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\n\u201cHi Orna and Matthew,<\/p>\n
Do men want what they can\u2019t have?<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s my pattern\u2026 every single time I allow myself to TRULY love a man and trust\/become vulnerable\/believe he loves me back \u2013 he leaves!<\/p>\n
All different types of men, wildly variable circumstances and timelines, but each time I chose to love \u2013 they leave. Of course, the ones I don\u2019t care about I can\u2019t get rid of.<\/p>\n
I just want to know, do men only want what they can\u2019t have?!?<\/p>\n
Help!\u201d<\/p>\n
Hello Paula,<\/p>\n
The journey to lasting love can be filled with frustration, we truly feel your pain. Especially when you\u2019re looking for Mr. Right and all you find are Mr. I Can\u2019t Have. You\u2019re asking us, \u201cDo men want what they can\u2019t have,\u201d when it appears to us that this issue is actually yours.<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t want to be curt or offend you, however, the only way for you to see that the common denominator in all of your relationships is you is to point out that your internal GPS for love is guiding you to attract unavailable men.<\/p>\n
The men who are interested are ones who, in your own words, you \u201ccan\u2019t seem to get rid of.\u201d And the ones you are hot for don\u2019t choose you, and don\u2019t stay.<\/p>\n
This problem isn\u2019t about men, it\u2019s about the type of man that you find attractive. Something inside of you is drawn to men who are not a good fit for you. And because it doesn\u2019t work out with the happily ever after you\u2019ve hoped for you end up stuck in a pattern of relationships that don\u2019t pan out, feeling frustrated and heartbroken.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the good news, while you can\u2019t change men and how they behave in an intimate relationship, you can change who you choose to commit your heart to.<\/p>\n
The first step is to recognize whether a man is ready for a committed relationship.<\/p>\n A man who wants to be with you will move the relationship forward.<\/a>\u00a0He will ask for a commitment to take you off the market. And he will stick around through good times and bad.<\/p>\n Men who are\u00a0not<\/strong>\u00a0ready for a relationship will do none of these things. However, they still want companionship and intimacy with a woman they find attractive \u2013 especially if the woman is doing all the work. (Most of these men will not even admit to themselves that they are not emotionally ready for a long-term relationship.)<\/p>\n Men who want what they can\u2019t have are certainly not ready for a relationship, but this problem is not gender-specific. It is just as likely for men to want what they can\u2019t have as it is for women. Both men and women can fall into this pattern of having a burning desire for what is unattainable. In fact, this seems to be the unhealthy pattern that has kept lasting love elusive for you.<\/p>\n There are plenty of men who are interested in a relationship with you. And isn\u2019t it interesting that you don\u2019t care about these men? This tells us that there is something off in your selection process.<\/p>\n As difficult as this may be to hear, this is an internal struggle. It appears you have a subconscious program that is guiding you to desire a man you cannot count on.<\/p>\n Since we do not have many details about you let\u2019s say this blueprint inside of you matches something like:\u00a0love feels like abandonment<\/a>\u00a0(or some such thing). Whatever the specific language of your subconscious limiting belief it is currently at odds with what you desire for yourself when it comes to romantic love.<\/p>\n The subconscious mind is designed to keep you alive, and therefore it will continue to draw you towards similar experiences.\u00a0You will attract what is familiar.<\/strong><\/p>\n This is why so many women who grew up with physical and emotional abuse in their childhood then select partners who are also abusive.<\/p>\n When abuse and trauma are present it\u2019s easy to see the pattern and where it originated. Unfortunately, without such egregious circumstances, your patterns and strategies may be more covert and difficult to identify.<\/p>\n There is a discrepancy between what you desire (loving a man who is able to commit to you long-term) and what you have experienced (each time you choose to love, he leaves). As long as you have\u00a0this inner conflict<\/a>, you will continue to struggle to create the long-lasting love you desire.