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\n\u201cHi Orna and Matthew,<\/p>\n
I have been reading your newsletters for years and I think you give the best dating advice for women. One of the things I like the most is that I get input from both a man and a woman! I am super curious what you will think of my question. Why do men love bitches more than nice girls?<\/p>\n
I know I\u2019m an attractive woman \u2013 getting dates is not hard for me. I do end up being broken-hearted by the men I really like and I know I\u2019ve broken my fair share of men\u2019s hearts too.<\/p>\n
We often hear about the \u201cnice\u201d guy who is not given his due by women \u2013 but what about the Nice Gal?<\/p>\n
When I meet a guy I REALLY like I do my best to make things easy for him and to be accommodating.<\/p>\n
Recently I saw my ex out at a restaurant and he was with a woman that I would describe as a bitch. She just had that look about her. I am perplexed that he left me and is now with someone who doesn\u2019t seem to care about his feelings \u2013 quite frankly she looked bored and he was falling over himself. I was embarrassed for him.<\/p>\n
So what am I missing? Do I need to become a bitch to have love?<\/p>\n
A bit mad and sad.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hi Christine,<\/p>\n
We are thrilled that you emailed us a question after many years and we\u2019ll do our best to set the record straight and show you how you too can have the lasting love you want and deserve.<\/p>\n
There was once a NYT best-selling book titled, \u201cWhy Men Love Bitches.\u201d\u00a0In her book<\/a>, Sherry Argov argued that men are more attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself.<\/p>\n Personally, we don\u2019t think a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it is a \u201cbitch\u201d \u2013 but we\u2019d bet that this book would not have been a best-seller if it was just titled: \u201cWhy Men Love Women Who Know What They Want And Ask For It.\u201d<\/p>\n Most people are clear on what they\u00a0do not<\/strong>\u00a0want. If the last partner cheated, they want someone faithful. If he was an alcoholic, they go looking for someone sober. If there wasn\u2019t hot chemistry, they jump in 100% with the next person they have an intense attraction with.<\/p>\n What you really want<\/a>\u00a0is not the opposite of what you do not want. It\u2019s also not a list of physical qualities and character traits. It\u2019s not about what your friends and family think of him or that he\u2019d be a great dad.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll be clear on what you truly desire when it comes to love after taking a deep dive into what drives you in your intimate relationships. When you\u2019ve become clear on what you value, and you connect with a partner whose values are in alignment with yours.<\/p>\n Unfortunately being crystal clear on what you do not want will never bring you closer to what you really do.<\/p>\n When we ask these very same people about their deepest desire in relationship, the details slip away and they answer in broad sweeping generalities. The vision is no longer in focus.<\/p>\n For those who have had traumatic experiences they seem to attract only the same kind of man again and again. When we point out they are on the lookout for him so that\u2019s who they see, they suddenly realize they are putting their focus on seeing what they don\u2019t want.<\/p>\n Just like with a Pink Elephant \u2013 if you try not to see one, you\u2019ll have to picture it first and then do your best to erase the vision in your mind\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n You simply cannot create from lack. Your belief system creates what is visible to you. If you wait thinking you\u2019ll believe your Mr. Right exists when you see him you may wait forever.<\/p>\n If you move through the world thinking he\u2019s right around the corner \u2013 viola! Now you\u2019ll likely meet your ideal mate any day now.<\/p>\n Once you\u2019ve created a clear vision of what you want, you\u2019ll have to practice the second step of our made up book title above \u2013 \u201cAsk For What You Want.\u201d<\/p>\n A man who wants a relationship with you will want to know how to please you. If you are too shy, or secretly wish he would just know, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment.<\/p>\n Your soulmate does not come with mind-reading powers.<\/a>\u00a0The only way to get what you want is to actually ask for it. The great thing that happens when you ask for what you want is that you find out what kind of man you are dating.