Another common term for this pattern is self-abandonment. In a healthy relationship, one whole and complete person comes together with another whole and complete person, and together they form a new entity \u2014 the relationship.<\/p>\n
If falling in love means you\u2019ve merged with your partner then you\u2019ve lost your sense of self. This is an unhealthy dynamic because you don\u2019t exist as an individual outside the relationship, and your needs don\u2019t matter in the relationship.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been stuck in a pattern of self-abandonment it makes sense you\u2019d be afraid of losing yourself and your autonomy. You\u2019ve likely been convincing yourself to just stay single altogether because the risk of losing yourself again feels too great.<\/p>\n You\u2019re afraid of losing yourself because you learned in your family that you had to earn love in some way. Maybe you had a parent who was sick, depressed, or an addict, or you were supposed to take care of younger siblings. Whatever the circumstances, you learned that\u00a0love and acceptance come from taking care of others<\/a>\u00a0while you have to prove you\u2019re worthy of love.<\/p>\n This strategy of going above and beyond to earn love causes you to feel unworthy if you don\u2019t work for love. However, you don\u2019t have to earn love or prove that you\u2019re worthy in a healthy relationship. Losing yourself in a relationship comes from a desire to show how valuable you are as a partner. And ultimately, this strategy will never bring you the lasting love you want.<\/p>\n This limiting belief goes hand in hand with having to earn love. You\u2019re afraid of losing yourself in a relationship because you believe you must sacrifice your own needs when it comes to love. You put your partner\u2019s needs above your own, end up sacrificing yourself, and feel angry and resentful that you\u2019re needs are never fulfilled.<\/p>\n A relationship can never thrive when one partner is always going into sacrifice. You go into sacrifice by stuffing your feelings, not making a fuss, committing to things you don\u2019t have the time and energy for, and letting go of the activities that bring you joy. This type of relationship is out of balance and cannot survive the long term. Eventually, you\u2019ll be sick of sacrificing and end up\u00a0blaming your partner for not meeting your needs<\/a>.<\/p>\n Your fear of conflict causes you to twist yourself into a pretzel to avoid\u00a0clashing with your partner<\/a>. You\u2019ll end up swallowing your point of view because you don\u2019t want to upset them. By never speaking up and sharing how you feel, you\u2019ll eventually explode like a volcano. That eruption is so out of character and feels so awful that the cycle repeats again and again (either with a new partner or with the same person if they stick around).<\/p>\n Conflicts are a natural part of being a human living with other humans. Being able to work through your differences in a healthy way creates emotional intimacy and builds trust. Avoiding conflict doesn\u2019t make it go away; it creates an emotional chasm between you that blocks intimacy and connection.<\/p>\n Whether you have low self-esteem,\u00a0lack confidence, or feel insecure about yourself<\/a>, you believe you aren\u2019t worthy of love just as you are. While these feelings are common, expecting your partner to fill the void inside causes you to lose yourself in a relationship. Your partner is neither the cause of these beliefs nor can they fix them for you.<\/p>\n When you don\u2019t feel worthy of love you\u2019ll put up with unhealthy relationship dynamics and give up what\u2019s important to you. You end up giving in, hoping that you\u2019ll receive love or validation from your partner. Constantly compromising yourself leaves you feeling even less worthy when their love can\u2019t fill the void.<\/p>\n Your fear of being alone will win out over being afraid of losing yourself. You\u2019ll sacrifice your independence to avoid feeling lonely, even when the relationship isn\u2019t healthy. Feeling lonely is a natural part of being human. Humans are social creatures and need regular contact with others.\u00a0Your fear of being alone becomes a problem<\/a>\u00a0when you try to assuage the fear by rushing into a relationship with someone who isn\u2019t good for you.<\/p>\n It’s normal to go through periods of loneliness and periods of connection in your life. You can feel the loneliest in a relationship with someone who doesn\u2019t see you. Your fear of loneliness can cause you to jump into a relationship before you\u2019ve evaluated the other person\u2019s capacity to be a good partner for you.<\/p>\n The number one cause of being afraid of losing yourself comes from seeking love and validation from someone else. You end up feeling empty and exhausted that you\u2019ve given your partner everything, and yet you feel unseen and unfulfilled.<\/p>\n The love you seek is inside of you. You don\u2019t get love from someone else. You share the love you have for yourself with your partner.<\/p>\n Instead of seeking someone to love and accept you,\u00a0focus on loving and accepting yourself<\/a>. Self-acceptance is believing that all the parts of you are worth loving \u2014 the good, the bad and the ugly. You are worthy of love just by the fact that you exist.