<\/p>\n It is your subconscious that highlights the men who are\u00a0not<\/strong>\u00a0interested in a long-term relationship with you, and because they stand out they appear attractive to you. And the men who\u00a0are<\/strong>\u00a0interested in a relationship appear unattractive to you.<\/p>\n There\u2019s no juice, no spark with the latter because it doesn\u2019t feel \u201cright\u201d to you. The available guy is not a match to what is familiar from your past experiences (all the way back to your childhood). The men you\u2019ve labeled \u201cwants what he can\u2019t have\u201d are\u00a0familiar to you\u00a0<\/strong>and you find him irresistibly attractive.\u00a0.<\/strong><\/p>\n Your strategy for giving and receiving love\u00a0is created in your family of origin<\/a>\u00a0when you were between 0 and 8 years old. You see, as a child you need to feel loved and safe to survive. And you will take on any behavior to feel loved and safe, even limiting beliefs about who you are and your place in the world.<\/p>\n All children take full responsibility for their parents\u2019 behavior because they don\u2019t have the capacity to think of it any differently. You think, \u201cWhat is wrong with me that my parent is behaving this way?\u201d You take on a limiting story about yourself and that story becomes part of your identity. This wound becomes the basis of Your Love Imprint\u00ae<\/sup>.<\/p>\n Your Love Imprint is comprised of your limiting beliefs, mental\/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love. It even determines who you have the spark of attraction with!<\/p>\n The real kicker about your subconscious mind is that it does not have the capacity to judge. It\u2019s like it has two buckets, one with all your experiences, and one with everything else that you haven\u2019t experienced. The first bucket contains all that is known and therefore familiar. The second bucket contains all that is unknown and therefore is considered unsafe to the subconscious mind.<\/p>\n This part of you is wired to keep you alive \u2013 and that\u2019s it. Since you\u2019re alive right now, and you\u2019ve made it this far, your subconscious assumes that if you keep experiencing the same circumstances, you\u2019ll continue to say alive.<\/p>\n However, if you step into the unknown, and therefore unsafe territory, your subconscious will react with resistance and will strive to return you to what is familiar.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Your subconscious doesn\u2019t know if your current circumstances are positive or negative, it just knows that they are familiar. It doesn\u2019t have the capacity to know if you are alive and blissfully happy, or miserable and suicidal. Its only purpose is to keep you alive.<\/p>\n You can never truly thrive in life<\/a>\u00a0when you are focused on just staying alive and surviving. This is just the basic foundation of what is necessary without any of the goodies that create a life well-lived.<\/p>\n Everyone who has changed their circumstances considerably has made the adjustment to move into unfamiliar territory. It\u2019s common to hear from motivational speakers, \u201cFeel the fear and do it anyway!\u201d<\/p>\n When it comes to matters of the heart it\u2019s not so simple. We think of love as something that is mysterious, that we have no control over. Yet, ask anyone who has been married for any length of time and they will unequivocally tell you that lasting love is a choice.<\/p>\n To make things even more confusing, there is contrary information about how to find lasting love everywhere you turn.<\/p>\n YOU are the one constant. So, if you\u2019re unhappy with your results thus far it\u2019s time for an internal change.<\/p>\n Continuing to see the problem as men who want what they can\u2019t have, instead of realizing the problem is actually inside of you, will leave you feeling powerless and at the mercy of this unhealthy pattern.<\/p>\n You may have tried going against type. Dating those men who are gung-ho about you \u2013 those men you don\u2019t find attractive (and who are unfamiliar). Unfortunately, that will not move you towards your goal of long-lasting love either.\u00a0Chemistry is a necessary ingredient<\/a>\u00a0for love to last, so you cannot forego it completely.<\/p>\n Your GPS for love needs to be recalibrated. This is not something that you can think your way through. It is about having an experiential shift. Once you have a new experience, you cannot un-have it \u2013 just like riding a bike.<\/p>\n The desire you have to share your life with a man who gets you, who will stand by you, who desires you as much as you desire him, exists in your conscious mind. This desire is not in alignment with what you experienced as \u201clove\u201d in your family of origin.<\/p>\n Your parents loved you in the way in which they were capable of loving you.