<\/p>\n The right guy will hear your request and make an effort to give you what you want. If he becomes defensive, argues about what you want, or just ignores your request then it is time to move on.<\/p>\n Men don\u2019t like to guess about how to please you! If you tell them you will not waste time with Mr. Wrong and pave the way for your Mr. Right to find you and recognize you.<\/p>\n Being easy-going is not the way to create lasting-love \u2013 although it may be a strategy you learned as a little girl to get the approval of a parent. When you are constantly twisting into a pretzel to please a man, you will eventually tire of holding that unnatural state.<\/p>\n We would bet that your ex doesn\u2019t have to guess how to please his new woman. She may appear like a bitch to you, but he gets the benefit of knowing exactly how to please her. Did you let him know what you wanted or did you leave him guessing and then criticize him when he failed to intuit your needs?<\/p>\n Many men who\u2019ve recently gone through divorce or a break-up are exhausted because they were trying so hard to please a woman who was never satisfied with their efforts. Studies show that in today\u2019s world middle aged men are starving for attention and love. They will step up and fall all over themselves to please a woman they are crazy about.<\/p>\n Being accommodating and easy going while dating could set you up for a guy to feel like there is a bait and switch down the line. If you speak up later on, once you\u2019re engaged, or move in together, the guy will feel like the rules have changed. It\u2019s like you\u2019re not the woman he started out with.<\/p>\n We have a client we\u2019re currently coaching who says her biggest downfall in her marriage was not being authentic. She held back and didn\u2019t express her needs and wants. Eventually, she and her ex were like strangers in the same house.<\/p>\n Are you willing to be easy going for the rest of your life with the love of your life? Or are you setting him up to fail because you\u2019re not letting him know what you really want for fear of scaring him away? Or because you don\u2019t think a man will choose you if you\u2019re too demanding?<\/p>\n The way things go south in \u201cAccidental Love-Land\u201d is that is that you end up trying to please the guy who you are attracted to. That automatically puts you in the masculine role.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the man\u2019s role to please you and pursue you \u2013 especially through the dating process. Once you\u2019re in a relationship there will be an ebb and flow to the energetic dynamics between you \u2013 however, it is essential that you set it up right from the start.<\/p>\n [images style=\u201d0\u2033 image=\u201dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.creatingloveonpurpose.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2FWonder-Woman-Meme.jpg\u201d width=\u201d160\u2033 align=\u201dcenter\u201d top_margin=\u201d0\u2033 full_width=\u201dY\u201d]<\/p>\n We put this meme up on our\u00a0Facebook Page<\/a>\u00a0a while back that created quite a stir. We had a lot of questions about it and it seemed to strike a nerve for women.<\/p>\n A man who is attracted to you wants to know how to \u201cWin\u201d your heart. He wants to know that he can do things for you and provide for you in a way that no other man can compete. Keeping secret what you desire and just make things easy and he will lose interest. Or if you take care of everything he will either stop taking the lead and relax into his feminine, or disappear.<\/p>\n When you take a deeper look into Why Men Love Bitches you realize that it allows men and women to relax into their natural masculine and feminine roles. The man gets to feel good about himself because he is able to give you what you want and the woman gets to receive what she wants!<\/p>\n Would you feel awkward, looking for a way to reciprocate? Would you feel uncomfortable allowing a guy to pursue you and treat you like royalty?<\/p>\n The dance of the masculine and feminine is a natural dance that men and women have been doing for centuries. The polarity of energies creates the hot chemistry that most people long for.<\/p>\nThe first step is knowing what you want.<\/h3>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nIf you don\u2019t ask for what you want, you won\u2019t get it.<\/h3>\n
The beauty of Why Men Love Bitches is that it shows what creates intimacy is AUTHENTICITY.<\/h3>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nUltimately showing up as the real authentic you is the way for a man to decide if he\u2019s in or he\u2019s out.<\/h3>\n
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How would you feel if all you had to do through the dating process was receive?<\/h3>\n