulmate relationship is easy and comfortable. You feel like you’ve known each other forever, and your conversation comes naturally. As the relationship progresses, you’re mutually supportive of each other and feel grounded and secure. There’s a confidence you feel in yourself and in your connection that grows over time.

However, there’s another quality to a soulmate relationship that elevates it to more than just a special friend. You feel chemistry and attraction with this person and want more than just a friendship. You want romance and intimacy.

This attraction isn’t so intense that you become obsessed or all-consuming. These feelings indicate something else and should prompt you to slow down and pay closer attention to the dynamic between you.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? They’re the only relationships that contain all these qualities. That makes them rare and special and also contributes to their longevity. However, once you get past the initial Romance Stage, a soulmate relationship asks more of you.

Why Are Soulmate Relationships So Intense? They Require Authenticity

You can’t fake it with your soulmate. You won’t get away with going through the motions, or hiding how you really feel, or what you truly desire.

For a soulmate relationship to thrive, you need to show up authentically and speak your truth. You can’t hide your feelings, fake interest, check out, or brush things under the rug. Putting words to your feelings in a non-combative way can be challenging.

When you show up authentically, you’re confident that you’re being loved for who you really are – not who you or your partner think you ought to be. You’ll be loved on those days when you feel crappy and even those times when you behave badly. You’re loved for your imperfections, and you learn to embrace the cold reality that you’re human and will make mistakes.

There’s no such thing as a perfect person, but your soulmate will be perfect for you. Your soulmate is the one who will love you for who you are, warts and all.

But if you don’t show up authentically, your soulmate may not recognize you. If you’re twisting into a pretzel trying to earn love, then your true self can’t be seen. When you hide your feelings because you don’t want to rock the boat, you’re hiding your true self from your soulmate.

If you act like you don’t have any needs, or that your partner’s needs are more important than your own, then you’re setting the stage for your soulmate to pass you by or never recognize you in the first place.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because you can’t fake it and go through the motions. You’re challenged regularly to step up and speak your truth.

Why Are Soulmate Relationships So Intense? They Help You Heal Your Wounds

Your soulmate is a salve to the wounds in your heart. You can only do so much personal growth on your own. It’s only when you’re in relationship with your soulmate that you can do your deepest healing.

Your soulmate loves you for who you are, not who you are supposed to be or are striving to be. You never need to change for your soulmate; however, you may find yourself inspired to be the best version of yourself through the stability of a soulmate relationship.

Your inner critic is no match for the love of a soulmate. Just as it only takes one candle to banish the darkness from a room, the love from your soulmate lights the lantern of truth that you are loveable.

With your soulmate, you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can’t lose love because the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. As you learn to count on yourself for unconditional love, you also learn to count on your soulmate no matter what and come what may.

Love is the most healing energy in the universe. Together you and your soulmate’s love will heal each other’s wounds and you’ll be bound together in a covenant of lasting love.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? They guide you to heal your deepest wounds and learn how to love and value yourself no matter what.

Why Are Soulmate Relationships So Intense? They Challenge You To Grow

You don’t get to skimp with a soulmate. You must be committed to your own growth and the growth of the relationship.

Your soulmate will challenge you to grow as an individual and challenge you to learn new relationship skills. Your old strategies and behaviors won’t cut it when you’re with your soulmate.

You won’t be able to blame your partner for your triggers and bad strategies. Instead, you’ll need to learn how to take responsibility for them and be okay with your flaws. You’ll need to up-level your communication skills and learn to turn a conflict into a deeper connection.

You’ll develop healthier boundaries. While your soulmate can feel like a part of you, your soulmate is a separate human being with different beliefs, behaviors, strategies, and emotions than you.

Most relationships never make it past the second stage of relationship, the inevitable Power Struggle Stage that follows the Romance Stage.

The myth of love by accident creates the ridiculous fantasy that you’ll never have problems when you’re with your soulmate.

Understanding that it’s not about IF there are problems; it’s HOW you navigate the stormy waters that are most important. You’ll reach the power struggle phase with anyone you choose to be in a relationship with, even your soulmate. However, with your soulmate you’ll grow your relationship skills because you know you’re better together than apart.

Growing your skills in your intimate relationship spills over to all your relationships, making you a better co-worker, boss, friend, sibling, son, daughter, etc.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because you’re willing to grow out of your comfort zone and address your differences.

Why Are Soulmate Relationships So Intense? They Require You To Embrace Conflict

So many relationships end because the couple drifts apart and falls out of love.

How does that happen?

Couples drift apart because they avoid bringing up the difficult conversations. They drift apart because the unspoken hurts and disappointments create a chasm between them.

You can’t avoid conflict with your soulmate. Instead, embrace conflict and use it as a doorway to a deeper connection.

Disagreements and conflicts are part of life – the sooner you become more comfortable with this fact the happier you’ll be. Conflict isn’t a sign you’re with the wrong person – instead it’s an opportunity to create a stronger connection. You’re more focused on how to move through your differences and reconnect.

Expecting discord allows you to address each event separately rather than thinking the sky is falling and it’s the end of the world every time you have a disagreement.

Most couples sweep things under the rug and let small disputes add up until there’s too much to handle all at once like an erupting volcano. Anticipating that there will be challenges to navigate through puts you on the offensive to address any issues as they arise.

Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because they require you to work through your differences and create a connection that can’t be broken.

Why Are Soulmate Relationships So Intense? They Ask You To Choose Love Again And Again

During the romance phase, your anxieties, frustrations, and neuroses don’t affect you as strongly. You’re in an induced chemical high from the feel-good hormones of bonding with your partner.

Once those chemicals wear off, your anxieties and insecurities return, even those habitual critical thoughts in your head. Your feelings aren’t permanent; they’re constantly shifting and changing. They ebb and flow and can change from moment to moment.

You won’t wake up every morning feeling love for the person sleeping beside you. You’ll get caught up in your stuff, unconsciously projecting your frustrations and anxieties onto your partner, even when it’s your soulmate.

This is why it is most important to choose to love your soulmate every day.

There’s no special person who will magically take your problems away from you. Instead, choose love. Choose to be loving with yourself. Choose to be kind with your partner even when you’re having a conflict.

Choosing to love the frustrating habits of your soulmate opens you to love an imperfect person. The only way to get rid of those behaviors is to get rid of your soulmate too.

To be open to lasting love you have to let someone’s best be good enough. Choosing to love those things that drive you coo-coo means you’re accepting your soulmate warts and all – just like you wish to be loved.

When you choose love, you make the most powerful choice a person can make. You choose forgiveness, compassion, and empathy for all that makes up your soulmate. There will be fights with your soulmate. You won’t like every single thing about them, but you’ll love the most important of things. They will sometimes annoy you. Choose to love them anyway, and you’ll have a reliable person to share life’s ups and downs.

Your Soulmate Relationship Won’t Just Magically Show-up When You Least Expect It

Your soulmate relationship will feel magical at times, however magic is not a plan. You’ll have to take action toward your goal just like anything else that’s important in your life.

Don’t just rely on fate or continue to use the dating strategies that haven’t worked for you so far. If you want a special connection with your person that has the potential to last a lifetime, take a new approach to love.

It’s important to examine your beliefs and strategies in your intimate relationships, slow down the dating process so you don’t repeat past mistakes, and get clear on the dynamic you desire with your soulmate.

Lasting love doesn’t just happen when you least expect it. If you’re looking for how to create your plan for love, order our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love (Penguin Random House 2025). You’ll go on a journey to identify your blocks to love, transform them to develop confidence, and manifest the long-lasting love relationship you desire.

Instead of parsing through his behavior and looking for clues about his intentions, pay attention to the most obvious ones. A man who wants to be in a relationship with you won’t be subtle about it, and he won’t hide his intentions.

If you feel a strong connection with the guy you’ve recently connected with and are curious about his intentions, look for these signs that he’s interested in a relationship and has the potential to be your soulmate.

What Are His Intentions? How To Interpret What He Wants

1. His Actions Are Congruent With His Words

A man who professes his love for you over the phone and via email, and yet doesn’t make the effort to see you IRL is sending you a clear message. If his words and his actions don’t match, then he’s not serious about you and clearly is not your soulmate. It doesn’t matter how strong of a connection you feel with him.

If you have to ask him about his intentions, then they’re not clear to him either. You deserve someone who’s clear about how he feels about you, so you don’t need to go looking for soulmate signs. There’s no mystery that you need to unravel to understand his intentions. Just don’t justify his behavior and wish for more than he’s willing to give.

Your soulmate will be congruent with his words and his actions. He’ll make his intentions clear every step of the way. If you’re wondering, “What are his intentions?” because his actions don’t match his words, then it’s clear that he’s not your soulmate.

2. He Will Pursue You For A Relationship

Is he pursuing you for a relationship? Is he asking you out and moving the relationship forward? Your soulmate won’t be a mystery. He’ll make future plans with you. He’ll include you in his day-to-day life.

A man who intends to have a relationship with you wants to take you off the market and claim you. He won’t be wishy-washy. If his intentions are a mystery, then he isn’t available for a relationship. He could be lonely and desire a convenient friends-with-benefits situationship. If he isn’t pursuing you, then he’s looking for companionship, something convenient, and not a serious relationship.

