![](\"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/new12.svg\")
\n\u201cHi Orna and Matthew,<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been reading and watching everything you two do for years now. I love how you interact with one another. It\u2019s clear there is so much love there. I printed out a photo of you two from your website years ago where you\u2019re kissing in front of a merry-go-round and I\u2019ve had it on my vision board with the words, \u201cTwin Flame\u201d as a headline at the top of it.<\/p>\n
You give the best dating advice for women that I\u2019ve found anywhere. So here\u2019s my question \u2013 do I have a twin flame and how do I find him?<\/p>\n
I want to be with the person who gets me and loves me and who I know I can count on. I want that deep soulful, spiritual connection. How did you two know that this was your Twin Flame relationship?<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a guy I\u2019ve been dating who is crazy about me, and I\u2019ve given it a go, but I don\u2019t know\u2026 I\u2019m not ready to say he\u2019s IT. I really want to experience that connection that I\u2019ve never felt with anyone else before! Am I asking for too much?<\/p>\n
Thanks for all you do to share your love story. I really find you both so inspiring.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hi Madison,<\/p>\n
Thank you for your heartfelt question and for reaching out to us. You\u2019re so sweet to share all of those lovely things about us. We are thrilled to know that we inspire you.<\/p>\n
We understand the desire to find your perfect match<\/a>, that person who you seem to recognize as your other half the minute you meet them. It is so powerful to believe that there is someone out there you are destined to be with if only you could find him.<\/p>\n It is one of the biggest myths of accidental love that exists and it is the source of so much loneliness and heartbreak.<\/p>\n Please keep reading because we have quite a bit to share with you on this subject.<\/p>\n We don\u2019t care for the term Twin Flame mostly for the images and visions it conjures up. The idea that two different people come together to \u201ccomplete each other\u201d<\/a> is not a healthy dynamic for love to last for a lifetime together.<\/p>\n Each person in a relationship is an individual. That individual will have very different strategies than you have. He will likely respond to conflict differently than you do. He\u2019ll have a different way to make decisions. He\u2019ll be good at some of the things you\u2019re bad at, and vice-versa.<\/p>\n Most of our work over the past decade has been focused on bringing our clients into wholeness. It\u2019s from this place \u2013 when you don\u2019t need a partner \u2013 but rather desire one to share your life with. This allows you to make clear-headed decisions to select an ideal spouse.<\/p>\n Believing you NEED a partner to feel whole abdicates your power and puts your lovability, acceptability, and approvability in someone else\u2019s hands. Ultimately you are the one responsible for your own level of self-worth<\/a>.<\/p>\n Long ago when Orna worked in an office with a tiny cubicle she put a note up where she could see it daily that stated, \u201cI am worth loving.\u201d One day she came into work to find that someone put a note right next to it stating, \u201cI am worth taking out for a cup of coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n Sure that\u2019s funny, and we\u2019re the first people to enjoy humor, and we believe that you are worth much more than just a cup of coffee. You are worth having all that you desire. Ultimately, what you believe is true is true for you.<\/p>\n You see, our subconscious mind is wired for our survival. Its prime directive is to keep you alive. And in this modern age, you don’t need a great love relationship to survive, however, no one would be considered to be thriving in life without success in love.<\/p>\n There was a book that came out a few years ago titled, Triumphs Of Experience: The Men Of The Harvard Grant Study<\/a> by George E. Vaillant. It shares the findings of the longest longitudinal study in history following its subjects for 70 years.<\/p>\n The study had many different focuses over the years but the underlying premise was to discover what makes a person successful; not just in career or in relationships, but what makes a person a success in life.<\/p>\n What is so powerful about this study is that the most crucial quality that made a person successful in life was the ability to create and maintain intimate relationships. Simply put, the ability to LOVE determined whether or not you were a success.<\/p>\n Other findings of note from the study: Marriages bring much more contentment after age 70, and physical aging after 80 is determined less by heredity than by habits formed prior to age 50.<\/p>\n Our conclusion is this: It is never too late to find the love of your life and you don\u2019t only get 1 person, 1 soul mate, 1 beloved, 1 twin flame \u2013 whatever you want to call it. Your ability to create the love you desire is the determining factor to your success in every part of your life.<\/p>\n Many Dating Coaches preach about discrediting chemistry \u2013 saying it doesn\u2019t last anyway so forego those feelings of attraction and find a good friend to marry.<\/p>\n Sadly, this strategy only adds to the divorce rate. You cannot settle for a lifetime with someone.<\/p>\n About half of our clients are divorced from what we call, \u201cThe Should Guy.\u201d That guy that their family and friends adore, he\u2019s a great guy, nice, kind, and loving, but there\u2019s no spark \u2013 no chemistry.<\/p>\n We believe that chemistry is only 1 ingredient for lasting-love, and should be treated as such. Just like yeast for making bread \u2013 it\u2019s not the only ingredient \u2013 but it is essential. Otherwise, you\u2019ll end up with just a cracker.