<\/a>\u00a0Often this falls short of how you wanted to be loved. Additionally, all the events of your childhood were assigned a meaning by the younger version of you, with her view of the world.<\/p>\n The meanings you assigned to the events of the past as a little girl determine how you feel about yourself when it comes to intimate relationships \u2013 and oftentimes do not play out in other parts of your life. It\u2019s the child version of you that created your belief system for your own personal GPS for love.<\/p>\n Right now, as a grown woman, you are selecting men who reflect back to you the same energetic dynamic of love that you experienced in your family of origin simply because that is familiar to you.<\/p>\n Ask yourself what happened in your childhood that led to you believing that love is out of reach, that you can\u2019t win someone\u2019s love and approval, that the feeling of abandonment is familiar. You can dig even deeper to discover additional limiting beliefs you\u2019re carrying that have you believing you\u2019re not worthy of love in some way.<\/p>\n The first step to change is having awareness of what is out of whack. This investigation will put you in the driver\u2019s seat to make the changes you desire. Discovering your subconscious blocks to love will give you insight as to why love being difficult is so familiar to you. Then you can begin the work of dismantling those beliefs and strategies and of course creating new ones (that bring your desires to fruition).<\/p>\n Notice your inner dialog when\u00a0you meet a man you find attractive<\/a>. Do you find yourself evaluating your behavior after the fact looking for what you could\u2019ve done better or differently? Are you feeling light and uplifted after spending time with him, or do you feel insecure, anxious, and find your inner critic is on a tirade after you two part?<\/p>\n How you feel after you part from him will tell you a lot about whether he is a good match for you long-term. Feeling euphoric and obsessively thinking about him can be a warning sign that he is a match to your unhealthy pattern.<\/p>\n Make requests of him and notice how he responds. Does he get defensive? Does he argue with you and belittle your request? Does he downplay or try to diminish your feelings? By making requests you can discover if he has the capacity to step up and meet your needs. If he cannot, or doesn\u2019t even try, it\u2019s time to move on and deselect him.<\/p>\n Focus on what\u2019s really important. Attraction is important for lasting love, but it\u2019s only one ingredient. Without shared values, love won\u2019t last because there won\u2019t be common ground for you two to connect through difficult times. If you don\u2019t share the same values, you can\u2019t build a life together.<\/p>\n Who knows? Maybe one of those men that you can\u2019t seem to get rid of is actually a good match for you? You\u2019ll only know if attraction can grow if you give him a chance.<\/p>\n By approaching the search for love in a whole new way you\u2019ll create new strategies and cultivate discernment through the dating process. This will allow you to evaluate if a man is an ideal match for you\u00a0before<\/strong>\u00a0you commit your heart.<\/p>\n Lasting love may feel elusive, but the truth is you\u2019re most likely getting in your own way without even knowing it! Your limiting beliefs, mental\/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love are operating on autopilot and may be sabotaging your best efforts to find the love you want.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re tired of having your heartbroken, or you\u2019re unsure who to select and deselect through the dating process, discovering Your Love Imprint\u00ae<\/sup>\u00a0is the most powerful step you can take to bring you peace of mind.<\/p>\n The best part is that you don\u2019t have to rehash the past, and crying is optional! Put yourself in the driver\u2019s seat of your love life and discover Your Love Imprint in one pain-free virtual session.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nWhen Men Are Ready They Will Pursue A Woman They Desire<\/h3>\n
The Real Reason You Are Struggling Has Nothing To Do With Men<\/h3>\n
What Is Familiar To You Is Not What You Want!<\/h3>\n
We Call This Subconscious Love Program Your Love Imprint\u00ae<\/sup><\/h3>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nSurviving Does Not Equal Thriving<\/h3>\n
YOU Are The Common Denominator In All Of Your Relationships<\/h3>\n
Reconcile The Difference Between What Is Familiar And What You Desire<\/h3>\n
You Can Change This Unhealthy Pattern<\/h3>\n
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