3. He Will Follow Through

If your guy is talking a big game but isn’t following through, he’s sending you a signal that he’s not serious about you. Words are cheap. A clear sign a man is your soulmate is that he makes his intentions clear, and always follows through on his promises. He may even go above and beyond to make it up to you if he messes things up due to miscommunication.

A soulmate relationship is not casual, it’s a commitment to share your lives together and work through issues that may arise, growing together rather than apart.

4. You Won’t Know His Intentions Until You Meet In Person

Don’t make the mistake of falling for an online profile, a voice on the phone, or a man who professes his love in a text. Until you actually meet in person there’s so much you don’t know about a man.

• You don’t know if you’re attracted to him.
• You don’t know if he’s available for a relationship.
• You don’t know if he is who he says he is.

Until you meet LIVE and in-person with a man you know ZERO about him. Be careful making emotional commitments to men you haven’t met live and in person. Don’t create hope before you know that someone is who they say they are.

You can’t be catfished or scammed if you don’t commit your heart to someone you’ve never met. Be wary of guys who profess love after looking over your profile or after a couple of phone conversations.

Once you’re clear on his intentions and he’s proven himself to be a serious contender for your heart you can start looking for the signs that he might be your soulmate.

9 Soulmate Signs You Should Look For In A Man

1. It Is Easy To Be Authentic With Each Other

One of the soulmate signs that shows up right away is that the two of you are authentic with each other from the start. You don’t hold back or keep your heart closed. You’re able to speak how you feel and ask for what you want.

Your soulmate won’t be offended or put off. He’ll be glad to step up for you and do things that make you happy. Being authentic means you’re not holding back or twisting into a pretzel trying to win his love, approval or acceptance.

One clear sign a man is your soulmate is you’re not walking on eggshells trying to figure out what to say or how to behave; you’re simply relaxed and enjoy spending time with him.

2. You Share The Really Important Things

You may not like the same kind of movies or music as your soulmate. The two of you may have very different hobbies. But you both know that these are not what’s really important.

Another soulmate sign is that the two of you are on the same page with what’s really important. You both value the same things in life. You may have different strategies for achieving your goals, but you’ll share similar goals and support each other in achieving them.

3. You Can’t Say Or Do The Wrong Thing With The Right Person

Many people feel like they missed out on their soulmate because they screwed things up. They said the wrong thing, or they made a mistake, and their partner couldn’t forgive them. By definition, this wasn’t a soulmate relationship.

A soulmate sign that you’ve found your person is that the two of you manage to figure it out when there are bumps in the road. You’re both willing to work through conflict together. You both understand and practice leaning into your conflicts to open a doorway to a deeper connection.

4. You Challenge Each Other To Grow

A soulmate relationship is one where the two of you see the potential in each other and challenge each other to be better people. Your soulmate sees you in your best light and wants you to be the best version of yourself. Your soulmate will inspire you to step into that vision.

You both have the intention to be the best version of yourself for each other as well. A soulmate sign that you’re both in it for the long haul? You both work to become better.

5. A Soulmate Relationship Can Help Heal Your Wounds

No one travels through life without ever experiencing pain, heartbreak, or disappointment. You may even have developed some bad relationship habits along the way. Your soulmate will love you anyway.

Soulmate love is unconditional. You’ll be loved for all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is a very healing experience and not for the faint of heart. Skill is required to keep the door of intimacy open despite making mistakes, getting triggered, and navigating conflict.

Healing wounds together and learning to love yourself more deeply are soulmate signs that you can look forward to with your beloved.

6. You Respect And Value Your Differences

A relationship with someone who is just like you would be boring and lack chemistry. It’s the differences that make two people come together and last as a couple. An introvert ends up with an extrovert. Someone logical and reserved connects with an emotionally expressive partner. One of you is a saver, the other a spender. The magic of differences means that in a soulmate relationship you defer to each other’s strengths.

A powerful soulmate sign is that you respect and value the differences between you instead of getting stuck in a power struggle. In a soulmate relationship, you can let your partner take care of the things that you aren’t good at, and you can be appreciated for your areas of expertise.

7. You Work To Repair And Make Amends

Just because you’re with your soulmate doesn’t mean that you won’t experience disappointment. Life is full of challenges and part of a happy balanced life is having someone to navigate those challenges with you.

This doesn’t mean that your soulmate won’t occasionally let you down or disappoint you. Your soulmate is a flawed human just like you are. The difference is your soulmate will do what’s necessary to repair the relationship and make amends when they mess up.

8. You Connect On Many Levels

Maybe you laugh with each other in bed every night before going to sleep. Or you both have a deep love of the outdoors. Whatever it is that connects the two of you will be more than just a superficial common interest.

If you want a soulmate sign that you can’t ignore, notice how many different ways you connect with your partner. Whether the two of you can talk for hours or just sit comfortably in a room without speaking, you are on the same page about life.

9. You Both Choose Love

Your soulmate will want you to be happy and to feel loved. You’ll want your partner to know that you’re on his side and that you have each other’s backs. Whether you’re taking into account that your partner is having a bad day or your partner is encouraging you to have that uncomfortable conversation with a friend, the two of you are consciously choosing to be loving with each other.

This is the most important soulmate sign. If your partner doesn’t want you to know how much you’re loved or want to share in your happiness, then it’s probably not a good match. Loving someone means doing your best to reduce their stress level, not add to it.

Instead of looking for clues or subtle soulmate signs, focus on dating a lot of different kinds of men and don’t rush into exclusivity. Before making a commitment of any kind be sure the man is emotionally available and takes actions that clearly let you know he wants to claim you for a relationship.

If you’re tired of wondering what his intentions are and are ready to discover the soulmate signs your heart desires, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session so we can clarify what’s blocking you from the love you want.

If you’ve ever had the experience of meeting a person you thought was your soulmate and have it end tragically, then you’ve probably torn yourself up wondering what went wrong. Maybe you’ve never felt that kind of connection with another person and wonder if soulmates even exist.

There are many differing thoughts on soulmates and soulmate relationships, many of them perpetuate the idea that it’s your mission in life to find the one person who is fated to be your other half. Others claim that soulmates are destined to break your heart. Some people scoff at the idea of soulmates altogether.

Being with your soulmate isn’t fated or destined, nor do you have to scour the earth for your one true love. Being with your soulmate can feel magical at times, but magic isn’t a plan for lasting love. Ultimately your soulmate is the person you choose to share your life with that also chooses you over and over and over again.

In order for love to last four tenets are required: compatible lifestyles, chemistry and attraction, shared values, and healthy communication. These elements don’t just magically fall into place when you meet the “right” person.

While you will experience synchronicities with your soulmate, you’ll also have to be intentional in your journey to long-lasting love. Believing that your soulmate will find you isn’t enough to create a relationship. You must take specific actions and know your strengths and weaknesses in love.

When you meet your soulmate your life will change in some profound ways, and you’ll experience deep soul-satisfying love that lasts a lifetime. This kind of love will change you forever…

What Happens When You Meet Your Soulmate That Changes You Forever?

1. You Get To Be Loved For Your Authentic Self

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you are loved and accepted as is. You won’t have to change for your soulmate (although you may make some accommodations for one another especially as you grow together over time).

A partner who requires you to change who you are or give up what you value isn’t your soulmate. You can’t sacrifice yourself to get someone else to love and accept you. Your soulmate won’t need you to change; they’ll love you because of your uniqueness not despite it.

Your soulmate will get you. He will love you because of your quirks and flaws, not despite them. They’ll understand your wounds and triggers, and they’ll support you to live at your highest and best self.

Your soulmate will choose to love you no matter what – yes, even when you make mistakes.

2. You’ll Have More Freedom In Your Life

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that committing to one person will free you up in all other areas of your life. You’ll have more time and energy to create and manifest your dreams and goals in other areas of your life.

This may seem like an oxymoron that you’ll have more freedom when you commit to your soulmate, but it’s true. By deferring to one another’s strengths you become better together than apart. This gives you the freedom to know that you can find your way through challenges together.

You’ll no longer waste time and energy wondering if your soulmate is out there or if you’ll ever find them. Instead, you’ll feel free to be who you are and live your life the way you want knowing that your soulmate will be by your side, no matter what.

3. You’ll Feel A Deep Sense Of Connection

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you discover the joy of connection. The feeling that someone really gets you is a feeling that only a soulmate can bring. You no longer feel like a misfit or an outsider.

The love between the two of you gives you a solid foundation to stand up for yourself in other areas of your life. The connection to your soulmate serves as a safe harbor through any storm.

The feeling of disconnection and going through life on autopilot without meaning is pervasive in the world. People who are lonely and alone or in unfulfilling relationships feel lost. When you meet your soulmate, you no longer feel lost or on autopilot. You feel alive and present in your life along with a heightened sensory experience.

Your soul has a deep desire to feel connected; connected to yourself and someone else. Your soulmate will give you that kind of deep connection and it’s a never-ending well of joy and happiness.

4. You’ll Be Inspired To Become Your Best

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you are filled with inspiration to become the best version of yourself.

