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Take Time To Feel Your Feelings<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Instead of trying to muscle through and act like you\u2019re a big girl now, allow yourself to feel all the icky feelings that come up. Guilt, shame, rage, whatever is there \u2013 allow these feelings to move through you. Book yourself time to mourn in your calendar and if you don\u2019t feel like it when the time comes use music to inspire you to feel.<\/p>\n
The great thing about your feeling state is that it is always\u00a0temporary<\/strong>. Your feelings will not last. When we feel badly we fear we\u2019ll never ever feel better. However, when we feel bliss we\u2019re never delusional enough to think that it will last.<\/p>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nThere\u2019s even nothing wrong with throwing yourself a pity party, as long as you remember to set an end time.<\/p>\n
When you consciously choose to feel your feelings, instead of just wallowing in them, you bring attention to that part of you that is hurting. Give yourself a time limit and do nothing else while you are feeling and expressing yourself.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t try to eat your feelings with ice cream and donuts. Don\u2019t try to rationalize or justify how you feel by going over in your mind what went wrong. Don\u2019t allow yourself to numb out into a funk and prolong the experience.<\/p>\n
Do schedule time in your calendar to just feel your feelings. Scream, cry, pound your pillow, heck you can even buy yourself a set of dishes from a thrift store and find a dumpster to break them in.<\/p>\n
Maybe draw yourself a nice warm bath and start off crying and screaming underwater (where no one will hear you). Let it all out, and when you\u2019re done you can simply relax in the tub and refuel.<\/p>\n
Whatever allows you to feel and express, that\u2019s what you want to do, and do a lot of it.<\/p>\n
Consciously choosing to set aside time to feel and express your feelings will allow them to pass through you and create room for the feelings of grief to change.<\/p>\n
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Practice Compassion For Yourself<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
You can get stuck when you judge yourself and blame yourself for the breakup.<\/p>\n
The truth is you were doing the best you could with the resources you had. All of us are. If you had the ability to approach the situation differently you would have.<\/p>\n
Have compassion for that younger version of you who was unable to prevent it, fix it, or make it better. Whether you could or should have done things differently is irrelevant at this point.<\/p>\n
Accessing compassion releases judgment and there is no reason to judge what you did or did not do. There is no reverse in life, so you cannot go back to make a new choice. Compassion allows you to be kind to yourself.<\/p>\n
Find a place you love to sit, whether out in nature or in your home, and place your right hand on your heart center and cover it with your left. Close your eyes and breathe into your heart. Picture the younger version of you who \u201cscrewed things up.\u201d<\/p>\n
Let her know you love her. Say out loud, \u201cI forgive myself for judging myself for \u2026\u201d and fill in the sentence with the mistakes that you made. Practice this as often as you like.<\/p>\n
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Find Gratitude For All That You Have<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Gratitude is probably the last thing you want to focus on when you are having a pity party, but shifting your mindset will give you the fuel to move on to better things.<\/p>\n
An attitude of gratitude allows you to receive more of what you want. When your heart is broken it can be difficult to feel gratitude about anything in your life.<\/p>\n
Start small. Look for things that are going well in your life and celebrate them. If you\u2019re healthy \u2013 start with that. If you have a pet \u2013 you can be grateful for their unconditional love. If you have friends who are willing to listen to you complain about your ex \u2013 put them at the top of your list.<\/p>\n
<\/div><\/a>\r\n\r\n\r\n\nHow you think about things is one of the most important tools you have for shifting your energy and your emotion.<\/p>\n
Start a Gratitude Journal and each night before bed write down 5 things you are grateful for. Read through the list in the morning before you get out of bed to start your day.<\/p>\n
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Discover The Golden Nugget<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
This step is one you will take when you are done grieving.\u00a0If you are still feeling brokenhearted<\/a>brokenhearted \u2013 go back to step one.<\/p>\n
We like to think of life like a giant game board and when you\u00a0discover the golden nugget<\/a>\u00a0after a breakup you move forward toward your beloved. Here\u2019s how you do it: Write a letter of gratitude to your ex (we know that sounds a little kooky but stick with us here).<\/p>\n
You see, everyone who shows up in your life gives you an opportunity to learn and grow. Your ex showed up to teach you something \u2013 maybe to help you become a better communicator, to learn how to speak up for yourself, or to how to become better at selecting the right kind of man for you.<\/p>\n
Discovering the \u201cwhy him\u201d will ensure you don\u2019t lather, rinse, and repeat with the same kind of man who is not right for you again. So take some time to write down what your ex showed up to teach you (even if you\u2019re certain he wasn\u2019t consciously doing that).<\/p>\n
It might start off just free writing whatever comes to your mind. Eventually, form it into a letter of gratitude \u2013 one that you will never send.<\/strong>\u00a0Write out all the things you learned and discovered by being in relationship with him.<\/p>\n
Make it as specific as possible and include anything you can think of. Answer the question: Why did it have to be this particular person that you were with? What did this person teach you about yourself? What do you need to become better at in your future relationships?<\/p>\n
Once you\u2019ve completed the letter set it aside for a few days. Then pull it out, read it aloud, and create a ritual by burning it. When you do, say aloud, \u201cI release this for the highest good of all.\u201d If you don\u2019t have a fireplace or a safe place outside to burn it, a great spot is your kitchen sink.<\/p>\n
Finding the golden nugget allows you to free your heart so you can open up to love again.<\/p>\n
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Release What No Longer Serves You<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Now is the time to\u00a0take an inventory about yourself<\/a>\u00a0and who you were in that relationship.<\/p>\n
Are there places you need to grow into in order to attract a better match for what you desire?<\/p>\n
Are there skills you need to learn to make sure you don\u2019t fall into the old habits and behaviors that block you from the love you want?<\/p>\n
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Are there signs you can recognize earlier to spot who is not a long-term match for you and move on quickly?<\/p>\n
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