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\n\u201cHi Orna and Matthew,<\/p>\n
How do I get what I want from my guy?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been\u00a0in a relationship with a great guy for the last 8 months. He\u2019s funny and nice and I know he is very loyal to me. We have so many things in common, including bigger life goals. I think I really love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.<\/p>\n
There is one thing that really kind of holds me back from making a deeper commitment with him (not that he\u2019s asking for it yet). I have a lot of small doubts that add up because there are things I wish he did differently. I love to give gifts to him, but I rarely get any in return. He doesn\u2019t compliment me very often. He doesn\u2019t make plans and leaves that to me most of the time. There are more but I think you get the idea.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t doubt that he loves me and is committed to me but I\u2019m not sure how to get past all of these small things. Is he just selfish and unable to give me what I want? Should I force the issue and get him to step up? Is this just a compatibility issue and should I just move on?<\/p>\n
I really don\u2019t know what to do. My friends think I\u2019m too demanding, but I\u2019ve always believed that my guy would treat me a particular way, and I\u2019m not sure if he is capable of doing that.<\/p>\n
Please help.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dear Lena,<\/p>\n
Thank you for your question and for being so vulnerable in asking it. It is very common to ask \u201cHow do I get what I want?\u201d and wonder if the person you are dating is the\u00a0right person for you long-term<\/a>. Knowing what you want is important but knowing the difference between what you want and what you need is even more important.<\/p>\n Needs are not negotiable however, your wants are. As you stated, the things your boyfriend is not doing are all \u201csmall\u201d things (your own words).<\/p>\n Do these things add up to spell out that he\u2019s not a match for you? That is something that only you can answer for yourself. Let us see if we can help you in a different way\u2026 one that will allow you to find out the answer without any doubt.<\/p>\n (or at very least know it\u2019s time to move on):<\/p>\n Your soulmate does not come with mind-reading powers (neither does any other human being). The right guy for you will not magically know how to please you.<\/p>\n One of the greatest frustrations in relationship comes from the unrealistic expectation that the \u201cright person\u201d will somehow know what you like and don\u2019t like. He won\u2019t.<\/p>\n Asking for what you want allows two things to happen:<\/p>\n If you don\u2019t speak up and ask him what you would like from him or what you would like him to do, you\u2019ll never know if he is capable of delivering on your request.<\/p>\n For example, just because a guy doesn\u2019t open the car door for you doesn\u2019t mean he is opposed to doing it. Maybe he was raised in an environment where it wasn\u2019t expected or even desired. Who knows?<\/p>\n But if you don\u2019t ask you will never know if\u00a0he wants to step up and be your man<\/a>.<\/p>\n Let him know how much you enjoy receiving gifts. Share with him how you would feel if he made the plans and surprised you on a date. Ask him to tell you how he feels about you.<\/p>\n Most people give love the way they would like to receive it. You give him gifts because that\u2019s what you like, but that doesn\u2019t mean that he feels loved by you in the same way.<\/p>\n The old adage, \u201cTreat people the way you would like to be treated,\u201d doesn\u2019t work to love someone deeply. In order to do that, you must\u00a0treat your partner the way he wants to be treated.<\/strong><\/p>\n Not all women want the same things. Each woman likes to be treated in a particular way and likes to be loved differently. A man who would like to be in a relationship with you wants to know how to win with\u00a0you<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 how to win\u00a0your<\/strong>\u00a0heart. If you never tell him or ask him, he will assume you\u2019re getting your needs and wants met by him as things currently are.<\/p>\n How do you get what you want? Speak up and make requests, you\u2019ll learn so much about him from his response.<\/p>\n Now that you are getting on board with making requests, let\u2019s dig into HOW to make them so that you\u2019re heard and don\u2019t appear like a nag or needy.<\/p>\n If you were to say something like, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you give me more compliments? I really like getting compliments!\u201d It\u2019s likely to be met with some defensiveness and more than just a little resistance.<\/p>\n Instead, share with him how you would feel when he compliments you. \u201cI feel cared for and confident when the man I\u2019m dating gives me compliments. Is it possible for you to tell me something you like or appreciate about me that will light me up?\u201d<\/p>\n Presenting your request alongside a feeling statement, letting him know how you would feel when\/if he chooses to take a particular action, you will discover a lot about him by simply observing his response.<\/p>\n The best time for you to share your feelings and make a request is when you have his full attention. Do not attempt to do this if he\u2019s watching his favorite sports team or washing his car.<\/p>\n Ultimately, by\u00a0sharing your feelings and making requests<\/a>\u00a0you will show up in this relationship as the real authentic you.<\/p>\n We all want to be loved for who we really are, and yet on some level, we\u2019re all scared to show up fully. Rest assured, if this guy is the right one for you then speaking with him this way will bring you closer together and your love for one another will grow even deeper.<\/p>\n How do you get what you want? Be authentic by sharing how you will feel when he delivers on your requests. This gives him the opportunity to love you in the way you want to be loved.<\/p>\n Now that you\u2019ve made your request in a way that doesn\u2019t trigger him feeling like he\u2019s doing it all wrong, you can sit back and notice if or how he adjusts.<\/p>\n It is important to remember that he may want to honor your request every time the opportunity presents itself, however, it is not a habit yet. It may take a period of adjustment for him to get into the groove. He may need some feedback and patience from you.<\/p>\n Also, keep in mind that effort counts. If he is making effort towards changing his behavior and honoring your request, he need not be perfect at it overnight.<\/p>\n A Possible Red Flag: If he agrees to your request but\u00a0makes no effort whatsoever<\/a>\u00a0or seems to just forget that you made a request in the first place, then you will need to reevaluate the situation.