In a soulmate relationship, you come together to live out your specific life purpose. You support one another to become better people. Your soulmate sees you in your best light and wants you to be the best version of yourself. Your soulmate will support you to step into that vision.

You won’t need each other to change, but you’ll inspire each other to grow. With your soulmate by your side, you’ll evolve into living at your highest and best self.

5. You’ll Be Able To Heal Your Past

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you have an opportunity to heal your wounds from the past.

Love is unconditional when you’re with your soulmate. You’ll be loved for all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is a very healing experience. You’ll develop skills to keep the door of intimacy open despite making mistakes, getting triggered, and navigating through a conflict.

When you’re with your soulmate, you’ll experience plenty of opportunities to heal your wounds together. Letting go of the hurts and frustrations of your past relationships will allow you to love yourself and your soulmate more deeply.

6. You’ll Experience The Magic Of Authenticity

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that the two of you will speak your truth. You won’t hold back or keep your heart closed. You’ll each risk and speak how you feel.

Your soulmate won’t be offended or put off. They’ll be glad to step up for you to make you happy. They’ll also want to share with you what they’re thinking and feeling. True emotional intimacy occurs when both of you show up authentically.

When you’re with your soulmate you won’t have to worry about saying and doing everything perfectly. Life with another person is messy – like eating mangos naked. Instead of stressing out over how to say or do something, you and your soulmate will work together to reconnect by simply sharing authentically with one another.

7. You’ll Learn How To Embrace Conflict

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you discover that conflicts can lead to a deeper connection between you.

Not dealing with conflicts (from teeny-tiny to extra-large) can become landmines in your relationship, so it’s best to deal with issues as they occur. With your soulmate, you’ll both be willing to work through discord to love one another more deeply.

In a soulmate relationship, you won’t fear conflict or avoid it at all costs. True love doesn’t require sacrifice. However, just because you’re with your soulmate doesn’t mean that you won’t have disagreements. Conflict is unavoidable, but with your soulmate conflict will be an opportunity to grow stronger together.

8. You’ll Stop Making Excuses

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you won’t make excuses. Instead, you’ll step up and take responsibility. By owning your mistakes or bad behavior you’ll make efforts to repair the relationship.

The love of a soulmate allows you to have compassion for yourself. You’ll allow yourself to be vulnerable and to accept the limitations of being human.

Making excuses and blaming others for your mistakes creates conflict and disconnection. This feels so wrong in your body and soul that you’ll put your ego aside and do what you can to reconnect.

Your soulmate won’t require you to be perfect, but they will inspire you to take responsibility rather than place blame.

9. You’ll Know What It Means To Be On The Same Team

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you get to share your life with a person who has your back. With your soulmate by your side, you’ll know that you always have an ally.

You may not agree about everything with your soulmate. You probably won’t share all the same hobbies or tastes in music. But you’ll share the important things. You’ll both value the same things, have similar life goals and share a vision of what you desire together.

You and your soulmate may have different strategies for achieving your shared goals, but you’ll respect each other’s differences and defer to one another’s strengths.

With your soulmate, you’ll experience the power of being on a team for life.

10. Your Journey Will Finally Make Sense

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that your journey to love will finally make sense. The setbacks and heartbreak you experienced along the way suddenly appear as the learning experiences you needed to be open to receive your beloved.

You’ll let go of anger and resentment from your past experiences allowing you to be more forgiving with yourself and others. You’ll stop judging yourself harshly about the missteps you’ve made in the past.

A sense of inner peace will come over you when you are with your soulmate. From this new perspective, the world will seem like a different place, one that is filled with grace.

11. You’ll Have Roots And Wings

What happens when you meet your soulmate is that you’ll feel grounded to Mother Earth and at the same time inspired to fly. Your soulmate will give you the sensation of having roots and wings.

You’ll feel grounded and supported in sharing your life with that person who gets you and who accepts you as is. Your wings will come from experiencing love that makes your heart soar!

Your soulmate will give you the security to know you’re loved along with the freedom to grow and become all of who you want to be.

Are you tired of struggling and ready to upgrade your life with your soulmate? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll help you create a custom plan for creating your soulmate relationship.

There are rare couples who met and fell in love with their high school or college sweetheart and from the outside it looks like their relationship is effortless. It can lead you to believe that some people are just lucky in love. If you’re struggling to find lasting love you can lose hope that this can ever happen for you.

Don’t lose hope! Your curiosity about how to find your soulmate will lead you on a journey of self-discovery that will transform your life in ways you can’t imagine. Creating a change in your life begins with one step: The decision that you want things to be different.

Soulmate love can feel magical, but it doesn’t just happen by magic. If you’re serious about finding a life partner, then first commit to doing things differently and be open to discovering parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. Use these steps as a guide and you’ll discover how quickly your love life can blossom and bear fruit.

How To Find Your Soulmate In 7 Steps (When You’re Serious About Finding A Life Partner):

1. Release Your Limiting Beliefs About Love

Your beliefs about love motivate the actions you take. If you believe that love is hard, then you’ll pull back at the first difficulty. Your limiting beliefs about love define your search for love. Whether you believe love is hard or that you have to be lucky to find your soulmate, then your experiences will reflect your beliefs.

Want to know how to find your soulmate? Examine your limiting beliefs and challenge their validity. Identify your mental/emotional patterns and you’ll discover that you are the common denominator in all your relationships. Stretching outside your comfort zone will adjust your behavior and bring it into alignment with the results you want. Release all that no longer serves you.

Do you believe that the only way to get love is to sacrifice what you want and defer to your partner? That you must let go of your independence and freedom to be in a relationship?

Maybe you think that if you work hard to prove that you are worth loving, eventually, your partner will reward you with the love you desire.

Or perhaps you have a belief that you aren’t worth loving, and therefore only find yourself in relationships with unavailable partners.

These limiting beliefs aren’t the truth. The truth is that you’re inherently lovable and are deserving of love exactly as you are, right now, today! You don’t have to prove it, earn it, or protect yourself from people who will take advantage of you. You only have to believe that you are worth loving.

If you don’t believe you deserve love then you must first work on loving yourself. If you don’t, your fears and insecurities will convince you that lasting love is for other people but not for you.

Dig out your false and limiting beliefs and take actions that back up the fact that you are worth loving.

You may have made some mistakes with past partners. Maybe you were betrayed and it was heartbreaking. You’ve probably had more than your fair share of heartache.

None of this means that you aren’t meant to have long-lasting love. What it means is that you’ve got to remove the beliefs that are blocking you.

It’s time for a love upgrade!

2. Get In Touch With Your Inner Child

Part of upgrading your love software is getting back in touch with your inner child. You’ve probably abandoned that little girl or boy inside of you over the years. Your self-abandonment has caused your inner child to no longer trust you to take care of them.

This happens because of the conflict between what you needed to feel loved as a child, and how your parents were capable of giving you their love. You may have been raised by people who loved you dearly and yet weren’t capable of showing their love in the way you required.

This dichotomy between the way you were loved and the way you needed to be loved created a wound. As an adult, you have the opportunity to re-parent your inner child and heal these wounds.

The next step of how to find your soulmate is to take your inner child on a weekly date to create a new relationship with yourself. Inner Child Dates™ are one of the most powerful healing tools for reconnecting with yourself and bringing you back to a state of wholeness.

Set aside 2-3 hours a week and ask your inner child what would bring them joy. It’s your job as an adult to make sure that you have all the materials you need for your Inner Child Date. Let your inner child express themself without any judgment from you.

Be careful that you don’t cancel your Inner Child Dates because you could re-create the feeling of disappointment and abandonment that you felt as a child. These dates should be the most important thing on your calendar.

Curious how to find your soulmate? Heal your inner child through a weekly date with them. You can find a list of low-cost to no-cost inner child date ideas here.

3. Practice Forgiveness

Part of being human is making mistakes, so you must be able to forgive yourself and others. If you’re still punishing yourself for past mistakes you’ll be blocked from finding your soulmate.

Want to know how to find your soulmate? Forgive the past but don’t forget the lessons of the past.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you excuse bad behavior. If you can’t forgive than the hurt you feel is like poison keeping you from having a blessed life. Forgiveness is for you (it’s never about the other person).

You do not have to allow people that hurt you back into your life in order to forgive them. Decide to become a better person despite the bad things that have happened to you.

Forgiveness is a way of giving yourself and others grace for being human. Only machines are perfect so accept the fact that because you’re human you aren’t perfect, and neither is the person who hurt you.

There’s a saying that hurt people hurt people. Forgiving the people who have hurt you allows you to release the energetic emotional attachment to that person and the event.

Once you can have compassion for those who hurt you, finding the Golden Nugget will give you the learning to set you free. Discover the meaning of these hurtful experiences. What was it meant to teach you? How can you grow from the experience?

Discovering the Golden Nugget will move you forward quickly towards your soulmate.

4. Learn To Communicate Authentically

If you can’t ask for what you want you can’t expect to receive it. Your soulmate will not come with mind-reading powers or an intuitive understanding of what you need.

If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then you’ll need to learn to express your feelings and communicate authentically.

Your soulmate will love all the parts of you, but for you two to find each other you must show up authentically. Authentic communication requires you to share your feelings (even when you’re upset). You must ask for what you want, and take responsibility for your behavior.

