Lasting Love Doesn\u2019t Just Happen<\/h2>\n
Instead of being depressed about being single, you can transform the longing you feel into action steps and make a plan to end your loneliness<\/a>. Contrary to what you may believe, the real way to ensure you\u2019re not perpetually single is to set an intention, create a plan, and implement a strategy for lasting love. This may sound somewhat unromantic, but creating love is no different from any other goal you may have in life.<\/p>\n In the same way that you wouldn\u2019t expect your ideal career to simply show up in your life or wake up one day toned, fit, and beach body ready, the same is true when it comes to long-lasting love. You aren\u2019t going to stumble onto your soulmate at Starbucks when you least expect it.<\/p>\n Yet somehow you have come to believe that love \u201cmagically\u201d happens. And if it doesn\u2019t happen magically then it\u2019s not the \u201cright\u201d person.<\/p>\n The randomness of accidental love can leave you feeling like there is something wrong with you; like God or the Universe is conspiring against you to keep you lonely and alone. All in all, it can leave you feeling powerless to change your circumstances.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re depressed about being single then the first step is to\u00a0take new actions.<\/a>\u00a0Your circumstances won\u2019t magically change when you least expect them to. The place to begin is with you \u2013 take a deep dive into your relationship history. Understanding your past patterns and strategies will give you insight into how to approach things differently this time around. Ultimately, you are the common denominator in all of your relationships. Acknowledging this will put you in the driver\u2019s seat of your love life allowing you to evaluate which changes to make for yourself instead of feeling hopeless.<\/p>\n You do not get love from another person \u2013 you share love with them. When you step into this universal truth you can let go of those who are not a match for your growth and leave sorrow and heartbreak in the past.<\/p>\n As you do this exercise, you\u2019ll want to examine all your significant relationships and look for patterns. The significance comes from your emotional investment in the relationship rather than the amount of time or commitment on the part of your ex. If you were deeply invested, it counts even if it was only a relationship for several weeks.<\/p>\n Answer these questions and track your replies:<\/p>\n Review your answers and look for patterns and\/or commonalities.<\/p>\n Then, ask yourself:<\/p>\n By exploring your relationship patterns, you will gain valuable insight into what worked and what didn\u2019t. These clues will highlight what you can do differently moving forward. \u00a0They are the puzzle pieces you\u2019ll need to assemble to stop feeling depressing about being single and instead go out in the world and create a new kind of relationship \u2013\u00a0one that is fulfilling and lasting.<\/a><\/p>\n Emotions may get stirred up for you as you go through this process. It is very important that you feel your emotions. Don\u2019t try to hide from them or ignore them. Allow them to surface and flow through you. They won\u2019t last.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re feeling joy, or happiness, or even bliss, you don\u2019t believe that you will feel that way forever. However, when you feel depressed about being single, it feels as if those feelings will never change, and you\u2019ll somehow get stuck feeling badly forever. The truth is that all emotions are transitory \u2013 they will shift and change. Allow whatever feelings come up to move through your body. Simply feel them and let them go without judging them (or yourself).<\/p>\n Going over your relationship history, you may discover some unresolved hurt, anger, sadness, or grief about those past events. These feelings might be attached to the other person, or your own behavior in the relationship. You may have even had some regrets.<\/p>\n This is a great opportunity to release those feelings and start fresh. One of the most powerful\u00a0forgiveness practices<\/a>\u00a0is a Hawaiian meditation called Ho\u2019oponopono.<\/p>\n Pono in Hawaiian means integrity and Ho\u2019oponopono means coming into integrity with yourself. Doing this practice will allow you to forgive and release hurts and heartbreaks from your past relationships.<\/p>\n To practice Ho\u2019oponopono, follow these steps:<\/p>\n Stepping into forgiveness frees you from feeling depressed about being single and allows you to\u00a0create new feelings moving forward<\/a>. By releasing the negative emotions that are attached to past events you will clear your emotional deck. The events could\u2019ve occurred yesterday or decades ago, the timeframe doesn\u2019t really matter. You\u2019ll be open to dating again by starting from a clean place. This time, you\u2019re going to do it differently than you\u2019ve done it in the past.<\/p>\n Most people feel depressed about being single\u00a0because they suffer through dating<\/a>\u00a0long enough to find someone they are attracted to and then rush into exclusivity hoping it works out. And when it doesn\u2019t, they think that they are just going to be stuck being perpetually single.<\/p>\n We highly recommend slowing down your selection process. Take ample time before moving into exclusivity and physical intimacy. Selecting a life partner is not something you do after a handful of dates.<\/p>\n Date a lot of people, and date a full range of people. Attraction is not a requirement for a date \u2013 it\u2019s actually better to have a mix so you end up going on dates with your attraction level at a one, or ten, and everything in between. This is where you can discover about your own patterns and strategies BEFORE you commit your heart.