<\/p>\n The idea of a Twin Flame fans the flames of the incorrect notion that we are each fated to be with 1 particular person<\/a>. Perhaps it\u2019s romantic, however, it\u2019s unrealistic and also simply not true.<\/p>\n There is no higher power micro-managing your life and deciding who will be your life partner.<\/p>\n Abdicating responsibility is looked upon as an immature tactic in every part of life except when it comes to love. Grown-ups know they must take action in order to get a good job, have career success, and be healthy, fit and in shape.<\/p>\n We\u2019re sold the myth of Accidental Love from the moment we pop out of the womb. Our society tells us, \u201cLove will happen when you least expect it.\u201d<\/p>\n Let us explain to you why this is a fallacy: Human beings have a predisposition towards what is familiar to them. Another way to say this is that the world appears to us as we believe it to be.<\/p>\n If we believe that all men are cheaters, that most people on online dating sites are scam artists, or that all the good ones are taken, then our subconscious mind will be sure to give us more evidence of our beliefs. These internal belief systems are the filter through which we experience the world.<\/p>\n The result is that what is familiar to you will be highlighted out in the world.<\/a> This is a process that happens automatically \u2013 just like regulating your heart rate and body temperature. You don\u2019t think about doing those things, they just simply occur.<\/p>\n If you did not experience the kind of love you desire in your family of origin by whoever raised you, what is familiar is not in alignment with what you desire. Therefore you are drawn toward what you do not want.<\/p>\n Orna was raised in a home full of abuse \u2013 emotional abuse and physical abuse were the norm. There were no \u201crules,\u201d anything could set off one of her parents and she\u2019d be on the receiving end not even understanding what the trigger was or how she could\u2019ve done things differently.<\/p>\n After graduating from UCLA, she found herself in a relationship with a guy she thought was \u201cThe One.\u201d On New Year\u2019s Eve of 1994, he beat her. Now she considers this event the wake-up call of a lifetime.<\/p>\n The physical wounds healed rather quickly, but what plagued her was wondering how she chose someone who would harm her when that was the last thing she wanted. His abusive behavior was familiar \u2013 and her subconscious selected him based on those familiar characteristics even though the abuse did not show up for 16 months.<\/p>\n Matthew grew up in a \u201cnormal\u201d mid-western family, the youngest of 5 children. His journey to lasting love is not nearly as dramatic as Orna\u2019s, however, the familiar dynamic of a lack of emotional expression combined with sarcasm and teasing from Matthew\u2019s childhood had him chasing after women who were not at all interested in him. He was constantly longing for what he could not have. And when he met a woman who was interested in him, he would dismiss her and ultimately sabotage it.<\/p>\n Before we met one another we had each taken responsibility for where we were in our lives and had done the work of healing many of our childhood wounds. We both decided to make finding great love a priority.<\/p>\n Dating is not something you just put up with long enough to find someone who wants to go exclusive with you.<\/p>\n There will be magic when you connect with your Beloved. The experience of the first phase of relationship<\/a> \u2013 The Romance Phase \u2013 will be an elevated feeling, one filled with euphoria. The body releases an intense cocktail of feel-good chemicals when we \u201cfall in love\u201d and that feeling is intoxicating.<\/p>\n As an adult who desires love to last it is imperative that you educate yourself on how to choose an ideal mate, as well as gain the skills necessary to communicate when emotions are heated, and to recreate connection after a conflict.<\/p>\n Expecting that you\u2019ll simply know how to make love last with some mythical \u201cRight Person\u201d is downright delusional.<\/p>\n We prefer the terms Soulmate and Beloved over Twin Flame because there is some individuation that 2 different people are coming together rather than 2 parts that makeup 1 whole.<\/p>\n This one is particularly prevalent in popular culture. You can watch the video we made years ago titled:\u00a0Busting The Jerry McGuire Myth by clicking here.<\/a><\/p>\n Perhaps we\u2019re just having a semantics disagreement over words that are similar. If Twin Flame motivates you to create a vision of your ideal relationship and you\u2019re evaluating men you are dating by matching them up to that vision \u2013 excellent!<\/p>\n The idea is to create the vision of what you desire without a guy in the picture. That way you won\u2019t be tempted to go all in with a man who gives all the good feelings. Feelings are temporary \u2013 good ones, bad ones, medium ones \u2013 feelings do not last.<\/p>\n From this perspective it seems a bit silly to select a life partner based on a feeling that we know is only passing through, right?<\/p>\nHere\u2019s the deal, we\u2019re not huge fans of the term: Twin Flame<\/h3>\n
No one completes you; you are a whole and complete person on your own.<\/h3>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nThe key to thriving in life is not what you think it is.<\/h3>\n
Lasting love is ultimately a choice. Our goal has always been to teach our clients to choose wisely from the outset.<\/h3>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nThe responsibility for choosing who to love and how to love rests in your hands.<\/h3>\n
Lasting love is no accident.<\/h3>\n
![](\"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/click-here1.jpg\")
The myth that someone will \u201ccomplete you\u201d will ultimately create an unhealthy co-dependent dynamic.<\/h3>\n