If this sounds scary to you, it’s important to recognize that you may feel triggered by another person’s behavior — and that trigger belongs to you. Communicating authentically and taking responsibility for your triggers allows you to create a deep emotional connection with your soulmate.

This is how you find your soulmate, by showing up authentically and communicating your feelings and your needs. This way you end up in a relationship with a person who really understands you and gets you. It may always feel like a risk to be authentic, and that’s why you must practice it. You won’t suddenly become an excellent communicator when you meet “The One.”

5. Create A Clear Vision

When it comes to love, most people are crystal clear on what they don’t want. They know they don’t want to be cheated on. They don’t want to be ghosted or treated with disrespect. They really don’t want to be lied to.

What you truly want is not the opposite of what you do not want.

To know how to find your soulmate, you must know exactly the kind of relationship you want. In order to manifest anything, you must get a clear picture of it in your mind, see it as if it’s happening already, and take the steps necessary to bring it to life.

If you’re focused on what you don’t want then you’ll continue to manifest what you don’t want. What you focus on g-r-o-w-s, so choose wisely.

Get clear on how your soulmate relationship will function. What’s the dynamic you desire between the two of you? How will you know that they love you? How will they treat you when you’re upset if you the two of you disagree?

When you create a clear picture of your soulmate relationship it will feel possible and/or probable that you can create it. If you can’t see it then you don’t know what steps to take to get there.

6. Cultivate Discernment Through The Dating Process

Dating is seen as a necessary evil to meet your soulmate. Most people stop dating as soon as they meet someone they find attractive, have some similar interests, and jump into a committed relationship — this is Dating Backwards™.

The person you’ve met is a stranger. Never put your lovability in the hands of a stranger. And even worse, why give a stranger the benefit of the doubt?

Want to know how to find your soulmate? Slow down the dating process, use it as a tool to cultivate discernment, and don’t get physically intimate or go exclusive quickly.

Finding the strategies that help you create lasting love, and those that lead you down the path to heartbreak can only be found by dating a lot of different kinds of people and not going exclusive too fast.

Chemistry and compatibility are important in a relationship, but having shared values is the glue that holds your relationship together over time. Taking things slowly allows you to discover if you have shared values because talking will not reveal these things to you.

A person may say that family is important to them only to discover they don’t spend time with their family. You can’t have a conversation with hypotheticals to discover their values.

Values are discovered over time as you see and experience how they spend their resources. Where they put their energy, time, and money will reveal what’s important to them.

7. Become The Type Of Person You Desire

Like attracts like, and water seeks its own level. These are all ways of saying that you must become the person you need to be to attract the type of person you desire. Ultimately you meet your soulmate on the path to your highest and best self.

If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then first become the kind of person you seek. Love yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness, and most importantly forgive yourself when you make mistakes.

You don’t get love from another person; you share love with another person. It’s the love you have for yourself that you see reflected back to you in your beloved’s eyes.

Lasting love isn’t about being perfect or doing things perfectly. You’ll never be perfect, but you will be the perfect match for someone.

Follow these 7 steps and you’ll find that the journey to your soulmate is the most rewarding journey you will ever make.

Or you can keep using the same strategies you’ve been using… only to be disappointed again and again. Why would you want to do that? Break the patterns that have become blocks to the lasting love.

If you’re looking for a complete guide to transform you approach to dating and mating, our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love provides all the tools you need. Preorder it now from Barnes & Noble, email us the receipt for the hardcover book and you’ll be enrolled in our virtual book club FOR NO ADDITIONAL COST. 3 LIVE masterclasses in the New Year. We’ll discuss the concepts presented in the book and answer all your questions.

What should I look for in a true soul partner?

I’ve been around the block a few times, still single over 50 and never married. I’ve been engaged and I tried to make that work, but it didn’t and when/if I ever do get married I want to do that only once.

I do want to share my life with someone, and I think I know what I want, but maybe my focus is on the wrong things. You two are a shining example of what I desire. The love between you two is so strong and palpable. When I see how you look at one another I want that… I want someone to look at me like that even after decades together. So please let me know what I should look for in a true soul partner so I can focus on the right things.

Thank you!

Jody”

Hi Jody,

Thanks for reaching out to ask us about what to look for in a true soul partner. The great myth of accidental love is that you’ll find your perfect match one day when you least expect it, and magically you’ll make it last year after year. The myth is all about finding the “right” person (whatever that means).

Nothing in life worth having just magically occurs without any effort. Lasting love is like that too; it requires study, practice, and skills. It’s about becoming the right person so you can select an ideal match to share your life with.

Most people grew up in families where there was either plenty of conflicts or there were cold wars between parents. It’s enough to turn off anyone from the possibility of lasting love. Unfortunately, this myth of accidental love permeates society because you’re brainwashed into thinking that nothing can be done to change your circumstances in love, and that’s just flat-out wrong.

To make matters worse, emotional mastery and conflict resolution aren’t taught in school. People stumble through their personal relationships expecting that if it’s meant to be it will be. You abdicate your power and end up feeling like a little cork bouncing around the big ocean of your love life.

When you’re with your soulmate, there will be some things that drive you batty about them. It’s impossible to avoid when you’re in an intimate relationship with another human being. However, your true soul partner is there to support you to grow toward your highest and best self (and that goes both ways). This is why the skillset for lasting love is an important one to practice and that’s what dating is for.

Your true soul partner won’t be a perfect person (there’s no such thing), but they will be perfect for you. What should you look for in a true soul partner? And how do you know that you’ve found an ideal match? …continue reading to find out:

Here Are 5 Things To Look For In A True Soul Partner

1. They Want To Know What Makes You Happy

A person who’s interested in a relationship with you will be interested in discovering what makes you tick. They’ll ask questions about you and be curious about your interests and what’s important to you.

They want to know how to make you happier!

Recently one of our clients (a woman nearing 60 and never married) shared the news of her engagement with us. It wasn’t a surprise as the guy she’s engaged to was one of the first men she met online dating during her coaching sessions with us. Early on, he remembered that she had mentioned a particular band she liked, and he purchased tickets to take her to their concert a few months out. He was paying attention, and that made him stand out from the other guys she was seeing.

A true soul partner wants to know how to win your heart. It won’t be a mystery if they’re interested in a future with you — actually, it’ll be obvious.

When your friends and family say, “Just be yourself,” on a date, what they really mean is to be authentic. Be open about what you like and dislike so you can connect with an ideal match. The disagreements that may come from being authentic are going to show up one way or another, so you might as well find out as soon as possible if they’re your true soul partner or not.

2. They Make An Effort To Honor Your Requests

The person that’s your true soul partner won’t come with mind-reading powers. They won’t magically know that you prefer a seafood restaurant instead of a steak house. Letting someone know what you like, and dislike isn’t just part of getting to know each other, it lays the groundwork so that you can evaluate if the two of you are a values match or not. Requesting a particular kind of cuisine or sharing dietary restrictions is an easy request to make upfront.

Speaking how you feel and making requests allows you to see if they will make an effort to please you. Are they capable of adjusting based on your feedback? Or do they judge your requests and try to convince you to go along with their own desires?

Making requests isn’t a magical tool to get someone to behave the way you want them to. Sharing your likes and dislikes, and making requests offers you the opportunity to see their response and get great feedback on their ability to be flexible for you.

One of our clients was surprised that when she made requests of a guy she met at an event he eventually blurted out, “Oh you want me to be the man!” They both had a good laugh over it, and then he offered to send an Uber to pick her up for a date saying that he wanted her to feel like royalty. This guy realized the kind of man she was looking for and he stepped up to win her over.

Your true soul partner will make an effort to deliver on your needs and wants. Finding that kind of person is like winning the lottery! Stick with the person who makes an effort. And most importantly let them know that their effort counts. Positive feedback from you is more important than reciprocating. Opposites attract so you don’t want to treat a relationship like a tennis match, you don’t want to volley the ball back and forth.

3. They’re Willing To Navigate Conflict With You

Conflict is inevitable in all relationships; in fact, the second stage of relationship is the Power Struggle Stage. You can’t avoid it and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is going to end, or that this person isn’t right for you. It’s the natural evolution of a relationship so that two people can individuate from each other.

With your true soul partner, conflict serves as a doorway to a deeper connection.

The right person for you will take responsibility for their actions, offer an apology and make amends for their mistakes. Working through conflict together heals the wounds you each have from childhood.

You never have to pick your battles with your soul partner — you’re not at war with them. Rather than overlooking the little things deal with them head-on right at the start of the dating process. Life will always have challenges, and throw you curve balls, but as long as you can each take responsibility for your own triggers you can work things out.

One of the biggest mistakes people make while dating is to downplay disagreements early on, only to discover there are bigger issues down the road. Don’t put on rose-colored glasses and give a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Instead, date with your eyes open and observe and evaluate their behavior. Never allow someone to put you down, criticize, or belittle you.

Your true soul partner will always want to work things out with you no matter how challenging they get. That doesn’t mean that you (or he) won’t ever get triggered. Learning the skillset for lasting love includes knowing how to re-establish connection after a clash.

