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\nHi Jasmine,<\/p>\n
Initiating a breakup can be a difficult decision and it makes sense that you\u2019re confused and asking us, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t he chase me?\u201d Just because he didn\u2019t chase you doesn\u2019t mean he has no feelings for you. There are hundreds of possible reasons why he hasn\u2019t reached out to you since the breakup and we don\u2019t think it\u2019s helpful for us to speculate about his behavior.<\/p>\n
Since you\u2019re reaching out for help it\u2019s clear that you\u2019re conflicted about the decision to break up with him and asking yourself, \u201cWhy he didn\u2019t chase me?\u201d Conflicting feelings can create a lot of confusion and it can be difficult to think clearly.\u00a0 Let\u2019s see if we can help you gain clarity so you can feel better and be more resourceful.<\/p>\n
What Does It Mean That He Didn\u2019t Chase You?<\/h2>\n
This is the most important question to ask yourself right now. Wanting him to chase you and wanting to get back together are two different things. It appears your upset that he didn\u2019t chase you comes from a need for validation \u2014 it doesn\u2019t come from love.<\/p>\n
Looking for validation may mean that you lack self-esteem or confidence<\/a>. If he were to chase you the void inside of you will be filled from the outside. Unfortunately, that isn\u2019t a healthy relationship dynamic. Needing your partner to confirm your worth or to feel better about yourself creates an imbalanced power dynamic.<\/p>\n This need for validation keeps you obsessing about the fact that you broke up with him and he didn\u2019t chase you. Your need for validation conflicts with the part of you that knows you two are not a good fit for the long term.<\/p>\n Your conflicting feelings have you stuck in a double bind. A double bind is an internal conflict that is created from having to choose between two equally unsatisfactory choices. You could either get back together with him and continue fighting<\/a> or you could let him go and stop wondering why he didn\u2019t chase you. Either way, you have to deal with the decisions you\u2019ve made and actions you\u2019ve taken.<\/p>\n The problem with a double bind is that it leaves you feeling stuck and unable to move forward in life. If you stay stuck long enough, you\u2019ll feel apathetic about starting over again with someone new. The inner struggle can leave you feeling drained and unmotivated.<\/p>\n You can release a double bind by taking specific steps toward reclaiming your power. Just because you broke up with him and he didn\u2019t chase you doesn\u2019t mean you have to continue obsessing over the situation.<\/p>\n Right now, it seems that you used the breakup to see if he truly cares for you. Once you take responsibility<\/a> for ending the relationship you will feel better. No one forced you to break up with him. You made the decision that you were done with the relationship, and you took action.<\/p>\n You broke up with him and he didn\u2019t chase you.<\/p>\n The only reason to reach out to him is if you think you made a mistake. In this case, you\u2019d reach out to him with a heartfelt apology and a plan for dealing with conflict so arguments are resolved. Be sure to share how you\u2019re committed to approaching the relationship differently, rather than listing your issues with his past behavior.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t know how he feels or what he desires right now. Just because you broke up with him and he didn\u2019t chase you doesn\u2019t mean anything about what he wants. Try to go into this conversation without an agenda or hope about what may come from it. Be unattached to an outcome and instead take responsibility for your actions and for hurting him.<\/p>\n If you don\u2019t want to get back together and you\u2019re just curious why he didn\u2019t chase you, then leave him alone. He\u2019s dealing with the breakup in his own way, and you have no right to pour salt into the wound.<\/p>\n When you\u2019re stuck in a fight cycle, it\u2019s because you\u2019ve reached the second stage of a relationship. This is a natural progression for every couple \u2014 no couple skips the power struggle! Unfortunately, most people don\u2019t know how to break a fight cycle, so they end the relationship and lather, rinse, and repeat the cycle with their next partner, or repeat stages one and two by getting back together.<\/p>\n All relationships go through a series of stages<\/a> as they progress. The beginning of a relationship is the romance stage and it\u2019s incredibly intoxicating. During the initial falling-in-love stage you\u00a0just can\u2019t keep your hands off each other,\u00a0and your brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals. The longer the romance stage the better chance a relationship has of surviving for a lifetime, as this stage puts gas in the tank of the relationship.<\/p>\n Once those chemicals wear off you end up in a relationship hangover, stage two the power struggle stage. It\u2019s unrealistic to expect that every day together will be one big romantic adventure and there will never be any conflict between the two of you. Having the awareness and knowledge of the five stages that all romantic relationships go through will help you navigate your differences instead of fighting all the time.<\/p>\n It\u2019s normal to have disagreements and conflicts with your partner. They are a completely different person with unique strategies for dealing with stress and communicating their wants and needs. How the two of you handle these disagreements will determine whether your relationship lasts or not.<\/p>\n Part of you was tired of the power struggle and part of you is second-guessing your decision to end the relationship. Instead of obsessing about why he didn\u2019t chase you, put effort into healing your heart. Even though you initiated the breakup doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019re not heartbroken and grieving. You came into the relationship with a lot of hope and when it doesn\u2019t work out you\u2019ll need time to heal<\/a>.<\/p>\n Allow yourself to feel your feelings and even to feel sad or angry he didn\u2019t chase you. Your feelings are appropriate and by feeling them you begin the process of healing your heart. Instead of wondering if you made a mistake, ruminating over your disagreements, or even wishing things were different between the two of you, just book time in your calendar to grieve and mourn the loss.<\/p>\n Obsessing over the fact that you broke up with him and he didn\u2019t chase you will only keep you stuck.\u00a0You won\u2019t be able to move on\u00a0because your brain is looking for a solution to the pain. Your brain is not the right tool to help you feel better because there\u2019s no logical solution to your situation and focusing on why he didn\u2019t chase you is keeping you stuck second-guessing your decision to end it.<\/p>\n The most important lesson you can learn from this situation is how to not repeat it in the future. If you don\u2019t learn from your mistakes, you\u2019re destined to repeat them.<\/p>\n Take time to evaluate what is important to you in your intimate relationships. How would you like your relationship to function? What is the dynamic between you? What are your non-negotiable needs and what do you bring to a relationship?<\/p>\nInner Conflicts Create Confusion<\/h2>\n
Take Responsibility For Your Decisions<\/h2>\n
The Two Of You Were Stuck In A Power Struggle<\/h2>\n
Focus On Yourself \u2014 Not Him<\/h2>\n
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Stop Obsessing That He Didn\u2019t Chase You<\/h2>\n