<\/p>\n By dating this way, you\u2019ll create the opportunity to collect a lot of data on yourself. These golden bits of information will ultimately lead you to make better choices and more truthful decisions about who and what makes you truly happy.<\/p>\n Varying your experiences through the dating process allows you to create an accurate vision of your true soul partnership. It also allows you to disregard highlighting anything you do not want. There\u2019s no need to look out for that guy who might cheat \u2013 let your mind get clear on what you really do desire from a romantic partner.<\/p>\n Dating with a range of attraction levels enables you to garner a truthful set of answers on what feels right to you, rather than only dating people that inspire expectations and high hopes for longevity.<\/p>\n At the end of each date, ask yourself these questions:<\/p>\n Going on a lot of dates with a variety of people will formulate the vision of\u00a0the kind of relationship you desire<\/a>\u00a0so that it becomes crystal clear. This process will allow you to become more discerning of who you give your heart to. The experience will ensure that you stop investing in people who can never love you the way you most desire to be loved.<\/p>\n Remember, the person you are getting to know is a stranger. Do not put your lovability (or even your likeability) in someone else\u2019s hands. Expecting that someone else will bestow love on you is a recipe for heartache. Having long-lasting, soul-satisfying love is an inside job \u2013 it doesn\u2019t come from outside of you.<\/p>\n While dating, show up authentically by making requests and asking for what you want. Don\u2019t be shy. Equally so, don\u2019t expect the other person to read your mind. The only way to get what you want is to ask for it. You know this at work; apply the same thinking to your dating partner.<\/p>\n When making requests, pay close attention to how he responds to you. What happens when there are bumps in the road? When you are emotional, or the two of you have a disagreement or miscommunication, how does he behave?<\/p>\n How he behaves and treats you<\/a>\u00a0under a variety of circumstances will inform you about the kind of person he is and what it would be like to be in a relationship with him long-term.<\/p>\n Do not look for conflicts, and at the same time do not avoid having uncomfortable conversations. You\u2019ll want to know if the two of you can navigate conflict together. That\u2019s a real part of life and none of us avoids it no matter how much we want to.<\/p>\n All of this data will begin to give you a clear picture of\u00a0how you want your soulmate relationship to function<\/a>\u00a0over the long haul. The longer you practice, the easier it will be to see what you truly desire from your beloved and what is required for you to create a true soul partnership.<\/p>\n Instead of feeling depressed about being single, you\u2019ll have a plan for creating lasting love.<\/p>\n From there, you can more accurately evaluate which guy is a match to your vision and pleasantly walk away from the ones who are not the right fit.<\/p>\n When you know how you want your soulmate relationship to function and the dynamic you desire between the two of you, you\u2019ll stop wasting time with those who are not an ideal match for you. Only when your values match with your partner\u2019s will you create the kind of relationship that can navigate the inevitable challenges that life will bring your way and stand the test of time together.<\/p>\n Why are mutual values so important?<\/p>\n What often tears people apart is a stressful event or situation that reveals that the two of you didn\u2019t value the same things. Knowing these important details is so much more important than\u00a0the kind of movies or music you both like.<\/a><\/p>\n You cannot discover what someone values by asking them. You must discover what someone values by spending time with them and paying attention to how they spend their resources. People value what they spend their time, energy, and money on.<\/p>\n For example, someone may claim to value family and yet never spend time with their family, or never make an effort to include you in their family events. This would be a very telling red flag warning. Plus, you cannot ask someone if they value honesty as you will never get an accurate response. Trust the process and take your time discovering if you two are match long-term or not.<\/p>\n As you get clear on your ideal soulmate relationship, you want to put some time and energy into visualizing yourself living life alongside your beloved. Hold the vision of what you desire in your mind\u2019s eye often. Begin to act as if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your soulmate is on his way to you.<\/p>\n All of these steps are the preparation. The opportunity comes when you put effort into meeting new people. Then you get to road test your visualization, values, and patterns to see if this new and improved version of you lines up with how you interact on dates.<\/p>\nEvery Goal Worth Achieving Requires A Plan<\/h2>\n
Step 1 \u2013 Track Your Relationship History<\/h3>\n
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Step 2 \u2013 Forgive Yourself And Your Past Partners<\/h3>\n
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Step 3 \u2013 Change Your Approach To Finding Love<\/h3>\n
Step 4 \u2013 Enter The Dating Lab<\/h3>\n
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Step 5 \u2013 Run The Experiment<\/h3>\n
Step 6 \u2013 Start To Draw Conclusions<\/h3>\n
Step 7 \u2013 Discover If You Share Values<\/h3>\n
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Step 8 \u2013 Visualize Your Soulmate Relationship<\/h3>\n
Step 9 \u2013 Put Yourself Out There<\/h3>\n