Matthew often jokes that if he lived with the Dali Lama, he’d still find some of his behaviors annoying. The same is true of your true soul partner. You’ll bump heads with each other over something. The key is that the two of you will exercise new dance steps with one another when needed to find your way back to each other.

It’s essential that you know how to navigate through conflict together as there will always be challenges and curveballs thrown your way as you journey through life together.

4. You Share The Same Values

When you and your soul partner value the same things it’s easy to find your way back to each other after a disagreement. It’s much easier to build a life together when you have shared values because it’s easy to get back on the same page.

The tricky part about values is that you can’t have an intellectual conversation about values. Well, you can have the conversation and talk all you want but it’s all hypothetical and it won’t actually give you the information you’re looking for. Instead of having deep meaningful conversations over fictional situations, evaluate their behavior through the dating process and pay attention to whether they have the capacity to meet your needs and wants.

Ultimately you discover what someone values by investing time in getting to know them. There is no shortcut here, you simply have to put the time in and pay attention. A person values what they spend their effort and resources on.

We had a client who was already exclusively dating someone at the beginning of our coaching sessions. She is very close with her family, and he told her that family was very important to him. She thought they both valued family. What she didn’t realize was that he didn’t spend much time with his family, and she was never introduced to them.

As she embraced our work together, she realized that they were not a values match. She just didn’t see it because she didn’t know how to evaluate him accurately.

All you need is to have the majority of your values match up — don’t go looking for a 100% match, that’s an unrealistic expectation. As long as you’re a majority match you can find your way back to each other through the rough spots.

5. They Love & Accept You As Is

Your true soul partner will accept you as you are as if they found you at the As-Is section of Ikea. The person who claims you like you’re their lucky charm is worth holding on to. They won’t try to remake your life; they’ll look for ways to make your life easier and better.

A person that tries to change you isn’t your ideal match. They’re interested in a hypothetical relationship, not one with a real living and breathing human being. You’re allowed to make mistakes and have flaws in a true soul partnership. No person is perfect, so let go of any unrealistic expectations.

When you love someone, you love their imperfections, their silly laugh, or their crooked smile. The right person will love your flaws, they may even see them as the reason you’re so lovable.

Tired of dating Mr. Wrong and not sure where to meet your Mr. Right? Or maybe you don’t know when to hold ‘em or when to fold ‘em and you hang on for too long? If you’re worried that time is running out and a true soul partnership is your ultimate goal, join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll help you create an action plan for the lasting love you desire and deserve so you can spend your life with your true soul partner.

My name is Michelle and I hope you can help me. I long for a deep soul connection with a man. I’ve been divorced for 6 years. In a nutshell, my marriage ended because my husband was unfaithful. I raised my 2 children on my own, and they are now fabulous young adults.

Once I started dating after my divorce I met many great men, and a few who were truly ready to commit. Some even told me they want to get married. Ultimately, I ended these relationships because they just were not ‘The One.’

My question is what could I do differently? I want a lasting loving relationship with someone who really gets me, and that I can count on. I find it easy to date and meet a lot of nice men. Something is missing for me…  I want a deep soul connection, that feeling of coming ‘Home.”

Do you have any suggestions for me?”

Dear Michelle,

It seems you’ve done a great job of putting yourself out there meeting new people and going on dates. Finding a deep soul connection can be elusive with common dating strategies. Ultimately there is a specific strategy to date for a soul connection that will get you the results you want and it’s a bit counterintuitive.

When it comes to lasting love, it doesn’t make sense to settle for a man you don’t feel a soul connection with. You can’t settle for a lifetime, eventually, there won’t be enough gas in the tank of the relationship to make it through the challenging times.

Partnering with a good, faithful, decent man is just the foundation of a healthy relationship, and not enough to base a life together on. There are plenty of good men in the world – that won’t necessarily make any of them your beloved.

You Can’t Manifest From Lack

It’s likely that your experience with your ex-husband created an internal block that’s getting in the way of you creating a deep soul connection with someone new. Whether it’s a decision to avoid getting hurt again, or the belief that you can’t trust love, a part of you is afraid to fully risk your heart.

While it’s important to know what you do and don’t want in love, if your focus is to avoid the pain of the past, you’ll be unable to create the soul connection you desire. Currently, your subconscious is focused on avoiding cheaters, which has kept you safe. Unfortunately, not a cheater doesn’t allow you to manifest what you truly desire.

You cannot find a deep soul connection by searching for the opposite of your past experience. When your heart has been broken it’s a natural response to try to avoid that pain again. A divorce is one of the most stressful and painful events a person can go through, (and you had the added stress of children in the mix).

In order to manifest a deep soul connection you’ll need a crystal clear vision of your desires in love.

When someone says, “I just can’t see myself doing that” (whatever it is) they’re speaking a literal truth. They can’t create an image in their mind’s eye of doing that thing. To manifest something, you need to see yourself doing it. See yourself in your ideal relationship. Identify the dynamic between the two of you, and the primary emotions you feel.

Discover Your Patterns In Love

Knowing your positive and negative patterns in love will show you what needs to change. Take an inventory of your relationship history. Notice similarities with the type of guy you fall for, who generally pursues who, which one of you initiates the breakup, and is there a common dynamic that doesn’t feel good to you?

Ultimately, you are the common denominator in all of your relationships. So, if there is a reason that it’s not working out – it’s inside of you. Dating more men will not change this pattern. And talking about the pattern will not change it either, instead talking about it will reinforce it.

If you’re struggling to find a soul connection, there’s likely a hidden block that’s keeping you from feeling it.

Stop Dating Backwards

Most people date backwards looking for a feeling to inform them it’s the right person. Unfortunately, your feelings are constantly changing, so using your feelings alone as a guide is not the best way to choose a life partner.

Giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt is dating backwards. Letting your feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment, ignoring red flags, or excusing bad behavior will never bring you the soul connection you crave. Never give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger — no matter the chemistry between you two.

Later, once someone has proven themselves as trustworthy and reliable you can give them the benefit of the doubt because they’ve earned it.

Allow dating to be a process and practice slow love. Take your time getting to know each other before going exclusive, and don’t make any assumptions. Use dating as a tool to find your limiting beliefs and other hidden blocks to love.

Through dating, notice your inner dialog and how you feel with each guy. Is it different with a man you’re attracted to vs. a man you don’t feel that spark with? Are you able to be authentic with each one? Pay attention on the walk to the car after the date; how do you feel and what’s your inner dialog after you’ve parted from him?

At the end of each date, check in with how you’re feeling and what you’re saying to yourself. This is where you discover if there are any hidden beliefs or strategies that will continue to keep you from the soul connection you desire.

Dating this way allows you to cultivate discernment so that you can easily deselect a guy who is not a match and proceed to find out more about the guys you’re curious about.

Don’t Iron Out Conflict

This may sound counterintuitive, but because most people are conflict-avoidant. You’ll never find a soul connection by avoiding conflict.

When you’re authentic and speak how you feel, you’re sending an invitation to the other person to meet you at that high level of authenticity. How a man responds to conflict gives you valuable information about whether the two of you will be able to navigate the inevitable challenges that will arise.

We’re not suggesting that you look for conflict either. Instead, don’t go along to get along. You’ll never find a life partner that way. Show up as your authentic self and with the right person you’ll figure it out together.

Address challenges and a difference of opinion in the moment and don’t let them fester. You’ll discover that conflict is a doorway to a deeper connection with a man who is a match for you.

Don’t Settle For Less Than The Soul Connection You Desire

You’d be doing yourself a disservice to settle for a man who doesn’t fully float your boat. You deserve to be with someone who gives you that feeling of being home. He deserves to be with someone who is as crazy about him as he is about you.

Make sure you don’t settle for “the should guy.”

• “I should marry him, he’s crazy about me.”
• “I should marry him, he’d be a great father.”
• “I should marry him, he’s a good, faithful man.”
• “I should marry him, my friends and family adore him.”
• “I should marry him, he’s the best I’ve found so far.”

Way too many women we speak with are divorced from “the should guy.” Settling when it comes to a life partner is a recipe for disaster. You can’t sacrifice what you truly desire and expect to be happy for a lifetime.

When you imagine the soul connection you desire how do you feel? Are you grounded and in the present moment? Are you off balance and spinning in your heart space or your stomach? Do you have perpetual butterflies? Does your stomach drop like you’re on an elevator or rollercoaster?

Be specific regarding the sensation you’re looking for. You’ll want that feeling to ground you, not just light you up. The other important question is this: Have you ever felt this feeling before?

Selecting An Ideal Mate

Relationships either become stronger or fall apart because of the challenges that come your way. To create a lasting soul connection, choose someone who shares your values and is on the same page with you about what’s really important in life.

While you’ll inevitably have different strategies for dealing with stress, you’ll always find your way back to each other when you share the same values. You’ll be more motivated to work your way through your differences to create connection again.

Discovering what a man values isn’t revealed by deep meaningful hypothetical conversations. Instead, notice how he spends his resources. His behavior will be a bigger indication of what he values than what he says. Every person will spend their time, effort, and money on what they value. Notice how he treats the people in his life and how he treats you — are they similar or different?

