Does being on your own make you uncomfortable? Does the feeling of loneliness frighten you? Do you hop from one relationship to the next without much time in between? Serial monogamy may avoid the solitude of being single, however, it\u2019s likely what\u2019s keeping you from the long-lasting love you desire and deserve.<\/p>\n
Serial monogamy is often viewed as a good quality because you\u2019re seen as commitment minded, yet there are downsides to always being tied to someone else. Jumping from one relationship to the next doesn\u2019t leave time for introspection, discovering your needs versus your wants, or simply adjusting your dating strategies. Relying solely on your emotions to drive your choices in love means you\u2019re at the whim of your fickle feelings<\/a>.<\/p>\n The part of you that desires connection, intimacy, comfort, and safety of a partnership wins out over your desire to find someone who\u2019s a good match for the long term.<\/p>\n Serial monogamists are rarely solo for any length of time because underneath their desire for connection is fear, they dread being alone. They don\u2019t want to spend time in self-reflection because they avoid looking at their past mistakes. They fear dating because it feels vulnerable, unpredictable, and makes them anxious. Rather than looking for an ideal match, they\u2019re avoiding loneliness and discomfort.<\/p>\n Serial monogamy often becomes a pattern that keeps you from healing, growing, or creating genuine, long-lasting love. It prevents you from doing the inner work required to break the cycle and show up for a new kind of relationship\u2014the kind where you\u2019re fully seen, accepted, and loved for who you truly are.<\/p>\n How do you know if serial monogamy is blocking you from love and what can you do to break the cycle?<\/p>\n If you’re always in a relationship, how do you know the difference between choosing what feels safe and familiar, rather than what supports your long-term happiness? When you’re driven by a fear of being alone it’s easy to settle for someone who fits into your life without challenging you to grow. These relationships are convenient and somewhat shallow, leaving you unfulfilled.<\/p>\n Comfort is overrated<\/a> on your journey to finding a beloved partner. There\u2019s nothing risky about choosing what feels safe and familiar. Gravitating toward partners who are easy to get along with and never challenge you will never create the intimacy your heart desires. These convenient relationships never have the potential for love to deepen over time, they fall flat and are not sustainable.<\/p>\n Long-lasting love doesn\u2019t result from just feeling safe and comfortable together. Two people grow together rather than apart because they evolve together. A soul-satisfying love relationship stands the test of time because of a stronger bond that is developed through the challenges they face.<\/p>\n Pause and have some solo time before your next relationship. Reflect on why the previous relationship didn\u2019t succeed, and evaluate what you could do differently the next time around to avoid repeating the same patterns.<\/p>\n Discover the difference between your needs and your wants. Create a chart of your relationship history and examine the commonalities to find your patterns in love.<\/p>\n The saying, \u201cEverything you want is outside your comfort zone,\u201d is accurate with love. If you haven\u2019t mastered uncomfortable conversations, not asking the hard questions, or not communicating your needs, you’re not navigating real life together. Instead, you’re swept up in the relief of having someone<\/em>, anyone, to soften the ache of being alone.<\/p>\n Serial monogamy can feel like a soft place to land when you’re tired of the ups and downs of dating, unfortunately ease doesn\u2019t equal compatibility<\/a>. Being with someone in partnership because you don\u2019t want to be on your own means you\u2019ll brush off evaluating if they\u2019re a fit for the long haul and settle for short-term comfort.<\/p>\n Going exclusive for convenience rather than a deep connection or shared values, a part of you knows there\u2019s nothing more than a superficial connection. Going along to get along may be a great strategy for avoiding conflict, but it\u2019s a terrible one for finding long-lasting, soul-satisfying love with an ideal partner.<\/p>\n The most important decision you\u2019ll ever make is who to share your life with. Compatibility develops when your values align, and you\u2019re able to work through conflict together. Compatibility means you can live together in harmony, and your two lives are coherent.<\/p>\n Ask yourself, \u201cDo I feel seen and accepted in this relationship, or simply relieved I\u2019m not on my own?\u201d Emotional intimacy requires you to risk discomfort for the sake of creating a stronger bond. The ideal partnership provides an environment for growth, and each of you evolves toward your highest and best selves.<\/p>\n When you move from one relationship to another without taking time to reflect, grieve, or consider what went wrong and what you could\u2019ve done differently, you carry your unhealed wounds into the next relationship. You\u2019re never starting a relationship from a fresh or more evolved perspective, and ultimately bringing baggage into the next romantic engagement.<\/p>\n Serial monogamy gives you a false sense of progress. You think the next time it\u2019s going to be different without doing anything to change your patterns. When you don\u2019t learn from the past you end up recreating it.<\/p>\n Think of relationships like steps in a game of life. Learning and growing from what didn\u2019t work elevates you to the next level. Taking time to reflect on what could\u2019ve been different, or what your ex taught you about yourself, gives you tools and new strategies to avoid recreating the same situation again and again. When you take time to reflect and have some solo time in between partnerships, each relationship becomes an opportunity to move forward in the game of life.<\/p>\n Set aside time to be on your own after a relationship ends for a postmortem. Evaluate what you could\u2019ve done differently. Feel all your feelings and grieve the loss. When you\u2019re ready to move on, look for The Golden Nugget of Learning\u2122<\/a> so you can mine the relationship and step into gratitude.<\/p>\n If you\u2019ve been partnered through your formative 20\u2019s and 30\u2019s your sense of self is likely tied to being part of a couple. If your habit is to merge with your significant other, you\u2019ll change your beliefs and behavior in order to please them, leaving you vulnerable to a co-dependent or otherwise toxic relationship.<\/a><\/p>\n This lack of self-awareness makes it nearly impossible to create a relationship rooted in authenticity because you haven\u2019t developed your own identity. You\u2019re more than just someone\u2019s partner and if you don\u2019t figure out who you are on your own, eventually you\u2019ll become dissatisfied.