The confidence and commitment expressed in this meme are awesome. The question becomes, is the choose me or lose me meme a good approach to creating lasting love? Or does it indicate a hidden belief that\u2019s sabotaging your love life?<\/p>\n
Your ability to keep and set boundaries and to ask for what you want requires you to have healthy self-confidence. However, when you use an attitude of confidence to cover your fears and insecurities, or you use it as a form of self-deception, then you’re setting yourself up to struggle.<\/p>\n
Choose me or lose me is a type of all-or-nothing thinking that causes you to have a black-and-white approach to life and love. Moving through the world with this binary thinking can cause you to jump into relationships too quickly, or reject a good match for you for the wrong reasons.<\/p>\n
Are you getting trapped in an all-or-nothing approach to love? Here\u2019s how to evaluate if you\u2019re setting yourself up for frustration:<\/p>\n
The Trap Of Choose Me Or Lose Me<\/h2>\n
An all-or-nothing approach to love prevents you from growing, adapting and generally enjoying any relationship that isn\u2019t perfect. It oversimplifies your search for love by separating every dating experience into two categories: good or bad, perfect or terrible. Since all human beings are imperfect, all-or-nothing thinking creates an unrealistic expectation<\/a> to which no person can measure up. Plus, this methodology creates frustration and drains your enthusiasm for dating and over time will create apathy.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll end up feeling like a failure after every bad date, or sour on dating altogether.\u00a0 Ultimately blaming your troubles on dating apps and believing that there is no one out there for you. This black-and-white thinking puts too much emphasis on each new person you meet \u2014 either you\u2019ve met your soulmate, or you\u2019ve wasted your time.<\/p>\n The other common mistake is to rush to exclusivity the moment you have chemistry with someone<\/a>. You let your feelings drive your choices and don\u2019t take the time to evaluate if they\u2019re an ideal match for you.<\/p>\n Choose me or lose me traps you into magical thinking. The intensity of your attraction must mean this is \u201cThe One\u201d and you end up ignoring the red flags right in front of you. When it doesn\u2019t work out you believe that love isn\u2019t meant to be for you. You feel frustrated and broken every time this cycle repeats.<\/p>\n Always and never are the most common examples of absolute language. \u201cI always pick the wrong person.\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll never meet someone online.\u201d This binary thinking drains your energy and puts you in a negative mindset<\/a>.<\/p>\n One bad date can cause you to delete the apps from your phone and decide dating apps are a waste of time. Your unrealistic mindset deceives you into believing love should just happen effortlessly.<\/p>\n Each lousy experience drains your motivation and eventually, you\u2019re convinced that love isn\u2019t going to work out for you. You desire a loving partner, but you aren\u2019t motivated<\/a> to act on that desire.<\/p>\n Because you\u2019re so focused on love feeling exciting and magical, you downplay or ignore other positive experiences. You meet someone nice and because it isn\u2019t a perfect match, you see it as a bad experience instead of a sign that there are plenty of kind people in the world.<\/p>\n Because love feels elusive and you\u2019re struggling to meet your soulmate, you think there\u2019s something wrong with you, or like you missed the memo everyone else got about love. You think you\u2019re the exception, that no matter what you do, nothing will change your luck for the better in love. Your confidence and self-esteem<\/a> get worse with every dating experience.<\/p>\n To get out of the choose me or lose me trap, practice slow love. Taking things slowly allows you to evaluate if someone is a good match for you. Ironically it speeds up the process of finding your soulmate.<\/p>\n Many people browse through profiles trying to identify their soulmate on a dating app (without going on a lot of dates IRL). Instead, look for reasons to go on a first date. One date is just 60-90 minutes of your time. You\u2019re not making a commitment to spend your life with this person, you’re just getting coffee, a cocktail, or just lunch.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll have a much more positive outlook<\/a> on the number of prospects available to you when you look for reasons to say \u201cYes,\u201d instead of rejecting someone because they\u2019re not great at writing an online profile or didn\u2019t take the best photo.<\/p>\n Reset your expectations for a first date. Instead of fantasizing and hoping that they\u2019re \u201cThe One,\u201d approach every first date with the intention of simply getting to know a new person.<\/p>\n By being curious, you won\u2019t feel self-conscious, and you\u2019ll show up open, with positive energy which is naturally attractive. People are drawn to someone who is curious about them.<\/p>\n Instead of rushing into a commitment when you feel a lot of chemistry, delay exclusivity. Don\u2019t wear rose-colored glasses and pay attention to how your date is showing up over time. The person who wants a relationship with you will wait for you. If they won\u2019t wait, they\u2019re not a good match anyway.<\/p>\n Putting off exclusivity<\/a> also breaks the pattern of short-term relationships that never pan out. Date multiple people for a longer period of time, and only go exclusive with the person who has put time and effort into winning your heart.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t get trapped by the false belief that\u00a0you\u2019ve captured a unicorn\u00a0and if this one gets away you\u2019ve missed out on your one and only chance for love. You don\u2019t have to scour the earth trying to find your other half \u2014 that\u2019s from a Greek myth<\/a> and has nothing to do with the truth. You are a whole and complete being.<\/p>\n Use the mantra, \u201cThis or better,\u201d because it reminds you that if this doesn\u2019t work out then something better is coming along. Dating is a process and it\u2019s just as important to know who to select as it is to know who to deselect.<\/p>\n Trust that if things don\u2019t work out you\u2019ll have plenty of opportunities to create a soulmate relationship.<\/p>\n You deserve a relationship with someone who loves you as much as you love them. Even in the best of relationships there will be conflict \u2014 it\u2019s how you each behave when there\u2019s a conflict that makes or breaks a relationship. Soulmates aren\u2019t born, they\u2019re made. Never settle because you can\u2019t settle for a lifetime.<\/p>\n If your partner is not moving the relationship forward or planning a future with you then it\u2019s time to say, \u201cChoose me or lose me.\u201d In an ideal relationship, you\u2019ll both know you\u2019re better together than apart.<\/p>\n Are you tired of the rollercoaster of short-term relationships? Going from over-the-moon you\u2019ve met your match to heartbroken and disappointed every few months? It\u2019s time to get off the merry-go-round and take a new approach to love. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session<\/a>. During this call, we\u2019ll help you create an action plan for the lasting love you desire and deserve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There is a popular meme that says: \u201cChoose me or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5066,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5064","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5064"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5064\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5066"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5064"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5064"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5064"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Committing Too Quickly<\/h2>\n
Signs You\u2019re Stuck In All-Or-Nothing Thinking<\/h2>\n
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Using Absolute Language<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Give Up Easily<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Don\u2019t Feel Motivated To Date<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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You Ignore The Positive Experiences<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Your Self Esteem Suffers<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Practice Slow Love To Break Free From The Choose Me Or Lose Me Trap<\/h2>\n
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Look For Reasons To Say \u201cYes\u201d<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Date With Curiosity<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Delay Exclusivity<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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This Or Better<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Know When To Embrace Choose Me Or Lose Me<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n