When you share the same or similar values you can harness your differences towards the same goals allowing you to thrive as a couple. Soulmates are two individuals who continue to choose each other and stay together because they are better together than apart.

Lasting love is about creating a life together that is in service to your larger dreams and goals. When you are on the same page about what is truly important then you can weather any storms that come your way creating a lasting deep soul connection.

The right man for you is not a perfect person, he will be perfect for you because the two of you will have shared values and you’ll both be willing to work through the challenges that arise together.

When you choose the person who also chooses you, it will feel magical, but it’s not magic — it’s a choice — one that you both make over and over again.

Self-examination has its limitations because you are in the fishbowl. We’re experts in quickly assessing where you are in relation to where you’d like to be on your journey to long-lasting, soul-satisfying love. Every person is unique because only you have had your experiences.

If you’d like to dig in and uncover what is blocking you from experiencing the soul connection you desire schedule a Soulmate Strategy Call with us. This complimentary call allows you to speak with us privately so don’t delay and schedule today by clicking here.

I need your help! Should I choose my twin flame or should I give this other guy a chance?

A guy I thought was my twin flame recently showed back up in my life. Years ago he broke my heart and I’ve done a lot of work to forgive him for what happened. Part of me has always wondered what if?

The problem is there is a guy at work who I’ve started dating. He’s a great guy and I can tell he’s crazy about me. There’s no issue about dating someone at work because we’re in completely different departments. A lot of my colleagues and friends think he’s really good for me and I can see what a stand-up guy he is.

The thing is, even though he’s good looking, I don’t feel that attracted to him. When I think about being with a man for the rest of my life, I really want to be turned on by him. Then I think about what you share about breaking patterns, so maybe I ought to give this guy a chance?

My twin flame romance was full of passion, but also a lot of drama. He says he’s changed but I just don’t know…

Do you think I should give this guy from work a chance or would I just be wasting my time (and his too)? Or should I get back together with the man I thought was my twin flame and hope he’s really changed?

Thank you.”

Dear Alicia,

Thank you for reaching out for help. Being stuck between two men can make you feel as if you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. Giving yourself an either/or decision may not be the best approach in your current circumstances. Very few personal decisions are black and white, most are in the grey. Let’s start off by creating some wiggle room for you to be more resourceful.

Your soulmate (or twin flame) will be an ideal match for you – so he will be “good for you.” He will also be someone that you’re attracted to. Just because someone is a good person doesn’t make him a great match for a lasting romantic partnership with you. Also, just because you feel an intense attraction to someone doesn’t make him your twin flame.

Your situation reveals more about what’s going on inside of you than it does about either of these men. And the answer to your question lies inside of you and is also not about these men or which one you should choose.

Contrary to popular belief long-lasting love doesn’t have to be a gamble like buying a lottery ticket and hoping you’ll win the jackpot. We’re assuming that you’re looking for a lasting loving partnership, not just another boyfriend.

Your Outer Circumstances Are Revealing An Inner Conflict

The situation you find yourself in speaks to a deeper conflict within you. If you find that you consistently end up seeing only TWO kinds of men – those who are “good guys” with no spark of attraction, and those that you are hot for, but for other reasons are not good relationship material that means you’re stuck in a double bind.

A double bind is an internal conflict where two parts of you desire what appears to be opposing things. As long as these two parts are at odds, you’ll remain stuck. A common double bind we often see in our clients is when a person desires personal freedom and also desires a romantic partner. They have a limiting belief that they have to give up their personal freedom in order to have a relationship.

With a double bind, neither choice is ideal, and you’ll feel stuck and unsure of how to resolve the issue. It’s like you’re arm wrestling yourself and you’re equally strong on both sides so neither side can win or lose – you’re at a draw.

To Get Unstuck, You Must Resolve The Inner Conflict

The first step in moving on from a double bind is to understand the nature of your behavior. At its root, all behavior has positive intent. Even behaviors and strategies that frustrate you and cause issues in your life are trying to get you something you need or want.

The part of you that is pushing you to make the sensible choice and stay with the nice guy and the part that feels drawn to the drama and passion of the guy you believe to be your twin flame are both trying to get you something you need. Right now, it feels like those needs are in conflict with each other.

The key is to move beyond the two choices and discover the higher need that you’re attempting to fulfill. Whether it’s love, passion, joy, or something else, this higher need is what your heart truly desires, and you may be able to get it from one of these two men or you may need to move past both for an ideal long-lasting love relationship.

Until you resolve this inner conflict you’ll feel stuck in this situation worried and struggling to make the right decision. Taking an entirely new approach to love will break this pattern and free you from the double bind.

Your Head And Your Heart Must Be In Harmony

Right now, your head and your heart are at odds with each other. Your head wants to do what’s reasonable and your heart wants to choose feeling good (not realizing that all emotions are temporary). Neither of these options is going to be fulfilling. Your head will give you security with very little passion, while your heart will lead you down the road back to drama and heartbreak.

Objectively looking at these two options reveals why neither is enough for love to last.

You Can’t Settle For A Lifetime

Your head wants you to settle and when you settle you end up marrying the “should” guy.

“I should marry him, he’d make a great dad.”

“I should marry him, my friends and family love him.”

“I should marry him, he is crazy about me.”

“I should marry him, he’ll never cheat.”

“I should marry him, _____(fill in the blank) _____.”

It may seem sensible to choose a good man who will be a good provider for you and your family. But life will inevitably throw challenges at you and just because your partner is a good person doesn’t mean that will be enough to get you through those challenges together. Marrying your best friend may sound sensible, but when the two of you are in conflict there is no passion and connection to keep the two of you together.

The spark of chemistry is an essential ingredient when it comes to lasting love. It is the fuel in the tank of the relationship that allows you to find your way through the trials and tribulations that will inevitably show up when you share your life with someone.

Attraction Is Only One Ingredient Of A Healthy Relationship

If there are 10 things that are required for love to last, attraction is only one of those 10. You can be attracted to someone you describe as “my twin flame” who is out of integrity, who may cheat on you, or lacks the ability to fight fair during a conflict. Attraction is not a magical crystal ball that sees the future and lets you know he’ll make a good life partner.

Attraction alone is not something that you can count on over time, because all your feelings change — they are temporary. In a long-term relationship, you will experience many different feelings for your partner. The myth that the “right” person will just show up one day and love will be easy gets in the way of far too many people who desire lasting love for a lifetime.

You’ll want to partner with someone who values the same things as you, who gets you, who can communicate clearly, who wants to win your heart and make you happy. Attraction guarantees none of these qualities. Even though attraction on its own isn’t enough for love to last, its not something you can sacrifice and go without.

Romance Doesn’t Come With Drama

The notion that your twin flame will complete you like he’s your other half that’s been missing is a fallacy. This would create a co-dependent relationship rather than a healthy interdependent dynamic. What if your twin flame is the man you’re attracted to AND stands by your side? If your relationship pattern is only finding men attractive when you can’t be with them – that’s an internal problem.

Wanting what you cannot have is appealing to authors and screenplay writers as their job is to create a dramatic and compelling storyline. The idea of star-crossed lovers goes back even further in time than Shakespeare’s Romeo And Juliet.

Society is obsessed with the notion that romance is equal to overcoming obstacles and drama. This couldn’t be further from what is truly romantic.

When you see an elderly couple holding hands as they cross the street you know nothing of the circumstances that brought them together, nor what they have endured, however, it’s still romantic seeing them together.

Lasting Love Is A Choice

No two people are destined to be together, it’s a decision two people make. Maybe the man you describe as my twin flame has changed and is ready to give you what you need. Maybe you’ll develop an attraction for the good guy at work and the two of you will make it last. There’s no way to predict which of these guys is right for you, or even if there is some other guy who will be a better match down the road.

A better choice is to discover your own hidden blocks to love. Once you identify and transform them you’ll be in a better position to select an ideal match for you, rather than leave your love life up to chance.

Take A New Approach To Creating Love

Let go of the either/or choice in front of you and discover about yourself instead. What if you dated both men (and others as well) and used this current situation to gain clarity on your wants and needs? The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Dating is a selection process that most people have no clue how to utilize for a great advantage.

Instead, most people suffer through countless dates until they meet a person they have sparks with, throw everything else out the window, and jump head-first into a relationship.

What if you used the dating process to discover more about yourself?

You could certainly agree to go on a date with your ex. On that date, focus on yourself and how you feel. Do you find yourself triggered into old thought patterns or are you able to stay present?

Compare this by going on a date with the guy from work. Are you more comfortable and able to be present to your feelings, speak authentically, and make requests with this guy that you don’t feel attracted to?

Go on dates with other men as well and compare how you feel and notice your behaviors. Observe yourself like a detective or a scientist and simply pay attention to your feeling state and your inner dialog (what you say to yourself about yourself) without any judgment. Better yet, be compassionate with yourself and simply notice your feelings. See if you can just be okay with your current feeling state and take note of any patterns that recur.

Dating a lot of different people will give you a lot of data to work with to discover things about yourself and the kind of relationship you desire that no other exercise will give you.

Your twin flame is the person who chooses you that you also choose. You can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right person. If they are your beloved the two of you will figure it out together.