<\/p>\n Take time to discover what brings you joy and happiness and spend time doing those activities. Become clear on what you would like to receive from a life partner, and also on what you can give to them. Make a list of your best qualities and characteristics (ask close family and friends so you can discover how they see you).<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid of losing yourself. Focus on loving yourself unconditionally. Ultimately, it\u2019s the love you have for yourself that is reflected back to you through the eyes of your beloved. Once you realize this, you know that love can never be taken from you.<\/p>\n You abandon yourself when you swallow your feelings or put aside your wants and needs to please your partner. You\u2019ve probably been doing it since you were a little child, hoping that someone will see you as you are and love you anyway.<\/p>\n Practice saying \u201cNo\u201d to the things you don\u2019t want to do. Refuse to go into sacrifice and\u00a0know what you\u2019re willing to fight for<\/a>. If you don\u2019t know what you need, you\u2019re left feeling like a little cork bouncing around on the ocean of your love life.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid of losing yourself. Speak up. Express your feelings and don\u2019t worry about how your partner will respond. It\u2019s okay to be upset and to share your upset. When you express your feelings, you\u2019re showing up for yourself and breaking the pattern of self-abandonment.<\/p>\n Once you stop this pattern, you\u2019ll attract someone truly interested in you. Someone who\u2019ll be curious about what you want and need so you can create a life together instead of a one-sided relationship that doesn\u2019t last.<\/p>\n When you lose yourself in a relationship, you end up\u00a0ignoring your differences<\/a>. You may think it\u2019s romantic to appear as \u201ctwo peas in a pod,\u201d but you\u2019re two different people with different thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses.<\/p>\n Embrace your differences. Let them become a source of curiosity between you. You can do things apart from each other and be more available for one another when you come back together. Besides, you\u2019re stronger together when each partner can shine in their brilliance.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid of losing yourself. Instead embrace your differences and stay curious about each other.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll never get what you want and need without asking for it. Soulmates don\u2019t come with mind-reading powers. The right partner for you wants to know how to make you happy. The only way to receive their love is to speak up and share about yourself.<\/p>\n Your needs will never be met if you simply hope a partner somehow picks up on your subtle signals. Expecting your partner to intuit or instinctively know is another way of saying to yourself that you don\u2019t count or matter.<\/p>\n Practice making requests and see how the people who care about you respond. Ask for help when you need it, and you\u2019ll discover that you have people in your life who are there to support you, and you get to practice receiving from those you love.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid of losing yourself. Speak up and find the person who desires to meet your needs and make you happy.<\/p>\n All relationships require boundaries. Love doesn\u2019t mean that you can say or do anything to your partner. It doesn\u2019t mean that your partner can treat you badly and get away with it. Respect comes with a boundary, and learning to love another person respectfully is something that may not have been taught or shown to you in your family of origin.<\/p>\n Without boundaries,\u00a0you\u2019re open to manipulation, abuse, and co-dependence<\/a>. With boundaries, you can take responsibility for your triggers, learn to communicate respectfully, and become a master of your emotions.<\/p>\n Respectful love has a boundary. The boundary creates the conditions for love to grow in a more trusting and nurturing way.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t be afraid of losing yourself. Set healthy boundaries and you\u2019ll create respectful love.<\/p>\n The habit of losing yourself in a relationship is worsened when you\u2019re giving from an empty cup, expecting your sacrifice to make you happy, or secretly hoping your partner will reciprocate.<\/p>\nHere\u2019s Why You Keep Losing Yourself In A Relationship<\/h2>\n
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You Learned That You Have To Earn Love<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Believe That You Have To Sacrifice For Love<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Have A Fear Of Conflict<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Don\u2019t Feel Worthy Of Love<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You\u2019re Afraid Of Being Alone<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Here\u2019s How To Not Be Afraid Of Losing Yourself In A Relationship<\/h2>\n
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Find The Source Of Love Within You<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Stop Abandoning Yourself<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Embrace Your Differences<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Ask For What You Want And Need<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Set Healthy Boundaries<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Give From Your Overflow<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n