<\/p>\n He may be absent-minded, or he may be passive-aggressive. Most women do not spell it out and tell a man what it is they want. That\u2019s because most women are under the assumption that men want an easy-going woman \u2013 this is not necessarily true.<\/p>\n Men want to be with a woman who leaves them feeling good about themselves. When you ask for something that he can deliver (like opening the car door for you) his self-worth is raised because he knows how to please you.<\/p>\n Observing your partner\u2019s response to your requests tells you everything you need to know about how he views the relationship. If he doesn\u2019t want to step up for you it\u2019s likely you\u2019re in a relationship of convenience rather than of substance.<\/p>\n A Red Alert Red Flag: If he argues with you about your request and tries to convince you that you don\u2019t really need what you are asking for, you\u2019ll have all the information you need to know it\u2019s time to move on.<\/p>\n The dating process is ultimately a selection process and it is important to cultivate discernment through the dating process so you can select an ideal match for you long-term.<\/p>\n A man who is\u00a0not\u00a0<\/strong>interested in finding out what you need and want from him is not a match for you.<\/p>\n A man who wants a relationship with you will make efforts to be the kind of man who is worthy of your heart.<\/p>\n How do you get what you want? Make requests and observe his response to see if he is capable of meeting your needs.<\/p>\n A man wants to be with a woman who lifts his self-esteem and self-worth so he feels good about himself. He wants to be your hero.<\/p>\n We find that generally, women are stingy with giving praise to their partner. In the first blush of dating, The Romance Phase, most women are more communicative and then stop as the relationship progresses.<\/p>\n The fuel a man runs on in relationship is acknowledgment and appreciation.\u00a0Be sure to fill his tank<\/a>\u00a0and he will happily do his best to honor your requests. Then let him know how good you feel when he does step up for you and this will encourage him further.<\/p>\n Resist the urge to make assumptions about his behavior and ask him instead. This is the kind of communication that creates a lasting bond between the two of you.<\/p>\n Express gratitude when he does something that brings you joy. Appreciate his efforts and re-direct him if he misses the mark. Criticizing him will only remove any motivation for him to please you.<\/p>\n Acknowledging and appreciating your man lets him know that he can make you happy. This is what a man wants to know. He wants to know that he can make spark joy in you.<\/p>\n How do you get what you want? Acknowledge and appreciate your man and let him know how happy he makes you.<\/p>\n Men tend to be efficient with their energy. If they see that someone else is taking care of a task, they will conserve their energy for something else. This is genetic as a man\u2019s body only makes testosterone when he is relaxed and doing nothing.<\/p>\n As long as you are planning your dates and social events, he has no impetus to change or do anything differently. You can make a request that he make plans for the two of you, or you can do less and stop taking care of things to see if he will step up.<\/p>\n He will feel more confident and masculine when you do less and leave the space for him to do more. When he does, it\u2019s up to you to acknowledge and appreciate his efforts (back to #4 above).<\/p>\n Resist the urge to micromanage how he fulfills his tasks. It\u2019s very likely that he will not do things in the way, or in the order, that you would do them because he is a different person than you.\u00a0He has his own way of doing things.<\/a><\/p>\n Steer clear of criticism as he begins to take new actions. He is a grown man, so let him figure it out. Just like the joke about men not asking for directions when they lose their way, they discover the route for themselves.<\/p>\n Men generally don\u2019t reciprocate. He doesn\u2019t feel motivated to give you gifts because you are giving them to him. He will feel motivated to give you a gift if you let him know how happy it would make you feel.<\/p>\n Feminine energy is a receptive energy \u2013 not passive (as commonly mistaken). The seat of a woman\u2019s power is being able to receive. Open up to receive from him and you\u2019ll find that you two are a team instead of in a tug-of-war.<\/p>\n How do you get what you want? Step back and give him space to take over the things that you want him to handle.<\/p>\n If you follow these steps and if he is unable to give you what you want, then you have the answer to your question. You will find yourself in an unsatisfying relationship always wanting more and feeling like he doesn\u2019t really love you. Instead of just wondering, \u201cHow do I get what I want?\u201d take action and pay attention to your results.<\/p>\n However, a man who makes the effort to honor your requests and to please you is a man worth keeping. We have witnessed many relationships transform through the application of these concepts. Lasting love is ultimately a choice and choosing your partner day after day is the key.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t waste your time with guys who aren\u2019t ready for a relationship. Instead of hoping that he\u2019ll change and become the man you want him to be, take a new approach and create the lasting love you desire and deserve. Download our special report,\u00a0\u201c7 Steps To Soulmating\u2122.\u201d<\/a>\u00a0You\u2019ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to change their love patterns and finally create their soulmate relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cHi Orna and Matthew, How do I get what I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4340,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2504","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2504","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2504"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2504\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}How Do I Get What I Want? 5 Ways To Get What You Want From Your Partner<\/h2>\n
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Ask For What You Want<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\n\n
Communicate So He Can Hear Your Request<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Observe his behavior without judgment.<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\n\n
Acknowledge and appreciate him.<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Do Less<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Practice These Steps And You\u2019ll Discover The Answer You Are Looking For<\/h2>\n