If you’d like expert help to deliver your big breakthrough to lasting love, you can apply for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session with us by clicking here. During this session we’ll give you a custom plan for creating the long-lasting love you desire.

I heard a controversial idea from an interview the other day. ‘Stop looking for your Soulmate! Direct your attention on becoming and living as the most authentic you and creating the life and work you love to live and do…and in doing THAT you will meet your soulmate as if by magic.’ What do think about that soulmate theory?”

Dear Michelle,

Great question! It certainly sounds like an appealing soulmate theory. Focus on living a happy life and becoming your authentic self and BAM out of nowhere your soulmate will just magically appear.

Let’s break this soulmate theory down and see if it holds up to scrutiny. But first, there should be some agreement on what is meant by a soulmate.

What Is A Soulmate?

We’re soulmate coaches. It is what we’re passionate about and what we teach about love. We believe that a soulmate relationship is supposed to stand the test of time. Ultimately a soulmate is a person that you choose again, and again, and again, just as he chooses you again, and again, and again.

This may or may not fit with popular soulmate theories, so let’s look at other definitions out there.

Merriam Webster says that a soulmate is: “A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.”

A quick search will bring up similar quotes about soulmates:

“A soulmate is someone that just gets you. It’s a connection of minds, mutual respect, unconditional love, and a total understanding.”

“Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed, and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle.”

“A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did.”

The similarity of these soulmate theories is that your soulmate will just get you. A soulmate is someone who will accept you, love you for who you really are, and help you feel whole.

Now that we have some agreement on our soulmate theory, let’s break down what you heard on that interview and see how it stands up.

Soulmate Theory Part 1 “Stop Looking For Your Soulmate!”

This is a common theory about love and soulmates. Somehow putting effort towards what you want, drives it away from you. Instead, you should stop looking. This is usually stated as, “Love will show up when you least expect it.”

The interesting part of this soulmate theory is that you are expected to believe that finding love is somehow different than any other goal you have in life. Anything else you desire – health, successful career, even inner peace – requires you to learn new skills, apply effort, and be consistent over time in order for you to achieve your goal.

But, according to part one of this soulmate theory, love is different. It doesn’t work by the same universal laws as everything else in life. Somehow it is more romantic for love to happen by accident when you aren’t looking for it. It’s like there is a stigma towards wanting love and taking action towards that goal. As if somehow you must be desperate if you have to spend time and energy finding love.

This is the part that most offends us, that wanting love, wanting to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who gets you, somehow makes you desperate and needy.

Seriously, what is wrong with wanting to share your life with someone who gets you, accepts you, and loves you? What is the problem with treating a soulmate relationship the same way as a career choice? No one is ever perceived as desperate or needy in the pursuit of a successful career, a higher education, or any other endeavor.

Actually, most people who work at their relationship skills like effective communication, conflict resolution, trustworthiness, and empathy have lasting relationships that are essential to their level of success, peace of mind, and happiness.

Soulmate Theory Part 2 “Focus On Becoming And Living As The Most Authentic You”

This component of the soulmate theory you heard is difficult to argue with. The more authentic you are able to be the more likely you are to select an ideal partner as your match. Authenticity is ultimately the key to creating harmony in a relationship over time.

Most people are conflict-avoidant. They go along to get along and avoid speaking up and sharing their truth. This is particularly true through the dating process.

Couple this natural avoidance with the fear of rejection and now you have a recipe for people to hide their authentic self rather than allowing their freak flag to fly high.

The fear of rejection keeps most people from showing up authentically. They feel that if someone saw them for who they really are that they wouldn’t like what they see. This seems to be part of the human condition and we want you to know that you are worthy of love right now as you are today.

What does it really mean to show up authentically? Authenticity is all about sharing your emotional truth. It isn’t your opinion of others, or events in the world, or anything else. Emotional authenticity is expressing how you feel regardless of the expectations or perceived expectations of others.

Being authentic means you are an active advocate for yourself. You are speaking up for yourself by sharing your emotional truth. It’s how you feel inside and sharing that feeling with another.

This is also how to create connection with another person to have emotional intimacy. Just as part two of this soulmate theory suggests: To have a soulmate relationship it is imperative to be living as the real authentic you!

So many people attempt to find a way to express their truth without offending or upsetting anyone. We call this twisting into a pretzel to get love. It is a lose-lose proposition.

Pretzel twisting is when you try to contort yourself into a shape that you think someone else will like. It is the opposite of authenticity and it is a little manipulative. The success of your communication is your ability to speak your truth regardless of the perceived expectations of others.

The magic of intimacy is that when you share your truth, and your partner shares their truth, the two of you now feel connected even if the two of you disagree. You will not always be in agreement with your soulmate.

No one will ever see through your defenses to discover the hidden gem inside. Knowing how to balance your self-esteem along with your compassion for others allows you to show up as your authentic self no matter what.

We wholeheartedly agree with part 2 of this soulmate theory. Live an authentic life and you’ll be more likely to share your life with a soulmate.

Soulmate Theory Part 3 “Creating The Life And Work You Love”

This is where this soulmate theory gets interesting. According to this hypothesis, in order to share your life with your soulmate you’ve got to be living your passions… really? As if, those of you who are comfortable with your somewhat fulfilling job are not deserving of your soulmate? And that only those who are doing work they love will attract a soulmate into their life?

Part three of this soulmate theory gets convoluted very quickly when you start to consider all the women who weren’t allowed to have a career and spent their lives raising children and being the matriarch of the family. Are we to believe that none of these women were in a soulmate relationship?

We have had many clients who upon first speaking with us was successful in her career, wonderful relationships with family members and friends, and yet her soulmate relationship had eluded her. These women were living their passions, they excelled in their careers, and yet they struggled with attracting their soulmate.

A very successful Life Coach we know partnered with a colleague on a project together. The Dating Coach told the Life Coach that everyone who collaborates with her attracts their soulmate shortly after the completion of the project. As if she had some magic spell to bestow on those near to her. That was nearly a decade ago and this Life Coach friend of ours is still wildly successful in her business, and yet she is still single and lives alone.

Work is work and love is love. Love doesn’t care if you are successful, just as your work doesn’t care if you are in love. Being happy and fulfilled in life is important. It’s just not something that automatically leads to love. We give a big thumbs down to part three of the soulmate theory you have asked us about.

Soulmate Theory Part 4 “You Will Meet Your Soulmate As If By Magic”

The fantasy behind this soulmate theory is that you will not have to do or change anything! That by simply living your life a certain way you will magically attract a soulmate into your life. And you’ll be able to avoid those annoying dating apps, awkward coffee dates, and toxic people.

Here’s the good news along with the bad news. Men who are toxic, emotionally unavailable, or commitment-phobic, exist in the same environment as the quality men that so many dating coaches promise you’ll attract.

The goal is to learn to cultivate discernment while dating so that you can identify an ideal match. There can be a number of reasons that this process is easier for some and more challenging for others.

You are attracted to what is familiar. This is why so many people are attracted to the same kind of person over and over again even when they become aware that these particular people are not a match for the type of relationship they truly desire. The same is true for why those who have experienced abuse, trauma, and domestic violence find it difficult to break the cycle.

No amount of positive thinking will root out that program. It takes powerful healing and intentional action to change your internal GPS for love.

Part four of this soulmate theory seems to perpetuate the idea that there is something unattractive or distasteful about meeting new people through a dating app. Or asking your friends and family to set you up with people they know who are also single and looking for love.

This soulmate theory says that it is mundane to date and love is supposed to happen by magic with no effort on your part whatsoever.

We can assure you that taking this approach to love will take longer (if it happens at all), and cause you to waste your time with a lot of Mr. Wrongs before you finally meet Mr. Right.

Instead, Follow This Soulmate Theory To Create Lasting Love With Your Soulmate

1. Reprogram Your Subconscious For Love

Your GPS for love was formed in your family of origin. This subconscious program is made up of your limiting beliefs, your mental/emotional patterns, and your behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love, .

This system is driving your behavior as an adult. It is the reason you find certain types of men more attractive than others. Because your internal coordinates are off, you’ll keep missing your destination until you start to change the pattern.

Your limiting beliefs about love are not factual. The truth is that you are deserving of love. Love is your birthright. It is part of being human to share your life with someone.

Take the time to identify your limiting beliefs, patterns and behaviors. Do the work to break your pattern. You don’t have to fix everything. In fact, you’ll never be a completed project. Start the journey and your relationships will begin to improve right away.

2. Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is probably the single most important tool for creating and maintaining lasting love. Without it you will get stuck in an endless lather-rinse-repeat cycle with the power struggle and romance stages of relationship. Holding onto anger and resentment will poison a relationship over time.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the people who have wronged you. Forgiveness is for you, so you are free from those past events.

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Let go of the need to be perfect. Release your judgments about yourself and others.

Forgive your exes for their limitations and hurtful actions. This doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life, but it does allow you to move on. Find the lesson from your past experiences and you’ll be sure to not repeat them.

3. Commit To Showing Up Authentically

This is the one part of the soulmate theory you shared that is great advice. The only way to be loved for who you really are is by showing up as your authentic self.