<\/p>\n Spending significant time as a single person is an opportunity to explore and discover about yourself. Examine your desires, values, and goals so you can build a life that feels complete on its own. A healthy partnership is when two whole and complete people come together to create a relationship. Then when you\u2019re ready to date again you\u2019ll be much more prepared to choose someone who\u2019s a match to your dreams and goals, and to build a life together, growing in the same direction.<\/p>\n Being alone doesn\u2019t have to mean being lonely, but if you\u2019ve never built a relationship with yourself, solitude can feel unbearable. Serial monogamy gives you just enough connection to avoid confronting the emptiness that you feel inside. It keeps you emotionally busy enough to never have to face what it feels like to be alone with yourself.<\/p>\n Even worse, if you don\u2019t like yourself or the company of your thoughts, you\u2019re partnering up to avoid addressing your relationship with yourself. Serial monogamy puts your level of self-esteem in someone else\u2019s hands. If you\u2019re relying on a partner to make you feel good about yourself, you\u2019re setting yourself up for an unhealthy relationship dynamic.<\/p>\n Avoiding solitude means avoiding growth. If you can\u2019t sit with your own feelings, meet your own needs, or enjoy your own company<\/a>, you\u2019ll always be at risk of attaching to someone who\u2019s a distraction or worse, will drag you into a toxic dynamic that leaves you even more disconnected from yourself.<\/p>\n Spend time alone and get to know yourself. Observe your inner dialogue and become aware of what you\u2019re saying to yourself about yourself. Practice speaking to yourself like someone you love, instead of someone in need of constant correction or criticism. Take yourself out on a date and discover what brings you joy. When you master being alone, you\u2019re not looking for someone to complete you or fill a void inside.<\/p>\n Dating may not easy<\/a> because it requires risk and navigating the unknown. Serial monogamy robs you of mastering the discomfort of dating. On the search for an ideal life partner comfort is overrated.<\/p>\n Skipping or rushing through the dating process means you\u2019ll never cultivate discernment. Without taking time to see if the other person can meet your needs, or if the two of you can find your way through a conflict, you\u2019re attached before you know who they are, and whether they\u2019re a good match long term.<\/p>\n Use dating as an opportunity to discover about yourself. Become curious about your feelings during each date, as well as how you feel when you part from that person. Don\u2019t rush into exclusivity and physical intimacy. Create a dating rotation so you can discover if you\u2019re presenting yourself differently with each person, or if you\u2019re showing up authentically. Dating in this manner allows you to choose someone who\u2019s a good match for the long term.<\/p>\n Rushing to partner may cause you to go exclusive with a relative stranger. With no time to discover red flags<\/a> you may find yourself in a bad situation. Convincing yourself that something is better than nothing is the recipe for a toxic or abusive relationship.<\/p>\n If you find you\u2019re constantly compromising, managing your partner\u2019s moods, and putting up with bad behavior you\u2019re in an unhealthy situation. Rushing into a committed relationship quickly leaves you open to feeling more alone than you ever felt by yourself.<\/p>\n Speak up if you feel uncomfortable and set boundaries so you no longer rush in too quickly. Don\u2019t put too much weight on getting along and discover if you\u2019re able to move through disagreements and conflict together.<\/p>\n Cultivate emotional self-sufficiency so you can build a life that\u2019s rich, joyful, and fulfilling on your own. When you\u2019re emotionally healthy and feel whole as a single person, you won\u2019t be attracted to toxic situations or partners.<\/p>\n Partnering with someone for a lifetime doesn\u2019t begin by looking to ease the fear of being alone. A beloved partnership starts by finding someone capable of meeting your needs and who shares your values and your goals. Chemistry is only one ingredient for long-lasting love. Ultimately, your head and your heart must be in harmony to create an ideal match for the long term.<\/p>\n Breaking the cycle of serial monogamy will require you to choose growth over comfort. Sharing your life with the love of your life means you may not know you\u2019ve found your \u201cOne\u201d right at the start.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re ready to end the cycle of serial monogamy and share your life with the love of your life, order our book: Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love<\/em><\/strong> available everywhere books and audiobooks are sold. Select your favorite retailer by clicking here: Order today.<\/a><\/p>\n Long-lasting love isn\u2019t found in your comfort zone\u2014it\u2019s only possible when you fall in love with yourself first.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Does being on your own make you uncomfortable? Does the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5408,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5407","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5407","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5407"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5407\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5407"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5407"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveonpurpose.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5407"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}7 Ways Serial Monogamy Keeps You From The Real Thing<\/h2>\n
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Choosing What\u2019s Comfortable Instead Of What\u2019s Right<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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Mistaking Ease For Compatibility<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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Skipping The Healing Phase<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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You Become a Chamelion<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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Avoiding The Pain Of Loneliness<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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Bypassing The Vulnerability Of Dating<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
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You End Up Vulnerable To Toxic Relationships<\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
What To Do Instead:<\/h3>\n
Break The Habit Of Serial Monogamy<\/h2>\n