All couples fight, even happy couples. There\u2019s no getting around this fact. Many people have a dream that one day they will meet the perfect person who just gets them and the two of them will never have a conflict.<\/p>\n
This dream is a fantasy that\u2019s undermining your ability to maintain harmony in your intimate relationships and could possibly be keeping you from identifying an ideal match to share your life with.<\/p>\n
When you\u2019re ready to accept that even happy couples argue, then you can become curious about happy couples and what they know about\u00a0arguing and making up<\/a>\u00a0that you haven\u2019t figured out yet.<\/p>\n Unhappy as well as happy couples:<\/p>\n So what\u2019s the difference between happy couples and unhappy couples?<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the deal: It\u2019s not one thing. The difference is in how happy couples perceive each other and the actions they take when conflicts arise.<\/p>\n Relationship is like a funhouse mirror. At the carnival, you look in a funhouse mirror and see a distorted image of yourself. You might have a long head, a tiny torso with big giant feet, or some other odd image staring back at you. And sometimes what you see is so weird that you don\u2019t even recognize yourself.<\/p>\n This is what happens when you\u2019re in an intimate relationship. You aren\u2019t looking at your partner. You\u2019re looking at a distorted image of yourself. And all your flaws and frustrations with yourself get projected onto your partner.<\/p>\n Happy couples realize this and\u00a0take responsibility for their projections<\/a>.<\/p>\n It\u2019s much easier to blame your partner when things go wrong and to judge your partner\u2019s strategies for dealing with stress. Their behavior makes you uncomfortable and you\u2019d probably handle things differently. If only he\/she would just do things your way the two of you would get along so much better.<\/p>\n Ultimately blaming and judging your partner leads to a power struggle between the two of you. Just let go of the rope.<\/p>\n Happy couples take ownership of their discomfort whatever it may be and allow their partner the freedom to make his\/her own choices. It\u2019s this acceptance that creates harmony between you and a bond that lasts over time.<\/p>\n One of the biggest causes of a power struggle in a relationship is the need for your partner to agree with you. The need for him\/her to agree with your desires, your opinions, and your strategies will cause a lot of conflict between the two of you.<\/p>\n Instead,\u00a0happy couples<\/a>\u00a0understand that intimacy doesn\u2019t require agreement.<\/p>\n Agreement won\u2019t bring you closer together, but authenticity will. When you share your truth and take responsibility for your emotions, you open the door for your partner to share his\/her truth. Authenticity is a high vibration, and its expression creates intimacy between the two of you.<\/p>\n You both feel seen, heard and understood. You may both still disagree, but it suddenly isn\u2019t that important because you feel connected. That\u2019s the magic of intimacy.<\/p>\n Happy couples know the importance of being authentic. They don\u2019t have the unrealistic expectation that they\u2019ll always agree with one another. Being authentic and speaking up to share and express feelings allows a deeper bond to grow over time.<\/p>\n The only way out of a power struggle in a relationship is to fight for the relationship\u00a0instead of each other<\/a>. When you choose to fight for the relationship, you put aside your ego desires to be \u201cright\u201d and commit to finding understanding for each other\u2019s experience.<\/p>\n Letting go of the need to be right isn\u2019t about giving up what you value or what\u2019s important to you. It\u2019s about letting go of the rope and listening to your partner so you can understand his\/her point of view. You can have empathy and compassion for your partner\u2019s upset and also share your experience.<\/p>\n If you believe you have to give up something you value just to get along, it won\u2019t feel like love. It\u2019ll feel like you\u2019re constantly sacrificing your needs to have peace.<\/p>\n Happy couples don\u2019t sacrifice their needs thinking it\u2019ll make things better. Instead, they fight for the relationship and understand the importance of reconnecting and repairing after a fight.<\/p>\n Rushing to forgiveness can cause a lot of problems if you aren\u2019t ready to let the argument go. It\u2019s great that your partner is willing to take responsibility and apologize for his\/her behavior.<\/p>\n This does not mean that you\u2019re ready to let it go. If you find yourself still arguing in your mind<\/a> about what was said or done, you aren\u2019t ready to accept the apology that has been offered.