Your soulmate is not a mind reader. Attraction and even deep love do not come with mind-reading powers. If you want your soulmate to know what you like and dislike you’ll have to speak up.

If this feels scary for you it may be time for you to invest in some personal coaching to build your self-esteem and confidence.

4. Cultivate Discernment Through The Dating Process

Dating is a great tool for meeting people who are looking for a relationship. But if you don’t have a strategy then you’ll waste a lot of time. Use dating to get clear on what you really want as well as identify areas where you can grow.

Date slowly and with an open mind. Don’t jump into a commitment with the first guy who looks like a good match. The guy who really likes you will be patient with you. Date several men at once before going exclusive. Use your dates as opportunities to practice being more authentic and asking for what you want.

This approach to dating will shorten your journey to your soulmate by taking things slowly. It sounds like a contradiction but there is no better way to waste 3-6 months than by going exclusive with someone before you really know who he is only to have to start all over again when that relationship fizzles out.

Get out into the world and meet people. Become curious. Date. This is how you will meet your soulmate.

Release the fantasy that love will happen when you least expect it. Take new actions to achieve your desires. You can get started right away by downloading our special report, “7 Steps To Soulmating™.” You’ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to create their soulmate relationship.

Here’s my question: How do I attract my soulmate?

I’m new to your work and I like what I’ve seen so far. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about finding a soulmate. I’ve never been married and while I date a lot I’ve never dated a man that I wanted to marry. I guess I’ve been dating by accident ;).

Now that I’m thinking about actually wanting to get married, how do I identify and attract a soulmate into my life?

Thanks!”

Hello Dina,

Thanks for reaching out to us! So much of what you can achieve in your life begins with making a decision that you really want something. Shifting your focus from just dating and asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” is a profound step.

The journey to your soulmate is a journey of self-discovery, one that will transform your life in ways that you can’t yet imagine. Congratulations on taking the first steps!

Since you are at the beginning, we’d like to give you a map. This map will show you the bigger steps you’ll want to take on your journey so that you can get on the path to long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.

So many people just stumble into love and get frustrated when it doesn’t work out. This is an accidental approach to love. Sex is instinctual in human beings. Long-term monogamous relationships are not instinctual. They require good relationship and communication skills. One of the most important skills is choosing an ideal partner.

Soulmate relationships don’t just magically happen when you meet the “right” person. Take intentional steps to attract an ideal partner. This will leverage your efforts to create a soulmate relationship that will last a lifetime.

7 Steps To Attract A Soulmate Into Your Life:

1. 1. Start Where You Are

Lasting love doesn’t just happen for most people. Having a childhood sweetheart, marrying that person, and living happily ever after is not a likely scenario you’ll fall into. There are a plethora of songs written about heartbreak for a reason.

You’re asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” This shows that you are becoming intentional about your search for love. Congrats!

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You’ll want to start by investigating why your efforts haven’t paid off yet. Identify what is getting in your way currently from attracting your soulmate. This may include your limiting beliefs about love and relationship, your behavioral strategies that stop you from creating intimacy, or your mental and emotional patterns that are blocking you.

You are probably not aware of these strategies and beliefs yet. Bringing awareness to what is hidden allows you to identify what isn’t working in your favor. There is a reason that you haven’t focused on finding your soulmate until now.

Were your parents in a happy, loving relationship? Did you have an emotionally healthy childhood that taught you how to manage your emotional life and communicate what you need and want?

How can you attract your soulmate? Start by discovering your blocks to love so that you can change what no longer works for you.

2. Heal The Wounds From Your Past

Part of being human is accepting that you are not going to be perfect. Like everybody, you made mistakes in your past. You trusted someone you shouldn’t have. You behaved badly in a stressful situation. You invested your heart too quickly.

Whatever you did, or whatever happened to you, doesn’t have to determine your fate. Your past does not determine your future if you do the work of learning from your past and healing your wounds.

For some people, this will be the most important work of their lives. You can’t change what happened to you. You can’t go back and undo the events of your past. But you can change the meaning of those events, reclaim your power, and heal your heart.

The key to moving forward despite your past is to practice forgiveness.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone feels hurt by the behavior of those they love. In order to attract your soulmate, forgive yourself and others for those past mistakes. Leave the past behind you.

How can you attract your soulmate despite your past? Forgive yourself, forgive others, and grow from your past experiences.

3. Release Judgment And Practice Compassion

Judgment is the biggest block to your soulmate. Ultimately all judgment is self-judgment. Your judgment of others comes from your lack of acceptance of your own flaws.

Learn to love all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you want to be loved unconditionally, you have to love yourself exactly as you are. This will allow you to love and accept another without judgment.

You don’t have to be perfect in order for you to bring in a soulmate relationship. Every human being makes mistakes.

At the root, all of your behavior has positive intent. This means that your strategies are trying to help you feel good, even when those strategies leave you feeling crappy about yourself and your life. Instead of judging yourself for your results, practice compassion for the part of you that is trying to help get you what you need and want. Don’t judge the results (it takes practice).

Practice compassion with yourself and others despite the mistakes you’ll both make. This is an essential skill for love to last. You will spend your life with another flawed human being, just as you will always be imperfect too. Your integrity is all about how you behave when you make mistakes.

Remember, everyone is doing their best. Have compassion for people who don’t have great strategies.

Then do the work of upgrading your relationship software. You are attracted to what is familiar (even over and above what you desire). You will reject love that doesn’t match what you feel inside. Change how you feel about yourself on the inside and you will change your results out in the world.

How do you attract your soulmate when you judge yourself and others? Practice compassion, learn to love your flaws, and upgrade your relationship strategies.

4. Show Up Authentically

Don’t you want someone to love you for who you really are? Stop twisting into a pretzel trying to get someone to love you. Instead, show up authentically and let your freak flag fly so your beloved can find you!

It is your uniqueness that your soulmate will love and appreciate. Don’t worry about what you think other people are looking for. Don’t try to manipulate people into wanting to be with you.

Showing up authentically doesn’t mean that you share all of your dirty secrets on a first date. It also doesn’t mean that you share your honest opinion about your date.

Authenticity is speaking your emotional truth. It is sharing how you feel and asking for what you want. It requires that you don’t avoid conflict or downplay what is important to you.

Knowing what you want and asking for it is a very attractive quality in a partner. Your soulmate won’t just intuitively know what will make you happy, but your soulmate will definitely want to bring you joy.

How do you attract your soulmate and be loved unconditionally? Show up authentically and ask for what you want.

5. Use Dating As A Tool For Growth

Most people don’t like to date. They see it as a necessary evil but don’t really commit to dating in a way that gets good results. However, dating can be one of the most effective tools for your growth, both as a person and in your relationships.

The journey to your soulmate is one of becoming your highest and best self. Commit to learning and growing and being the best version of you. Each person you meet on the path can help you grow and become a better partner.

Are you more able to be authentic when you are not that attracted to your date? Do you twist into a pretzel when you meet someone you’re hot for? Do you ignore red flags and sweep disagreements under the rug?

Embrace dating as a way to learn how to be a better partner. Go on as many dates as possible to learn about yourself and craft a clear vision of the kind of relationship you truly desire.

How do you attract your soulmate when you don’t like dating? Embrace dating as a tool for personal growth.

6. Focus On Values Over Qualities

You may have been told to make a list of the qualities you desire in an ideal partner. This list focuses on superficial things like appearance, finances, and chemistry, and ignores the important things like if the person you desire values communication and family.

Chemistry is only one ingredient in your soulmate relationship. You will want to be attracted to your partner in order to spend a lifetime together. However, chemistry alone will not get you through the challenges that life will throw your way.

Putting too much importance on chemistry can lead you to date a lot of people who aren’t a match for longevity. Being in partnership with someone who shares your values allows you to find your way back to each other and turn conflict into a deeper connection.

Ideally, you want a partner who gets you, who has your back, and who you can count on no matter what. Whether your partner is over 6’ tall or has dark brown hair and blue eyes isn’t going to help you overcome conflict together.

Getting clear on the dynamic you desire in your intimate relationship is most important. Use dating as a tool to discover if you have shared values over time and if the two of you can navigate through disputes and feel more connected after a disagreement.

How do you attract your soulmate and make love last? Focus on finding a partner who shares your values.

7. Create A Clear Vision Of What You Desire

Knowing what you do not want and making sure to steer clear of the people who are not a match for you will not allow you to create a soulmate relationship.

It’s unfortunate that most people are clear on what they do not want. No drinkers. No cheaters. No smokers. This is a good strategy for avoiding what you don’t want. But it is a terrible strategy for creating what you really desire.

You can’t manifest by focusing on what you don’t want. You will end up attracting more of what you do not want and end up feeling frustrated and cynical about love.

If you cannot picture what your soulmate relationship looks like, it will be difficult to create it. Get clear on the dynamics of your true soul partnership and create a vivid picture of it in your mind. Then while dating, look for a person who matches the vision you’ve created.

Ultimately, a true soulmate relationship is one where you both choose each other and work together to create a lifetime of love. Your relationship can bring fulfillment to all the parts of your life when you take a more conscious approach to love and dating. Asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” is a great start.

Are you struggling with any of these steps on your journey to soul level love? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session so we can review your strategies for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.