<\/p>\n When you accept an apology, it means that you\u2019re ready to let the argument go. You\u2019re committing to not bringing it up again. Don\u2019t accept an apology because you want the fight to end. Accept an apology from your partner because you\u2019re ready to let it go and reconnect with your partner.<\/p>\n Happy couples make the effort to clean things up entirely rather than rushing to forgiveness and avoiding the uncomfortable conversation.<\/p>\n Mistakes happen. Words get said that you wish you could take back. Sometimes you take actions that you\u2019re not proud of. This is all part of the human experience.<\/p>\n Happy couples are different because they\u00a0never forget to repair<\/a>\u00a0when arguments occur. They take responsibility for their behavior, apologize, and they offer amends when necessary.<\/p>\n When an argument hasn\u2019t been repaired, it\u2019ll fester, and flare up without warning. You may find yourself in a fight cycle that feels like it\u2019ll never end. This is what people mean when they break up because of irreconcilable differences.<\/p>\n They never took the time to repair the fight so the space between them feels insurmountable. How could you let go of those hurts if you never did the work of healing them?<\/p>\n Happy couples know that the most important step in any argument is to repair and reconnect with each other.<\/p>\n Creating ground rules about arguments gives you a feeling of safety when there\u2019s conflict. You know that an argument won\u2019t end the relationship.<\/p>\n Happy couples create clear rules and boundaries so that they fight fair. These rules may bend sometimes, and ultimately, they do the work of taking responsibility and repairing and making best efforts moving forward.<\/p>\n Happy couples have clear communication and a system to take a break if things get too heated, and for letting their partner know when they\u2019re ready to reconnect and repair.<\/p>\n Creating ground rules for disagreements can be an uncomfortable conversation, however, they give you a structure so that you and your partner can make it through the challenging times that\u2019ll inevitably come your way.<\/p>\n No one would bring a baby home from the hospital without a plan of what to do with all the dirty diapers. Make sure you plan the same way for\u00a0the crap that will show up<\/a>\u00a0between you and your partner.<\/p>\n Happy couples know the importance of having clear ground rules that allow for mutual respect even when there is conflict. The secret sauce is having clear communication and a plan rather than the fantasy that fights will never occur.<\/p>\n Holding onto little frustrations can lead to them building up and eventually exploding into a much bigger argument. It\u2019s like a volcano that has built up so much pressure that it spews lava and ash all over the place.<\/p>\n When this happens, you feel terrible, and you decide that you don\u2019t like conflict. So you keep things to yourself until they blow up again.<\/p>\n Happy couples know how to release the pressure by cleaning up the little frustrations as they go. This doesn\u2019t mean that you nitpick everything with your partner. It does mean that you regularly\u00a0share how you feel<\/a>\u00a0and make requests for adjustments.<\/p>\n We call this process \u201ckeeping your sink clean.\u201d When you tell your partner that you have a dirty fork you need to clean up, your partner can relax knowing that you aren\u2019t going to mention half a dozen things you\u2019re upset about.<\/p>\n This open line of communication allows you to reconnect again and again with your partner so that you don\u2019t find that one day you\u2019ve grown apart. It also means that you\u2019re not going outside the relationship to complain or seek comfort elsewhere.<\/p>\n Clean your sink as you go and you\u2019ll have a happy and healthy relationship.<\/p>\n Happy couples may fight and behave like any other couple, but it\u2019s what they do after the fight that makes all the difference in creating long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.<\/p>\n\n
7 Secrets Happy Couples Know About Arguing & Making Up<\/h2>\n
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Happy Couples Take Responsibility Instead Of Assign Blame<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Don\u2019t Require Agreement<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Fight For The Relationship, Not Each Other<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Don\u2019t Accept An Apology Until They Are Ready To Let It Go<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Don\u2019t Forget To Repair<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Have Clear Ground Rules About How To Fight<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Happy Couples Clean Up As They Go<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n